Returning new kittens - why didn't this work?

[FindingTheBalance]

This morning my husband and I had a long discussion and the conclusion is that our 8 month old kittens, who joined us five weeks ago, have to go back to the rescue. 😫

I feel really flat. And also confused how other families have kittens and kids at the same time.

Our kids aren't really young. They're 7 and 9 but they still have toys. The last five weeks has involved cats chewing houseplants, toys, one eating Lego, cats chewing the kids shoes, cats chewing the kids blankets and clothes. No matter how often I ask the kids to tidy stuff away they forget and leave stuff out.

Our kittens do have periodontal disease, which may explain the chewing, but reading online it sounds like the majority of rescue cats have this.

One is slightly incontinent too and often doesn't know he's goings (mostly poo but if we let him on the sofa wee stains appear too.).

My husband has rightly pointed out we can't have poo and wee everywhere and that the surfaces are covered in cat litter dust. The cats drop their food everywhere when eating probably because of the dental disease. They're restricted to one room because they chew everything.

Over five weeks I've done numerous vet visits, bought everything going to help tackle the dental disease, read and read and read cat forums for advice. My husband says it's taken over my life and I'm neglecting the kids, him, my health and the house. He's not wrong, it's like making the cat situation work has become an obsession for me.

So that's that. It's not working. But I don't get how others get it to work.

They are normal. Kittens are MENTAL.

"Don't let the buggers grind you down" and I don't mean the kittens.

periodontal disease in kittens I have never heard of and am wondering which vet gave this cat a clean bill of health

If it helps you can get cat nappies for incontinent cats

The way they eat their food suggests that a dental problem is happening

Although one of my cats (even as an adult does this even though he doesn’t have dental issues) It’s because he can’t cope with food that hasn’t been almost minced. Anything in a normal canned cat food chunk has to be halved or quartered before he will deem it small enough to fit in his mouth

Have you looked up Pica for the cat that chews everything (although that can ve a dental problem)

Currently have three cats that we have had since they were born that have issues around different things. (Mother cat pregnant when we got her)

One licks and eats anything plastic from bubble wrap to cellotape
Another thinks all plants are for chewing. We buy him a pineapple now and then and he is so happy when we set it down in the floor for him to chew the crown

Another can’t resist any type of thread
Cotton thread coming from and still attached to a rug or piece of clothing he willl spot and he will chew at the thread till the next mouthful is the piece of clothing or rug

"No matter how often I ask the kids to tidy stuff away they forget and leave stuff out."

The rescue I am with does home checks, ensures cats/kittens are wormed, neutered and healthy before being placed in homes. We do not usually rehome kittens with children under 10.

I would advise that you return the kittens, they seem to have a lot of problems healthwise.

OP I don’t think you should have to “kitten proof” your home beyond stuff like normal feline hazards, plants etc. My MIL’s cat got up the chimney when he was a tiny kitten - much younger than yours - so she had to get a balloon/sheep thing to block that as he would get over the fire guard, but that’s the most “work” I have ever heard of.

Our boy is two now (but ginger!), and other than making sure food is covered because he is a shameless thief he’s just got on with it. Our previous cat was fascinated by my dental retainer and she would steal that if she had the chance, this fella loves a vial of eyedrops (and made a real pet of a vial of liquid from a Covid test at one point) but it’s racing around playing with them, never chewing. I’m wary of things like elastic bands but that’s just common sense.

I am sorry you are going through this. It does sound as is you have given it your all and your children have to come first. I found it is hard to look after kittens and so many of them die before the age of two. As you have found it can take over your whole life if you are a responsible pet owner.
When my cats die (they are both 20+) I will only adopt a cat that is over the age of two. They need to go back to their foster care at the rescue while this incontinence and dental issues are dealt with, and maybe in 6 months you can try again with an older cat.

