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Original poster

Think we’ve reached the point of rehoming DDog and so sad about it

257 replies

StillRunningUpThatHill · 28/04/2024 14:00

Please be gentle as this is breaking my heart.

Ddog is a 3 year old sprocker spaniel. From the very beginning he has always had separation anxiety. We did everything right - we are members of Dog Training Advice and Support as well as their separation anxiety group (just because I know someone will suggest that) and read all the books flitting games as puppies, not leaving dogs alone before they can cope with it etc. The problem is he’s never ever learnt to cope. We have tried everything and I mean everything. Julie Nailsmith’s method, meds (all the herbal ones plus Prozac), we’ve spent thousands on behaviouralists as well as using our insurance to cover it. Nothing works. He howls when left and we hardly leave him at all. But we have to leave him sometimes - I have to go to the office three days a week, and on those days we have a dog walker who takes him out or he goes to my parents - but my parents are now not able to have him (for health reasons) so it’s back to the dog-walker, and the problem is he howls before she arrives and after she’s left and the neighbours are complaining.

We’ve tried doggy daycare and they said he couldn’t stay as he wouldn’t settle and was anxious. It would work if he could have home-based daycare but I have made so many enquiries and nobody is taking on new dogs.

Even then, that doesn’t help if we want to go out in the evening. We can’t go for meals out or to friends’ houses for dinner as he howls and it’s not fair on the neighbours to ruin their Saturday night like that. And sure, we go to the pub and take him, but it would be nice to go somewhere other than the pub.

So we’re stuck, and while we love him, this is ruining our lives. Constantly having to think how we will manage and work around him so he’s not alone at all. If he could be with someone who was entirely home-based he’d be a fabulous dog as he’s so loving and keen to please. But we simply can’t be here 24 hours a day and we live in a terraced house. So sadly I think we are going to have to rehome him. I hate the thought of it but I can’t have my life like this for potentially 10-12 more years. Yes dogs are a lifetime commitment, I’ve had them all my life. But I’ve never had a dog who couldn’t be left at all ever without constant howling and when I say we’ve tried and tried to help him, I mean it.

I don’t know why I’m posting really. Please don’t be brutal if you’ve not dealt with this. Please don’t suggest other SA methods. I can tell you I have read every book, research article and blog there is on the subject and I have tried all the methods. This has been my life for three years. I will not give him to a rescue centre, he’s never been in a kennel in his life and he would be terrified. It’ll either be a conversation with his breeder or with a spaniel rescue. I’m just so sad about it.

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 28/04/2024 16:06

Autumn1990 · 28/04/2024 14:17

Basically he needs a superchilled dog friend, a relative had this issue with a different breed and took on a friends failed working springer spaniel (wouldn’t pick anything up) and it was problem solved within a fortnight
I took on a rescue years ago that was very anxious and already had a very laid back lab and the rescue spent the first month welded to the lab but was then fine although she was always with the lab.
Another puppy will not work
If you don’t want to try this then rehoming is a good option. Your dog will settle into a new home especially if there are already dogs there very quickly.

We have a working cocker spaniel who is highly anxious and has SA. When I am home he follows me everywhere, will not leave my side. He does get left for around four/ five hours a day though and is fine but I do think that it helps having our elder chilled dog with him. I am hoping that by the time older dog is no longer with us, then one of us will be home. We don't go out in the evenings though as I don't like to leave them and we haven't been abroad for years because younger dog is so anxious if he is left with anyone else.
Op I hope you manage to find a solution,.

Original poster
StillRunningUpThatHill · 28/04/2024 16:06

New2schoolrun · 28/04/2024 16:04

Where abouts are you? I may be able to help

Greater Manchester. I’ve reached out to some spaniel rescues.

I would either rehome to people I know (tried this), or home check myself or use a reputable rescue. I wouldn’t ever just take him to a rehoming centre. He won’t be going in a kennel, I’d rather be with him while he was pts than that.

OP posts:
Candleabra · 28/04/2024 16:07

But isn’t rehoming him basically confirming the thing he’s most afraid of - separation from you?
It sounds like an incredibly difficult situation but I can’t see how he would be better off in a new/strange environment.

Original poster
StillRunningUpThatHill · 28/04/2024 16:07

Floralnomad · 28/04/2024 15:54

Unless you lived in a detached house in the middle of nowhere no he couldn’t just howl / bark . We are detached in a normal housing situation and when I have my doors / windows open I still hear neighbouring dogs and if I was next door to one that did it solidly a few days a week I would be complaining . The fact remains that I can’t see who would want him he can’t be left and he can’t go to daycare . Have you tried advertising locally for someone who maybe wfh and would take him for the days you work ?

