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Original poster

Dd threw the kitten.... where to go from here?

246 replies

bobndave · 19/12/2019 19:27

Hi! Opinions please as I'm feeling really upset and guilty about this. I'm a single mum with a dd(6) and we've quite recently got a kitten after having a pair of old cats for most of her life so far. I'd have said that she was gentle and loves animals. She's a well behaved child, no issues.
Tonight though, the kitten did something that annoyed her..... stood on her picture leaving a little paw print on it. When she discovered it a few minutes later, even though the kitten was nowhere near the picture by this time, she scooped the kitten up and threw it across the room. The kitten is fine but has made a puddle near the door, presumably in fright?

Now, I know this is the season for bad behaviour as they're tired and over excited but this has really crossed a line for me. I've taken away her iPad and given a big lecture but where do I go from here? Constant supervision until she's 18? More punishment? Or just accept that she's young and needs more teaching about how to be with animals?
Would appreciate all views and have my hard hat firmly on.... thanks!!

OP posts:
XXcstatic · 19/12/2019 20:47

This reply has been deleted

We are deleting this as it quotes a deleted post

SirProjectofThigh · 19/12/2019 20:47

Oh for goodness sake. Use this as a moment to teach your child. Brains are not fully developed until we’re in our 20’s. Yes obviously watch your child around the cat from now on, but she’s not sociopath, she’s a child who isn’t fully congiscent of consequences yet. Carefully explain them to her - not just knee jerk punishment, but how you’d feel if someone much bigger hurt you. I’m not sure packing the cat off to a shelter is the best thing for you or the cat.

FamilyOfAliens · 19/12/2019 20:47

I have a friend a few doors down who is a vet, she gave the kitten a check over and he is fine

Wow - what are the chances, eh?

overnightangel · 19/12/2019 20:47

AngryAngryAngry

Junie70 · 19/12/2019 20:50

OP if you're still reading, your DD needs professional help and not punishment. Please visit your GP as soon as you are able.

That is so far from normal behaviour in a 6 year old.

And please see if your vet friend can help rehome the kitten to a place of immediate safety. The thought of a young kitten wetting itself in fear has made me feel physically sick. It's cruelty, plain and simple, and the kitten deserves better.

LadyGuffers · 19/12/2019 20:50

Withdraw, withdraw, withdraw. No eye contact with her, no speech, no engagement with her. Obviously don't withhold food...She needs to experience that response, including fear and pain.

This has to be, genuinly, the coldest and most terrifying thing I've ever read on here. This is 'chills down my spine' kind of wrong.

Who could actually do this to a child they loved? Any child?

DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh · 19/12/2019 20:51

I rarely say this, but I’d rehome the kitten. You can’t watch a 6 year old all the time and can’t be sure she won’t do it again. Its just not fair on the poor thing.

I have to agree with this, too. I' sure your DD is not a bad child, but her action was deliberate and not in the heat of the moment (as it might be if, say, the kitten had jumped onto her knee and clawed her leg).

She may now even resent the kitten for getting her into trouble. Whatever he motive, it is unfair to the cat to risk it with her - you can't watch her all the time.

DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh · 19/12/2019 20:52

This has to be, genuinly, the coldest and most terrifying thing I've ever read on here. This is 'chills down my spine' kind of wrong.

Can't believe I'm reading this - it's brutal!

JoGose · 19/12/2019 20:52

Ignore some of these replies OP. You’ve come to look for advise and have been perfectly reasonable. I’d have w conversation with your DD and talk through why she thought it was acceptable. I’d also watch her like a hawk with the kitten and if anything seems like it would happen again I would rehome

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 19/12/2019 20:52

Basically gets told she should slap her child and cancel Christmas.

Actually , I said she is lucky she's not mine because mine would get a slap - and they would with no doubt . ( not that she should do xyz)

If you're going to slag me at least quote me correctly .

BayandBlonde · 19/12/2019 20:53

@FamilyOfAliens

My thoughts too. Convenient Hmm

DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh · 19/12/2019 20:53

Withdraw, withdraw, withdraw. No eye contact with her, no speech, no engagement with her. Obviously don't withhold food...She needs to experience that response, including fear and pain

Sorry all - this is what I thought I'd responded to.

Apologies LadyGuffers - I was agreeing with you but highlighted the wrong bit somehow.

LadyGuffers · 19/12/2019 20:54

I knew that @DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh Smile

Thinkingabout1t · 19/12/2019 20:54

Or just sit down with DD and ask a few questions about how she was feeling when she threw the kitten, and did she think it would hurt. And was she cross with someone.

DirtyDeeds · 19/12/2019 20:56

A 6 year old has their own iPad?! Is given a kitten as a present?!
Sometimes I feel like I live in a parallel universe Hmm

Indella · 19/12/2019 20:56

Rehome the kitten.

