Harry and Gabor

[laurwalsh]

My friend just sent me this. I adore Gabor mate and the work he does. His book 'in the realms of hungry ghosts' was life changing for me who had suffered serious addiction issues. But am I being too harsh to feel disappointed he's jumping on this band wagon of garbage. I'm sorry but Harry we're sick of listening to your trauma and no offence you've sung it to death, (and I don't even think it's that bad relative to how much he has gone on and on about it) and trauma aside you're a complete hypocrite with how you've treated you're family and the trauma you've put them through!!

Yet not everyone is you, and many people will get something out of this, so it's all good.

I haven't heard of this man, presumably he believes it to be worthwhile.

Yeah no fair point. And honestly Gabor mate is one of the most incredible humans and I respect him so much. I don't know I guess it with all the exposure to Harry the last while I am just sick of listening to it. But I realise that is not the case for everyone. I just don't tune in though!

I totally disagree with you.

Harry has had significant trauma.
His family is incredibly dysfunctional which only heaped on further trauma.
Gabor Mate speaks at length about the unique human experience and Harry has had a unique human experience.
Everyone ever who speaks out about trauma in their dysfunctional family upsets other family members. It is impossible not to speak out about family trauma without hurting members caught up in the dysfunction.

🙄

Also v surprised. Big fan of GM, don't know that book OP. GM won't be seeing hierarchies of trauma I'm sure, Harry's life has plenty of elements of dysfunction and trauma so it will be interesting. Plus Gabor will be wanting to publicise the idea of what our pasts can mean for our present etc., similarly to Oprah and Bruce Perry last year (also a big fan of BP).

But I have serious trauma from my family and I would never in a million years discuss to the whole world knowing it's going to be only one sided as they can't challenge me. I could never imagine being so cruel and I am literally no contact with my family. I just have lost all sympathy for Harry at this point.

Mate's book "When the body says no" is amazing. It's about the diseases linked to trauma and mental distress.

It's on my hit list. He is a special human. Did you read ITROHG? I really do adore him. So this just disappointed me

That is your personal choice and you are absolutely allowed to make that choice. Other people do want to speak about their own personal experiences, that is their choice. Gabor Mate, for example, speaks about his personal experiences too.

I think they're all discrediting themselves in this 'event'.
For £17 you can join this live event and get a free copy of 'spare'.
Reading behind the headlines this is just a cynical marketing ploy.
I'm sure It will rake in the money but what more is there to be said.
Unless this is actually Harry's addiction therapist ???

But again, that's you. We're all different.

I can't condemn a man who has obviously suffered trauma in a deeply dysfunctional family because he deals with things differently to how I would or because I feel he's always talking about it.

That a person such as Gabor Maté feels it's a worthwhile conversation to be had is something to think about, maybe.

Gabor Mate is brilliant. Have you watched his documentary, OP?

I’m with you on the ‘Oh no! Spare us (literally)!’ approach to Prince Harry doing the Trauma Tango with Dr. Mate. I’ve really come to dislike PH’s narcissistic narrative. But then, he IS a traumatised individual for sure. Definitely an interesting discussion will be had. Is Dr. Mate ever not that interesting? He’s always a pleasure to listen to. That said, I won’t be listening to his talk with Prince Harry (maybe I’ll change my mind) simply because PH just doesn’t hold my interest. The royals, in general, don’t hold my interest.

OP I’ll link you to that documentary.

I think it’s an incredibly important conversation, looking forward to it. I love Gabor Maté’s work. I’m not too keen on the way Harry has gone about things but recognise that he’s a hurt person, not healed enough to contain himself from hurting others yet, and he deserves compassion just like any other human. To address the trauma of privileged people in positions of power is incredibly important for addressing trauma throughout society and I imagine that’s why Dr Maté is happy to do this. No one can see others’ trauma unless they’ve seen their own first.

Case in point is my father in law - white, middle class male, ships captain and a high earner, and he spent his working life working with people of other races who would have kitchen/cleaning jobs etc on his ships. He was/is incredibly racist and is generally an uncompassionate, harsh person, not caring towards his wife and is an alcoholic. But his childhood was full of boarding school, being forced to write with his right hand when he was left handed, being belittled by his dad etc. They are the kinds of people who rule/ruled our world. If we don’t allow them to address their own trauma they continue to perpetuate trauma and nothing changes.

