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The paranormal
Original poster

GRAND DAUGHTER DENIED ANY "girly things"

122 replies

user1483875094 · 19/12/2017 18:34

Slightly hiding, for fear of being outed.
"Grand-daughter" (hiding) has 3 brothers. GD has never been allowed "girly things" by self proclaimed (loudly!) P.C. MUM. The boys have ALL the boys things, no problem, apparently! but little 4 year old girl has never been allowed anything pink, or with butterflies, or dolls, or necklaces, or anything in any way shape or form, that could possibly be perceived as a little girls desire!
This year she asked for a "doll" and PC mum stepped in and derided her, telling her what NONSENSE this was... bit of a family upset going on, as Grandad and Grandma would LOVE to buy her a dolly, and some pink things, and some necklaces, and some glittery stuff etc. etc. To help to make picture clear, little girl has never owned nor worn a dress, she has never been given the chance. The boys are not forced to only play with "feminine little girly things" so why on earth must this little girl be forced to be a tom boy? Clearly against her will, as well. Would we be awful, to give her some girly things? (and then face the wrath of this mother?) in an already delicate situation. This would not be to make a point, but rather to see that darling little girls face actually receiving some gifts she might treasure? What the heck? What would you all do? (please bear in mind the possible aftermath, and family upsets? We SO want to avoid this, if at all possible.. xx

OP posts:
Shadowboy · 19/12/2017 22:39

Sorry it should say my oldest daughter!

slippermaiden · 19/12/2017 22:39

I've not read many replies OP, but I don't get why she couldn't have a doll, or necklaces or things with butterflies on. I think it's weird for those not to be in a house with any of those children. Not wearing dresses or skirts is fine because trousers or shorts are more practical but what harm can a butterfly or a necklace do? People get so het up about this kind of stuff, if the child has asked for those things it's wrong to deny them.

Partyfops · 19/12/2017 22:42

And here is beginning of the end for women.

Women are not allowed to be women we have to be men. Of course!

Fucking hell how very depressing.

If the little girl wants a bloody doll let her have a doll!! If she wants a football let her have a football. If the mother is stupid/cruel to take it from her then that's her lookout to deal with her daughter.

oldbirdy · 19/12/2017 22:44

If she wants a doll, buy her a doll. But make it a PC one like the Lottie dolls or maybe a sporty "my generation" one- there's a horse rider.

Fwiw I think it's a shame. My dd has 3 brothers and went through the pink sparkly phase. She's out of it now. I figured if I let the boys have Thomas the tank engine stuff that they loved, I should let DD have Disney princess stuff that she loved.

AssassinatedBeauty · 19/12/2017 22:45

"Gender neutral" shouldn't mean that you don't give pink glittery stuff to girls. It should mean that it isn't only that sort of thing that you give to them. It should be one type of thing amongst a wide array of toys/games/clothes. The same for boys too. Then children are able to play with whatever interests them.

illuminousopptomist · 19/12/2017 22:47

Op there is nothing wrong with buying your DGD a doll. I would buy one. Your DDIL sounds a little rigid imo.

Pannacott · 19/12/2017 22:47

Assassinated beauty - I agree with your previous posts. But I do not understand the point you are making about femininity and performative femininity vs personality. Can you explain?

GreenTulips · 19/12/2017 22:48

My dd has 3 brothers and went through the pink sparkly phase. She's out of it now

Yes because for all the 'let girls be girls' brigade - girls grow out of pink and glitter eventually. So it doesn't work does it?

DD hated dresses/pink/glitter and dolls - MIL often brought dolls that sent her screaming, pink PJs that never got worn, proms never played with, sparkly tops that itched, dresses too difficult to play in .....

Listen to you GC mother, because clearly your son won't stand up to you so she has to ....

reallyanotherone · 19/12/2017 22:50

They probably give her glittery shit all the timE but pretend they don't in order to enjoy your melodramatic woe-is-me flouncing

I am guilty of this. Let mil think i was against dresses (not practical) and pink glittery shit.

Truth was i wasn’t overly bothered. Not overly keen but like pp have said it’s all about balance, and a little bit of glitter won’t kill anyone.

But if mil had found out i was actually ok with it I’d have been fucking innundated. All she talked about was how she was desperate to buy dresses and dollies and all the lovely pink clothes and toys. She was a sexist woman anyway, cleaning and cooking for her grandaughters, video games and rough play for grandsons.

Vetoing pink glittery shit helped me maintain some balance...

