Returning new kittens - why didn't this work?

[FindingTheBalance]

This morning my husband and I had a long discussion and the conclusion is that our 8 month old kittens, who joined us five weeks ago, have to go back to the rescue. 😫

I feel really flat. And also confused how other families have kittens and kids at the same time.

Our kids aren't really young. They're 7 and 9 but they still have toys. The last five weeks has involved cats chewing houseplants, toys, one eating Lego, cats chewing the kids shoes, cats chewing the kids blankets and clothes. No matter how often I ask the kids to tidy stuff away they forget and leave stuff out.

Our kittens do have periodontal disease, which may explain the chewing, but reading online it sounds like the majority of rescue cats have this.

One is slightly incontinent too and often doesn't know he's goings (mostly poo but if we let him on the sofa wee stains appear too.).

My husband has rightly pointed out we can't have poo and wee everywhere and that the surfaces are covered in cat litter dust. The cats drop their food everywhere when eating probably because of the dental disease. They're restricted to one room because they chew everything.

Over five weeks I've done numerous vet visits, bought everything going to help tackle the dental disease, read and read and read cat forums for advice. My husband says it's taken over my life and I'm neglecting the kids, him, my health and the house. He's not wrong, it's like making the cat situation work has become an obsession for me.

So that's that. It's not working. But I don't get how others get it to work.

Dental problems and pooing everywhere doesn’t sound right at all. This is not normal kitten behaviour.

That’s not normal for kittens that age at all. We adopted a nine month old cat and had no issues. Our youngest was then 2. I don’t think your rescue has been honest with you.

I don't understand what you're trying to say. Us rescuing the kitten didn't give it dental and incontinence issues. It had those from before we adopted them.

We've also successfully rescued an adult cat before and it has a flipping amazing life. It was the most loved cat ever.

That's why I'm here asking, why can't we make it work this time? Why am I just overwhelmed and everyone is miserable?

These two are not the right pets for your family.

return or rehome

dont take it personally.

Our cat (who had his teeth checked at his boosters on Friday and all A-OK) is a phenomenally messy eater - I don’t know how he manages it. We have a feeding mat for his dishes and I sweep it daily/wash it every few days.

I’m really surprised the rescue didn’t check in with you after a month and give you the option to return them then. We adopted our boy this time last year from CP and we had four weeks before they registered his chip to me. Until that point we could have shipped him back for being a little orange pest. (He’s our little orange pest though.)

I think you have your answer, it’s not normal kitten behaviour. We had a kitten and it was nothing like this. She learned to use the litter tray and almost never had accidents. She scratched a lot of furniture but never chewed anything really. She was a bit crazy as a kitten but much, much easier than what you’re describing.

That's why I'm asking. How do other people have kids and kittens?

And in answer to your question, we haven't had kittens before, just an adult cat. We did reading on how to kitten proof but it was things like, child lock cupboards with chemicals in, remove poisonous houseplants etc.

Nowhere mentioned that kittens would eat everything and that we'd have to remove all toys, shoes, soft furnishings etc from any room the kittens were in.

I agree, the rescue doesn't sound at all responsible. The medical conditions they have aren't normal.

What does the vet say about the incontinence?

Also agree your husband is being an arse

That isn't normal kitten behaviour and neither are their health issues.
I've had 4 cats over 40 years, all 4 came as 3 months old kittens, all were litter trained when they came to me and played normally. A couple used to climb the curtains, all of them scratched settees and carpets, and any kitten or cat will jump up and try to eat human food if they can or are allowed.
But all of them grew up with babies or children in the house or visiting and they never chewed any children's toys or clothes or shoes.
I don't know what the answer is but your kittens are not behaving normally.

After we discovered the extensive dental disease in week 1, we did contact the rescue and they offered to take the kittens back there and then.

But I stubbornly, or stupidly, said, no, you don't give up on animals, we'll make it work. And then spent four weeks googling how to fix every challenge we've come up against since.

I'm now stuck not knowing how to make it work. Hence asking how people make kids and kittens work.

Haven't had kittens that chew quite so much, I wonder if their dental problems mean they're hungry or malnourished.

What are you feeding them? Wet or dry food?

This isn't normal sound like you chosen cats with behavioural issues.
Both of my cats were very easy from being tiny kittens, with a toddler too.
What breed are they?