I’m hoping the Princess of Wales is aware of Dr Maté’s work as I think it’s really important research and insight that needs to inform her early years/Shaping Us work.

I never understand people moaning about other people making money. We all need to eat, even the privileged. We should all value our work and charge accordingly. There’s nothing wrong with charging. If you don’t want to pay, that’s something different.

Great film! The Wisdom of Trauma

thewisdomoftrauma.com/?gclid=Cj0KCQiAgOefBhDgARIsAMhqXA4raWFQtcb5fhuyBZx0BHQXxcgENn1wZsnYsc46iMeBN0x0JMTtStMaAg8aEALw_wcB

Blimey. Not sure there is much more to say from PH on his mother’s death that he hasn’t already said. Hopefully, at some point someone will gently point out to him that constantly revisiting the past cannot be healthy and appears to be preventing him from moving forward. I feel a combination of irritation and sympathy whenever I hear he’s got yet another interview/podcast/book going over the same thing yet again.

I admire Gabor Mate and do think it will be an interesting conversation. I also read Spare and I’m glad I did. It was nothing like what it was purported to be and there’s so much about grief and trauma and loss, as well as love and forgiveness.

Having been so traumatised as a child, it’s clear he’s been doing a lot of work to come to terms with it along with the abuse and exploitation (mainly by the press, but at times the family). We all witnessed it over the years but didn’t necessarily recognise what was happening because it was always shaped and presented through the lens of the tabloids.

I think we’ve all been so conditioned to dislike and distrust (and even to hate) Harry in recent years that we’ve often lost the objectivity and empathy we would normally have. Looking back on how I felt a year or two ago, I personally feel like I’ve been manipulated by the press and it’s just continuing and that’s what I’m really tired of. And that’s what I’m disappointed by, not this pairing for this event .

It is a Californian cliché move to do these kinds of engagements. He is definitely not being original. It may interest sections of British society who are not consciously wised up on globalization via 'californification'.

As Harry is a man of few ideas and insights, I do not envy Gabor. Harry will probably nod along to everything he suggests which will be for the best in this instance.

Hopefully, at some point someone will gently point out to him that constantly revisiting the past cannot be healthy and appears to be preventing him from moving forward.

There isn’t any time limit on processing grief and the deep hurt that comes from living in a dysfunctional family.

@PlanetLuna Much of value in your post.

I was guilty of listening to what was being said about Harry and what he'd said in the book, then discovered the reality wasn't quite what the UK press was portraying. I've always taken UK media with a pinch of salt, but this was eye opening for me, and I was really surprised at the disinformation and slant they were giving to Harry and his experiences.

I'm not very interested in him and his family and his life, but if Gabor Mate thinks this is a worthwhile conversation, possibly worth a rethink on how Harry and his life is framed in general.

I think it will be interesting, I like gabor maté as well. I hope harry properly engages with his questions without thinking of his persona.

I’ve never heard of Gabor Mate, but he looks brilliant! I’m going to check out the longer film (just watched a trailer).
PH I just can’t abide his self indulgent waffle anymore, compassion fatigue there I’m afraid (I did used to like him, I worked with him a few years ago in the army).

laurwalsh
I have it but not read it yet. He talks a lot of sense.

Having read Spare and now (finally) watched the Netflix series, I was expecting some harsh treatment toward Harry’s family. I didn’t see any. I thought the book was honest, gritty in places, funny, and sweet.

He expressed a lot of love and empathy towards his father, brother and SIL. Tbh, I had a better opinion of Charles AFTER reading the book. 😆 His comments about his step-mum were blunt but tempered with empathy for the impossible, no-win situation she was in. He explained that she (and Charles) had to make some tough choices to counter the extremely negative public opinion to which she’d been subjected for decades.

So I agree that he certainly described some situations that were not flattering (to him or to others) but there was never any cruelty or cruel inclusion of something inappropriate. I was actually pleasantly surprised because I’d heard so much negativity about it and almost didn’t read it for that reason. I’m glad I did.