Think we’ve reached the point of rehoming DDog and so sad about it

[StillRunningUpThatHill]

Please be gentle as this is breaking my heart.

Ddog is a 3 year old sprocker spaniel. From the very beginning he has always had separation anxiety. We did everything right - we are members of Dog Training Advice and Support as well as their separation anxiety group (just because I know someone will suggest that) and read all the books flitting games as puppies, not leaving dogs alone before they can cope with it etc. The problem is he’s never ever learnt to cope. We have tried everything and I mean everything. Julie Nailsmith’s method, meds (all the herbal ones plus Prozac), we’ve spent thousands on behaviouralists as well as using our insurance to cover it. Nothing works. He howls when left and we hardly leave him at all. But we have to leave him sometimes - I have to go to the office three days a week, and on those days we have a dog walker who takes him out or he goes to my parents - but my parents are now not able to have him (for health reasons) so it’s back to the dog-walker, and the problem is he howls before she arrives and after she’s left and the neighbours are complaining.

We’ve tried doggy daycare and they said he couldn’t stay as he wouldn’t settle and was anxious. It would work if he could have home-based daycare but I have made so many enquiries and nobody is taking on new dogs.

Even then, that doesn’t help if we want to go out in the evening. We can’t go for meals out or to friends’ houses for dinner as he howls and it’s not fair on the neighbours to ruin their Saturday night like that. And sure, we go to the pub and take him, but it would be nice to go somewhere other than the pub.

So we’re stuck, and while we love him, this is ruining our lives. Constantly having to think how we will manage and work around him so he’s not alone at all. If he could be with someone who was entirely home-based he’d be a fabulous dog as he’s so loving and keen to please. But we simply can’t be here 24 hours a day and we live in a terraced house. So sadly I think we are going to have to rehome him. I hate the thought of it but I can’t have my life like this for potentially 10-12 more years. Yes dogs are a lifetime commitment, I’ve had them all my life. But I’ve never had a dog who couldn’t be left at all ever without constant howling and when I say we’ve tried and tried to help him, I mean it.

I don’t know why I’m posting really. Please don’t be brutal if you’ve not dealt with this. Please don’t suggest other SA methods. I can tell you I have read every book, research article and blog there is on the subject and I have tried all the methods. This has been my life for three years. I will not give him to a rescue centre, he’s never been in a kennel in his life and he would be terrified. It’ll either be a conversation with his breeder or with a spaniel rescue. I’m just so sad about it.

I've looked back through all the OP replies and cannot see anywhere where she says he was bought from a puppy farm or backyard dealer? Please do elaborate?

Wow.

For your info he came from a spaniel breeder with a national reputation. I’m not going to name them on here but anyone who knows springers and cockers in the UK would know the name of the kennel if I did (and no, not the Devon one who’s recently been exposed as a puppy farmer). His parents were health tested for PRA etc and KC reg and I was on a waiting list for over a year.

For the record there is a prominent school of thought that Sprockers are basically the original spaniel which cockers and springers diversified from and there is a move to establish them as a breed.

"Because he’s fine with other people. He’ll go to my parents’ house happily, when we go abroad he stays with friends and he’s happy. He loves his family but he would adapt to another. It’s just being alone he can’t cope with"

I totally understand what you are saying here OP. I used to be a rehoming coordinator for a UK charity (different breed). We had a few dogs surrendered because of severe SA, and they are difficult to rehome, however the can, and DO settle if the right home is found. I would even go as far as to say that within 48 hours, most of the dogs I encountered latched on to their new owners quickly. I fostered one dog who was like this, and it was absolutely soul destroying, and my neighbours also complained. He was actually a foreign rescue puppy and had always lived on the streets, until rescued, with his littermates. What he was doing with the howling, was calling for his pack to return. At the time I had a very inhospitable and jealous dog of my own, who made him feel very unwelcome, and in the end he was found forever home on a farm with a ready made pack, and settled in really well. I wish some of the charities that import foreign rescues thought more about these types of issues. They mean well, but I hear of problem after problem with one or two successes - anyway, that's another thread. I don't think you can do any more than you have done, and you seem a very experienced and sensible person/family. I know how devastating this must be for you - it's never easy and until you've experienced it, you can't articulate how upsetting it is. Please speak to Spaniel Aid. @Devilshands always offers good advice! Good luck.

Is he on high enough meds?

my ddog had bad SA and I absolutely understand. I live alone. I nearly had a breakdown over it and went on meds myself.

but they did work along with Julie Nailsmith training but I had to go very very slowly . I will never take him off meds. (Or in fact myself!)

otherwise perhaps he will be happier in a multi dog household?

