Im stuck on what to do.... help?

[Flicitytricity]

I have been part of a walking/hiking group for 6 years now.
There are 8 women in this group, I (thought) I got in well with them all, until a month ago.
We regularly go abroad on holiday together, weekends away etc
One of the group has taken against me, spparantly hasn't liked me ' for years' and cant see a way forward.
She removed herself from our whatsapp group, and although i have tried to contact her to find out what it is I've done wrong, what ive done (inadvertently) to upset her, im getting nowhere.
its caused a bit of drama in the group, we all met for a prearranged walk and she would not even make eye contact with me, let alone exchange pleasantries.
Mid way through the walk she had tears, saying she has had this problem with me for years and felt so lonely within our group, and just felt so bereft.
At the end of the walk, I left, I just felt so awful. I honestly, truly and genuinely do not know what I've done to upset her, but its made life difficult for the others in our little group.
Most seem to be as bewildered as I am, but she is a woman with the best, and most fun personality, so I think others in the group are thinking there MUST be some reason for this.
Im fucking stumped.
Don't want to make this an essay, but I was the main support she had from anyone in the group when her life went tits up a couple of years ago, so this just feels like a punch to the gut.
Im inclined to back off completely, im just not fit for schoolgirl squabbles, but at the same time, im thinking why should I? I've done nothing wrong.
God, this reads like a self indulgent teen drama, I should be way past this, but would appreciate any advice from people who've been through similar.

You don’t have to back off but it sounds like you might want to back off for your own mental peace and leave them to it?

I would definitely stop trying to make things right with this lady, who sounds like she is getting off on the attention, if you withdraw then actually you win on that front at least 😁

I think i need to, as we're getting to the 'she said, so I said' routine and im waking up all night replaying conversations.
Only issue is, I really enjoy the group, love the company, the chatter, the general always having someone there to talk to.
Aaaggghh, I just don't know what to do for the best🫤

It IS like a teen drama(or perhaps junior school!) but she’s the one being self indulgent—not you.
I cannot understand people who do this. She’s not giving you reasons for disliking you, she’s just dropped a bomb in your friendship group and is enjoying the drama. I’m so sorry @Flicitytricity but I really think you are better off away from this nonsense. Could you start a book club/other activity with some of the ladies you like so you still get to see them without upsetting the child woman causing the issue.

Have you asked what the thing is you have done? At least try to enquire about that

So for years it's been ok but now all of a sudden she's crying and saying she hasn't liked you for years??

i have tried to contact her to find out what it is I've done wrong, what ive done (inadvertently) to upset her, im getting nowhere
from OP’s original post

So she just ignores you if you ask

That’s a horrible situation to be in. I don’t see why you should lose such a valued group. I would keep going to the walks etc and be courteous and polite, nothing more, nothing less.

So she has suddenly decided she doesn’t like you, she won’t tell you or anyone else the specific reason but she cries when you are present on outings with the group?

you supported her with some difficult personal issues, and nothing happened that might have caused this?

no one else in the group finds that odd?

Yes.
She's been hiding it well, i thought she was a close friend😏
We arranged a meet up to walk, just the two of us a month or so ago.
It was an hours drive to the meeting point, she was running a bit late, no problem with that, I said to ring me when she arrived and I would just pass the time window shopping.
Then heard nothing. I got worried she'd been in an accident, or had broken down. I tried to ring, but went immediately to answer phone, I whatsapped to check she was okay.
4 hours later, she said she was so sorry, she had arrived, but bumped into old friends so had gone to lunch with them and did I want to meet up at teatime for a drink.
I WAS pissed off, but all I responded with was, ' think I'll head off home, see you next week and enjoy your afternoon xx'
I included her in a daft message the following day, chased her and another woman to to confirm some timings, then realused she was no longer on the whatsaop group, so I sent her a message to check she was okay.
Im still bemused as to what I've done wrong.

