Returning new kittens - why didn't this work?

[FindingTheBalance]

This morning my husband and I had a long discussion and the conclusion is that our 8 month old kittens, who joined us five weeks ago, have to go back to the rescue. 😫

I feel really flat. And also confused how other families have kittens and kids at the same time.

Our kids aren't really young. They're 7 and 9 but they still have toys. The last five weeks has involved cats chewing houseplants, toys, one eating Lego, cats chewing the kids shoes, cats chewing the kids blankets and clothes. No matter how often I ask the kids to tidy stuff away they forget and leave stuff out.

Our kittens do have periodontal disease, which may explain the chewing, but reading online it sounds like the majority of rescue cats have this.

One is slightly incontinent too and often doesn't know he's goings (mostly poo but if we let him on the sofa wee stains appear too.).

My husband has rightly pointed out we can't have poo and wee everywhere and that the surfaces are covered in cat litter dust. The cats drop their food everywhere when eating probably because of the dental disease. They're restricted to one room because they chew everything.

Over five weeks I've done numerous vet visits, bought everything going to help tackle the dental disease, read and read and read cat forums for advice. My husband says it's taken over my life and I'm neglecting the kids, him, my health and the house. He's not wrong, it's like making the cat situation work has become an obsession for me.

So that's that. It's not working. But I don't get how others get it to work.

Did you know they had medical issues before rehoming them?

Kittens - like puppies - are hard work.

I rehomed an older cat - 6 years old - and he’s been amazing, no chewing anything, pees and poops in the litter tray, just seems happy to be here. No trouble at all.

The cats drop their food everywhere - are you feeding them one place?

How much time does the family spend playing with the cats?

Are you planning of letting them outdoors?

If they are in one room, they are probably bored. Kittens, like puppies need stimulation.

Kittens are such hard work. I have two rescue cats that we adopted when they were two. Very very easy to take care of. They do scratch the sofa but dont damage any of our other belongings.

These aren't just your regular kittens and this is not your normal kitten hard work. They have health problems, behavioural issues and one of them is semi-incontinent. You would not expect animals of 8 months to have these many issues.

Poor kittens. You have had them five weeks and they are only 8 months old. What did you expect? Jeezo. I don’t understand what you thought it would be like - these are living, breathing beings who were just being normal growing, learning kittens trying to settle in to their new environment. Sometimes there are a few challenges with young baby animals and five weeks was a very short time in the scheme of things.

No. They came to us with a clear health check.

We realised on day 2 that one of them wasn't cleaning himself. We took him to a vet and he had advanced dental disease (impacted gums swollen all over). He's since had an operation on his mouth and him and his sisters have been checked. They all show sighs of periodontal disease likely due to a viral infection.

When we picked the boy up the foster carer said the boy had diarrhoea but that was just because he knew something was changing. He no longer has diarrhoea but he will poo when relaxed or just walking around.

Has the vet been consulted over the incontinence? That’s really not normal for cats.
I feel for you OP. It’s hard enough with kittens without throwing health issues into the mix.

We have a 7 month old kitten who we have had since ten weeks. She doesn’t behave like this and neither have our previous kittens.
However, we spend a lot of time settling our kittens in including taking time off work to help with this. We don’t leave them alone until they are well settled and build up to this. We have a wide range of toys and spend lots of time cuddling and playing with them.

I feel like you haven’t put as much time into the reality of kittens - they can be hard work at first and it does take time

Have you had any follow up conversations with the rescue at all? If not, I would speak to them before making the final decision. I volunteer at a CP centre and they do follow up calls just after adoption and can try to provide guidance.
You should have been told about any medical issues before rehoming. Just because they're rescues doesn't mean they will have behavioural issues or dental problems!
Kittens are hard work. Our cat was around 9 months old when we adopted him and chewed things, this stopped after a short time, although he sometimes does it for attention before supper time!
I do wonder if the cats are bored.
Please speak to the rescue you got them from for advice.

I would think it’s their medical issues, I haven’t had these issues at all with the cats I have had, It sounds like the rescue should have prepared you for challenging behaviour but hasn’t.

This doesn't sound like usual cat behaviour. I've had cats my whole life, we currently have a Bengal a breed known to be harder work. We keep him physically active (he plays fetch in the garden, laser pointers, track and ball, giving scratching tower etc) and mentally active, he can sit and give a paw with a clicker (VERY food motivated). He's a pain will have occasional night time zoomies, you can't turn your back on any food at all if he's in, and if you're running a bath you have to shut the door or he dives in, and then dashes around the house soaking wet.

What does the vet say? I've never known an incontinent cat that doesn't have serious health problems. Is the dental issue resolvable?

