Think we’ve reached the point of rehoming DDog and so sad about it

[StillRunningUpThatHill]

Please be gentle as this is breaking my heart.

Ddog is a 3 year old sprocker spaniel. From the very beginning he has always had separation anxiety. We did everything right - we are members of Dog Training Advice and Support as well as their separation anxiety group (just because I know someone will suggest that) and read all the books flitting games as puppies, not leaving dogs alone before they can cope with it etc. The problem is he’s never ever learnt to cope. We have tried everything and I mean everything. Julie Nailsmith’s method, meds (all the herbal ones plus Prozac), we’ve spent thousands on behaviouralists as well as using our insurance to cover it. Nothing works. He howls when left and we hardly leave him at all. But we have to leave him sometimes - I have to go to the office three days a week, and on those days we have a dog walker who takes him out or he goes to my parents - but my parents are now not able to have him (for health reasons) so it’s back to the dog-walker, and the problem is he howls before she arrives and after she’s left and the neighbours are complaining.

We’ve tried doggy daycare and they said he couldn’t stay as he wouldn’t settle and was anxious. It would work if he could have home-based daycare but I have made so many enquiries and nobody is taking on new dogs.

Even then, that doesn’t help if we want to go out in the evening. We can’t go for meals out or to friends’ houses for dinner as he howls and it’s not fair on the neighbours to ruin their Saturday night like that. And sure, we go to the pub and take him, but it would be nice to go somewhere other than the pub.

So we’re stuck, and while we love him, this is ruining our lives. Constantly having to think how we will manage and work around him so he’s not alone at all. If he could be with someone who was entirely home-based he’d be a fabulous dog as he’s so loving and keen to please. But we simply can’t be here 24 hours a day and we live in a terraced house. So sadly I think we are going to have to rehome him. I hate the thought of it but I can’t have my life like this for potentially 10-12 more years. Yes dogs are a lifetime commitment, I’ve had them all my life. But I’ve never had a dog who couldn’t be left at all ever without constant howling and when I say we’ve tried and tried to help him, I mean it.

I don’t know why I’m posting really. Please don’t be brutal if you’ve not dealt with this. Please don’t suggest other SA methods. I can tell you I have read every book, research article and blog there is on the subject and I have tried all the methods. This has been my life for three years. I will not give him to a rescue centre, he’s never been in a kennel in his life and he would be terrified. It’ll either be a conversation with his breeder or with a spaniel rescue. I’m just so sad about it.

Sorry to hear this and yes please only surrender to a dedicated spaniel rescue eg SARR etc.
Sprockers are crossed with 2 high energy breeds and cockers are known to be high anxiety, prone to SA etc. They need a job to do do and to be with people. Having owners who leave the house to work is often incompatible with spaniels because they want to be with you.
Hopefully a salient lesson for anyone reading this who may be considering getting a spaniel.

How sad.

Not much help if you feel you have to re home...
But have you tried the Good Citizen Dog Scheme? Its Offerd by your local dog club.
Only asking because for his gold award (a few years down the line) he'd learn a relax & settle with you being out of sight.

Another thing is considering his breed mix, maybe a doggy sport could help him? This would give him another job besides keeping everyone together at all times.

How about looking for a HomeSitter who would stay with him in your house when you're working or want to go out?

They are very cheap or even free and many specialise in pets:

https://www.trustedhousesitters.com/house-and-pet-sitters/?gadsource=1&gbraid=0AAAAADBK-M7V7W9JTTsB86zaOlBaUP5eP&gclid=CjwKCAjw57exBhAsEiwAaIxaZtGywMoRXTak0YnH7SU2Raim2Eg8B8ls0C4-vslUtw7uoo9ByhyIWBoCHsYQAvDBwE

He’s done loads of training classes. We do scentwork with him and lots of hiding dummies, retrieve work etc. When he’s with us he’s brilliant. None of it helps when he’s alone.

I don’t think it’s realistic that someone can be in our house all day every day for three days a week, plus if we want to go out on N occasional evening.

We can’t go to things like parents evenings without making plans. It’s exhausting.

Basically he needs a superchilled dog friend, a relative had this issue with a different breed and took on a friends failed working springer spaniel (wouldn’t pick anything up) and it was problem solved within a fortnight
I took on a rescue years ago that was very anxious and already had a very laid back lab and the rescue spent the first month welded to the lab but was then fine although she was always with the lab.
Another puppy will not work
If you don’t want to try this then rehoming is a good option. Your dog will settle into a new home especially if there are already dogs there very quickly.

I don't have any advice except to say try to forgive yourself, OP. You've tried everything. Find him a lovely home - someone who wfh, or a retired person etc. Your dog will be fine. I sympathise. I have developed misophonia and my dog's constant licking, slurping, mouthing noises are causing me a lot of distress, to the point that I've wondered whether my beloved dog may eventually need to be rehomed, if I can't solve my problem. It's hard to explain the impact on your life until it's happening to you, and the guilt is huge.

I’m not prepared to risk it. For every person this has worked with, there’s another who says it didn’t help and actually the chilled dog was made anxious by the SA dog. We also don’t want the expense of two dogs in terms of insurance, vet costs etc.

Have to say, a dog companion worked for us but it’s a big risk. We took on an older dog who was super relaxed but we’re lucky.

