GRAND DAUGHTER DENIED ANY "girly things"

[user1483875094]

Slightly hiding, for fear of being outed.
"Grand-daughter" (hiding) has 3 brothers. GD has never been allowed "girly things" by self proclaimed (loudly!) P.C. MUM. The boys have ALL the boys things, no problem, apparently! but little 4 year old girl has never been allowed anything pink, or with butterflies, or dolls, or necklaces, or anything in any way shape or form, that could possibly be perceived as a little girls desire!
This year she asked for a "doll" and PC mum stepped in and derided her, telling her what NONSENSE this was... bit of a family upset going on, as Grandad and Grandma would LOVE to buy her a dolly, and some pink things, and some necklaces, and some glittery stuff etc. etc. To help to make picture clear, little girl has never owned nor worn a dress, she has never been given the chance. The boys are not forced to only play with "feminine little girly things" so why on earth must this little girl be forced to be a tom boy? Clearly against her will, as well. Would we be awful, to give her some girly things? (and then face the wrath of this mother?) in an already delicate situation. This would not be to make a point, but rather to see that darling little girls face actually receiving some gifts she might treasure? What the heck? What would you all do? (please bear in mind the possible aftermath, and family upsets? We SO want to avoid this, if at all possible.. xx

Seems like an overreaction to say the least.

Yep, buy her a gun.

That'll show everyone how awesome and reasonable you are!

@SimultaneousEquation surely the point is to provide both - a range of toys from scientific/logical/spatial ones to ones that develop social skills, imagination and empathy.

Does she ever visit at yours? I have a stash at my place for the grand kids and it includes dolls and nerf toys and bikes etc.

David Attenborough would disagree that butterflies are just for girls.

Why the random USE of capiTALS?

Yes OP you sound eminently reasonable. Buy guns and dolls. There are literally no other choices.

"oh right... got the message, thanks... I am clearly a very horrible person. Thanks for your help, we will buy her a gun, or something similar"

Flouncy mcFlounce.

People don't think you're horrible, just that on this issue you are not in the right. Though your utterly disproportionate and sulky reaction does rather illuminate why you might be having difficulties in personal relationships. And suggested your interpretation of what people say might not be reliable at all.

If you are still casting round for a present, try craft material sets for all the DC.

I longed for girly things as a child even a white pair of ankle socks with a frilly trim would of made my day! Btw I now work in a male dominated technical sector. People who deny the enjoyment of pink to ANYONE are drab dictators lacking love in their hearts frankly!

I would look at the dolls mentioned, the one with a football kits sounds like it might get past the Mum? I really do understand where you are coming from OP and agree it doesnt sound fair that the boys can be boys but the little girl is being given the impression there is something wrong with liking pink and girly stuff. What a load of twaddle!! Where theres a will theres a way OP, good luck! It would of made my Xmas.

U ok hun?

The mother sounds crazy. What is wrong with the the girl playing with a doll?????

Well tbh the wAy the mum is handling the situation is crap.
I've seen that happening in my family.
Apparently the little girl, being surrounded by boys, just didn't want girly stuff or dolls etc...
In reality, she was playing with what was around her. And what attracted her parents attention. And it wasn't a doll. She was wearing the hands me down from her brother so no dresses.
I can't say it was a CHOICE from the child.
Move on a few years and mum wondered why her dd wasn't more feminine and like all the other girls. Why she didn't really have girlfriends either (much more confortable playing with boys)
Move on a few more years again to teenage hood and this teen still doesn't fit in with the girls. She is happy enough, has friends but from a hobby if hers, a mix of older teens too.
I don't know how it will all pan out as an adult but it WILL have had an impact in her.

So whilst I agree the OP can't say anything at all (just like we didn't), Im not sure that having a go at her like this is appropriate.
Laughing at a child because they want a doll is not on. Girl or boy.

Mind your business you nosy cow.

How about you buy all of the children the same thing? A doll each?

Buy her girly stuff for when she plays at your house.
She may well resent this and as soon as she can start being really girly, that could seriously backfire on her mum.

Buy “girly” stuff. Keep at your house. DGD can choose whether to play with it then she visits.

For Christmas, but something neutral - art supplies, craft stuff etc.

How about Lottie goes Fossil Hunting? Or a similar doll aimed at those "PC" (perfectly correct) types? You have to respect the mums wishes, she might know her child better than you but anyway there IS a middle ground.

You sound awffy hard wOrk.

They probably give her glittery shit all the timE but pretend they don't in order to enjoy your melodramatic woe-is-me flouncing.

If yoU must buy a doll, buy all of them a Lottie fossil hunter, explorer or footballer.

As a complete aside, I was not aware of Lottie dolls at all. They look great!

While it's not the place of the grandparents to dictate how the parents parent, not allowing anything 'girly' if the child (boy or girl) is asking for it is as bad as saying she can only have girly stuff. Our motto is that toys are for anyone and there are no girls' or boys' toys. There is no reason to deny the child a doll, it won't stop her playing with Leo or cars.

Pp said about kids playing with what's there. I agree.

And don't worry. Girls get all these shitty messages at school about their place so her DM's attempts to stop the pink onslaught will fail. The girls in my DD's kindergarten class had to lobby for an allotted time to use the LEGO, otherwise the boys hogged it the whole time.

My dd is not a particularly girly girl and would often prefer to play with toy cars and dinosaurs. she does have some dolls though and I let her play with what she likes. tbh i think a lot of her peer group who are more into dolls, princesses, dresses, etc are responding to what their mothers/grandmothers/society likes them to like. There's nothing wrong with girls liking traditionally girly things, but no reason why girl should necessarily like them either.

Maybe you should focus more on building a better relationship with your granddaughter and daughter in law. Your post comes across like you really don't like her at all.

Wait till her birthday

Set a budget

Take girl directly to toy shop and let her choose what she wants within budget

My MIL’s jaw dropped when she saw what my 6 year old dd chose for herself though sadly she still hasn’t stopped buying stuff like glittery headbands that dd hates (she buys ds interesting things that can be constructed, sigh)

Is anyone else really disappointed this isn't a woo thread?