I never ever ever ever say that but your daughter needs to learn that there are very serious consequences for her behaviour.

You can’t realistically punish her forever but you can explain that it’s not fair for a defenceless kitten to live where someone could hurt it and so it has had to leave until she is old enough and sensible enough to never do something like that again.

If you want to stop this behaviour you need to take big action and rehoming will hopefully make her understand the consequences.

MikeUniformMike · 19/12/2019 20:56

OP, you have punished your child and the kitten is fine.
There is no immediate need to rehome the kitten. You have explained to your daughter why she mustn't do it again.

You seem a good mother. Your child is probably fine and has, I hope, learnt that she should be kind.

Put it behind you and have a nice Christmas.

KurriKurri · 19/12/2019 20:57

Six year olds are perfectly capable of understanding that throwing an animal is very wrong

SOME. Some six years old. I've worked with many many six year olds, and they differ hugely in their capacity for empathy, understanding, gentleness, caringness. These are things that come with development and will have a lot to do with lived experience as well as age.
I am an animal lover, and would be desperately upset to see an animal hurt. But I also love children, and some of the things being said on here about this very young child are disturbing to say the least. I fail to see how some people can claim to be animal lovers and yet be utterly unable to extend a little understanding to another vulnerable creature - a child.
The child made a mistake and did something very worng. Taking away all her christmas presents, hitting her, and other mad suggestions are never going to make her into a gentle resectful person who treats other living creatures with care, they will make her resentful and angry,

gypsywater · 19/12/2019 20:57

"Your child is probably fine"?!
She really, really, isnt.
Jesus wept.

Interestedwoman · 19/12/2019 20:58

Does a 6 year old have an iPad? WTF? My friend suggests maybe your daughter is spoilt and so a little thing that didn't go exactly how she wanted it provoked such a reaction. That was before I told him about the iPad. :)

My personal feeling is maybe every kid at some point does something very excessive, unthinking and disturbing. It mightn't necessarily mean anything further, although you should drill into her all the stuff about how to treat animals etc or whatever, and seriously think about rehoming the kitten. If she has/starts to have fits of temper or destructiveness more frequently, that should be assessed by a professional as it isn't a good sign.

An iPad, though! Going on that, spoilt sounds like a good explanation.

Yarboosucks · 19/12/2019 20:58

@EstherMumsnet - Maybe take the thread off the trending discussions?

IamMoana · 19/12/2019 21:00

My daughter is 5 and absolutely knows that animals are real creatures who feel pain. We have a cat and she's been taught it deserves all the love and respect that she does, it's his home too. I would be truly gutted in your shoes. We don't have an I pad in our house, I can't see how taking I away is any kind of meaningful punishment. She needs to understand on a deeper level.

LilyJade · 19/12/2019 21:00

I think that the kitten sadly needs rehoming & then you need to talk to your DD to teach her some empathy with animals & to find out what her thought process is rather than just punishing her.
The fact that her actions were calculated is a bit worrying & may indicate a need for professional help in this situation?

My friends little boy is 3 - he's non verbal & has some kind of behavioural difficulties.
When he saw my cat he deliberately threw things at her despite me telling him off & explaining that cats get scared & it could hurt her... sadly he seemed then to want to hurt her!! So I will not allow him near my cat now.
Unfortunately the family have a big dog & im sure this boy will be badly bitten one day which will sadly have consequences for the dog.

Some children are sadly just not safe with animals due to their behaviour.
Sometimes they grow out of it.

MyNewBearTotoro · 19/12/2019 21:02

When I was seven I hit my toddler brother over the head with an Argos catalogue - I can promise you I’m not a psychopath or serial killer and I’m glad my parents didn’t rehome either of us!

She’s 6 years old. It’s a week before Christmas so she’s probably over-excited/ stimulated and not making the best decisions. The kitten invaded her personal space and ruined something of hers. She snapped and threw the kitten a metre, it landed on its feet and aside from being a bit shocked was fine. Obviously it’s not an ideal situation and your DD should be given consequences and should be made to understand why that is both wrong and dangerous for the cat but rejoining seems a bit extreme to me based on a one off incidence.

I would ensure your DD is not left alone with the kitten and make sure she understands how wrong what she did was, but if it was just a one off I wouldn’t go into panic mode right now. I’m not minimising it, obviously what she did was not okay but you know your daughter and are in a better position to judge whether she is likely to do it again or whether the kitten is at risk than anyone on the forum.

Interestedwoman · 19/12/2019 21:02

When I was 8 I accidentally killed one of my gerbils (It was a genuine accident which could've happened to someone of any age.)

I was completely and utterly distraught and in floods of tears. I'm not even neurotypical (though have never usually lacked empathy in that way.)

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