Rehoming our dog and telling children

[Littlesadstate90]

I’ve posted many times on here about struggles with our dog
a 1 year old labrador.

shes a good girl and I love her but I just find owning a dog far too stressful.

the mess, the smell, the hair. Myself and husband argue over the dog a lot, who’s going to walk her, he feels all I do is moan about her.

being restricted to how long we can be out the house so she isn’t on her own for too long……

im just not cut out for it. I know a lot will say didn’t you think about these things before you got the dog….and yes I did. I thought I would cope.

anyway I want to rehome her, my life and my marriage will be much easier without her as sad as that is to say.
my husband doesn’t really want to but is in agreement with me if I really want to.

my problem is the children. 7 year old and 5 year old. They would (the eldest in particular) would be absolutely heartbroken. And if I’m honest he is the only reason I haven’t re homed the dog sooner.

any advice of how to approach this with the children would be great.

thank you

What a massive load of old shit, deeply ignorant.

Yeah right, try telling that to our golden retriever who refuses to move from the front door or even have dinner until I return home from work. Neither DH or DD (whom she also adores, just not quite as much) can satisfy her. Tell me you’ve never owned a dog without telling me you’ve never owned a dog. You sound incredibly ignorant.

I have 2 mainly rotties but a bit lab and yes the hair is everywhere the mud is everywhere! Mine are 2 now and can still be very hypo at times but does get easier in time.

I couldn't rehome a dog anymore than I could rehome my children. Seriously, get a grip and step up. You took her on, You owe it to her to be a much much better owner.

I never forgave my mum for rehoming our dog, she complained about him all the time we had him, the mess, the hair the smell etc etc She didn't care about the fact that we adored him and we loved taking care of him feeding, grooming walking etc I've never forgotten that she didn't care about all of our feelings my dad included, who absolutely loved walking him. She broke our hearts but only her feelings mattered. Don't be surprised if your children feel the same.

You having to make things up to justify your weird overreaction says a lot about you. As does your inability to recognise emotiveness.

Do you genuinely believe if you died or never came back home, your dog would just waste away then?

Dogs get used to routine and will absolutely form strong bonds with their owners, but that doesn't mean that they won't adapt and form a brand new bond with someone else.

I walk a lot of rescue dogs and they're all thriving. They adore their families, are full of confidence and don't show any signs of distress at not being in their original homes.

I think it's normal for animal owners to hate the idea of their dogs forming just as strong a bond with someone else, but they do. They really do.

Dogs are a huge tie and they mostly have a reasonable life span. It annoys me that people are so cavalier about having them and then just dumping them when the lightbulb moment happens. However if you genuinely aren't wanting to keep her and feel your life is compromised by her presence then do it now. Ask her breeder if they will take her back or speak to Lab rescue centres for advice. Please ensure she gets a better home with experienced owners. I work in Dog Rescue and it's heartbreaking when people are so cavalier about animal's feelings.

I find it interesting that so many people empathise with the dog, but not the OP.

Should she really be expected to spend the next 10-15 years being absolutely miserable because she made a mistake? What kind of life is it for a dog to live somewhere where it's not wanted?

"You having to make things up to justify your weird overreaction says a lot about you. As does your inability to recognise emotiveness"

Talk about making things up @LordSnot wtf are you talking about?
Your inability to explain your objection to my post is no reflection on me.

You made up the emotive shite about the OP struggling and thinking deeply. You didn't understand my objection because you're too dim to know what emotive means.

No, of course she wouldn’t, nor did I state that. I simply can’t imagine being so selfish that you would willingly, for no good reason other than you can’t be bothered to properly take care of them, take an animal away from all they’ve ever known. The immediate reaction to get rid of the dog instead of exploring other options like walkers, trainers, daycare etc tells me all I need to know about OP. If you can afford to buy and care for a labrador puppy then none of these things are out of reach. There is no excuse.

Exactly. The op needs kindness for ensuring her dog gets a good life. They realise that it’s not with them so are looking to rehome.

