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The paranormal
Original poster

GRAND DAUGHTER DENIED ANY "girly things"

122 replies

user1483875094 · 19/12/2017 18:34

Slightly hiding, for fear of being outed.
"Grand-daughter" (hiding) has 3 brothers. GD has never been allowed "girly things" by self proclaimed (loudly!) P.C. MUM. The boys have ALL the boys things, no problem, apparently! but little 4 year old girl has never been allowed anything pink, or with butterflies, or dolls, or necklaces, or anything in any way shape or form, that could possibly be perceived as a little girls desire!
This year she asked for a "doll" and PC mum stepped in and derided her, telling her what NONSENSE this was... bit of a family upset going on, as Grandad and Grandma would LOVE to buy her a dolly, and some pink things, and some necklaces, and some glittery stuff etc. etc. To help to make picture clear, little girl has never owned nor worn a dress, she has never been given the chance. The boys are not forced to only play with "feminine little girly things" so why on earth must this little girl be forced to be a tom boy? Clearly against her will, as well. Would we be awful, to give her some girly things? (and then face the wrath of this mother?) in an already delicate situation. This would not be to make a point, but rather to see that darling little girls face actually receiving some gifts she might treasure? What the heck? What would you all do? (please bear in mind the possible aftermath, and family upsets? We SO want to avoid this, if at all possible.. xx

OP posts:
FaFoutis · 19/12/2017 20:15

It is. It's the ghost of MIL past, present and future.

Babybauble · 19/12/2017 20:17

I'm with the op on this, it's weird. Let kids lead with play, if the child expresses an interest in dolls, it's unhealthy to discourage it as the forbidden!

Sounds like her mother is a bit odd tbh. I have boys and girls, they play with what they want.

EvansOvalPies · 19/12/2017 20:22

Just to be clear, OP - do the boys (and this darling, deprived little girl) only play with guns and soldiers and predominantly 'BOY' things? Or are all the toys all the children play with gender neutral? So: Lego or other construction toys, toys and games that just stimulate imaginative play in general? So geared for boys, or not geared for any gender in particular?

I do worry that you appear to not like your DiL (use of your phrase 'this mother' as though she is a blight on your life). She is the child's mother, therefore, she has first dibs on how her daughter is raised, regardless of your own feelings.

Walkingthedog46 · 19/12/2017 20:24

Do you look after your granddaughter at all? Perhaps you could buy her the dolly and glittery stuff to be kept at your home for her to play with whilst at yours. Not to go behind the mother's back, but surely she wouldn't try and dictate the toys you have in your home for visiting children.

AndhowcouldIeverrefuse · 19/12/2017 20:28

Is anyone else really disappointed this isn't a woo thread?

It is. It's the ghost of MIL past, present and future

Grin
fitbitbore · 19/12/2017 20:29

Buy her a scented candle to stop her becoming a lesbian!!!

GrockleBocs · 19/12/2017 20:42

The 'slightly hiding' thing has gone well then... Shock

NotAgainYoda · 19/12/2017 20:45

I did not know there was such a Topic as 'The Unexplained'. Spooky!. Now I've stumbled upon it I SHALL NOT LEAVE

yumchoc · 19/12/2017 20:53

As a parent I believe you should always respect your child's right to chose what they like regardless of gender
My Daughter loves cats cars and dolls
A real mix of toys for both boys and girls

Maybe buy her a boy doll it may please both parties doll the baby born interactive is great

Fwend · 19/12/2017 20:56

Fitbit GrinGrinGrin

FaFoutis · 19/12/2017 21:01

Ha! Fitbit
I have a daughter - any other tips for preventing lesbianism?

LilaoftheGreenwood · 19/12/2017 21:04

oh right... got the message, thanks... I am clearly a very horrible person. Thanks for your help, we will buy her a gun, or something similar.

😂😂😂

LilaoftheGreenwood · 19/12/2017 21:06

Somewhere out there right at this moment is an innocent, happy family absolutely dreading having to see this bonkers OP over Christmas...

DancesWithOtters · 19/12/2017 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpikeGilesSandwich · 19/12/2017 21:43

I think I get what the OP is saying, it's sad if they don't let the little girl have a doll just because "it's girly", that's just as bad as not letting a boy have one for the same reasons. If she wants a doll it's hardly going to prevent her being an engineer!

SpikeGilesSandwich · 19/12/2017 21:47

However, if the parents don't want her to have one, it's not your place to go against them, no matter what you think.
My DS loves his doll and I'm happy for him to have one but if I'd been opposed to the idea for some weird reason and MIL had bought one anyway, it wouldn't have gone down well.
Respect your son and DIL's rights to parent in their own batshit ways.

Mumof56 · 19/12/2017 22:09

Buy her a voucher for gender reassignment surgery.

PerfectlyDone · 19/12/2017 22:15

Oh, FGS, stop referring to them as 'her' - how very stereotyping!!

RosemaryHoight · 19/12/2017 22:16

All toys are for all children in my opinion.

I really think op that you should try to understand where thIS MOther is coming from and discuss her concerns with her. Especially if she is your family.

Don't just buy the kid a fucking revolver.

Lesley1980 · 19/12/2017 22:25

if this was a mum refusing to let her son have a doll everyone would be against the mum. Why can't the little girl just have what she wants?

Why don't you take your granddaughter to the toy shop & let her pick a toy?

PickAChew · 19/12/2017 22:26

Um, yeah....

GRAND DAUGHTER DENIED ANY "girly things"
Pannacott · 19/12/2017 22:32

I do get you to an extent OP. I never had much girly stuff as a kid and still struggle with aspects of femininity today. But I am super assertive, successful and don't struggle with many aspects of male / female relating, so my feminist mother definitely erred on the helpful-for-my-future side.

If your DGD genuinely has no pink / frilly stuff, you will find a little goes a long way. Full on will be foreign and overwhelming and could be more alienating to her. Go subtle, it will be enough to tickle her performative femininity without provoking her mother. Like - gardening with flowers kit; dress up doll with astronaut, dr and ballerina outfit; make your own bead necklace (not sparkly); doc mcstuffins (pink but good role model).

Would it be at all possible to talk to the mother about any toys that might be heading in that direction but she'd approve of? Frame it that you don't want DGD to exoticise and crave this forbidden fruit, and go overboard as a teen. That if she has a little bit now it'll help for the future. Talk about all the threads on here from grown ups who are obsessed with not being allowed a Mr Frosty as a kid Grin

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 19/12/2017 22:35

Lottie dolls are indeed brilliant. We've got a few of them, and they tick all the boxes for me.

AssassinatedBeauty · 19/12/2017 22:37

(Women don't have to be feminine or perform femininity. They can just have their own personalities.)

Shadowboy · 19/12/2017 22:38

I do think some of this gender neutral stuff is too much - my youngest daughter is totally besotted with pink and sparkles. Despite my OHs best efforts to get her into dinosaurs or spiders etc (to be fair she does like sparkly dinosaurs) she loves pink. She desperately urged me to let her do ballet - which she now does. Her youngest sister is disinterested in pink so some girls do actually love ‘girly stuff’ and I think it’s a real shame to prevent them from having some if that’s what they are into. Ive actually started to grow to like pink!!