Just finished 'Spare'...

[HerReputationMadeItDifficultToProceed]

… and I encourage anyone who’s even vaguely interested in this story to give it a read. Especially if what’s been leaked has made you at all angry, because I think in context everything makes a lot of sense.

I wasn’t a Harry and Meghan hater before reading this, but I wasn’t a fan girl either. Like many Brits, I find a lot of Americans- especially West Coast Americans- quite irritating and Meghan firmly falls into that camp for me. I’m sure she’s nice enough, but she’s very American and very perky and much like Wednesday Addams, I don’t do perky. However, I suspect that her intentions and generally good and that like most of us she’s got good and bad qualities. She’s clearly ambitious and I think that she probably initially dated Harry based on that ambition and on getting a platform, although I think that she genuinely loves him now.

The ghost writer has done a great job at capturing Harry’s personality I think; he comes across as introspective and thoughtful but funny and bright.

I think that Harry has a good soul; I think that he’s kind and has had a hard time of it growing up. I also think he’s a bit clueless and naive and has been in a bubble, but I think he acknowledges that and wants to understand and change. Undoubtedly losing his mother at the age he was had more of an outward impact on him than it had on William. He’s also been a victim of his dad’s wishywashy parenting. It sounds like- and looks like to me from my vantage point as a normal citizen who knows bugger all except what I’ve seen in the media- that Charles has been there for his kids to an extent, but not in a hands on or especially useful way. It also seems clear that Charles has always put Camilla first. From almost the moment Diana died it seems that he wanted, above everything else, to rehabilitate Camilla’s image so that they could marry. I think that he put that above being a father and the way Harry writes about their relationship makes that clear too.

I also think that it’s suited the palace to portray Harry as dimwitted and feckless to show William in a better light and that Harry has every right to be angry about that and not want to play that game anymore (and to call it out now). Especially as it’s obvious that the palace haven’t kept up their side of the bargain and protected Harry from the media in return.

I also think that the media have treated H and M poorly and it’s clearly the case that the palace has used them and news stories about them to divert from other newsworthy problems… certainly Prince Andrew, perhaps William’s affair/s. Is Harry overly jumpy about the media and the paparazzi in particular? Yes, of course. Who wouldn’t be with his background. But they’ve also obviously been hounded and harassed.

I do think that Harry is on a journey that he isn’t at the end of yet, but I think that he realises that too. I think that he was always going to leave the royal family and that Meghan didn’t cause what’s happened, she was just the catalyst for it. I think that he’s been scapegoated and an afterthought within his nuclear family and I don’t blame him for being angry. I think that he means well and is essentially good. And I don’t think that anyone who’s read the whole book would be able to disagree.

More than anything I think it’s clear that the British Royal Family is no longer fit for purpose; the way they live, bring up their children, pay their members for work and demand unrealistic levels of protocol and formality is no longer working in the 21st century. These people need purpose and lives beyond the crown and those on the edges of the heir shouldn’t have to live their lives in service of the their. Realistically H and M could have worked as royals and had private interests, the RF chose not to bend to help them live fulfilling lives because of its own, outdated reasons.

I have read the book and found it more engaging than I expected. However there are huge gaps , the timelines are fuzzy and often muddled. The only person he has any interest in is himself , and Meghan by extension. He shows no curiosity , no empathy, no humility whatsoever. He refuses to look at complex situations from anything but a simplistic viewpoint. He thinks he’s been hard done by by everyone but Saint Meghan who is so incredibly special and elevated she cannot do a thing wrong. It’s clear he’s bitterly jealous of William.
He doesn’t try to understand or empathise with anyone. He’s vindictive, bitter and without empathy for others. He shows no gratitude or insight towards others, but dwells on how everyone has failed him.
He has been taking drugs for years and obviously has drunk too much. He just sounds completely lost and without purpose. He’s the kind of man who needs a routine and someone to keep him in line. The existence he’s living now is the worst possible thing for him on every level. Unfortunately I think he’s going to spiral downwards very fast, and it won’t end well.

Why hide the fact you've read the book?
It's a fascinating insight into the RF by one of their most prominent members. It's got flaws galore but it's interesting and an easy read.

Don’t want to read it.

just think that H&M should focus on giving their kids the best, most normal life they can.

His peers all would have had similar relationships with their fathers so in that sense Harry wouldn’t have been any different from his friends. It was probably better for him to be in school where he could concentrate on being just another schoolboy. Charles took him to South Africa with him after Diana died. He went out of his way to make sure that Harry was supported. He wasn’t left rotting in a cruel boarding school. He also had what he described as ‘surrogate mothers’ at the school. All the pupils were young boys away from their mothers. The school was set up for them to have maternal figures in the school.

I am half way through the book now. I will preface this by saying I am ardently republican and believe we should abolish the monarchy.

Fuck me, I have never met a 40 (?) year old man as obsessed about his brother getting the bigger bedroom. Harry is absolutely unhinged.

I am reading it as want to read his story in his words and not third hand through the press who often don’t provide context and put their own negative spin on stories for clicks. Dipping it into so far, will then read from start to end.

I feel v bad for what he went through tragically losing his mum and all under the public glare. However, he seems to often look to blame others and sees slights everywhere. He describes conversations with his brother and father - his brother particularly (he is less harsh on his father) and others which he seems to often interpret in the worse light possible and take offence where it’s v probable none was intended. He also is a bit sly framing things as if the person said or did something bad, but it is only what he thinks they may be thinking. Have more thoughts but just wanted at this late hour to say I am forming a v different impression to you OP.

I'm still not a fan but out of this whole thing, he's come out looking the best in the book

well of course he did? That’s the whole,point. He has written it to make him and Meghan look the best. And everyone else some form of failure.

