Does Harry dislike his family?

[asblindasabat]

Just with the Oprah interview, this new Netflix thing and then his book that is coming out soon.

Anyone would think he dislikes his own family. What has actually happened for him to turn on them?

I think he does now. The royal family is a business and a family and an institution and it’s all got very messy
I do feel for him because Charles wants a smaller monarchy (so he’s out really) and then he’s limited on what he can do to earn a living. It’s not as if you choose to be royal. Maybe we should just abandon the whole lot!

I think this is what he’s going for tbh.

I think he wants the bring the whole thing crashing down.

It’s sad really. The funny thing is, they have money.
If the monarchy were abolished tomorrow, the RF would continue to lead very good lives, without having to turn up opening leisure centres and what not. I’m guessing Charles would be quite happy to retire

Well you know his vulnerable mother died arguably because his father married her under false pretences, never loved her, had an affair all their married life, and all with the total approval of his family because the firm was more important than dispensable individuals. Then he had to walk behind her coffin on TV. Etc etc. He obviously adored his mother and she him.

What would you feel towards your family in those circs?

Harry used to really love his family, especially his brother, SIL and their children. Something changed, and now he hates them all.

But Diana was famously pro monarchy. Even with her issues with Charles and the family, she wanted William to be King. I don’t think she would have wanted this.
What mother would want her two children publicly at war?

Something has happened to Harry, and it is sad to see. Himself, and the closest people to him know the real reasons. I do not think that he hates his family, but then I do not know how he feels about anything.

So what? Harry is not his mother. I was just trying to describe what I believe contributes massively to how he feels.

I find it hard to think of any reason why he might like his family - many PPs have pointed out why he might not.

He says that he does not want to be part of the firm any more - he has had enough of it - and who can blame him? Instead of supporting him and helping him, they turn on him. No wonder he does not like them.

And his wife, from a very different culture has struggled to deal with it all - and he will defend her as I hope all husband's would.

The problem is that he is struggling to deal with his anger and the public nature of his venting has turned people against him - but I can understand that he feels the need to defend himself and his family.

Got to wonder about all the therapy he has had...

Your post reads as if PH was an only child.

Who knows, he has made his bed. I don’t think he meant it to get this far.

I know. I was just musing

As someone whose mum died when I was 13 and dad when I was 19, I have had literally NOONE ever ask me how I felt about it or ask me to tell my story or anything like it.

As much as Harry does, I believe, love his family of origin, I think somehow in his relationship with Meghan he tapped into that anger at the depths of his pain never really being acknowledged. His absolute paranoia about Meghan’s safety is very much based in reality as was recently disclosed by a senior security leader, she was getting creditable death threats constantly. I think his love for her and the pressure of his past trauma + the pressure of his role has meant he has gone to a place where he could just burn the whole thing down (whether he quite understands that would be the result or not).

Of course William experienced the same loss but it seems the emotional support he got from Catherine and her extended family has given him a way to work through and diffuse a lot of his own pain and anger.

Therapy is a not a magic cure all. People don’t want to think horrible experiences that all humans face can’t be dealt as if they are normal and having a normal reaction to trauma (fear, pain, depression, anger, lack of purpose and motivation). If you have people around you that reassure you it’s terrible but part of being human and you are not a weirdo I think people can work through it better.

It seems Harry just didn’t have that. It seems a lot was swept under the carpet and he was expected to carry on when he was actually pretty lost and lonely. I think he was vulnerable and his vulnerability has gone nuclear. To me he has the classic rage of the bereaved child that never had resolution.

Well he was and is younger than W and probably inherently less confident. The earlier you lose a parent the worse it affects you, generally. W was on the cusp of adulthood. H was still a boy. Many reasons why it would have affected him worse.

His family are utterly dysfunctional and fucked up, in many many ways. Not all of it is their fault - the whole system is fucked up. Honestly, only someone brainwashed could live in that environment and emerge unscathed. And you wonder "what has happened"?

@heldinadream please don’t suggest that somehow by being a couple of years older it means William’s pain and loss was not as great or more manageable than Harry’s. Teens have to deal with this constantly when losing parents, sudden “adultification”. It’s just another way to avoid acknowledging an older child’s pain.

But Royal marriages are not normal marriages by any stretch of the imagination. No way would be allowed to marry just anyone however much you loved them. Diana was from a very aristocratic family. She must have known this was as much part of marriage as “ love”. Doubtless the boys would have known the marriage was in part practicality and that is what constitutes normal in their world.

When people in the Royal Family talk about a "normal life", they don't mean what we would understand as a normal life, they think of their friends who are massively wealthy but don't have the scrutiny of being in the Royal Family and thats what they understand as normal life. I think Harry thinks he wants what he perceives to be a normal life. Does anyone else remember after there were reports of Harry smoking pot and he was taken by Charles to visit a drug rehab on camera, I was a teenager too remember being so glad I was not a royal. The scrutiny that comes from being in that family must be horrible.

Harry wants the trappings of monarchy, privilege, money and adoration without the scrutiny. If you look at the life hes crafted for himself in California its quite similar to the life of a minor royal.

I think he thinks hes the most hard done for person ever and resents that he thinks they didn't stand up for him when generally they realise that refuting a story will add credence to other stories like any story about Harry and Meghan that they don't sue about now, I believe whereas I don't for Will and Kate.

Megan's influence, she turned against her family and she's successfully turned him against his, if they were to divorce I think he'd come back.

I think he's a miserable so-and-so. He made his decision to live in America; he has plenty of money ,so he doesn't need to do this Netflix thing. What he needs is a purpose in life; something where he has to get up in the morning each day and go and do a worthwhile job.

His mother was vulnerable yes but she cheated too and used her eldest son as an emotional crutch she vented to him and relied on him like an adult even though he was a child she courted the press and died over something as stupid as not wearing a seatbelt he was always angry look at the pictures of his mother's funeral William looks distraught Harry looks enraged

@lightisnotwhite sorry but that is rubbish. Diana was 19, barely an adult from a dysfunctional family herself. She likely had no idea at all what she was letting herself in for regardless of her aristocratic background. The nature of the press changed enormously in the 80's and 90's and became much more salacious. Television became more "fly on the wall" which turned the royals into celebrities in a way that hadn't happened before.

I agree with this. There are deep wounds there, and he comes from a family that is built on unhealthy values, the stiff upper lip and denial of human emotions - he’s a classic boarding school survivor writ large. When I look at Harry and Meghan, I don’t see the vain spoiled attention-seekers I read about in the media. I see two lonely damaged people who have found something in one another that they were starved of as children, and a fierce determination to protect it. I wish they didn’t feel the need for public vindication, I don’t think they get the satisfaction they want from it, but Harry has grown up in public. It’s what he knows.

I think he's doing that classic thing of storming off and then doubling down. If he admits to nuance or good and bad with the family then it makes his decision to leave harder to bear.

I also think he has nothing else to talk about (that anyone wants to hear). And no other way to make money. But I think he and she have made a major mistake.

Possibly, I wonder how his life would have turned out if he had married someone else or stayed in the military.