Think we’ve reached the point of rehoming DDog and so sad about it

[StillRunningUpThatHill]

Please be gentle as this is breaking my heart.

Ddog is a 3 year old sprocker spaniel. From the very beginning he has always had separation anxiety. We did everything right - we are members of Dog Training Advice and Support as well as their separation anxiety group (just because I know someone will suggest that) and read all the books flitting games as puppies, not leaving dogs alone before they can cope with it etc. The problem is he’s never ever learnt to cope. We have tried everything and I mean everything. Julie Nailsmith’s method, meds (all the herbal ones plus Prozac), we’ve spent thousands on behaviouralists as well as using our insurance to cover it. Nothing works. He howls when left and we hardly leave him at all. But we have to leave him sometimes - I have to go to the office three days a week, and on those days we have a dog walker who takes him out or he goes to my parents - but my parents are now not able to have him (for health reasons) so it’s back to the dog-walker, and the problem is he howls before she arrives and after she’s left and the neighbours are complaining.

We’ve tried doggy daycare and they said he couldn’t stay as he wouldn’t settle and was anxious. It would work if he could have home-based daycare but I have made so many enquiries and nobody is taking on new dogs.

Even then, that doesn’t help if we want to go out in the evening. We can’t go for meals out or to friends’ houses for dinner as he howls and it’s not fair on the neighbours to ruin their Saturday night like that. And sure, we go to the pub and take him, but it would be nice to go somewhere other than the pub.

So we’re stuck, and while we love him, this is ruining our lives. Constantly having to think how we will manage and work around him so he’s not alone at all. If he could be with someone who was entirely home-based he’d be a fabulous dog as he’s so loving and keen to please. But we simply can’t be here 24 hours a day and we live in a terraced house. So sadly I think we are going to have to rehome him. I hate the thought of it but I can’t have my life like this for potentially 10-12 more years. Yes dogs are a lifetime commitment, I’ve had them all my life. But I’ve never had a dog who couldn’t be left at all ever without constant howling and when I say we’ve tried and tried to help him, I mean it.

I don’t know why I’m posting really. Please don’t be brutal if you’ve not dealt with this. Please don’t suggest other SA methods. I can tell you I have read every book, research article and blog there is on the subject and I have tried all the methods. This has been my life for three years. I will not give him to a rescue centre, he’s never been in a kennel in his life and he would be terrified. It’ll either be a conversation with his breeder or with a spaniel rescue. I’m just so sad about it.

Borrow my Doggy is unregulated. I also don’t think anyone would commit to three full days a week for the longer term which is what he needs. My office days aren’t particularly long and are broken up by our dog walker taking him out, but he just can’t be left at all. So we also can never go for a meal or even do a joint visit to the dentist without thinking of the dog.

If anyone is thinking I’m being over dramatic just think how many times you make short trips out in a week - to Tesco or church or the optician, or anywhere else where dogs can’t go - it is not unreasonable to assume that you should still be able to do those things.

If we try and go out on a Saturday night, it is only ever after he’s basically had hours of playtime, free running and games all afternoon and he’s been with us all day. Most dogs would see a couple of hours in the evening when their owners are out as boring time to have a sleep. He doesn’t. He’s frantically looking for us and howling the whole time (we have a camera so can watch him). When we get home he’s traumatised and falls asleep exhausted. It’s not fair on him.

Our dog is like this but has improved a little more recently. We have had him for 4 years.

We didn’t want to re home him so I changed jobs to wfh and my partner was able to wfh a lot already. Sometimes we don’t both get to do things like parents evening and we’ve adapted our social life. Our kids help out so we can go out and we mostly holiday in the UK so he can come with us. If we go abroad he stays with friends and he’s happy.

Feeling so sad for you. You've obviously done everything you can to try to make your Ddog happy. Sometimes doing the responsible and loving thing is so very difficult. The right rescue group will find your dog the perfect home. Don't listen to those on this thread who criticise your decision. They have no idea how difficult it can be. You owe it to your dog to give him the chance to find a home where he will not be anxious. You are doing the right thing. 🐾💐❤️

Sounds like a really difficult decision but the correct one for him, really sorry must be so heartbreaking 😞

I’m sorry. SA is one of the hardest things to deal with and why it’s so important to prevent it. You’ve done everything right. Some dogs are just hard wired to experience it.

I don’t have any suggestions you’ve not already tried as sub threshold training is the gold standard with or without meds. Spaniels are notorious for it as they are so handler driven but any dog can suffer.

Just a hand hold as it’s really shitty to be in this situation as obviously good owners.

Age can make a big difference alongside training. Is a sabbatical from a job an option? Or speaking really nicely to your employer? Whilst you give it one last shot and continue to let him mature. Thats about the only thing I can think of.

You've done all you can OP.