She sounds like an annoying, selfish, immature ass. People with the big 'fun' personalities often are. Go to your group, keep being friendly to everyone and perhaps send one final text to her saying you're happy to chat whenever she's ready and then screenshot it and let the group know what you've said and that you've done all you can and want to move on from it now. She'll be gutted to be starved of the attention her little flounce is getting.

Everyone finds it odd!
Problem is, she has never been like this before, and I don't think anyone knows what to do.
They're all saying to take no notice, she will have to just sort herself out, but I hate that its having such an impact on everyone else, that's just not fair.
If I could pin down what it is she thinks I've done), it would be so much easier, but I cant get anywhere with her. I know 2 of the group have also tried, but all she says is that this goes back years and that she doesn't have a problem with anyone else in the group, just me😏

Maybe she expected you to be devastated she was a No Show? She def told you which tier you live on. Stop giving a shit. Enjoy your walks and pretend she isn't even there....
My ndn took a dislike to me. Threatened me at xmas. Police involved.. I see her every day and quite frankly she doesn't even register with me anymore.. I do imagine her having another go and me pulling hands out empty pockets and telling her I have no fucks to give.. People only have as much power as you give them.

Carry on with the group. Maybe she will leave?

I think I'd have to confront her in front of everyone else in the group. That way she has to wriggle and stammer her way out of it publicly, or flounce off into the sunset. By keeping it between both of you she can carry on with her little game.

Better out than in, even if she lies and makes something up. I'd embarrass her publicly into saying it out loud.

The fact that she left you hanging on the day you were to meet, and went off with others instead is beyond awful. You are far too nice to her.

This isn't a you problem Op, it's a her problem. She knows the group like you and for some reason she can't cope with that, she said she felt lonely in the group so maybe she's not the sunny, outgoing person she pretended to be and she feels overlooked next to you. I don't think you should leave if you enjoy the group, it's not a crime to be more likable than someone else

@Flicitytricity You’ve done nothing wrong there. You can’t be expected to hang around all day, while she swans off with someone she’s bumped into, when she’s already arranged to meet with you. I think she realises what awful behaviour that was and has put the boot in first with your hiking group because she was worried you’d tell others about her standing you up. Just an idea. Unless she’s willing to communicate with you like an adult, this person doesn’t deserve another moment of your time.

"I was the main support she had from anyone in the group when her life went tits up a couple of years ago"

She doesn't think you've been gossiping about her personal life to others, does she? I had a work colleague who was a close friend, and her marriage went tits up after she had an affair. The whole office found out about it, gossip galore, and she thought it was me who'd blabbed, and completely cut me off. It wasn't me at all.

No. Everyone in the group knew everything anyway.
Im actually quite good at knowing things but not sharing them, even trivial stuff, but it really doesn't apply in this case.

What sort of problems was she having and how did you help her?

I think you may be right.
I actually thought it might be that when I tried to message her after she left whatsapp.
I just said something along the lines of ' hope you didn't think I was being snotty with you in ........., must admit I was a bit peeved, but got over myself quickly enough after a quick fish and chips😆. Had a lovely run home along the coast, weather glorious!
Just realised you've gone AWOL from ............., hope its by accident - should I pop you back on? Thought it was strange you weren't responding to a message about lunch🤣

All I got back was that she could not see a future with us both in the same group, so she had left the whatsapp group. She would continue to meet with the group, but could not even envisage a situation where we could be polite in the same company🫤

Her long time partner died unexpectedly.
It was a dreadful time for her.

What a horrible situation to be in I can see how it would get you down probably even start second guessing yourself
She sounds like an attention seeker and to state to the other women that it’s only you she has a problem with although won’t say what it is, is ridiculous do you think she is hoping the others will give you the cold shoulder as well?
I think a pp has the right idea to confront her when all the others are present tell her it’s making everyone uncomfortable and ask to either say what’s up so you can deal with it and move on either put up or shut up doesn’t seem like you have a lot to loose.

This is why I keep myself to myself now. This all sounds like too much hassle.

Stay in the group and style it out. If she's not prepared to say exactly what the problem is then shrug it off. There's nothing you can do if she won't say what's wrong.