GRAND DAUGHTER DENIED ANY "girly things"

[user1483875094]

Slightly hiding, for fear of being outed.
"Grand-daughter" (hiding) has 3 brothers. GD has never been allowed "girly things" by self proclaimed (loudly!) P.C. MUM. The boys have ALL the boys things, no problem, apparently! but little 4 year old girl has never been allowed anything pink, or with butterflies, or dolls, or necklaces, or anything in any way shape or form, that could possibly be perceived as a little girls desire!
This year she asked for a "doll" and PC mum stepped in and derided her, telling her what NONSENSE this was... bit of a family upset going on, as Grandad and Grandma would LOVE to buy her a dolly, and some pink things, and some necklaces, and some glittery stuff etc. etc. To help to make picture clear, little girl has never owned nor worn a dress, she has never been given the chance. The boys are not forced to only play with "feminine little girly things" so why on earth must this little girl be forced to be a tom boy? Clearly against her will, as well. Would we be awful, to give her some girly things? (and then face the wrath of this mother?) in an already delicate situation. This would not be to make a point, but rather to see that darling little girls face actually receiving some gifts she might treasure? What the heck? What would you all do? (please bear in mind the possible aftermath, and family upsets? We SO want to avoid this, if at all possible.. xx

Buy her a doll , a lot of replies in this thread are horrible.

I agree with you. Fair enough, the mother might not want her to have an excessive amount of "girl toys" because she's early trying to go against stereotyping, but going completely in the other direction and not buying her anything of the sort is just as bad imo.

Buy the boys some gender neutral housework type things and a boy baby for the little girl

bertrand

Well, the OP clearly states GRAND DAUGHTER (her capitals, not mine) and I can't imagine anyone referring to their own daughter as "this mother" ... so who else is it going to be but MIL?? Except FIL, I suppose, but really?

She also said she was "slightly hiding" to avoid being outed. But, hey, it's "let's hate MILs" a go-go on here!

For what it's worth, I think the MOTHER is being daft abut dolls-they are brilliant toys for both boys and girls-and less daft about glittery shit. But in my experience, one of the great things about grandparents is that they can buy the crap their grandchildren want for them to play with at their house, so the kids get to play with contraband and parents don't have to compromise their principles. Win-win.

My ds loved his doll. I’m annoyed that toy babies are seen as girly toys.

My dd doesn’t wear dresses at the moment because she’s crawling and could end up face planting because her knees catch on the skirt. They’re just not practical. I’m not keen on pink either. She’ll seek the pink stuff out to play with if she really wants it.

Maybe it's because you refer to dolls as "girly" and everything else as "for boys"

She doesn't want her kids to have dolls. She wants them to play with toys that encourage reasoning and spacial awareness. She's not trying to make the girl be a boy. Pretending to be a housewife and mother is not the only way to own a vagina.

So she did, bertrand, my mistake.

FWIW I adored my (now sadly deceased) MIL, so no MIL-bashing from me.

I will say, however, that my DD have ben presented with dolls, ribbon-bedecked hair slides and the like over the years and have flatly refused to play with or wear them, despite the best efforts of the present-givers. Absolutely nothing to do with me - I loved my dolls as a child but my DD have no interest in them whatsoever.

And here is beginning of the end for women.

Just looking round the staff room, all the ladies are weraring trousers and boots or trainers, none are wearing pink or sparkles, some have makeup others don't.

Woman haven't ended, we evolved beyond the domestic slavery our grandmothers endured. We are using our rains and achieving

HermioneAndTheSniffle and several other thankfully less aggressive attackers, THANK YOU! I looked at the wooden doll another lovely kind poster kindly suggested, (rather than just having a chance to have a nasty pop at me and making huge and ridiculous assumptions) - and have chosen that. I expect to be shot down in flames by the mum, but will try it, anyway and apologise for actually buying her what she ASKED us for..... many posters have bent the whole "pink/butterflies/necklaces" thing completely out of shape - I was just trying to describe her life surrounded by absolutely nothing but traditional "boys stuff" . Several of you are right, she lives in boys hand-me-downs, (not that they are short of funds) and I am a bit sad that only so few of you (but those who have been helpful, I thank hugely) had given a thought to our dilemma, only to use this forum as a place to shoot me down, be very sarcastic and nasty, to call me a cow, and so on! Thanks to all those helpful and supportive comments though! Have a lovely Christmas.

