DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

I agree

BF is apparently angry and is pushing for them to get legal advice

About what exactly?? They are making an assumption that they are entitled to an inheritance. And yet, acting in a way that’s going to lessen the chances of them getting a penny.

Brattish behaviour from the DD. Someone needs to tell here there is zero inheritance until such times as someone decides in their will to kindly leave you one. Or not.

Well, that escalated quickly!

At first I thought OP was in the wrong but "DSD" needs to go get a brain cell.

What did DH and his ex actually do to parent her that she’s ended up like this? Is it possible there were both too focused on relationship no 2?

Why has no conversation ever happened about keeping assets for DSD? It seems odd that it didn’t occur to either DH or his ex while OP was protecting her assets with her kids in mind.

Yes 100% she’s a brat but her parents wouldn’t be winning awards either.

Utterly refreshing your dh has your back.

Yeah and it is weird she hasn’t saved for a deposit and is viewing houses! But- it makes me wonder if shes easily manipulated

Why doesn't she work full time, @BetLynchsEyes ?

But there is no obligation to ‘keep’ assets for adult children … why should they? They all sound young enough to enjoy life, what’s left over at the end is inheritance surely?

Does she give her mother the same arrogant demand for cash she hasn’t earned..?

Why do posters have to be so snippy?

I wasn't patronising you. I was just making my own observations in response to your post as you seemed surprised that the OP had posted the texts. I've got no idea how often you'd encountered that or what your thought processes were about the whole thing. Jeez.

I guess they are thinking if the dad hadn’t signed the form, then marriage would have entitled him to 50 percent, and she would have inherited that. As such, my signing the form, he’s done her out of her inheritance, the legal advice is can they over ride marriage laws on 50 50 if he’s under the ops control

shes missing two key points, it was the ops money, and what was done is standard, particularly in second marriages when both sides have kids, and recommenced, and b she’s not entitled to an inheritance. Her father can chose to do as he wishes with his money.

What? You cannot protect assets you do not have. This dad has paid her way through uni, paid off credit card debt for her and his share of this house was going to her. He has given her plenty of money and protected his share of the assets for her. What else could he do? She wants millions. He doesn’t have millions. He’s giving her what he has. What else do you expect him to do? Have you gone out and made yourself a millionaire for your kids, since you’re implying it’s so easy?

We don’t know about the mum and her assets, but we do know the father had no assets, you can’t protect what you don’t have,

I see your point, but am floundering as to what they would say they wanted the appointment with the solicitor for. “How to force father’s wife to immediately hand over her entire house directly to the step-daughter, in advance of her death and leaving out her own children”? Or “How to force her father and step-mother to divorce so that step-daughter can get money from the divorce split”? Batshit crazy.

I hope he does pay for some legal advice: "yes it is perfectly proper that their home ownership reflects their financial contributions. No you do not have a right to see any of their private financial documents. No you cannot demand a deposit or inheritance."

Good question....

My mother nearing her 70’s, and her 80 year old SIL used to go along to view ‘open houses’ or ‘show houses’ for a day out. Especially of a Sunday afternoon. Happily ensconced in their own homes, with ne’er any intention of moving, they would leave happily criticising the new builds to one another. Lots of ‘tyre kickers’ out there. Ok, they were amusing themselves rather than house hunting.

The entitlement of DSD is staggering. Your poor DH must be reeling at the moment. Hopefully your DH continues to refuse DSD the deposit on a property due to the staggering audacity and expectation. At some point children have to learn to stand on their own and DSD needs to learn that the hard way due to her attitude.

DSD’s DB has shades of lobster boy. If you’ve been on here long enough you’ll know who I mean.

It sounds as if your step-daughter has not only made huge assumptions regarding her Dad's personal wealth but has given her boyfriend the impression she will be wealthy once her Dad passes. No wonder the boyfriend is desperate to secure a future with your step-daughter!

Your step-daughter has behaved utterly appallingly but in some ways her boyfriend is worse, because he's not related, and the situation is zero to do with him. Both have a huge sense of entitlement.

It's incredulous that your step-daughter, after all the upset she's caused, is still expecting your husband to cough up a deposit for a house!! I honestly don't understand her thinking! She must have zero self-awareness and solely money focused, to be this dense.

I am glad that your husband's ex-wife is being supportive, as is her husband. At least all the adults in this are on the same page. Your step-daughter is extremely immature, and I think you husband is correct in telling her to source her own deposit money. You need to make sure your Wills are water tight, because one thing is very very clear, if your husband dies before you, she will 100% contest his Will.

I feel for your husband, OP. However, what this situation has shown him, is that your concerns regarding her comments, were valid. It's sad, for your husband to realise that his daughter is a gold digger.

It seems so nuts, though, that she can't see that if her dad put 15% in, he'll get 15% out, and that you owe her nothing whatsoever beyond that?

And then obviously that she believes that she 'has rights in things which affect her future' at all.

I wonder why the mother isn't receiving the same scrutiny? She's the one with most of the house equity and the second husband, also with kids.

I suspect the SDD is angry with her mother - divorce etc - and has somehow constructed her father as the White Knight. And now that's been disproved, he's getting decades of built up hurt and abandonment.

No excuse, obviously.

I'm now in agreement with those who reckon that the BF is pushing things.

As I've already mentioned, DH's ex maintained her relationship with the OM. They never married, but the kids accepted him as her partner.

When he died, the OM left everything - including his house - to the ex. DH's daughter had an older partner who was married when they got together. He had children to his ex-wife plus one child with DH's daughter.

He complained because nothing was left to the child he had with DH's daughter. According to him, the fact that the grandchild had called the OM 'Grandad' meant that he had been obligated to give the grandchild some form of inheritance.

The irony is that when the daughter's partner died, it turned out that he hadn't made a will of his own.

And her DM’s husband.

As the mother got the house on divorce it’s likely she’s protected her daughter, so she will inherit that. And the daughter wanted to inherit from both,

I agree re getting DH away for a few days so this all settles.

If/when he does speak to her you need to be sure he isn’t going to be manipulated into his mouth writing cheques his arse can’t cash.