Returning new kittens - why didn't this work?

[FindingTheBalance]

This morning my husband and I had a long discussion and the conclusion is that our 8 month old kittens, who joined us five weeks ago, have to go back to the rescue. 😫

I feel really flat. And also confused how other families have kittens and kids at the same time.

Our kids aren't really young. They're 7 and 9 but they still have toys. The last five weeks has involved cats chewing houseplants, toys, one eating Lego, cats chewing the kids shoes, cats chewing the kids blankets and clothes. No matter how often I ask the kids to tidy stuff away they forget and leave stuff out.

Our kittens do have periodontal disease, which may explain the chewing, but reading online it sounds like the majority of rescue cats have this.

One is slightly incontinent too and often doesn't know he's goings (mostly poo but if we let him on the sofa wee stains appear too.).

My husband has rightly pointed out we can't have poo and wee everywhere and that the surfaces are covered in cat litter dust. The cats drop their food everywhere when eating probably because of the dental disease. They're restricted to one room because they chew everything.

Over five weeks I've done numerous vet visits, bought everything going to help tackle the dental disease, read and read and read cat forums for advice. My husband says it's taken over my life and I'm neglecting the kids, him, my health and the house. He's not wrong, it's like making the cat situation work has become an obsession for me.

So that's that. It's not working. But I don't get how others get it to work.

You can tell by their behaviour. If they don't try to squat, look round at their bum or otherwise show awareness of their body doing something, then they are probabably unaware. also the OP said that he drops nuggets, stress poos are usually runny.

Again, I'm not saying it's not a medical issue.

Just that the behaviour the OP describes can also be attributed to stress, so it's likely a mixture of both. Medical issues that aren't being managed properly and a household that is stressed as a result.

Thank you for the hugs. Sending some back to you because that sounds hard too. Well done for keeping going.

The weirdest thing is the one time I've seen boy cat doing it, as opposed to just finding the poos and finding him with poo left on his bum, was when he was purring loudly and making biscuits on me, while I was sat stroking him. He was a seriously chilled out cat and we were both just relaxed. I wonder if he has a weak sphincter and when he relaxed he just goes, but I'm not a vet.

sounds much more likely to be neurological than stress related.

You're not a monster at all! You've just bitten off more than you can chew (pun intended!!) There is something underlying amiss with the kittens imho and your home with young children isn't the right home for them. You are doing the right thing for your family and for the kittens to give them back to the rescue. It's a shame but you tried hard and did all you could. It's just not going to work.

I think give yourself a bit of time and then adopt an older cat or two together possibly. Maybe use a different rescue. Hopefully your DH will relent on the not a pet person thing!

I think this post is incredibly unfair! Normally I would agree with this sentiment but these kittens aren't normal for whatever reason and the decision to return them to the rescue is best for everyone.

I agree. The rescue deceived the OP, the fosterer seems to have done so too. I think the OP AND the kittens have been let down.

I think so too. The issue may well be the fosterer, if she didn't tell the rescue that there was anything wrong? Maybe the rescue didn't know either?

You are right of course, but I'd hope there would be better communication between fosterer and rescue?

You'd like to think so!

I think you’re being really hard on yourself. This doesn’t sound like normal kittens. I’m sure without the health issues they have you would not mind the other normal kitten behaviour, but with the other additional issues it’s making it much harder. And you have two young children too. I think taking them back to the rescue would be best. Any reputable rescue would not just put them down. My friend works for one and there’s no way they would put a kitten down unless it was very very sick and there was no hope. I hope it works out, whatever your decide xx

Thank you. They went back yesterday and the rescue is very reputable. The rescue volunteer met me outside, helped me in with them, got them settled and let me say good bye to them. She even comforted me and offered me a tissue and a cup of tea while I cried and gabbled like a crazy person. She was very understanding, said we'd tried our best and that they'd find them a more suitable home. She even suggested we go back at a later date if we ever wanted another car and they'd match us properly to an adult cat. (I know some people will disagree with us doing that, and to be honest, we've said definitely not for now until our kids are older, but it was nice to be told the rescue haven't completely given up on us)

Boy cat is under observation for his toileting and the other two were settled together. lt felt absolutely dreadful leaving them, and I haven't cried like that for a long time, but the rescue are absolutely dedicated to cats. The volunteers were amazing at both reassuring me and settling the cats. I needed reminding of that after having some doubts earlier in the week. But it brought back good memories of when we picked our older cat up. So I know they're in the best hands now.