Yes, I’ve reached out locally. There’s no-one.

OP posts:
Original poster
StillRunningUpThatHill · 28/04/2024 16:08

Candleabra · 28/04/2024 16:07

But isn’t rehoming him basically confirming the thing he’s most afraid of - separation from you?
It sounds like an incredibly difficult situation but I can’t see how he would be better off in a new/strange environment.

Because he’s fine with other people. He’ll go to my parents’ house happily, when we go abroad he stays with friends and he’s happy. He loves his family but he would adapt to another. It’s just being alone he can’t cope with.

OP posts:
Houseinawood · 28/04/2024 16:08

Here locally we had someone who posted locally about it. There was a lovely local lady who struggled as she was lonely and couldn’t go out - now 3 days a week the dog owner drops the dog off and picks it up on the way home - worked for them. Could you ask locally if anyone wants a dog twice a week or someone -or would work let you take him in?

Original poster
StillRunningUpThatHill · 28/04/2024 16:09

Houseinawood · 28/04/2024 16:08

Here locally we had someone who posted locally about it. There was a lovely local lady who struggled as she was lonely and couldn’t go out - now 3 days a week the dog owner drops the dog off and picks it up on the way home - worked for them. Could you ask locally if anyone wants a dog twice a week or someone -or would work let you take him in?

I’ve tried this already, no joy.

OP posts:
Clearinguptheclutter · 28/04/2024 16:10

No advice but it really does sound like you’ve tried everything, bar another dog which of course is a huge risk I’d not want to take.

Hope you find someone who can work around his needs. Poor dog but poor you too.

Apollo365 · 28/04/2024 16:11

FWIW it sounds like the right call for him. He needs someone who doesn’t go out and their life is just dedicated to their dog. It’s sad of course, but him being anxious at home alone is sadder.
I think you doing the right this. So sorry OP xx

Apollo365 · 28/04/2024 16:12

Also, I say this as a dog owner myself.

Floralnomad · 28/04/2024 16:17

Can the dog walker not keep him with her/ him for longer ? Alternatively do you know anyone with a nice dog that you could borrow to see if a second dog works , at least then you could rehome him as ‘must have another dog’ which would really make it easier to find him somewhere .

Quitelikeit · 28/04/2024 16:23

Why are you bothering to answer the posts that are not helpful.

See if there’s anything you have not tried if there isn’t then rehome the dog.

Don’t come on and defend your reasons. Waste of your energy - it’d be better spent on finding a new home

Original poster
StillRunningUpThatHill · 28/04/2024 16:24

Floralnomad · 28/04/2024 16:17

Can the dog walker not keep him with her/ him for longer ? Alternatively do you know anyone with a nice dog that you could borrow to see if a second dog works , at least then you could rehome him as ‘must have another dog’ which would really make it easier to find him somewhere .

I’ve already asked her this and it’s a no.

He’s great with other dogs but I don’t think it would fix the problem. I don’t know anyone who would let me have their dog for something like this, no, but I honestly don’t think it would help him. He likes other dogs but it’s human company he needs.

OP posts:
Original poster
StillRunningUpThatHill · 28/04/2024 16:25

Quitelikeit · 28/04/2024 16:23

Why are you bothering to answer the posts that are not helpful.

See if there’s anything you have not tried if there isn’t then rehome the dog.

Don’t come on and defend your reasons. Waste of your energy - it’d be better spent on finding a new home

Well, I can do both, as it happens. I have reached out to spaniel rescues this afternoon while posting on Mumsnet. I’ve managed to do both activities.

And I guess it’s partly to reassure myself that I really have tried with him.

OP posts:
FollowTheFuckingInstructions · 28/04/2024 16:33

Have you tried him on anti depressant? My friend had good results - have pm-d.

redboxer321 · 28/04/2024 16:35

I have a suggestion as to how you might give him an edge in getting rehomed: Would you be willing to pay all his bills for the rest of his life?
The reason I ask is that, if I didn't already have an only-dog dog, I would be happy to adopt another dog but I couldn't afford it.
If you could cover all vets bills, insurance, food, harness, coats, beds etc then he might have a better chance. Obviously, you would need to set it up properly but it might give him a better chance.

Don't discount rescue centres either. He could stay at home and be adopted from your home but be advertised by them. It would just be a way of getting him seen by more people. Choose carefully obviously.

My only other suggestion is a residential rehab centre such as this:
The Canine Behaviour Rehabilitation Centre Enquiry (cbrc.uk)
(I have no experience of them, I just know of another centre which directed me to this one.)

Good luck @StillRunningUpThatHill
I don't doubt the challenge but I really don't think this dog should be pts and I realise that is the last thing you want too.

