DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

How refreshing to hear of an ex couple who can act like rational adults around each other after divorce. The ex wife sounds ace!

The DSD however sounds like a manipulative,lazy, cosseted chancer

OP ignore any haughty nit pickers. Vast majority 💯 Team you and DH. Hoping you get a mini break. DSD is acting batshit crazy. Not be a bad thing when her DF up to speaking to her. She’s acting like you’ve got him under coercive control and that you’ve cheated him and her. BS of course but if it carries on a non molestation order and NC might be the way to go.

Well done to you, your DH, his ex and his ex’s new partner. Not nice for anyone but at least you have a united front. Sounds like this boyfriend is a bad influence on what was already a spoilt and entitled person. His message was perfect.

BF is apparently angry and is pushing for them to get legal advice.

"I need legal advice on my GF's dad's & SM's finances".
😂😂😂

The floods of tears are embarrassment I imagine. I do wonder if there are any mental health issues at play.

Thanks for this update OP. I was going to say that as your husband and his ex seem to have a civilised relationship and are both concerned about their daughter, perhaps, they could arrange to speak to her together but without the awful boyfriend there.

Ex’s husband seems to be in support too so it’s good there is a united front. However, they need to be careful they don’t push her further into the boyfriend’s clutches. Although, at 27 she really should be thinking for herself.

Best wishes.

Send the daughter a list of how much she has already been handed by you - paying off her bills/ccs etc and point out if she hadn’t wasted all that and worked full time and saved she’d be able to afford the deposit on her own!

I think you should. She is acting like a petulant child. Your finances nor her fathers are ANYTHING to do with her. He could have billions and she has no rights to know anything. What an entitled brat honestly.

She is convinced that of she gets her dad on his own, he will capitulate and give her something.

Imagine actually going house hunting with your new boyfriend with no actual deposit no way of getting a mortgage 😂

Well done OP this is one of the few stepmum threads where there isn’t a pile on the stepmum that says a lot

Well she wants a house deposit, so she may well turn up, and hence the tears.

Is it worth speaking to the financial conduct authority? If indeed the boyfriend works in finance, it's quite a regulated business.

I agree with PPs that your DH and his ex should speak to her together. Good to see them having a united front.

Her boyfriend sounds very controlling. Even though she’s acted appallingly I would just say er on the side of caution and be aware he may be coercively controlling her . Its
not normal in the slightest for a boyfriend to send messages like that or get involved in finances in that sort of way. Something very odd is going on there.

I don't think you should hand her any ammunition, like this thread. It's evident she will use that to point to you as wicked step mum.

Hopefully she is embarrassed. She really doesn’t understand property ownership or actually anything about personal finance. And I say that as someone with a fairly thin outline of knowledge myself! But even I understand percentage ownership of a property based on initial investment in said property. It’s not that hard.

This thread reads like DSD assumed asking for the deposit was just a formality, as if most people have £25k sitting in an instant access bank account and can move it around when asked. Her ideas about money sound worryingly unrealistic for a 27 year old and I think both her mum and dad need to have a conversation with her about this together further down the line.

What exactly are they getting legal advice about? - why they can't get their hands on someone else's money?

Please don’t send dsd a link to this thread op. Emotions are heightened and at the moment you have the moral high ground. I think some of the responses on this thread have been unnecessarily abusive towards dsd. That her behaviour has been appalling can be acknowledged without resorting to name calling. Potentially dsd can come out of this having learned a valuable life lesson. Her parents are responding sensibly. I’d step right back and leave them to sort it out. Going away for a few days sounds like a great idea, assuming dsd doesn’t have a key to your house!

I read through your first post.. what absolutely disgusting behaviour from your step daughter,she sounds awful.
Im glad for you she has shown her true ugly colours.
You no longer have to host this bitter jealous entitled mare x

Well yes but it’s also odd to be a part time worker at 27 whose been bailed out by other people on multiple occasions due to financial mismanagement
And she’s been all those things long before the boyfriend pitched up. Not to mention the lifelong snidely bitchy digs at the OP

Honestly, getting legal advice might do them a world of good. A third party professional telling them that they are deluded might be the trigger they need to help things sink in.

Oh OP, what a nightmare. It certainly sounds like she needs a chat with mum and dad together and most definitely without the new boyfriend. So many red flags.
I certainly wouldn't have dreamed of behaving like this.
I hope you have been able to get away for some headspace. Xx

Oh OP, what a nightmare. It certainly sounds like she needs a chat with mum and dad together and most definitely without the new boyfriend. So many red flags.
I certainly wouldn't have dreamed of behaving like this.
I hope you have been able to get away for some headspace. Xx

Just unbelievable - legal advice for what?! Are they really that dumb? I’m sorry but how do they not see that they have no ‘legal’ right to anything that belongs to your DH. No words.