Rehoming our dog and telling children

[Littlesadstate90]

I’ve posted many times on here about struggles with our dog
a 1 year old labrador.

shes a good girl and I love her but I just find owning a dog far too stressful.

the mess, the smell, the hair. Myself and husband argue over the dog a lot, who’s going to walk her, he feels all I do is moan about her.

being restricted to how long we can be out the house so she isn’t on her own for too long……

im just not cut out for it. I know a lot will say didn’t you think about these things before you got the dog….and yes I did. I thought I would cope.

anyway I want to rehome her, my life and my marriage will be much easier without her as sad as that is to say.
my husband doesn’t really want to but is in agreement with me if I really want to.

my problem is the children. 7 year old and 5 year old. They would (the eldest in particular) would be absolutely heartbroken. And if I’m honest he is the only reason I haven’t re homed the dog sooner.

any advice of how to approach this with the children would be great.

thank you

This is a prime example of why I think potential dog (or any pet) owners should undergo mandatory competency testing before being able to have one.

To answer the question OP, if you go down the route of rehoming your dog I think you should be completely honest with your kids about the reasons for doing so - that you just don't have the commitment it takes. Otherwise you're just teaching them that animals are a disposable commodity.

If you rehome at least contact as many reputable rescues as you can to ask for help. Do not give your dog away, do not advertise her on Facebook/Gumtree/Preloved etc. Unless you're experienced with rehoming dogs you won't know what questions to ask potential new owners and you won't know what red flags to look out for but rescues do and they'll ensure your dog goes to only the most appropriate home.

Also please do not get another pet, no matter how much your kids plead for one.

@Littlesadstate90

Firstly sorry it's affecting your family life. Dogs can be hard to look after my sister works at a rehoming centre and they have a great team who love the animals who come to them. Many from different backgrounds as you can imagine.

Well done for taking the steps to admit you can't cope. I'm not here to bash you! Please don't give your dog to anyone and call around rehoming centres.

Don't feel guilty for giving up your pet.

Regarding the children is up to you. You could tell a white lie to protect them as there still so young or you could tell them the truth.

When our dog passed I did lie I told mine that they went to work with the police and they accepted that as they thought it was Cool!!!

Good luck x

I had the local labrador rescue phone number on my phone speed dial. Almost used it 3 times in the first year but resisted. Teenage Twat Dog is now 18 months old and just starting to show me the dog he'll be for the rest of his hopefully long life. I'm glad I stuck with him.

My mum is 80 and still remembers her dog that her mum gave away (or maybe pts she doesn't really know) when they moved house when she was little. I think she is still a little heartbroken by it. Her first and beloved pet. I still feel angry and judge my (now long dead) grandma for that act. Its a big marker for me of her being a shit mum to my mum. Don't be that person. Encourage the kids to step up if they're big enough.

I found out why my OH didn't want a dog. He told me much later, that aged 10, because he had got home late as he played footie with some friends after school, his dog had chewed the bannister. His mum gave him a tenner to go and take the dog to be pts at the vet's. He heart was broken forever and he could not face it again.

A fabulous dog found us, and we have had many since. The poor poor boy.

Please don't They are part of your family now
Ddog will grow and show mature behaviour in time, just as DC do( and I'm sure there have been times when you wanted rid of them too.. hand up here!)
Explore Dog Walker/ day care( will tire them out)
Spend out on eg a robot hoover/ mop
I recommend LVT flooring if that is becoming damaged
Stair gates
Puzzles/games etc

Unless she is destructive or aggressive you really don’t have much of a reason to be giving her up and I suspect you will have this pointed out by any charities you attempt to give her to.

Not true. The charity will not judge you, they will merely assess whether the dog is suitable for them. If your dog is house trained, has a good standard of behaviour and knows basic commands then that reduces the training that would need to be done by them, so saves them money.

No need to explain? So you just do whatever you like and leave your kids wondering forever? This really grates as the daughter of a mother who thinks that children are simple creatures who barely notice anything.

Children need explanations because if you don’t give them information, they will try to work things out for themselves and get it wrong. They might even blame themselves.

That's horrendous.

I’m afraid that’s not enough walking or brushing for a lab. They need brushing every day - your DC are old enough to do this? And you’d be better off aiming for 2 walks a day. That also solves the problem of arguing with your DH - you do one each.

Like it or not, you made a commitment and this dog is part of your family. Children are grubby and smell. Did you look at rehoming either of them? No. And they got easier as they got older. And the dog will too.