You keep saying the rescue are very reputable but their reputation does seriously need challenging if they think that this is a suitable foster environment:

The foster home was a busy environment with 8 children and somewhere between 11 and 16 cats at any time

If you do get an adult cat one day, go elsewhere.

As I mentioned I got my cat from Battersea. You don't choose a cat — they choose which one they think you'd be best for. You can say whether one has caught your eye... And for us, they thought we were a perfect match anyway, although they didn't know how we'd feel about a cat who was born disabled (she's adorable). You probably need a cat that's happy around kids. Ours is petrified of cats, dogs and people. She only trusts four people in the world and it's luck that one is our vet.

You’ve said you’re playing with them for 30 minutes a day split into two.:. So is most of your time going on googling?

I can’t see how it’s taken over your life so much, to be honest, but I grew up with loads of kittens; so perhaps it’s all just second nature to me. Kitten proofing beyond removing poisonous plants would have been absolutely beyond my parents, and we didn’t restrict where the cats went.

Edit: The thread didn’t load properly and I missed that you’ve already given them back. I’m sorry that was difficult for you, and I hope they find good homes.

I see your point. I raised a concern that the periodontal disease and not cleaning himself hadn't been noticed and the rescue will investigate that internally.

From what I've seen, the rescue centre itself and volunteers are diligent and do really care for the cats.

I also should have said that I don't think all 8 children were still living at the property. The foster carer did again seem really caring and had nursed the kittens from near death. I just asked the rescue to check in with her and see if she was coping ok. I trust them to do that.

Yes, a lot of it was Googling and watching YouTube videos by behaviourists including Jackson Galaxy. But also going back and forth to pet shops to buy toys, cat trees, different food, different litter. Numerous visits to two different vets, one 30 minutes drive away as we were using the same vet as the rescue (not foster carer). Moving our house around, taking curtains down and packing away rugs for example. Removing books, ornaments, shoes etc from rooms. Building cat trees. Spending far too long messaging/talking to friends with cats asking their advice.

If I hadn't seen the cats eating Lego, chewing a random scooter ornament, chewing plants etc I wouldn't have restricted their access. But I got to the point I ran out of rooms I could move stuff too that they may chew and even if I did that, my kids would randomly leave stuff in the room the cats were in anyway.

Sometimes I think the rescues are just so overrun they may miss things. They shouldn't but the pressure they are under is enormous. The vet should have picked that up when they were checked. Surely they must check their mouth, teeth and gums if they are doing it properly?

Please don't beat yourself up over it. You did your best and it just wasn't working - and I say that as someone who gets really angry with people who get pets and don't fully commit to them!

I think you should get another cat when you're ready but get an adult with a known temperament that will suit your household. You don't want this to be your children's only experience of pet ownership x

Someone I know got two kittens to add to their family inc another older cat. They acquired a big dog cage and put it in the lounge. A cardboard box with blanket, bowls and litter tray were positioned and the kitties stayed in there until they felt brave enough to stick a paw out. Now the whole family is fully bonded and no damage reported

Have you even read the thread? You know, the one that is finished and sorted, and hasn’t been posted on in nearly 2 months? 🤦‍♀️

I feel that if everybody sees it this way and gives up on them that they'll never find a loving home. I understand your predicament, but nobody will want this and if people are told, they just won't adopt them. Hopefully somebody out there will have the time for them.

Given that this was 7 months ago, it’s likely they have been rehomed 🙄

I'm the OP. Yes, the kittens went back to the rescue and they were confident they would find new homes.

Doesn’t make a difference, does it? Love a good thread revive, even if it’s most likely useless for the OP. 😊