DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

This could actually be a blessing in disguise OP. If you had given the DSD money for a deposit, that man would have had it off her, I'm sure.

He will probably leave her now that he knows there is no money coming her way for a deposit and possibly nothing to inherit. Again, a lucky escape for her.

Fairly sure my Aunts husband did this.

I know she wrote a will and I know she left her estate to her DD's (with a small personal gift to me which was worthless financially), but her husband, their father, has inherited it all. He will have known about the will but he was always been about the money, it was the only reason he didnt divorce her as it would cost him too much. Both DD's are NC. Cant prove it though.

I almost hope that this is a spoof just because it would mean that there isn’t a man out there who has just had his heart broken by his daughter & her attitude.
Presumably the BF’s plan is to get early transfer of potential inheritance on the basis that it would avoid tax down the line, use that for the house which, as they love each other so much, he & DSD would buy in joint names, around the time of the house purchase he would propose, they would marry and then he will f* off, divorce her and take 50% of the early inheritance.
Once the dust has settled a bit, OP, I would suggest speaking to the solicitor you have previously and making sure everything really is watertight and finding out if there is anything further you can do to prevent DSD from challenging the will. Even if it would be unsuccessful, anything you can do would no doubt be appreciated by your DC

So, this is a measured response. In fact, I think it’s far too
measured! She behaves in an appalling manner and clearly just expects her dad to pony up a house deposit on command - like a trained chimp - and all she gets is a reply politely, gently declining her demand and stating how “saddened” he is?!

I’m sorry, but if she’s always handled with such kid gloves, tip-toed around and pandered to, then it’s no surprised she’s turned out as she has. Her parents are major players in creating this monster.

My DD is 17 and is wonderful but can be a hormonal, stroppy, demanding arse at times - like most teens. On a couple of occasions she’s had the response “Just who the hell exactly do you think you are?!” to much less awful behaviour. Because, you know, I’m trying really hard not to raise a complete dick-head here.

I think you’re wise to completely distance yourself from her now, OP. This is who she is and there’s no changing that.

She sounds unbelievably greedy and entitled. What a horrible brat she is. Nagging for money because she’s found a house when you haven’t even agreed to put up the deposit money is unbelievable. Horrible, just horrible.

I'd say about 8.45pm tonight. Don't answer the door OP and DH.

Hi OP. I'm sure that you won't see this, given that you're having a response. What you're going through is utterly hideous, and your DHD should be expelled from any future visits. It is unbelievable that someone could behave in such a way.

I know that you've made a will, but please get it verified. Next step for clarification and peace of mind would perhaps be to run it past a barrister. Been there, done that, for different reasons.

Thoughts are with you.

Dripfeeds are inevitable though, when you start a thread on a relationship topic. You find that a lot of people make massive (often horrible) assumptions about you and your motivations. This makes you realise how many gaps need to be filled in, for them to grasp the situation you're so familiar with.

WTF?? Who on earth does this guy think he is?

I read the other thread and am so sorry that you and your husband have had this thrust upon you.

@SweatySpider321 ’"I need to talk about the deposit" 🤣🤣🤣🤣. Why is the lazy cow only working part time if she wants to buy a property? Oh yeah, as she thought you guys would’

Well, it becomes even more odd as the wide boy, hotshot of a boyfriend is in ‘Finance’. Allegedly. He is so much of a hotshot he expects to ‘advise’ the op’s DH.

Yet, for some reason, they’re trying to dip into OP and the father’s pockets to even come up with a deposit.

Now, I know how difficult it is for youngsters to get on the housing ladder. But the daughter is only working part time, so it doesn’t seem any huge effort is being made. And I am astounded the hot shot chappie in finance is trying to milk his new girlfriend’s dad for the dosh. Has he no family of his own to hit on? And if he is such a financial expert, why does he not have the deposit?

It sounds like her father has been stitched up - by his first divorce where he lost the house and everything other than his pension!

Unless your husband has never worked and the original house was his ex wife’s?

They're certainly valid, but phoenix is saying they're easier for a dishonest person to (illegally) destroy and lie about, especially if few other people know they exist. OP clearly isn't that daft though - I'm sure her will is drawn up by a solicitor and a copy kept at their offices (and her kids have the info on which solicitor etc). When the time comes (assuming SD's character hasn't improved any by then), they'll know to act quickly and who to contact.

The OP in the first thread explains she and her husband bought this house. And the OP paid the vast majority of the money towards that. From selling her previous house.

My late husband was warned by his pal/his ex's third partner not to give the kids money. (The ex had inherited all of her second partner's estate and the kids benefited from that.)

The kids had actually done well for themselves, but one of them wasn't terribly sensible with money (IMO). For example, their mortgage was interest only.

The other had been able to retire early - she and her late partner had planned that - but it didn't stop her partner complaining when the ex's second partner left everything to the ex and nothing to the grandchild.

I had already given each of them money early in the marriage - the money I'd set aside as a contribution for their weddings. DH had helped one of them a couple of times.

With hindsight, that was a mistake. They thought that we were better off than we actually were.

I also wonder if she might have bigged up her potential "inheritance" to her boyfriend and now feels embarrassed that he knows she got it very, very wrong.

I wouldn't blame him if he dumped her after this performance.

I wonder if he is on LinkedIn. Might be interesting to see what branch of "finance" he is in.

😂

So not a placemark to see if they turn up 😬🫣

Yes I’m aware, thank you.

But I don’t see how that’s relevant to my post.

I think she’s been playing Billy Big Bollocks with her BF and now has been caught out.

If I was your husband, I’d be leaving his share to the local cats home before leaving it to his daughter!

It happens on dozens of MN threads every day/week. People quote texts about playdates/parties/bridezillas/etc in connection with whatever is going on. Strictly in the absence of any identifying information only obv, it's acceptable forum behaviour.

Christ, the entitlement is strong in this one isn’t it? She’s utterly deluded if she thinks she has any right to see financial documents drawn up between you and your husband? And I say that as someone who’s SM is an utter fucking horror. She’s taken everything but, it wasn’t mine in the first place, so it’s nothing to do with me.
This very silly girl would benefit from a prolonged period of time where she has to stand on her own two feet. And I would argue that her not having to do that previously, has brought her to where she is now.

... meant to add. It pays to leave a small amount to her (and decreasing if your assets diminish), and then state in your wishes your reasons for doing so. That way, you're protected.