If you really can’t handle the dog then yes you should rehome, but you also need to bear in mind that your children will be devastated and will not forgive you.

@ladygindiva the language used, however, is both self-righteous and abusive.

What a nasty, spiteful post. Who tf do you think you are to call a person "creature"?

Well… when OP wants to get rid of an intelligent creature simply out of blatant laziness then I think that it’s justified. A dog is a lifelong responsibility, not something you can just throw away when you can’t be bothered to deal with it.

If your husband wants to keep the dog, he needs to commit to the walking so that you don't have to argue about it really, if that's one of the main issues. As your children get older they will be able to take some responsibility too, my sister and I walked our DDog without parents from when we were about 11, Mum wasn't keen on having a dog so it was Dad and our responsibility.

@stressedespresso
"Well… when OP wants to get rid of an intelligent creature simply out of blatant laziness then I think that it’s justified. A dog is a lifelong responsibility, not something you can just throw away when you can’t be bothered to deal with it."

Well that entire post is a load of hyperbole with unnecessarily emotive language. All to justify calling someone you disagree with "creature". Disgusting, dehumanising language.

It's not "blatant laziness".shes clearly posted because she's struggling with what feels a huge burden with little support, whilst also trying to run the home and raise a family.
She's not "getting rid" or "throwing away". It's clearly weighing heavy on her mind. She's thinking. She's even posted here for advice and received a load of self righteous nastiness.

Really irresponsible to have got the dog in the first place, but the poor thing doesn't deserve your future resentment if you keep her, and so does deserve to go to a home that will love her and treat her properly.

You'll inevitably upset your children, but you'll have to suck that up I'm afraid. The dog's needs come first here.

If you’d actually pay attention to your own quotes then you’d realise that I was not the one to call OP a creature.

The puppy and adolescent stage is shit, full stop. We have an 18m old golden retriever and yes it absolutely exhausting and overwhelming at times but that is what you sign up for when you take on ownership. It is still such early days and OP needs to at least give the poor dog a chance and explore other avenues rather than just go straight to giving it up.

"If you’d actually pay attention to your own quotes then you’d realise that I was not the one to call OP a creature.

The puppy and adolescent stage is shit, full stop. We have an 18m old golden retriever and yes it absolutely exhausting and overwhelming at times but that is what you sign up for when you take on ownership. It is still such early days and OP needs to at least give the poor dog a chance and explore other avenues rather than just go straight to giving it up."

Haha oh @stressedespresso maybe try reading my post again. My criticism of you wasn't in the name calling it was in justifying the name calling with emotive and hyperbolic language.
And none of the rest of your post has anything to do with someone being called a creature. Perhaps some reassurance that this is normal and things improve, from people who've been through similar would've been more helpful and actually had an impact.

Your post is a load of emotive nonsense. The sum total of OP's deep thinking is that the only problem with this situation is how to tell her children so she doesn't come across as the bad guy. A gross creature indeed.

What part is emotive? Calling someone creature really is disgusting. I've never heard anyone refer to someone in that way before. If it's normal language to you then it says more about you than it does about me 🤮

I’ve got two labradors. One sleeps on my ten year old daughter’s bed every night. My son comes home and immediately seeks them out for a cuddle. I’d sooner go to the moon than tell them the dogs are going.

It’s going to be devastating, no way around that. Kids love their dogs. I couldn’t do it (plus love my dogs too anyway).

Labradors do calm down dramatically between 1 and 2. My youngest is two and as long as she’s walked she’s happy to slob about.

If you’re going to rehome please look at Labrador Rescue.

I don't think there's any need for this level of unpleasantness.

Dogs are re-homed everyday for all sorts of reasons. Nobody's saying it's ideal but at the end of the day, it's better than it staying in a home where it's unwanted and where its' needs aren't being met.

I have a dog, I work with dogs - including rescues - and you know what? They're fine. All of them.

Don't ever have a dog again, please.
🤬

I agree with the previous poster - give her a bit more time and you'll end up with an amazing family dog. You've done the tough puppy bit and it's just the teen bit to get through.

We've got a female lab who is also a year old and whilst she is the most amazing girl and we all love her dearly, she can be a teenage menace (a large one at that) and forgets everything we've taught her at times. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that our old lab was the most beautiful calm dog by the time she was about 2 1/2 and came everywhere with us.

She goes to daycare once a week which helps us massively and I've been taking her to training and hoopers which has helped to both wear her out and build a bond with her.

I really do understand how tough it is but I think with a bit of outside support from boarding or daycare or similar you could give yourself a bit of a breather and you really might regret this later on down the line.