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The doghouse

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Original poster

Breeder turned us down

334 replies

Sellingseashells · 31/05/2025 08:08

Spoken to a breeder last night about pups due later this year. Was recommended by a friend.i though it was going well but breeder said no. Said he don’t sell to people with children. DC are 10 and 4. Dog savvy.

i know the breeder doesn’t have to sell to us, but I’m really upset. Is it worth trying again? What do I do?

OP posts:
brushingboots · 31/05/2025 21:43

As my girl lies in my lap I am honestly totally baffled by everything I am reading here. It's like you're all describing a completely different breed. I can't imagine a world in which any of the spaniels I've ever met would bite anyone, or dominate anyone, or do anything except try and please you, wiggling their bums in the process.

Mannersareeverything · 31/05/2025 21:43

I wouldn't ring & plead your case.
I have extensive experience with this breed & the breeder is absolutely correct.
Better to have a re think about what breed suits your young family.

Dymaxion · 31/05/2025 21:44

I dont want a rescue around my DC. Lots of horror stories and lack of support from rescues makes this not an option.

So many people coming on explaining how bitey their puppy was towards their children, but a rescue dog that has been assessed is somehow more of a risk ? Just be honest, you don't want a second hand dog, that is a perfectly legitimate reason for not getting a rescue. Me, I would choose the carefully assessed rescue over a puppy any day. And living with a dog isn't the same as being entirely responsible for them, as I discovered when I got my first dog, I am still in awe at the level of time and training my Father put in to his dogs to get them to be the way they were, something I was never able to replicate and it showed !

Pancakeorcrepe · 31/05/2025 21:47

YABU for all the reasons people have mentioned. Be sensible and listen to people who, in this situation, are more informed than you

AlicesMum2025 · 31/05/2025 21:48

We rehomed from a charity specialising in spaniels and the breeder is right - many, many, many dogs are surrendered due to issues with young children. Nipping or biting, jumping and knocking them over, resource guarding owners, toys or food. Spaniel Aid have a blanket no under 5s for this reason, many dogs are no under 8s and any with previous child issues must go to child-free homes. Check them out on Facebook and you'll see what I mean.

You say that they are a good breeder - their policy of not letting their pups go to families with young kids reflects that.

nightmarepickle2025 · 31/05/2025 21:50

4 years old is too young.. The breeder is right. Been there, got the thousands of pounds of behaviourist bills.

Arran2024 · 31/05/2025 21:51

Is this in the UK? - sorry edited to add that I was responding to the poster who rehomes puppies to young families

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 31/05/2025 21:56

If you contact him again it will only re-enforce to him that his decision was the correct one. An experienced breeder is not going to swayed by some entitled pleading

PiggyPigalle · 31/05/2025 21:59

brushingboots · 31/05/2025 21:43

As my girl lies in my lap I am honestly totally baffled by everything I am reading here. It's like you're all describing a completely different breed. I can't imagine a world in which any of the spaniels I've ever met would bite anyone, or dominate anyone, or do anything except try and please you, wiggling their bums in the process.

Not everything, surely. They're my favourite breed.

Booboobagins · 31/05/2025 22:08

The breeder is right. You could try the kennel club to find another cooker breeder, but I think you might be best to go to a dog rescue - see if there is a rescue for cockers. Tell them what you need. Go see what dogs might be suitable for you.

You never know there might be a perfect dog for you. Good luck x

brushingboots · 31/05/2025 22:11

@PiggyPigalle The biting/aggression stories, I mean. Just doesn't align at all with any spaniel that I've ever known.

They're the best dogs, I would never have another breed. I did 15 minutes of 'work' with her tonight while we were out and then she had a run around. She came home and had supper, and then conked out on my knee. Easiest dog I know, no dramas.

AnneMarieW · 31/05/2025 22:35

Did he say what age children he might find acceptable? If not, it might be worth trying with a different breeder when your youngest child is a bit older.

I think quite a lot of breeders as well as most rescues have a “no under 5’s” policy for safety of both the child and dog and some even have a “no under 10’s” - but it’s rarer to have a complete “no kids at all” policy (unless it’s an adult dog being rehomed who would specifically benefit from a child free environment, which doesn’t apply here).

I guess this breeders puppies must be very sort after so he feels he can pick and choose, which is his right of course (and probably shows he really cares about his dogs at least). Personally I’d look around again for other well known breeders in a few years time, if you are still sure then that a cocker puppy is the right choice for your family.

Glitchymn1 · 31/05/2025 23:07

@TraumaQuestions Stafford if you prefer.

Bluebellsparklypant · 31/05/2025 23:38

I have 2 WCS and a 8yr old child they are lovely and friendly, however you need the time to devote to them otherwise they can be a handful they are working dogs first & foremost so do need that stimulation, I wouldn’t recommend for a 1st family dog. The breeder is correct there are lots that are handed in to rescue due to their environment not being correct for the dog and it’s setting the dog up to fail. Good luck with your search for a dog that’s right for your family

Plumnora · 01/06/2025 00:03

YANBU. I'd also be really disappointed and I'm sure I would take it personally! But also I see where the breeder's coming from. They don't know you or your history. They don't know that you have experience with dogs. This is a responsible breeder.
I'd avoid rescues like the plague if you have young children. I know of 3 different people - all experienced with dogs- who ended up returning rescue dogs because they went for a child. One needed stitches in her arm after the dog bit her as she was defending the child. It's extra trauma for the dog and not fair.