This our generation girl is a scientist, for when she's 6ish and a bit old for baby dolls :)
Lottie dolls are good, but surprisingly small.

www.google.co.uk/search?q=our+generation+dolls&start=40&client=ms-android-google&sa=N&biw=412&bih=604&tbs=vw:g,ss:44&tbm=shop&prmd=svin&srpd=11335094232696560255&prds=epd:16201787347820906138,paur:ClkAsKraX8qWPjU9XZMGajy1BQPcFuIQJcCPZOCdkZfwutswYxx4lB0m4B7d4D1Da6UX0iPaT-ZIHSuuXm6h94kjBMNZHkiLUgeAWJv65d81m23x90Gix9dUNRIZAFPVH71h_ls3RydFe9_dlN_zicmCr1MhqQ,cdl:1,cid:1010173316934374870&ved=0ahUKEwjY0o6zgpnYAhWIKVAKHdoiBsM4KBCBNgiFBA

Sorry...link not working. She's called Sia

You are not her mother so you don't get to choose how to parent her. I don't agree with what her mother is doing but then again if my parent or in laws gave my child and pink glittery tat it would go straight in the bin-too ugly to look at. I would suspect that your DIL(?) would do the same with any gifts she felt strongly about. You could buy some feminine non-tat, like perhaps some girl clothes that are not pink and sparkly but ask the mother first.

I was just trying to describe her life surrounded by absolutely nothing but traditional "boys stuff"

To be honest that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Studies show that toys seen as “moderately” masculine are the most educational and that girls who are brought up with access to their brothers’ toys have more varied interests later on in life.

I should imagine your DIL is trying to counteract the extreme imbalance in society. It’s a shame that girls get such tat at Christmas and are modelled such a narrow range of occupations.

oh my effing, !!! I just don't believe it....

you said "Pretending to be a housewife and mother is not the only way to own a vagina"

WHY did it come to this horribly nasty, sexist, utter ridiculousness??
So by your own writing, the brothers, all of whom have tractors, cars, guns, tool kits, screw drivers, work benches, etc.. is it the same for them that "pretending to be a husband and father is not the only way to own a penis?" ??????????? COME ON THEN, ANSWER THIS QUESTION... you posed it ... hope you have a good answer|!

Greentulips I agree with you. But are these women proud to be women? It just seems that we are not allowed to be a woman anymore.

I agree that we don't want I steer girls towards being bimbos interested in nothing but pink and sparkles, but it doesn't mean they need to be masculine. There is a middle ground.

Children should have a choice. Boys and girls can play with dolls, tractors etc. But allow them to play with what they like. I can't help but think you will set yourself up for problems later on.

The issue here is that the child has asked for a doll and her parents are refusing because “gender equality” apparently means no stereotypically “girl” toys at all whatsoever. Which is odd. I thought equality meant any child can play with any toy without judgment on the gender that is supposed to play with that toy. Forcing a child to not have anything they enjoy is wrong in my opinion.

You'd be rude not to respect their wishes. I bet you're the sort of person who would sneak meat into a vegetarian's meal and not tell them because you don't agree with it.

Also, the unexplained forum is for ghosts and shit.

Also typing words in capital letters = shouting and is considered bad etiquette.

I get the counterbalancing the current culture.
But in that case, you will also give dolls and a kitchen to the boys to counterbalance the often very agressive toys boys are given (guns and the likes).
Counterbalancing doesn’t mean not giving anything that is ‘girly’ at all to a little girl.
It doesn’t mean not respecting her wishes to get a doll for Christmas.
Girls might do well when give;access to ‘boys’ toys so they can have more varied interest. But it’s worth noting they are talking about ACCESS not just those toys.
And it’s also worth noting that celebrating the softer side of boys (eg by encouraging the caring side or the art and crafts etc...) is also very good for boys.
It is not and never has been about getting sole access to boys and toys and only boys toys....

I personally think that doing so is detrimental to both the little girls and her brothers.

I'm with you OP. Ridiculous that the mother probably considers this a feminist approach, when in reality she's teaching all her children that 'boy' things are good and 'girl' things are bad. A true feminist approach would be encouraging both girls and boys to play with trucks AND dolls.