Harry's dirty laundry - thread 2

[Baital]

I hope it's OK to start a new thread after the last one filled up

Re: wanting to meet grand children...

My (adopted) daughter had a baby at 15. She was going through a very difficult phase, and was being very manipulative and controlling. In the end she moved out, and ended in a succession of placements that broke down because of her behaviour.

She visited us often, sometimes for several days at a time, with my grandson.

I helped look after him, but never felt connected to him. At the time he was a pawn my daughter could have used to get what she wanted.

I understood why DD was behaving like that, because of her early experiences. We are now very close again, and she is a lovely young woman. My grandson is being brought up by his father's family, the other end of the country. DD speaks to.him regularly and contributes to the costs of raising him.

I would love to be an involved granny if and when DD has another child. But I don't feel anything for my existing grandson. If he needed anything of course I would help. If he needed somewhere to.live I would seriously consider it, and I am sure we would bond over time.

But at the time I was - not deliberately - protecting myself emotionally.

So i can't blame KC3 if he doesn't have any particular drive to see A & L. If he did grow to love them then, given H&M's previous behaviour, access to them might well be used as a tool to get what H&M want. Let alone the merch opportunities.

Thank you for this post, I was trying to say something similar on the last thread and got short shrift.

I know Charles is a caring man and I also he shows great affection towards the Wales children, but that’s because he has a relationship with them. The Montecito kids are unknowns. As far as we know he has no connection at all with them. Those with Palace sources have intimated as such.

Once he meets them it might be a different story and it’s clear Harry is pushing very hard for this. I’m sure it will happen as there is so much deliberate leaking about it, but if Charles meets them it will be for PR reasons on both sides, rather than any desperate need to have them in his life.

Please can you post a link to the original thread? I can't find it but would like to read it. Thanks!

I feel it’s very crucial that Charles have a good relationship with Meghan and that will never happen now. I agree they will be used as bargaining chips to blackmail Charles if that’s not the case already. Charles will realise this, he isn’t stupid.

They’ve already used the children in their messaging to the RF - remember after Harry lost his court case over security and said he would never be able to bring the children to the UK now, and it was all Charles’s fault, an establishment stitch up and his family clearly wished them harm.. Meghan posted that b+w photo of Harry walking away from the camera with the children. Widely interpreted as “Harry turning his back on his old life” / or - that’s it Pa, you’ll never get to see my kids now etc etc. And iirc widely received by the public with indifference or maybe relief (after that car crash interview he gave) that he might actually keep his word and stay away from the UK.

Her you go
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/the_royal_family/5410725-prince-harry-i-didnt-air-any-dirty-laundry-in-public?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

I agree with this assessment, having gone through something similar. I have stepchildren, who (after years of us all getting along) decided to start behaving very spitefully towards me when in their early twenties.

I withdrew emotionally for self protection.

While we now all get along fine, I've never felt the pull to bond with their children, which I believe, like you, was a self-protection thing.

I fully agree that KC3 is probably feeling something similar, and get annoyed when I read people asserting that he must be missing the grandchildren in California.

And you don't miss what you have never had.

Lots of families are no contact for lots of reasons, there are posts daily on here about people feeling relief to be separate from all the drama.

KC has gone above and beyond. He welcomed Meghan and also Doria. He funded H&M, paid for the lavish wedding, their lifestyle and also Meghan's working wardrobe of bespoke couture.
In return? "He cut me off".
What an ungrateful, spiteful pair.

Exactly. Who needs all that? The drama, the emotional manipulation? No, that's not acceptable.

I recognise this psychological dynamic and emotional protection mechanism too. I’ve been badly stung once.

It was especially awful for DP and in the end I think he just kind of shut down too, for the sake of his having enough left in the tank for those adults and children who are around him and who are pleased to see him.

It sounds like many people on here have experienced something similar. There comes a time when you can't provide continuous support for people.

I have a friend whose child is an alcoholic. They have had to do similar. Yes, they love their child and would love to protect them. But also recognise that their much loved child will be manipulative and self destructive, given the chance.