This is not normal kitten behaviour. They sound quite unwell and stressed. The chewing is surely related to the dental issues.

I have 8 month kittens. I also have 2 kids who often leave their rooms in a state and have toys. The kittens do investigate their toys and knock them around (and Lego is put away or the door closed just in case) but they don’t damage or destroy things. No issues with shoes or beds or clothing. One of them likes playing with soil so we have had to get rid of one houseplant and move others. There have not been any toileting accidents.

When they first came at 11/12 weeks I kittenproofed their safe room but when they came out of that room a few weeks later they just lived in the house without any more than common sense checks that there wasn’t anything hazardous lying about.

The pooing and dental issues are not normal at all. It sounds like these cats are unwell, the incontinent one particularly.

The chewing probably is within the range of normal, they might even be teething still. I've got an adult cat that chews everyfuckingthing. Have DD 8 and yes, he chews and plays with her teddies - not bothered by that tbh and neither is she. I just wash anything he's been mauling. Other stuff I take away from him if he gets hold of something he shouldn't, and I don't have houseplants in places he can get to.

You’ve posted multiple times about these kittens now, and it just sounds like you’re in way over your head and I suspect the rescue haven’t been entirely honest with you.

Absolutely nothing you describe sounds like normal kitten behaviour - we’ve had five kittens and none have ever eaten Lego or chewed the house to the point where they had to be shut in one room. They can be messy eaters but again not to the point that it’s unmanageable.

I think the best thing to do is just accept that you’re not the right family for them and let them go.

I think you are missing the point. Kittens are usually rehomed at around 10 weeks, and these were 7 months old when the OP got them. That's a heck of a lot of weeks where nobody knows what's happened to them, what health issues they've had and whether they have even been properly socialised.

I've had cats all my life, and rehomed quite a few (including fosters) and these kittens are not typical at all.

Agree with other posters that this isn't normal kitten behaviour at all. I've had a few kittens over the years and they've never chewed like you're describing. The incontinence is also worrying as my understanding is cats are generally pretty clean and prefer to go in a dedicated place. I'm saying this to hopefully help you feel better not worse!

Ok, you're not the first to say that. The rescue were very surprised by how bad the cat's gums were. It's all been reported back so they can investigate if necessary.

The vet said to monitor the incontinence but it's got to the point I need to book another appointment for it to be investigated.

My husband isn't being an arse. I have been an absolute crap mum for five weeks. It's the year my son does his 11+ and he's struggling but I've not paid any attention to him for five weeks. My daughter says I never play with her anymore. I was focusing on getting healthier after receiving some worrying test results and I've stopped focussing on that. The house is filthy. I have literally spent five weeks playing with, buying stuff for and trying to work how to fix the cats. My husband is just pointing out we can't go on like this.

Yes, these are older kittens. I should have said they were born in the rescue and hand reared in foster care. They were socialised in a home with other cats and children. We really shouldn't be struggling.

Why do you keep repeating ‘how do people
have kittens and kids’? Everyone has said these are not well kittens exhibiting normal
kitten behaviour. They are sick.

Was it a rescue or a "rescue"?

Dental disease doesn't happen in the space of a week. Something isn't right with this and the dental disease is likely to cost ££££ over the years probably leading to a full month extraction (which would at least solve the chewing problem I guess!). Are they just chewing stuff or are they eating it? Something is v wrong and I don't think the rescue are looking great here.

How many kittens did you adopt? 1 at a time would be enough for me, you mention brother and sisters, so at least 3? That would be mayhem for me, could you keep 1?

Yes, but they said just to monitor. I need to go back for it to be investigated.

I don’t think it’s normal kitten behaviour I got two feral kittens a couple of years ago and they didn’t chew anything, I didn’t do any cat proofing at all. If I went out or at night I put them in a large dog crate as they took some litter training. They wait to go to bed in the crate now.
The not wanting to go outside is strange as most cats will happily be outside, even if they don’t go far.
The chewing and dental issues would bother me as it has the potential to cause them a lot of pain and many vets bills which probably won’t sort the problem.

It really shouldn’t be this hard, or this intense.

It sounds like maybe you’re not mentally in the right place to have animals right now.