DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

The DD is 27 and it sounds she is in or near London. Working part time.

No one in my extended family or DH’s in our generation or the following one, and that’s a lot of people, has owned a house until in our 30s. Some still don’t. And almost all of us have been working full time since
graduating university, if not before.

What about others on the thread?

yes I know this is a stretch but if the OP has got a photo of him, it might be worth putting it throug an image search engine!

this is what happens when you pay an adults credit card bills and allow them to only work part time and not pay you
back! I assume in all the years you and her dad and mum have been molly coddling her and allowing her to treat you like her personal atm that you haven’t said NO to her to paying her bills?? Or that you set up a payment plan and finance agreement that she signed saying how much she paid back per month and stuck to it? She’s not far off 30 years old!!! This is not an overnight thing! This behavior should have been stamped on 15+ years ago!!!

So Mumsnetters, should we open a book on when the gruesome twosome will turn up on the doorstep tomorrow?

I am going with 8:37am, just to show they mean business.@BetLynchsEyesI know I am speaking in jest but I hope you and Mr BetLynch open a bottle of the good stuff to quaff in the hot tub today night.

This is all quite surreal. Some guy who only visited once for a meal at your table (and only because he was SD +1) now thinks he can direct you in your finances. Nay, call the shots even.

He has some fantastical notions of himself, doesn’t he? This stranger who is with SD a wet weekend, and is not much more to your family than someone who walked in off the street. He is definitely giving of bad juju vibes.

I’d be putting cameras up.

Some questions; Why is she not going to her mum to ask for a deposit too? As she got the marital home and the cash after the divorce it seems.

Why did ex wife get 100% of their house?

And why does DSD only work part time if she is buying a house, and hasn't got her own deposit ready??

It's entirely possible to shred a will and dispose of the evidence! I once helped an elderly, single man who very suddenly & unexpectedly died abroad. His lady friend (a married woman) knew about, found, took and burned his paybook will. In the end it made no difference as Intestacy laws applied. Home written wills, ditto.

Wow, that is wild 😐 I read the opening post of your first thread and thought you had overrated (didn't post or anything) but after reading your follow up posts and the posts on this thread I have COMPLETELY changed my mind.

She sounds like an entitled, spoilt little princess.

My dad owns a house with his partner. I have absolutely no idea what % he owns, what their arrangements are nor would I ever ask because it's none of my business. I expect I may inherit something because he asked for my details and said he was doing his will, but honestly I wouldn't dare discuss his and his partner's finances.

I really hope this is the reality check she clearly needs, but sadly I don't think it will be.

What about others on the thread?

I was 38 and DH 42 when we bought our first home. We live in home counties and work in London.

I bought a tiny flat at 29 after saving up the deposit through my 20s

She's 27 and only works part-time? Barring health conditions that prevent her working full-time, why on earth isn't she building her career and how is she managing to support herself?

I think you're right to be concerned that this is the tip of the iceberg, @BetLynchsEyes.Given the current COL and her history of credit card debt, I suspect she's in financial dire straits again.

What a horrible pair she and her bf are.

This. What an unbelievable brass neck this overgrown child has.

This is wild. That message must have been so hard for your husband to send, but fuck me! What a grabby pair they are

I think @Dreamerinme is right, when the BF realises no cash is forthcoming he will disappear over the horizon. And SD will blame OP for it too.

Thank goodness you have your dh telling her - and her partner! - to mind their own business!

Op did he tell her he’d give her a deposit for a house?

Well, she should have known that pre-nups are not valid in the UK.

I would make it my business to ensure that she doesn’t get one penny if you die first.

Awful cheek

I do think the OP and her DH need to be prepared for a major escalation in her behaviour. She is very unlikely to take her DF's message as a cue to back off and let things calm down. Her behaviour so far has bordered on hysteria and that was before she was told no deposit was forthcoming.

What do you mean, his ‘paybook’ will?

And if you also meant that home written wills aren’t valid, yes, they are, as long as they have been correctly signed and dated by witnesses. I have seen one such, written at home by someone on his very last legs, but perfectly valid.

Can I ask if the paperwork was signed before or after you were married. It makes a difference. I owned a house as joint tenants with me ex and my solicitor was really clear that it could be overruled by marriage or divorce.

Other than that, it it's all legally tight you have nothing to worry about.

What a nasty daughter. Your poor DH.

Unbelievable how a young woman can be so callous - basically planning for an inheritance that is never guaranteed anyway. I mean the house might be sold to pay for care home fees in the future - perhaps that's what his DD is worried about. Just a horrible sign of the times really, people expecting things handed to them on a plate.

I hope the OP and her DH can draw a line and let his awfully behaved DD and her slimy BF crack on.