The Sixtieth Republic - One half term to go - just need to survive Sports Day and Activities Week!

[StaffRepFeistyClub]

You are most welcome to this school staff support thread to get us through stressful times. It is meant for school staff only – a sort of room of requirement for school staff to let off steam.

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rule That is so familiar. Dh gets at least 2 periods of time (4+ hours) home alone each week, and often more. I also take the kids away overnight. He never takes them out if I'm home, wouldn't even cross his mind.

My alone time is 10pm at night.

Ah my other alone time is the weekly shop because dh doesn't drive.

Yes I'm lucky in that sense as a singleton and mother of one teen. I get a lot of time to myself. I was also lucky when ds was younger that he used to spend Friday nights at my mum and dad's quite often - they'd pick him up from school and he'd come home Saturday lunch time.

When we lived overseas with no family and no childcare and HE it was really hard going at first not to get any real time alone.

When he leaves home the vague plan is to go and teach in internationals and I know with no child, a city apartment and only a suitcase or two of possessions and the possibility to be able to hire a cleaner and eat out a lot working full time will be a LOT easier. That's reminded me of the bliss in Egypt whereby you just take your clothes to a laundry and pick them up a day or two later washed and ironed for just a couple of quid - heaven.

I do think life is hard in this country. Between the cost of living and the shitty weather and the fact you can't really outsource any domestic labour unless you're mega rich 24hrs doesn't seem very long at all. If we made entirely logical decisions we would never have children.

Obviously I don't want cleaners or child minders to be underpaid but the cost of living is so high across the board (eg. no such thing as cheap rent, few multi generational households etc) and the wages so relatively low that the gap between what you earn and what a cleaner/laundry doer/nanny needs to earn is not big enough to be able to outsource anything. And the reality is that that means women work their arses off outside and inside the home.

Obviously couples are better off financially but I don't see many women whose lives are much easier in terms of work load as a result of having a partner and my parents support when ds was little sometimes seemed to be more support and afford more alone time for me than most women I knew got from being married.

@TheHoneyBadger

Obviously couples are better off financially but I don't see many women whose lives are much easier in terms of work load as a result of having a partner and my parents support when ds was little sometimes seemed to be more support and afford more alone time for me than most women I knew got from being married.

Agree with this. My life became so much easier moving in with my parents than when it did when I was married living in the South. My ex wasn't good though.

He never takes them out if I'm home, wouldn't even cross his mind.

He takes her out, but usually because I've got work to do, not just because I want to read a book in peace. I think it's a common teacher/parent issue tbh - school holidays are not for you to spend time alone, they are for doing the childcare.

We've agreed that I get at least a week of the school summer holidays to myself - we've booked and paid for childcare/sports clubs accordingly. He's also taken 2 days off to do something with her on their own. 2 days better than nothing.

They are going away next weekend, but only because I'm going away with a friend. If he didn't take her to his parents, he'd have to be 'on' all weekend at home alone.

And the reality is that that means women work their arses off outside and inside the home

Yep. My dh is pretty good. He does more than most husbands I know. I definitely do more than him though.

We were told we could “have it all”

We are realising they meant we could “do it all”

Sadly, what I do "for myself" usually involves eating something made from chocolate Quick easy way to indulge yourself that fits around work and dc. But has long term consequence.
Pre-Covid, my weekly shop often took a long time as I'd stop at the Costa for a beverage while writing my shopping list!

@TheHoneyBadger

Obviously couples are better off financially but I don't see many women whose lives are much easier in terms of work load as a result of having a partner and my parents support when ds was little sometimes seemed to be more support and afford more alone time for me than most women I knew got from being married.

It’s an interesting point about outside support. Both my parents passed away years ago and DH’s parents refuse to offer ‘childcare’ so sometimes it can see from my point of view that AI have had to pay out on childcare so much just to be able to function but then, I haven’t had any dramas regarding a family member doing something the wrong way ‘a la Mumsnet’. That and we were able to afford a 4 bedroom house two years ago because the mortgage company loved that we were both working full time (in which I am currently enjoying the England match) and we could afford more than we thought based on the sale of our Greenwich flat at the time. But I would like, if I become a future grandparent, to be as hands on with any grandchildren as allowed to be.

Cannot believe that the letter I had autocorrected to AI.
Computer Science teacher autocorrect if ever I saw one

Ds is 14 so I have started thinking about the next chapter and realising there is life after parenthood.

I feel bad for him in a way that there likely won't be a 'family home' he always gets to return to. I rent and can't afford to run a house bigger than my needs once he leaves home and there's no child support or benefit etc and I realistically need to work overseas for a while to get together some money for when I stop working.

Hoping he'll see being able to visit Egypt or Qatar or wherever with no accommodation to pay as compensation for this. I just can't see me being able to afford to stay here.

@TheHoneyBadger

Ds is 14 so I have started thinking about the next chapter and realising there is life after parenthood.

I feel bad for him in a way that there likely won't be a 'family home' he always gets to return to. I rent and can't afford to run a house bigger than my needs once he leaves home and there's no child support or benefit etc and I realistically need to work overseas for a while to get together some money for when I stop working.

Hoping he'll see being able to visit Egypt or Qatar or wherever with no accommodation to pay as compensation for this. I just can't see me being able to afford to stay here.

Move North honey. House prices are much cheaper. Working abroad sounds really interesting though.

I feel bad for him in a way that there likely won't be a 'family home' he always gets to return to.

DH and I would love to retire to a London city flat near City airport so the kid would definitely not have a ‘family home’ to return to when that time comes, so we would be proper downsizers, not these ‘fakes’ on Escape to the Country

House prices are definitely much cheaper up here in the North (I'm not sure where you are now). There are 3 bed terraced houses for sale at under £90,000 in certain parts of the city. Mine is a bit more than that (not massively more) because we're in catchment for better schools. But that wouldn't be a consideration once the kids are beyond school age.

True Riga - I do like Derbyshire.

Maybe I can find a tiny spinning cottage somewhere.

My kids will have a family home to return to. Dd1 already has returned to it. It's only a 3bed with 1 bathroom though, so it would be rather cramped if they both wanted to live here as adults. Hopefully by the time dd2 is old enough to leave and come back, dd1 will have managed to move out properly.

Yeah you can't buy a one bedroom flat/virtually a bedsit for 90k here.

On my little muse type development (barn conversion on my side and bungalows 'in keeping' on the other) a one bed bungalow with no windows at the front has just gone on for 240k

Yeah, the South East is just silly money compared to that! Could by a few houses in cash with what we’ve spent on one house with a massive mortgage but then, you wouldn’t want shed loads of Londoners moving North spoiling all that

@CarrieBlue I went for a job partly out of badness recently. It was obvious I wasn't going to get it within 5 minutes on interview day - and I was considering withdrawing. I didn't get it but something better has come along as a result.

Oooh - what's come along MrsH?

I'm now lead practitioner. Was called into the head's office this week and given my new job description (which I wrote!), a new job title and a payrise!! All the good bits of the job I applied for but without being on SLT :)

Hurrah! MrsH

@MrsHamlet

I'm now lead practitioner. Was called into the head's office this week and given my new job description (which I wrote!), a new job title and a payrise!! All the good bits of the job I applied for but without being on SLT :)

That's fabulous MrsH!!!! You must be so pleased!!! We must celebrate!!! 🍾🥂