The Canine Behaviour Rehabilitation Centre Enquiry

The Canine Behaviour Rehabilitation Centre began at my animal sanctuary in 2015 when I realised there was a gap.

https://cbrc.uk/index.php/rehabilitation-centre-enquiry

Original poster
StillRunningUpThatHill · 28/04/2024 16:36

FollowTheFuckingInstructions · 28/04/2024 16:33

Have you tried him on anti depressant? My friend had good results - have pm-d.

Yes, please see my earlier posts.

OP posts:
Original poster
StillRunningUpThatHill · 28/04/2024 16:38

redboxer321 · 28/04/2024 16:35

I have a suggestion as to how you might give him an edge in getting rehomed: Would you be willing to pay all his bills for the rest of his life?
The reason I ask is that, if I didn't already have an only-dog dog, I would be happy to adopt another dog but I couldn't afford it.
If you could cover all vets bills, insurance, food, harness, coats, beds etc then he might have a better chance. Obviously, you would need to set it up properly but it might give him a better chance.

Don't discount rescue centres either. He could stay at home and be adopted from your home but be advertised by them. It would just be a way of getting him seen by more people. Choose carefully obviously.

My only other suggestion is a residential rehab centre such as this:
The Canine Behaviour Rehabilitation Centre Enquiry (cbrc.uk)
(I have no experience of them, I just know of another centre which directed me to this one.)

Good luck @StillRunningUpThatHill
I don't doubt the challenge but I really don't think this dog should be pts and I realise that is the last thing you want too.

Yes I would be willing to pay his costs but I have no idea of how that would work legally. As I would see that as me being the legal owner of the dog and ultimately making decisions which a new owner would probably want to make (eg insurance level and provider, frequency of flea and worm treatment, brand of dog food).

OP posts:
TheFlis · 28/04/2024 16:50

Have you tried Rover? A friend of mine has a dog with SA and she found someone local on there who WFH full time and she pays them to work from her house on the 2 days a week she has to go into the office, I think she pays about 25 a day. The person also dog sits for them on occasional evenings.

redboxer321 · 28/04/2024 16:51

You'd just come to an agreement, surely? You could set up a regular delivery for food and get it sent to the new owner's house for example. Or they could invoice you. Go through the rehoming centre if that made it easier. Or a solicitor maybe.
Some decisions I think you would have to accept would not be down to you and you'd have to put your trust in the new owner.
But if you rehome him without paying the bills, then you'll get no say in anything.

Clearheaded · 28/04/2024 16:52

@StillRunningUpThatHill

You sound like a really nice dog owner and you have tried your best.

My neighbour had a dog like this, he howled all the time when they went out. They have been bending over backwards not to leave him alone. I offered to take him in on the days I worked from home because I have a very relaxed spaniel. Unfortunately he drove my very independent spaniel mad, because he likes peace and space. He doesn't want to be bothered by an annoying dog. My dog would typically adapt to other dogs but not this one.

HesterPrincess · 28/04/2024 17:02

I've got a sprocker and a working cocker, both with separation anxiety. They come to work with me, and are basically never left... my DD lives in the village so if I got to hairdresser/GP then she has them. The one gets so distressed he chews his tail and you come home to a bloodbath even if you've only been gone 20 minutes. It's like being held permanent hostage at times. I hear you OP, I'm lucky that I can arrange my life around them.

Just use a spaniel based rescue (Spaniel Aid, Spaniel Assist) so your dog goes the right home for their needs.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 28/04/2024 17:10

I have met quite a few sprocker/springers and imo they dont make good family dogs. Presumably there are ones out there who are more mellow, but whenever one shows up at a dog training class I am at, we all jostle to be furthest away. I did see the dog borstal chap at a seminar once and he said that a lot of people feed these dogs too much protein - ie. diets meant for busy working dogs, not pets. So may be worth thinking about what he is eating. But in the long run, rehoming sounds like the right plan and a proper breed rescue is always the best way to go.

LetsGoRoundTheRoundabout · 28/04/2024 17:13

We rehomed our dog who was heading down this path. He was fine pre-covid, but having us home 24/7 for a year meant that when we started to have to go back to the office, etc, he couldn’t cope with it (he previously had been happy on his own for a couple of hours, or a longer day with a dog Walker in the middle).

We went to a breed rescue, who were very understanding. They rehomed to a retired couple who already had a dog. No kennels, no fostering, straight from us to them. He settled really well there.

RandomMess · 28/04/2024 17:20

I want to give you hope that a new home may work out just fine.

Friend took on a dog that had to be given up for the same reasons. He went into foster with a lady with other dogs. I think it broke his attachment to his original owners.

He is now happily left alone in his new home for a few hours at a time.