They have had to set clear boundaries and not give an inch - because being 'compassionate' is not in their child's interests.

They are devastated by their child's addiction. But have had to accept their child's decisions to self destruct. While keeping an.open door - with healthy boundaries - for their child to return.

There seems to be something similar in play here.

H&M need to experience the consequences of their decisions. The hurt they have caused.

And balance that against the hurt they have said they have experienced.

Then decide whether they want in (including the titles) or out (reject the titles, Empire 2.0, eyc).

Choose a lane, in other words. That is what people will respect.

The problem is being in complete denial that he's done anything wrong. Even an acknowledgement of hurt, or a realisation that he has shared privacy, perhaps unwisely, would go some way to help.
I was astounded at his attitude at the Coronation, after everything he and his wife have said and done. It's a strange mindset.

I think it’s clear as day that neither Harry nor Meghan have an interest in their children forging strong family ties with extended family, other than Doria. Notwithstanding the security issues, it would have been pretty easy for Harry to take his children to meet his dad privately, for a few days at a time, twice a year, in Norfolk or Scotland. They would have had the run of private land, space, time.

But other things are more important to them than these visits.

I also don’t think either of them know what close family ties are or how to maintain them (which bodes ill for a strong sibling dynamic). They both come from broken and fractured families, at least two generations’ worth on his side. Neither of them has had strong family bonds modeled for them. Neither of them have seen what compromise and sacrifice for the sake of long-term relationships look like, and neither of them have seen the virtues of such a thing for the looooong term. I think Harry, perhaps, with his paternal grandparents - but I don’t think he’s introspective enough to see beyond the surface, too easily distracted by any difficulties (such as duty to the nation coming first, PP’s affairs etc - it’s all just too difficult and complex for him). And Meghan is mercenary and transactional in every aspect of her life. She literally shopped her dad to get what she wanted. She doesn’t know what selflessness is.

Good points, @jonthebatiste .
Therapy certainly hasn't helped.

I think there is a similar issue regarding the Prince of Wales.

There is a media narrative at present that 'William is being unreasonable' and 'unforgiving' and yet there are many threads on MN where posters are advised to reduce contact to prioritise protecting themselves and their family members, especially children.

Yes, @bluegreygreen , very little consideration given to William. Betrayed by his own brother, after everything they went through.
William has had to deal with his wife's cancer, and protect 3 young children during all the vile rumours and nastiness about their mum.
At any time he could become the Head of State, with all that entails.
Yet Harry, with none of these issues, gets a pass.

I'm just going to say this about William. A very close friend works for a homeless charity. A few months ago, they were visited by William. No entourage, no fancy car with outriders. He spoke to everyone there, every member of staff and every single homeless person at the centre, hearing their stories.
There was nothing on the national news.
Harry makes headlines with his rude and entitled behaviour.
It must be very irksome.

William is different. Firstly, Kate and her family model strong family bonds very well, even in the face of a media spotlight. The three siblings are tight. She now has to raise three siblings similarly tightly….but with the sorts of restrictions she and Pippa and the brother never had to consider. I can’t imagine raising a child knowing its destiny was determined in utero. And raising the younger siblings to have a different destiny, but to be supportive and secondary but still meaningful. William and Kate have things to think about that Harry and Meghan never have to consider, all while being king and queen in waiting.

There’s no comparison between the two couples, really.

No, that's very true, @jonthebatiste .

If this is his style of doing things, I much prefer it to the type of local visits we got during QE2's reign.

Yes, me too. He was booked in for 1 hour, he stayed for 2.
By all accounts he was genuinely trying to inform himself about both what was going on at the centre, and how people came to be there and what support was needed.

I will never forget his cocky attitude and creepy smile as we walked up the aisle of Westminster Abbey. Did he not realise that most people were looking at him negatively at best or with contempt at worst?

Good to hear that directly, @OrangeAxolotyl

Some of us have been pointing out, on RF board threads, that things being achieved by the Royal Foundation don't happen without a lot of work in the background.