It's not being selfish to prioritise your own health and well-being over a dog.

And it's interesting that you're quick to call OP selfish and to tell her she "can't be bothered" when she's actually the only member of her family stepping up and doing what needs to be done. Her husband, the one who promised to do his share, isn't bothering and yet he seems to be getting off scott-free.

The dog will be fine in a new home. Guide dog puppies (for example) are re-homed at this age and they seem to manage - I'm not sure why it's so different for pets. Labradors are one of the easiest breeds to re-home - the likelihood is that she will go on to have a lovely life with a family who can actually commit to her.

I really don't see why that's selfish. In fact, surely it's the best thing for the dog - to go somewhere where it's loved and wanted?

The dog don't just turn up one day in a parcel. Or by a stork. It was purchased by OP, she chose to have it. It is selfish to get rid of it so quickly, without waiting for it to pass adolescence and considering ways to adjust to things, and to not think about how the children feel (having a pet then it being taken away).

Does that mean nobody should ever rehome if they change their mind? No. If the owner really doesn't want a dog, they aren't going to look after it adequately anyway. But it is still a bit selfish

"You made up the emotive shite about the OP struggling and thinking deeply. You didn't understand my objection because you're too dim to know what emotive means."

Lmao. Imagine the fucking doghouse being more brutal than AIBU.

Disagreeing that I've been emotive isn't the same as being too dim to know the meaning of the word emotive. I believe that in the post you initially responded to I was pointing out another posters emotive language.

The fact is, I posted what I'd gleaned from the OP. Because I was trying to apply some critical thinking instead of instantly assuming the worst (and making a whole load of assumptions) you've assumed I'm being emotive. No. Definitely no more emotive than everyone indulging in this pile on who've clearly gleaned something different from the post.

But it was also purchased in agreement with another adult who now isn't bothering to do his share.

Is it fair to expect OP to pick up the slack for the next 10-15 years? Because the last time I checked, you can't force another adult to step up, and in the meantime, the dog isn't getting its' needs met because the OP also has two young children to care about - and understandably, they take priority.

Dogs are hard work and ultimately, it's better that they are in a home where their needs can be met, and where they're actually wanted.

Firstly, she needs to give her DH an unlit matin because he does want to keep the dog.

But also, op is not a child. Plenty of things we enter jointly- having children, renting, mortgage. You still could end up taking the whole responsibility. Hence why you don't agree to owning an animal if you're not prepared to look after it yourself

Even with a hamster, you don't get it depending on DC to care for it. You have to be prepared to take the slack if they screw up

This^^

Hold out another year, it will get easier, and easier still a year after that. You are probably at the last bad time.

What do you think an ultimatum will achieve? If she leaves him, she's either still left with full responsibility for a dog that she's already struggling with, or the dog goes to live with him - and he already can't be arsed with her and so she'll probably end up being re-homed anyway.

Dogs aren't children (or mortgages) - they're pets and ultimately, they'll be just fine going to live with another family who can provide what they need.

The best thing for the dog is for it to go to a home where it's loved and wanted, and where it's needs are being met. I'm not sure why any so-called "animal lover" would think its' best for a dog live its' life in a home where it's not wanted.

You could go with.......

We took on the commitment of a dog, did our research and knew it would need walked, it would take a couple of years for it to settle down from being a pup, being a labrador we knew there would be loads of hair and knew it would restrict us, but thankfully living things are disposable now the novelty has worn off. By the way, you two better behave or you will be next........Mwahahahaha!

There isn't way to sugar coat it, kids are not daft. You might as well be honest with them and hope it is a lesson they learn if they ever decide to commit to a pet.

Re-home. Both dog and kids will get over it pretty rapidly.

Agreed. But her kids will probably never forgive her. I wouldn't have.

Well if you had read the thread properly you would have seen that many posters are still angry that their parents got rid of their dog so, no, kids don't get over it pretty rapidly