Do not feel guilty, you tried your best. The kittens had greater needs than a normal family household could manage. You just never know the detailed background with rescue animals. One thing is for sure, kittens should not be that hard work. I remember getting my two many years ago: the worst thing that happened was they somehow shut themselves in the bathroom when I was at work and totally shredded a toilet roll. It sounds as though your two hadn't been with mother to learn toilet training, and hadn't been properly socialised which has to happen during the early weeks for it to work, and even then may not with undomesticated/stray cat mother.

OP, I feel for you. You’ve tried so hard to make it work but these are really sick cats. I think someone at the shelter has really let you down, because there is no way they should have been rehomed in this state. I would be giving them back or building a catio in the garden, and I say this as someone who has had kittens and rescue cats for many years. Maybe a farm would take them? Adopt an older cat next time.

Are you the poster who has the three kittens? I think someone posted a couple of weeks about how they were struggling to cope with three and they were biting everything? My children are similar aged and we got two kittens. Tbh the first month was tough but now they are cats and they are an absolute dream. I did have baby blues when we got them and regretted it for a while as they would urinate everywhere and scratch but they settled down into a routine and once they started going outside things for easier. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you and your family 😞

I admire your desire to find a solution but the reality is that the solution is known to you, you just don’t seem to want to accept it. You sound like a martyr to the situation which helps no one nor the kittens. Return them to the rescue. It’s not the right match for the kittens or for you. It’s not about any fault or failure, it’s simply that you are a household that needs a simpler easier to look after pet, and these kittens have very high needs.

Call the rescue first thing tomorrow and tell them you are no longer able to manage the level of care they need and they will have to take them back in the interests of the kittens. Centre what you say on what the animals need not on what you have tried to do and don’t say sorry or say you wish you could do more, stay focused and even write down what you need to say before or email them if you can’t manage to say it.

Oh I feel for you. My girl requires her bum cleaning now and again. Used to be alllllllll the time as a kitten she’s 4 now. Does she just like the scratch of the carpet?!

If there is any question of calicivirus I would definitely think of returning them, my son adopted a cat from a rescue not knowing the cat was infected. So far it has incurred £2,500 in vet bills as the rescue didn’t offer insurance and it was diagnosed by my son’s vet before he could get insurance in place. Do you have insurance in place for them all?

Also my son’s cat is not incontinent or destructive, I think in fairness to your DC you need to return them especially if your own health isn’t good.

I have had numerous kittens and what are you are describing is extreme and not something I have had even with a semi feral one.

We adopted 3 hand reared kittens and all are chewers to varying degrees which we assumed was linked to the hand rearing. They are nearly 2 and it has improved but they are still mischievous. We had no incontinence issues though which would definitely have tipped us over the edge. Your experience is not normal and there is no shame in being unable to cope any longer.

Well I’ll be honest - my cat used to scale my curtains got rid of them and got curtains. My bed and couch are shredded. But then I got scratch posts upstairs.

make sure each room has something they can scratch on. Pets at home do cardboard stuff which is cheap. Have a litter tray in each room.

did I read you have 2 girls one boy? If so get the boy his own litter tray away from the girls one and away from their food bowls. Make sure the trays are in corners so they feel secure and like nothing is going to sneak up on them.

after he’s eaten about 20 mins later pick him up and put him in his tray and do that after each meal. If you see him go in the girls pick him up say no and put him in his one. Same with the girls. When you see them do it themselves reward it.

repeat repeat repeat.

You are getting a really hard time from some posters. In my view this unfair. These do not sound like normal kittens. They sound like really quite poorly animals. I’m shocked the rescue rehomed them to you without warning you of the health issues. As they had been hand reared and fostered there is no way the rescue could not have been aware that there were issues. This situation sounds far removed from the usual crazy kitten zoomies and odd accident while they figure out the litter situation in a new house.

I think you need to hand them back to the rescue. It sounds like they need a very tolerant adult only house. These are not the right kittens for you.