Also to say although I’ve cracked it I won’t be having another dog as I can’t go through it again. So I do understand

Please don't dismiss other people's suggestions on a public forum.

But please do point to the place where I said the OP shouldn't use a breed rescue. Rescues aren't awash with money, you know. The financial arrangement could be made through the rescue. People can only financially support so many dogs at a given time and if the OP can continue to pay (as is done with fostering), then that might increase his chances. I wasn't at any point saying stick him on Gumtree saying "free dog with all bills paid". So wind your neck in. Thank you kindly.

Completely empathise. We rehomed a 10 year old springer who had been abused in a crate and used as a puppy farm all her life prior. RSPCA wouldn’t take a donation as said she only had 6 months in her and for us to give her a good end to her life, we wound up with her for 6 amazing years. To see how resilient dogs are is unbelievable really.

Anyway the point is that all the strides she made with her fears of people, how much she learnt to trust us, she just never got over separation anxiety. She barked and paced every second she wasn’t with us and it’s so stressful for them and for you to know they’re distressed. We were so lucky that we’ve never had neighbours complain which is a lot of the battle, but rarely ever left her she came everywhere with us. Daycare was great, not sure if you have managed to try multiple options but I thoroughly recommend Bruce’s if you have one near you. If that’s no option I would look into ‘Borrow My Doggy’ and find someone you can essentially do a dog share with. There’s loads of people who would love a dog at home with them while they WFH 3 days a week, or even someone in a shared living situation who could come and work from your home 3 days a week?

Where have you got all this from?? 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's all twaddle!

What have hip and eye scores got to do with separation anxiety?

Completely clicked post too soon then.

I meant to add on, you sound like you have tried plenty and I completely empathise with feeling like you are at your wits end with it so am sure whatever you do it will be in his best interest. Good luck and hopefully you find somewhere lovely for him if it comes to that!

As the neighbour of someone who had a dog like yours rehoming is the best thing you can do for everyone. We had to listen to her dog in terrible distress for hours each day while she was at work. Lockdown was a nightmare because she was an essential worker and we worked from home. Her solution was to get another puppy for company. This resulted in us having to listen to two dogs in distress. In the end she had to rehome them with a relative that was at home all the time. Thank god, because we were at the end of our tether.

Not the breeder who runs sprockers as cockers at trials and thereby basically cheats and is diluting pure cockers??
If you are aware of all of this you should have been aware of the needs of such a high energy/high anxiety breed.

Jesus, that sounds like hell. You have my sympathies.

No 🙄

How do you know though? It is proven that he is purposely crossing the 2 breeds and falsifying paperwork.

Because I know it isn’t them. And if you don’t mind, this really isn’t the point of the thread. Please rest assured I did due diligence when choosing a breeder. I would never buy a dog from gumtree or similar.

Yep, it was a nightmare that took 3 years to be resolved. Sadly, the dogs come back when the new owner goes on holiday.

He isn't on gumtree. He is one of the most highly profile spaniel breeders but yes you are right, that is digressing.

My breeder is a woman but that’s by the by.

"If we feel a stay in a rehabilitation facility would work for your dog, we can help you find a suitable establishment. Unfortunately, as a rescue with limited funds, we are unable to offer funding for rehabilitation but it is another option open to you."

Oh, and that is from Sprocker Assist & Rescue @KeenOtter
So stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

Sounds like you might have reached the end of the line.far better for the dog to realise you can't give it what it needs, and use a breed specific rescue to help you. Sounds like your dog is very highly driven and anxious and potentially needs a working home where it's with a pack all day.

Spaniel Aid are super charity and could help you. I am currently applying to foster for them.

I just wanted to say I think you are making the right decision for the dog, and yourselves. You sound like a wonderful dog owner and can hear from your posts that you've reached a point where there is no other option. you know you are doing the right thing however hard it is, and how guilty you feel.
I don't have any exact experience with this but I have a Labrador who is so unlike the Labrador breed, and we cannot leave him with anyone else or a dog sitter or even family would struggle, so it means we can't go on holiday without him. Our lives have had to totally adjust and it's been really hard. I can only imagine what not being able to leave a dog on their own for even the shortest time must be like.
Don't feel guilty xx

This is a great idea - I would do this for someone

This is just silly. I've had dogs all my life and apart from when they are very young of course you can leave them for a while.

I don’t know why you’re getting such a hard time OP. It’s clear you’ve tried everything and this goes beyond the call of what can be reasonably expected of dog ownership.
It’s sad but there’s no shame in rehoming through Spaniel aid or similar.