Partyfops · 19/12/2017 22:51

Surely it's about choice not just steering them away from anything pink?

oldbirdy · 19/12/2017 22:56

greentulips I don't understand your point. This girl has reportedly asked for a doll and had it denied and the idea of wanting a doll belittled. So her mother is denying her what she wants, if we take OP at face value. I don't see the value in telling a little girl who wants a doll that she can't have one?

GreenTulips · 19/12/2017 23:06

Because MIL is only 'hearing' what she wants to hear!

Which is ignoring her DIL wishes, as she said, there's more to this than meets the eye and close to a big fall out over a doll? Come on .... who denies a little girl a doll and would start a war over one being brought without good reasoning or background?

There's more to this than one doll the DIL could bin or regift - isn't there?

Mumof56 · 19/12/2017 23:10

Which is ignoring her DIL wishes

It's not her dil she's buying the present for

HateSummer · 19/12/2017 23:18

Bloody hell, some people are complete arseholes aren’t they. Yes, the ones on this thread.

Has anyone thought about what the little girl wants? She wants a doll. She’s told her mum she wants a doll so why is she being denied this?! I always buy things my kids will enjoy. What’s wrong with a doll?

EasterRobin · 19/12/2017 23:29

DH and I decided not to give our little DD any cooking, cleaning or baby doll toys when she was little as didn't want to reinforce the traditional "housewife" role. So she's adapted one of our cupboards to be her toy "oven" with things from the kitchen often used as accessories. She kept playing with our actual mop and bucket to pretend mop the floor, which I felt wasn't hygienic/safe so we eventually caved and got her a toy mop and bucket. She uses any of her soft toy animals as babies for nappy changing, bathing and general caring for (she'll be getting a traditional baby doll for Christmas).

So I wouldn't worry about her missing out OP. Children play the games they want to play with whatever they have to hand.

That said, as a person similar to your DIL, I would be delighted with one of the dolls mentioned by prior posters where the doll is doing something other than looking pretty. Dolls that are a positive role model would likely make everybody happy. Doctors, fossil hunting, or similar sounds great.

Maybe add in a copy of "Goodnight Stories For Rebel Girls" for more positive female role models (your DIL would love it!)

Hmmalittlefishy · 20/12/2017 06:03

You day you aren't trying to prove a point but your post reads the opposite
You seem very smug that your grand daughter wants a doll against her mothers views.
She has also only asked for a doll (I wonder if she was prompted by you?) yet you want to get her lots of pink things, necklaces and glittery stuff
If you want to then get her a doll, but a doll only and don't bombard her with a mountain of pink just because you don't agree with her parents wishes - I am assuming your son is also bringing up his children and these are the views he agrees to too although you've conveniently left him out

ephemeralfairy · 20/12/2017 09:25

I despised dolls when I was little but I had a whole range of stuffed animals who were wheeled about in prams and dressed in doll's clothes. OP does your GD actually WANT a doll or are you just assuming??

ephemeralfairy · 20/12/2017 09:29

Oh sorry have re-read post and seen that she has asked for one. Mea culpa.
I dunno, it seems a bit mean to deny her something she actually wants and has asked for but you're making a ridiculous fuss about it OP. Maybe discuss the Lottie doll with her mum?

BertrandRussell · 20/12/2017 09:31

Loving the assumption that the OP is a MIL. Good old Mumsnet!

ephemeralfairy · 20/12/2017 09:31

Oh and your contempt and dislike of your DIL comes across loud and clear Hmm

Doubletrouble42 · 20/12/2017 09:31

Your DIL sounds awesome. Trying to break the sexist shite that your generation reinforced. Good for her, I say.

Terrylene · 20/12/2017 09:36

When I was a child, my Grandmother would not let me near anything pink and sparkly. It was 'common'. (She was not 'middle class' either - she was a miner's daughter who was not allowed to finish school and worked in service). She wanted better things for her Granddaughters.

How times have changed Grin

PhuntSox · 20/12/2017 09:38

Buy them all a doll, boys and girl, buy one that is PC.

BertrandRussell · 20/12/2017 09:53

You do know that the OP has not said she is the MIL. don't you? Grin

QuackPorridgeBacon · 20/12/2017 10:36

The Mum sounds crazy if I’m honest. She has taken the whole gender neutral thing a bit too far. If the child is asking for a doll then I see no reason not to eat one. It helps both boys and girls to understand empathy and caring etc which are handy skills to have. I’d get her a doll and not care how the mother reacts. She will look the fool not you.