I have 2 rescues. Both were hand reared from days old. 4 years apart. The first one had severe bladder problems - after £1000+ at the vets, she was all sorted. But her behaviour was odd. She would lick plastic bags, walls, etc. She chewed but grew out of it. The second one (from cats protection) is like no other cat I’ve ever had, ever. He doesn’t just chew, he literally gnaws wires like a dog gnaws a bone! He too has severe gastro issues, which includes pooing problems. He has many other issues but that’s another story. We’re lucky we’re able to keep them, as there is someone home all day and night. I honestly believe no other family would have coped with our second cat.

A very experienced vet once said to me that hand reared kittens are not at all like hand reared puppies. Kittens need their mothers so much in those first couple of months, for all sorts of things, and most hand reared kittens have continuing problems, either behavioural or medical. They believe it’s not always best for the kitten to be saved in this way, but acknowledges why it’s done etc. But many many hand reared kittens have life long problems.

I’m not sure of the best solution for you OP, but I certainly understand your cats behaviour and your frustrations.

None of this sounds normal, OP - kittens will gnaw on stuff sometimes but not to the extent you can't live with it. The incontinence is definitely not normal. I'd ask the vet to look into it seriously as it's not normal for a cat to not notice - even if they are having trouble they will try to get to a litter tray. As PP have said there's no shame in not being able to cope any longer. Perhaps they'd be better suited to someone who can keep them in a very minimalist home until the chewing stops.

The chewing may never stop! Mine is 3 and still chews.

have only read the first 2 pages.
OP - pets are supposed to enhance your life. These kittens are in bad shape, and it is nothing to do with you, it is the rescue and the foster home that are to blame for that.

Please take them back. Wait a while until your family is back on an even keel, son has finished his 11+ and then look around for a pair of cats from a much more reputable place.

Good luck.

I really feel for you, this isn’t normal kitten behaviour. I’ve had cats my whole life, we lost our ancient moggy a while back to kidney failure 💔 but a couple of weeks ago we got a kitten, she is litter trained and has been really easy, she does the usual kitten stuff, charges about, plucks the carpet and the furniture and my house plants have seen better days. I have young children too. It really shouldn’t be this hard, if it was I don’t think I could do it either, I’d send them back to the rescue if I were you, or maybe even find a better one that will find them a more suitable home?
How many do you have by the way? I would recommend just getting one if you choose to do this again.

please don’t feed them Hills. It’s really poor quality food and it was linked to cat deaths about 2 years ago. It was pulled from pets at home but back in circulation now. I just wouldn’t trust the brand.

My cat has health issues and she is hard work to manage. I wouldn’t get another cat. So I can’t imagine how you’re feeling managing 3.

shes cost me a lot of money but she is my baby and im her mum so its my job to look after her.

dont give yourself a hard time. You’re trying. Maybe try a few of our suggestions then reassess in about 2 weeks. That should be enough time to see if what you do makes a difference.

another suggestion - if not bonded separate the male for a day or so. See if that makes a difference with him.

are all 3 experiencing health issues? Sometimes health issues occur when cats are upset or distressed. Maybe the male doesn’t like the 2 female and he might thrive as a solo cat.

are they bonded? Did the rescue say they had to al be adopted together? If they’re bonded then all 3 would need to go back.

has he been tested for caliche virus? Ask the vet to do it.

Has the vet mentioned pica?

I wouldn't have chosen to take house trained kittens who were incontinent and had serious dental disease. Presuming it can't be cured?

Those are illnesses I'd struggle to accept in a very elderly cat. I understand that it's all got too much fur you.

If you didn't know they were sick or the rescue didn't tell you then I'd say it's fair to say you need to send them back as you can't care for them properly in a sanitary environment. And it could be unhealthy for your kids.

It's a real shame as animals are meant to be for life ideally.

no i dont thin theyre normal theyre not well i dont think perserving will help

I think you need to accept that you can't fix these kittens and return them to the rescue. You know that your husband and kids are very unhappy, and that it's caused by the stress of these kittens.

You need to put their wellbeing over your need to be like 'everybody else' with kittens and children.

Return the kittens for their sake and your familily's sake, and get an older cat again.