ETA he does fling Lego under the sofa if left lying around, and he loves playing with DS' hot wheels launcher he can set it off himself and then chases the cars so I have to put that away before bed. He doesn't destroy things intentionally though

@FindingTheBalance you have done enough. You have. Enough. Don’t let this thread drag you back into solving the kittens, you’ve made the right choice

Yes, we've rehomed a seven year old cat before when the kids were 5 and 7. Everything worked that time, but she sadly passed from an accident in November.

Other families manage kittens though. I don't understand. Do they not have toys for their kids? Do their kids follow rules like don't leave you shoes by the door? How are they not all highly strung asking their kids every five minutes to shut doors/put away toys/put away shoes/not leave food out? How do they stop the cats eating human food while they're preparing it but also dealing with whatever their children need?

Like a puppy, you really need to work through the kitten stage. Yes, they're hard work and that's why you shouldn't go into it light heartedly.

Poor things being moved back and forward so young ....

Yes, we feed them in one place from three bowls (one a puzzle bowl for mental stimulation). I don't know if it's their sore mouths, but they pick food up, move to one side, drop it, then go back to the bowl for more.

I spend 30 minutes a day playing with them split into two. My kids play with them on and off.

Yes, they now have outdoor access but don't want to venture out, despite me being in the garden.

They aren’t well. Dental disease in such young cats is not normal. Plus the incontinence needs exploring. That’s not normal. I hope they’re well insured. Realistically they won’t find new homes with these issues.

That's what I don't get. How do you let kittens into a normal room in a house? We've cat proofed the kitchen-diner they're in by removing all decorations, soft furnishings and curtains. Adding two massive cat trees and absolutely loads of toys, tunnels, puzzles, ball runs, two beds.

Every other room in the house has things like soft furnishings, shoes, toys, wires etc that the cats go straight to and chew.

I can place toys in those rooms but unless I'm supervising them constantly they will chew things they can't chew.

So they stay in one room.

I've tried sprays (repellent and cat nip) to try and discourage bad chewing and encourage good chewing. I've spent time in each room observing the kittens and constantly removing and redirecting and giving treats. But as soon as I leave them unsupervised they get to stuff they can't have.

Or, in fact, know anything, anything at all, about kittens in general. 🙄

Give them back to the rescue that you got them from, they are too much for you and your family, just give them back.

Had many cats now in my life and you are having a rough intro to cat ownership. The joy is, this stage doesn’t last long (though it might feel like it!).

First off, especially with rescues, you have to keep them in a small, enclosed space for the first few weeks, until health issues disappear (they always have bloody health issues). Line the place with newspaper, give them a couple of hiding places, don’t let them just wander the house. Buy clumping cat litter (we use one that goes down the loo because it’s easier), get used to wiping surfaces down a little more often than usual. Let the cats out slowly to get to know their surroundings when the stomach/teeth issues calm down. Get good pet insurance.

This stuff is amazing - it has removed every poo and vomit stain our cats have ever thrown at us with no scrubbing in three minutes. Magic: https://www.rugdoctor.co.uk/product/oxy-power-stain-remover-500ml/

Your husband’s an arse - it’s only been five weeks and instead of pitching in with you to make this work, he’s telling you that you’re somehow failing your whole family for trying to help a couple of defenceless kittens. Tell him to step up. My DH would bin me if I said something like that to him and he never wanted cats or even had any pets before we met.

Seriously, don’t give up on them - it feels brutal now (said as the person who once got stuck at three in the morning under a wardrobe trying to get to some diarrhoea on the carpet right at the back because the bloody little Mewdini got free and shat everywhere). But at some point in the next few weeks and months, it will click. Cats are super chill, occasionally needy and utterly wonderful as pets. Show them loyalty and they’ll pay it back in spades. And they’ll stop trying to eat lego (but I’d keep them away from the kids toys areas just in case!)

Cross post - see you’ve got them in the one room already! With wires, have you tried wiping the wires with something lemon scented? That worked for my cats that had an oral fixation with my chargers.

An incontinent kitten with dental issues, I really don’t want to upset you but that kitten will most likely be PTS 🙁 please don’t ’rescue’ any more animals. Of course kittens are hard work they’re babies.

Honestly, I expected a certain degree of cat proofing e.g. removing toxic plants, chemicals, moving toys that looked like cat toys. I expected all of us to play with and bond with the cats at the cat's pace.

I didn't expect them to chew everything, ingesting some stuff like lego, and feel completely unable to keep them safe. To have to keep them in one room because short of removing every other material item in the house, I can't work out how to cat proof. To be constantly snapping at my children to shut doors and move food, shoes, toys in case a cat gets to them. For my children to just see the cats as the cause of Mummy and Daddy telling them off and to want nothing to do with them (that's particularly hard to face). To be taking the cats to the vets every week for a new symptom. I didn't expect that.