I think the whole walking behind his mum's coffin in front of the world and media is how he now defines himself as a person...a vulnerable 12 year old in the media spotlight (which to be fair must have been horrendous to go through).

I think actually if he had written a book about grief, or something aimed towards people going through bereavement, something relatable to those who have lost someone - and made the book less about mud-slinging and complaining about the size of Nott Cott, it would have been much better received all round, especially as his grief forms such a large narrative in the book.

I say this as someone who lost parents as a teenager (and I openly admit to welling up at some of the bits he says wrt losing his mum). Some parts are incredibly touching and have self reflection and awareness yet other parts - he can't see past the end of his nose.

I think the airing of the dirty family laundry will unfortunately come back to haunt him one day.

They already have..

I’m sure Charles did try and support him, I don’t dispute that at all.

It is a bit different being away from your mother for a term and knowing you’ll see her in the holidays to being away from your mother because she’s been killed and you’ll never see her again though- no amount of surrogate maternal figures are likely to help with that. Charles and Boarding school aside, I just think losing your mother as a young boy constitutes a pretty rough/hard childhood no matter how rich or privileged you are.

Where is there? Britain is part of the commonwealth.

I just think losing your mother as a young boy constitutes a pretty rough/hard childhood no matter how rich or privileged you are.

It does. My first husband’s mum died when he was 13. Like Harry he joined the forces when he left school and his dad remarried very quickly. His loss didn’t define him though. When we got together my mum mothered him and he ended up calling her Mum. I imagine William’s relationship with the Middletons is comparable.

Harry is stuck in his grief. A very large part of him never got any older than 12 and that’s what we’re seeing here - a sad, grieving 12 year old in horrible pain who’s lashing out at everyone and everything. It’s very, very sad and I dread to think where it will end.

Yes but sadly Charles can’t resurrect the dead. No one is saying it’s not very difficult to lose your mother at a young age. Millions of children all over the world have the same sorry experience. Harry still had a loving extended family and every comfort money could buy, so whilst it is tragic he is in the top 1% of bereaved children. He doesn’t even appreciate that.

This is very true

I think you've read a book written to express those ideas.

I think distilling an entire family into the unsubstantiated label 'dysfunctional' when I know plenty of families (including my own) that would give the RF a run for its money in this regard is bizarre.

How is the monarchy not fit for purpose? They showcase the U.K., support charities, industry and talent - sounds ok to me, especially with the sliming down proposed by Charles.

I'd like to see what the new King and William will do with it - the Queen dominated for 70 years after all.

I imagine Harry and Meghan are perfectly nice - I just don't know why their 'truth' is all that important.

I do find it all fascinating in terms of human behaviour. I think enough is enough however and he now needs to do something credible and independent (even if that just means raising his chickens in his mansion)

If we are here in another 3 years with Harry still going on about his family will you be so sympathetic?

I do have sympathy for Harry, however I find it hard to have any respect for him.

OP did you expect a book by Harry (ghost written) about Harry's life and take on things, to portray him negatively? Or even objectively?

I find it so odd that people recommend Harry's book based on the fact that they like him from it. It's been professionally written, professionally edited and it's his story. Wouldn't it be a major failure if it didn't paint him in a favourable light?

I'm actually more interested in his interviews ie his unedited words, straight from his mouth.

He's definitely not painting himself in a good light when he's speaking his own, unedited words.

Apparently it was a 3 book deal, wasn't it?

I really don't see why they dont just go away.

I’ve read the book and sympathise with the enormous loss he’s been through and his struggles to find a partner who can withstand the media attention. I can understand why he sees Meghan as something of a savior in that context.

I found him quite unsympathetic overall, though. His fixation on the pettiest of slights, his meanness towards other people and his tendency to fully recount his gripes about other people while glossing over his own behaviour. I think he’s underplayed his drug and alcohol abuse and I can understand why his family may have found him difficult. I can’t think of anywhere in the book where he acknowledges making a mistake, instead it’s all complaints that no one acknowledged his superior insight.

I found it a very sad book from a damaged man with little insight into his own behaviours.

"Harry is stuck in his grief. A very large part of him never got any older than 12 and that’s what we’re seeing here - a sad, grieving 12 year old in horrible pain who’s lashing out at everyone and everything. It’s very, very sad and I dread to think where it will end*"

100% this. It must actually be really hard for Charles et al to see it happening, even if they are all in the firing line.

This sums up my thoughts nicely. Well done OP on a reasoned thread, someone the other RF threads and posts on here have really disturbed me. (I change from thinking they're both spoilt brats to having sympathy, so I'm in both camps so to speak)

I do not think Harry had a loving extended family.

Prince Harry joined his father in South Africa from 29 October to 3 November. Harry has said how he appreciated this time to have space to grieve his mother. But it was six days.

Charles main commitment appears to have been to Camilla and ensuring she was protected.

@clyspa You know the slimming down of monarchy simply means they will do less work. Their money will not be reduced.

I’ve read it. It’s doing the rounds in pdf on WhatsApp, so I didn’t buy it and had no intention of buying it, but it’s a tiny book so I breezed through it when it was sent to me and I read it on the tube commuting.

It’s dreadfully written. Can’t believe it got through editors. Worst piece of writing I’ve ever read. In fact, it almost feels intentional that the ghost writer and editors created a book so awfully written as to stitch him up and create tabloid headlines.

Harry comes across as woefully out of touch. I find it staggering that anyone of a different social class than him would have a different opinion to me.

Charles has a schedule of work to do. Harry had to go to school. Where are you getting this protect camilla nonsense bar from the Least coherent sections of Harry’s book