These things are always more complicated. I agree with you if my Dad did the same I would of uninvited him to the wedding and stopped talking to him and if i got those accusations a year later completely severed all ties. She doesn't owe any of us an explanation in that much detail.
I imagine under a great deal of pressure whebn he was ill she wrote that letter end of the day imagine it happened to you its hard its your Dad there is always a bond. Given that no arrest was made after all that time then you would think there was nothing to the accusations.
My Dad was emotionally abusive, could say the most horrible things I just couldn't cut him off, I wanted to but he did so much the sacrifices he made when we were babies I felt I at least owed it to him to be there and find a way to cope with the things he said when he said them but my love for him was gone. I won't lie when I say I had mixed feelings when he passed away, I didn't cry because he was gone I did cry because my last day with him it was like a totally different person (almost like he knew) the person I missed on having most of my adult life and there was small relief that when I go home I don't have to hear things, nor hear what he would say to my mum or how he would ruin every family meet up. Of course to everyone else he was this lovely man..
Easy to be on the outside judging people when you have no idea whats really going on.