AIBU to say DSD can’t stay here anymore after joking half my house will be hers one day?

[BetLynchsEyes]

I’m probably too close to this so need honest opinions because DH thinks I’ve gone nuclear.

DH has a daughter from his first marriage. She’s 27. We’ve never had a terrible relationship but it’s never exactly been warm either. I’ve always felt like she sort of tolerates me rather than actually likes me, which is fine, she doesn’t have to love me, but I do expect basic respect.

Whenever she visits she stays with us. I clean the spare room, sort the bedding and towels, buy extra food, cook, make conversation, all of it. DH enjoys having her here but realistically I’m the one doing most of the hosting.

Anyway, last weekend she came to stay with her partner. We were having dinner and DH made some offhand comment about being lucky the mortgage was paid off. His daughter laughed and said “Well, don’t get too attached, half of it will be mine one day.” I honestly just froze. I know she’ll say it was only a joke but it didn’t feel like one. It felt really nasty.

I said, “That’s a horrible thing to say.” She immediately said I was taking it the wrong way and she was joking. I said, “You’re sat in my house, eating food I made, talking about it like you’re waiting to inherit it. How else am I supposed to take it!?”

Then it all kicked off a bit. She started crying and getting hysterical. She has form for doing this when she's been called out on horrible comments.

DH told me to leave it, which annoyed me even more becuase I feel like I’m ALWAYS expected to leave things. She got upset and said I’d never liked her. I said that wasn’t true, but I was sick of being polite while she makes digs and then acts all innocent.

Her partner looked mortified. She ended up crying even louder and they left earlier than planned. Now DH says I embarrassed her and made a stupid comment into a massive issue. He says she was clumsy, not malicious, and that saying she can’t stay again is way too harsh.

But I can’t get past it. Maybe it was “just a joke” but I don’t want to wash sheets, cook meals and play happy host for someone who apparently sees my home as her future inheritance.

I’ve said she can still visit her dad obviously, but I don’t want to wait on her hand and foot anymore and just put up with horrible digs.

AIBU or have I properly overreacted?

1)That’s correct , Dad owns 15%, I own 85%
2)It’s got nothing to do with you so it’s not for you to be ‘fine’ about
3)Yes, I made sure that the 85% I paid for was mine so MY children would inherit
4)You are indeed the ‘bad one’ for showing your greed and entitlement,
And, you’ve kissed goodbye to the £XX K I was thinking about giving you for a house deposit. I’m going to spend it all on a handbag.

Well, that’s what I would want to say.

Just seen your update, she will be inheriting from her mum and Indirectly her dad when he walked away from their marital home and gave it to her mother.

What a nasty piece of work she is.
She wouldn’t be getting into my **85% of the house again.

**I used 85% rather than putting xx%.

She probably liked the idea that her dad "got one over you" by marrying well, and that your family's money was now equally his through marriage. She has really shown her true colours. I hope your husband doesn't capitulate for an easy life.

LOL. What is this entitle money grabber missing out on as a result of her dad’s remarriage that she would otherwise have inherited? Sweet FA is what. He left the divorce with no liquid assets.

Also, it depends on who your parent remarries. For instance, the woman marrying Peter Phillips (queens grandson) probably isn’t cheating her daughter out of a fat inheritance by doing so. Quite the opposite - she will be set for life.

Obviously if you go into it treating your stepparent with contempt, you can rightly expect nothing. I bet if this woman had been nice and welcoming to her stepmum and welcomed her to the family, the OP would have given her a house deposit or some other financial assistance. I know stepparents who pay school fees for their stepkids. Their stepkids don’t tend to treat them like dirt though, which helps.

You are funny 🤣 "Equal split except I get more." 🤭 And a nursing home at 55, lmao! Your mum needs a food taster too!!!

Wouldn't it be really really funny if your mum was admitted to a care home and you were left nothing as all the money went towards her care. And by the way people aren't placed in care at the demand of a family member. And yes I do have a sense of humour but you have to realise inheritance is not a given.

I'm lost for words at the "house she thought would secure her future". I genuinely cannot believe what I'm reading.

She's 27 and basically wishing her father dead so he can get her mits on a few quid....

She sounds like a horrid selfish woman. The sense of entitlement is insane. She's only 27, and your kids are young adults so I highly doubt you and your DH are doddery old people close to deaths door anyway. You probably aren't even at retirement age 🙄

I think ignoring any comments about finances or inheritance is best all round from now on. I'm annoyed on both your behalf.

This is definitely a you issue. I can’t imagine getting upset over something like this let alone going nuclear.

How do I make my gifs appear after my text, not before? I type my text, put my cursor below, and then select the gif, but it keeps doing it.

Another one not reading the updates.

It sounds like she might have to split her maternal inheritance with a stepbrother, though.

A nursing home at 55 is a sure fire way for any inheritance to be spent in the blink of an eye 🤣

Yes, but what about Peter Phillips' children?

There is a fundamental issue that combing families causes inheritance pressures like a spider web: if you pull on one strand another strand wiggles.

Why? Her mum should be doing what every decent parent does and leave her assets and share of assets to her own child, and give her husband the right to live in the home for life. Just like her husband should be doing the same and leaving his share to his kid.

When you’re on a second marriage with grown children, you protect your assets and leave them to your kid and not to your new partner. Otherwise, if you die first, your kid can be cut out completely if you leave it all to your new partner as then they decide where it goes.

I agree.
It sounds like she has no clue and thinks he’s signed his part of the house, well a large share, over to you.

That her DSD is basically sitting waiting for her and her DF to die ? Seriously ? Read the updates. DSD has gone nuclear after finding out she won’t inherit. I haven’t seen anything so disgustingly entitled in a long time. MN is a strange place sometimes. OP has ringfenced her own children’s’ inheritance. And rightly so.

I wouldn't have thought that Harriet's children will benefit from being married to Peter Phillips. Whatever the royals have in terms of housing seems to be all rented from the Crown Estate anyway.

Her dad should have stayed single after his divorce to ensure that his daughter is ok and gets the most inheritance she possibly can. Poor girl

Second marriages do tend to make everything extremely complicated when the first marriage produced a family.

She is. She isn’t going to be any worse off. He is leaving his share and money to her. The issue is, he doesn’t have much. But the daughter seems to think he does, or that she would be getting some of OP’s money.

She isn’t any worse off. She may actually be better off because her dad has secure housing now instead of wasting money on rent for the rest of his life.

😂 What... please tell me this is sattire

Yes he should have sat in a rented flat for 60 years on his tod.
A parent is not a babysitter who is a babysitter for life.

Have you got children?
Because it's exactly the kind of joke any child should feel secure enough to make.
The correct response is to swat with a tea towel, kiss on the cheek and say you're both going to live to 103.
Or that you're leaving everything to (insert good cause).

Have you read the OPs updates?

Read OP’s updates.