How Harry lost his virginity

[SnottyLottie]

Harry described losing his virginity as "a humiliating episode with an older lady".

He said it was "with an older lady, who loved horses very much and treated me like a young stallion".

The excerpt read: "'I mounted her quickly, after which she spanked my ass and held me back… one of my mistakes was letting it happen in a field, just behind a busy pub. No doubt someone had seen us'."

source: Sky News

well I don’t even know what to make of that 😬🤭😆🤣

@Mummyoflittledragon The Inbetweeners

Two things here: One, this is not a headline I expected to ever see in a National Newspaper and two, is he actually dressed as a frost bitten penis? 😆

Whenever the neigh-sayers crop up, paw the ground, kick out at the RF, jump all the hurdles to make out that H&M were the victims, claim that the pair are stable and simply wish to live out their life in the green pastures, spur on gossip against those who cannot speak out and generally take the victimhood narrative to places only wild horses would go, I will remind myself of the unbridled joy Harry's Pub Stud story has brought MN.

You mean for ISIS detainees?

If he is, I think I might have to rethink my republicanism and petition for him to be made sovereign immediately.

is he actually dressed as a frost bitten penis
I never want this thread to end. It's definitely a cure for the January blues.

The thing is, in Harry’s previous cheeky, maverick incarnation, if he’d told the frost bitten penis story, we might all have thought he was a great laugh for being a Royal and sharing that. But included in this major whinge fest, after the last few years, and his now humourless personality - and including the Jilly Cooper Mare and Spare romp - it’s just beyond hilarity.

I actually feel sorry for Meghan now though, I think how she presents herself to the world is really important to her, from the way she looks, down to the smallest details of logos and handwriting etc etc and now she’s dealing with Harry’s frostbitten penis and slapped arse.

The thing is, in Harry’s previous cheeky, maverick incarnation, if he’d told the frost bitten penis story, we might all have thought he was a great laugh for being a Royal and sharing that. But included in this major whinge fest, after the last few years, and his now humourless personality - and including the Jilly Cooper Mare and Spare romp - it’s just beyond hilarity.

Very true. Although some of that is just age: we inevitably give young people more leeway for this sort of thing, particularly if they're decent looking. And Harry was dashing enough as a twentysomething. That anecdote in isolation probably would've been reported with amused indulgence 10 years ago.

Is the time now right for a remake of 'The Horse Whisperer'?

It could star Meghan and everything 🐴

We need more of the two blokes bitching in notts cotts kitchen.
I've never laughed as much at a MN thread as I have this.
It's one of those which you can return to in a couple of years and laugh all over again. 🤣

I wonder if Harold's therapist managed to keep a straight face when he hotlined to say his pedigree rump had been put in the dogs bowl.
I would have put the phone down and cried laughing if I'd been the therapist.

Yes, he appears to be wearing a giant condom.

Safety first!

The Taliban have branded Prince Harry a ‘big mouth loser’

Harold lost his virginity horsey style, battled with a frosty willy (!), his wife got offended when the future Queen of the UK didn't seem enthusiastic about sharing her lipgloss, he's jealous that his big brother got the bigger bedroom and the Taliban are taunting him saying Harold is mad and a big mouth loser.

I mean, did he think all this through? 🤔😝

Oh this is everything 😃

I feel a bit for Meghan also.

That carefully and beautifully crafted public persona has been sullied by a gert flapping gub.

Their endorsements will now be probably be limited to pet accessories, knob socks, chapstick and horse liniment.

And as for any of the alleged White House aspirations?

At least the bowl will be safe in here.

I certainly wouldn't want to share my lip gloss/balm/whatever, either. You just don't do that with people you don't know very well!

@ArcaneWireless 😂

I’m so desperate for Spitting Image to sort out their puppets for a Spare reneactment. They’ve already got the majority of the puppets, we’d just need the Mare and Spare pub, a helicopter and a… frostbitten penis.

I wouldn't want to share my lippy / lip gloss etc
I never have done this.
Everyone is different though and some people wouldn't think twice about this I'm sure

I actually feel sorry for Meghan now though, I think how she presents herself to the world is really important to her, from the way she looks, down to the smallest details of logos and handwriting etc etc and now she’s dealing with Harry’s frostbitten penis and slapped arse

Even DH, who is usually deeply uninterested in all things Royal, was moved to remark “yes it’s difficult to remain aloof and dignified when your husband is telling everyone about his frozen knob” 😂😂

Maybe there'll be a musical next,
The Kensington Kids with
Big Willy and Little Harold.
Lots of interpretive dancing,neighing,smacking of bottoms and a background of dog bowls to tumble into. Could be good.

Suddenly bridgerton doesn't seem quite so raunchy

But of course. As we know Harry is all about safety and security which is why he would never, ever broadcast to the world precisely how many Taliban he had killed.................oh no, wait?

I dare say the Taliban shade would have nipped more than lubey horse liniment or a wee bit frost on his man.

I just don't know how this book got past Meghan. Surely she didn't think it was a good idea for him to describe losing his virginity to horsewoman in such vulgar terms - "mounted" makes me feel sick. I mean I've had a right laugh on this thread, but it's still a demeaning term to say you mounted a woman. It just doesn't fit with Meghan's messages in her various podcasts.
Why didn't Meghan say, look Harry, this is ridiculous, it will turn your book into a complete and utter farce. You'll have Mumsnet users pissing themselves laughing and no one will take you seriously ever again.

Oh and while you're at it, Harry dear, take out the bit where I said Kate had "baby brain" because I come across as a bit of a tit.

I really can't understand how he thought this sort of stuff was a good idea. He didn't need to put all this crap in to sell copies. I am sure he would have sold enough anyway.