DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

Hope DH stands firm on the deposit. It would be an epic parenting fail to enable or facilitate his daughter living with this man or getting legally / financially entangled with him, in any way at all.

She needs to be disinherited.

My money is on them expecting you to remortgage to fund their deposit.

As someone who never expected any financial help and hopes my parents spend all their money on living and leave me nothing but the good china, you have my sympathy.

Wow this took a turn.

I'm so sorry OP, this must be so upsetting for you both. What an odious woman.

I can see how this has all come about, though. She has champagne tastes on a beer income: working part-time but living a lavish lifestyle, all underwritten by you and your DH, naturally. He's met her, observed her extravagant spending, bought the line that her dad was loaded, and thought he'd found an absolute catch. No doubt he reckons he'll cash in when he finally divorces her. What a mess.

Your DH better just tell her, the words "ATM Machine" are no longer tattooed across his forehead. She can stand on her own two feet from now on.

I would be sorting out Last power of attorneys right away. The daughter would NOT be one of them. The fiancé sounds financially abusive.

Nick Leeson Junior? ‘Finance is in my DNA?’

@BetLynchsEyes

Can I ask, have you always given money to her before, when she’s asked? I know you’ve said you’ve paid off debts, but what about other occasions s? Just trying to work out why she’s assuming you/dh would automatically give her money for the house deposit.

You also say she works part-time, so it’s unlikely she’ll get a mortgage anyway.

You dh’s response is very diplomatic.

No, it happened to a relative of mine. The future estimated pension payouts are calculated as as an asset to that person and weighed against other assets.

So the person with the super silver-plated pension plan lost out to the one with the rubbish pension plan.
In this case it was the husband who kept the house and the wife kept her pension

Especially when neither of them seem to understand protecting the money you put into a house. The boyfriend would expect equal ownership despite not providing the deposit

The fact is, nowadays one or other of you will end up in an old folks home, which will suck up all the value of the house, and nobody will inherit anything.

I’m well aware of how forums work, thanks. I’m just surprised that this OP has gone from ‘I can’t possibly reveal the ownership split of our house as it’s too outing’ to ‘this is my husband’s exact text to his daughter, and her reply, and her boyfriend’s follow-up to that.’

DHs ex wife has called. Apparently DD is very upset and in floods of tears. Thankfully his ex is a level headed woman who said to DD that she made assumptions she's shouldn't have. BF is apparently angry and is pushing for them to get legal advice. He wasn't happy that DH blocked him.

DH and ex have agreed to put on a united front. Neither of them like the BF and think this may be a positive step in getting rid of him. Ex wife's husband said he thought that the BF was a bit over bearing at times when it came to planning their future together.

Apparently DD said to her mum that she needs to talk to DH alone because he's under my control and she needs to help him see sense.

We live about an hour away from DD but I have a horrible feeling she will turn up on the doorstep at some point this weekend to try to see DH.

I'm tempted to say to DH that we should go for a mini break somewhere so we can have some breathing space.

Sorry, this just reminded me of something. My DH's grandmother was an aristocrat, but by the time she was born there was no money left, the castle had been sold off (it's somewhere near Naples) and all that was left was a Coat of Arms and a collection of beautiful ceramics.

His cousin, who is lovely, is the sole custodian of those ceramics. She inherited them when her mother died in her early 20s and she lost her father within the same time period. She would much rather have her parents than the ceramics.

That's the thing about inheritances: sometimes the most valuable things you receive are also proof of the person you'd give anything to have back.

I feel so sad for your DH. What an ugly realisation he’s having to grapple with, about his own, and only, child. Taking a big breath before any further contact is very wise, and I truly hope there’s a way to repair their relationship somehow, if she’s capable of growing the fuck up. Strength to you both!

Maybe she doesn't want to invade her dear husband's privacy, but feels no such duty towards the SD, who thinks OP is evil incarnate and should be divorced forthwith? And she owes nothing to the jumped up chancer of a boyfriend who is invading OP's privacy with his demand to see her financial arrangements.

Because quite frankly I'm so angry I don't care anymore! In fact I might send his DD a link to this thread, might be a eye opener for her.

My df and his dw won Big Money.. Not a penny came my way and never will. I never mentally spent any of it so don't really care.. Your dsd has banked and spent half of your home in her head hasn't she op?

Maybe it would be best for DH and his ex to have a sit down with SD and explain it to her, as she still seems to think that somehow your DH has signed “his half” of the house over to you, which obviously isn’t the case. She is the one who needs to be made to see sense. But you don’t have to be involved!

Please do not do this. Don't give her any fuel against you and a reason to turn her dad against you.

OP, there is a real positive in all of this. Your DH is a stand up man and you can trust him.so often they take the side of their children even when they're being devious or manipulative. If feel like you have slightly restored my faith in humanity with your thread.

Don’t do this, you will just make yourself look foolish.

Has she always been infantilised by DH and his ex? (who sounds fab btw ) it’s just mind boggling that she was banking on this money -she doesn’t work full time and doesn’t understand that Dad is fit and healthy and the inheritance could all be used up for aged care fees.

Only about one person in ten ever goes in a home, in the UK. And for those that do, they only live two years on average, so there's often a lot left over.

I'm also intrigued and confused about what the step daughter is misunderstanding!

What does she think is going on?!

Is she confusing the property ownership agreement between OP and her husband as instead a coerced "pre-nup" that was somehow unfair on the husband?

Sorry for the crap situation OP. One bright side in the future might be a more genuine and mature and thoughtful relationship between your husband and his daughter when all has healed.

See sense about what? She clearly still thinks that he has signed his money over to you in the house. She doesn’t seem to understand the situation at all - that his money is in the house, and is still his and could be left to her if he chooses. You haven’t taken anything. He just didn’t have that much. She, for some reason, seems to think he had the money and has given it away.