Ohgodohgod · 01/06/2025 00:11

Glitchymn1 · 31/05/2025 08:32

This is a good breeder. I was turned down to DD being under age 10 (breed was Labrador). My elderly lab passed away age 14, DD grew up with a lab (he was age 5 when we had DD). They can be incredibly bitey and can jump, bite and pounce as puppies. All puppies bite and they bite bloody hard, couple that with pouncing and you have to be ON IT all the time or have plenty of room to segregate areas where the child is happy to be on their own or there are two adults at home a lot. One to be with the dog and one to be with the child.

We settled on an SBT in the end (only breed kennel club state can go with children). She bites but she’s a hell of a lot smaller than a lab, she’s much calmer and needs less exercise as an adult. Plus I’m not sure I could’ve faced another lab.

I did look at some rescues, I do a lot of work with rescues but it can be difficult when you have children. I did find a suitable rescue but they asked me to take on two dogs the day before we were due to see the dog we had chosen which felt a lot to take on as it’s mostly just me (DH works away alot).

What’s an SBT?? I’ve been racking my brains and I can’t figure it out! Maybe because I got mentally stuck on Scottish Border Terrier which I don’t think even exists.

RedRobyn24 · 01/06/2025 00:11

Yes you shouldn’t introduce a dog into the family with children under 8 I believe, some say overkill but knowing my own children I say very sensible tbh

Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 01/06/2025 00:26

Ohgodohgod · 01/06/2025 00:11

What’s an SBT?? I’ve been racking my brains and I can’t figure it out! Maybe because I got mentally stuck on Scottish Border Terrier which I don’t think even exists.

Show quote history

Staffordshire Bull Terrier.

Ohgodohgod · 01/06/2025 00:30

Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 01/06/2025 00:26

Staffordshire Bull Terrier.

Show quote history

Oh of course! Thanks.

chaoticneurotic1st · 01/06/2025 00:43

Cockers are high energy and could potentially hurt your younger child the breeder is being responsible. Most spaniels are great with kids but they are obviously erring on the side of caution.
Consider a calmer breed, I have a springer she is hyperactive but loves kids and is normally so gentle with them, but when she is having a mad 1/2 hour and is zooming around, she could potentially hurt small children so she is never alone with them. That is not a realistic in every day life.

Octopusespunchforfun · 01/06/2025 00:48

Sellingseashells · 31/05/2025 08:32

It was a cocker spaniel. First call to register our interest. Would be a first dog for our family.

He said cockers end up in rescues because of bites on children and he didn’t wanna risk his dogs. Not rude or aggressive.

Just upset as its hard to find a good breeder with health tests, not overbred. Is it unreasonable to ring again today and make our case?

Sounds like a responsible breeder

taptaroundtheworld · 01/06/2025 06:28

Crazyworldmum · 31/05/2025 19:51

To be honest if she believes cockers bite children often maybe the linage of her dogs is a bit agressive ? Walk away and find a breeder that is confident enough to know his dogs are safe around children . This was not the dog for you . Good luck

Nothing to do with the lineage, everything to do with a highly active high needs dog in an environment that has a high change that it can’t meet his needs.
Most dogs in shelters aren’t there because if their linage, thry are there because their needs weren’t met.
Wait a 4-5 years, and it will be fine.
No breeder should ever be confident that his dogs are safe around children - it depends on the environment as much as the dog. Only one is in the breeder’s control , if they say otherwise tgey are NOT a good breeder!

Noisecomplaint · 01/06/2025 07:35

If a breeder is telling you their breed is snappy or not great with children, listen.

DominoRules · 01/06/2025 07:37

When we were looking for our Springer I spoke to a lot of breeders and most wouldn’t consider primary age children so I don’t think it’s a personal thing but probably a sensible rule. We were also turned down by a few as it was our first dog but I didn’t take that personally either. The breeder we went to was 3 hours away and we went with the DC to meet her so she could assess us properly before we even met the pups!

My boy is amazing and a wonderful family dog (my DC were secondary age when we got him) but he is prone to getting highly strung and has on occasion shown signs of resource guarding when in high arousal so I wouldn’t have wanted to have him with younger kids - it only takes one mistake and then you’re in a horrible situation.

In your situation, if your heart is set on a cocker then I would wait a few years and then start looking again.

Winamy192 · 01/06/2025 08:15

TheyreLikeUsButRichAndThin · 31/05/2025 08:40

How can a 4 year old be dog savvy, particularly if this would be your first dog?

A four year old could be, I have a 2 year old who has grown up with dogs. Had the dog before he came along so by the time he is 4 he would be dog savvy! He’s not too bad now at 2!