You sound like you’ve tried everything but does your dog walker or close friend have a dog you could test it out with at all? A close walking friend of his that he knows and you would feel comfortable leaving for 5 mins to see if it helps?

Oh how sad for you. It sounds like you have done a lot to try and help your poor dog. We have a dog with separation anxiety. She howls the place down. Thankfully I don't work so I'm always around but it does stop me from going out unless I can take her with me. We have two dogs and now my other dog has started to copy the behaviour. We have been viewing houses and having to take the dogs with us in the car. If we leave our dogs at home with our daughter, they still howl 🫣 but I can't imagine life without them and we have adapted our lives around them. We found a 1 hour work and mentally challenging games before we leave the house, help them to settle better. They still howl a little but their anxiety isn't as bad. We never leave them for more than a few hours and it is rare we go out without them.

Daft thing to perhaps say as you want a solution now but what about contacting Dogs Behaving Badly as production were looking for dogs for the programme. Or try one of the You Tube or Tik Tok trainers as sometimes they do it for free in return for posting the story on social media.

Otherwise, if you can't continue like this then please surrender them to a charity rescue centre specifically for Spaniels. Otherwise the poor dog will end up in a dogs home and that would be awful.

Good luck 🐾

I am shocked you would give your dog away because he wants to be with you. You could try as a pp said finding him a dog friend.
surely you knew when you got him that you wouldn’t be free to do as you want anymore

I’m sure you mean well but if this was meant to be supportive it’s rather wide of the mark.

Believe it or not I did research spaniels before I got a spaniel.

Judgemental and not helpful.

I thought - having had dogs all my life - that I would be able to go out for maybe three hours at a time. Or even twenty minutes.

I am a good dog owner. Every dog I have had has had a great life. They get walks, games, loads of exercise, good food and socialisation. This is on another level and I would urge you to walk a mile in my shoes before you judge.

I work in dog rescue and whilst you hear a lot of 'a dog is for life, they are family' etc. If you're a poor match it's no good carrying on. You sound as if you've gone the extra mile and I would say it's time to give your dog a better home (in terms of HIS needs) and reclaim your life. Ensure the breeder or breed rescue are 100% aware of the issues so that the next home will be a better fit.
It's sad and a shame but given the appropriate lifestyle your pup will go on to have a brilliant life. You've done your best.

We’ve worked with multiple behaviourists. They basically all work with one method which is don’t leave the dog for longer than he can cope with. We managed to get him up to about 30 mins using this method (after weeks and weeks of daily training) but never beyond that, and then after a few months he reverted back again. Now he’s back to howling as soon as we’ve left. I honestly don’t think there is another trainer or behaviourist who could help as I don’t know what method they would try which we’ve not already attempted.

Our sprocket, ten now had a companion an older springer, who in his youth had an older companion a Labrador.

Would you consider another dog.

@StillRunningUpThatHill if not there is a sprocker rescue group who I encourage you to contact.

Ask on this FB page

My lazy chilled lump on the sofa and his latest companion lying in the sun

Probably not what you want to hear, but a friend of mine had dog from puppy. Well trained, all good. Dog was left home 4 days a week while friend and DH at work, no issues. Then Covid/lockdown.

Once return to office for her/DH and uni/work for the kids the dog could not cope and howled terribly. Post Covid friend needed to be in office 2 days a week and poor neighbours driven mad by dog howling non stop. So her DH made special arrangements to wfh those days but of course, there was stuff like elderly parent dying in hospital etc so not foolproof situation where someone could be home at all times. All the while they had doggy behaviour therapists etc so a lot of money and time on top of other stressful events.

Someone always had to be ‘rostered on’ at home on weekends to be with the dog. Anyway no amount of professional assistance worked, so they still work it so one of them is usually wfh each weekday where possible, and when the dog needs to be left alone they dose it up with Valium prescribed by the vet. That works and back to a good relationship with neighbours.

You’ll see in my OP he’s been on meds and they haven’t helped. We’ve tried every kind of herbal shit you can buy, and we’ve tried the proper stuff from the vet - he was on it over a year. They don’t like prescribing it longer-term either.

Sorry to be abrupt. It’s just - when I said we’ve tried everything, I really mean it. 😢

We have a dog like this. She’s fantastic as long as she’s got human company.

We work from home, our kids share dog duty (harder now one is at uni and only home some weekends and holidays) and we have friends as a back up that have her when none of us can be there. We also have a pet sitter as a back up of the backup. 😅 It’s taken some adjustment.

We also have a trainer/behaviourist that works with her and she has got better in the last year. She’s 6 now and we’ve had her since she was 1.

Well it's sprocker rescue then @StillRunningUpThatHill

🙄

Separation anxiety is a very difficult thing to deal with as in order to improve things the dog needs to initially never be left alone. Which is obviously impossible if people need to go to work etc.
Some dogs are ok being left in the car for short periods of time but obviously cannot be done in the warmer weather.
Rehoming isn't the wrong thing to do but may be tricky to find the right person.
Im not sure if this is something that has already been mentioned so sorry if so but have you thought of borrow my doggy? It's a site where people without dogs can help those who have dogs without the full responsibility. May be an option anyway but if not then I hope everything goes well. You are right, you can't live like this.