My mother is currently fostering a dog from Spaniel Aid. It's a lovely little dog. It ended up in SA because of extreme separation anxiety. My mum thought it wouldn't be a huge issue when she volunteered to foster it - she (and I) have had dogs with SA before. But this is just another level...

It's awful. She can't leave the house with my dad anymore - someone has to be home 24/7. They can't go out for meals together (their Friday evening treat). They can't go into the garden without the dog. Can't go to the shops. Can't come and see me. She couldn't even go to the toilet without leaving the door open as the poor thing goes bonkers. She's had dogs her entire life (60 now) so isn't a novice owner - and for the last twenty years she's had spaniels and retrievers. She understands the breed so well. Yet, everything she has tried has failed. There have been tiny improvements over the last month or so - she can now pee with the door closed. But that's it.

Sometimes trying to help a dog with SA requires a full time trainer and until people have had a dog that suffers as badly as yours clearly does...they just don't get it.

Send your dog to Spaniel Aid. They really do try and fix issues like this and they have a wealth of experience dealing with spaniel related separation anxiety. Don't give it back to the breeder - they won't have the time to fix this issue.

Thanks for your kind words. I basically agreed six months of WFH (while we were doing the sub threshold training) and no office time at all and work were very good about it. It didn’t help, and I do need to be there a bit unfortunately. And if anything he’s getting worse rather than better.

Thank you for your supportive words, they really help.

He’s not quite this bad - if we’re in the house he’s fine, and he’s content to stay in one room and not follow us. When I WFH I’m in my study and he’s in the kitchen and he’s totally fine because he knows I’m in the house, he’ll sleep and relax. But as soon as we leave the house he’s triggered.

The problem is @StillRunningUpThatHill that there are lots of dogs in rescues so why would anyone else want a dog that can’t be left for even 30 minutes without howling .

We got our dog a dog.... Made no improvement whatsoever in the separation anxiety, and the new dog absolutely didn't give a shit about being on their own. Existing dog kept on howling...
The difference is we wanted a second dog!

People forget that whilst you and the dog become family, sometimes the dog isn't the right one for you and sometimes you aren't the right people for that dog.

At that point, the dog does better in a different type of home where someone is with him 24/7. Plenty of them out there and he'll be a happier dog in the longer term.

That's very sad. Could you do a trial period with a dog friend for him just to see if it might work? A friend had a similar problem, albeit not as intense as yours, which was solved by a sleepy docile Greyhound to live with.

Just wanted to say having had my lab for 2 years now and it's been hard but amazing at the same time. We have no separation anxiety at all, she is great for 4 hours (rarely). Why am I posting as that's not really helpful for you - well because it's a massive commitment having a dog and making g sure they are happy - you have done eveything you can to help your dog and I do think you need to rehome. My point is I know how hard it is even with a non SA dog and I think you are amazing for everything g you have done and it's the right thing to do next for you and your dog. You can do it without guilt as you have tried so hard - best of luck xx

So what do you suggest I do? Have him
put down? That is realistically the only alternative.

If I lived in a detached house he could howl. Not nice for him, but I wouldn’t be looking to rehome. But I don’t and my neighbours have very politely said they can’t cope any longer with the noise.

Also OP is not suggesting g she will dump in him a rescue here - I'm sure she will take the same time and effort to rehome

That’s along the lines of what I was going to say tbh

if he’s that bad, rehoming is likely to make him worse and what happens then?

I feel for you. You have invested a lot of time and energy into your dog. I can see it would be devastating to rehome him, but there may well be someone, retired for example, who is happy to take him on. We have a couple of localish rehoming charities who work to pair a dog needing a new home with the right one, without the kennel - so direct from existing to new owner.
i am in Aberdeenshire, so probably no help , but my second dog came to me that way, and it worked really well.

By all means, call the breeder, they may be able to suggest something similar
close to you.

Same question to you then. Do I have him put down?

I admire the posters on this thread who basically never leave their dogs. Unfortunately that doesn’t work for my family. We need a dog that can cope with being left for three hours at a time, a few times a week - not every day, and not even most days in the week. I don’t think that’s a particularly unreasonable thing to want, and in return we are very proactive with walks, training, generally committing to giving a dog a good life. We have spent a fortune on trying to get him to that point and nothing has worked. And I can’t send him to daycare for reasons already outlined so that’s not an option either.

Unless you lived in a detached house in the middle of nowhere no he couldn’t just howl / bark . We are detached in a normal housing situation and when I have my doors / windows open I still hear neighbouring dogs and if I was next door to one that did it solidly a few days a week I would be complaining . The fact remains that I can’t see who would want him he can’t be left and he can’t go to daycare . Have you tried advertising locally for someone who maybe wfh and would take him for the days you work ?

It sounds like you’ve really tried OP. Don’t give yourself a hard time. That is something that my family couldn’t cope with either and we’ve owned so many dogs. There will be a home much more suited to him where he will be happier.

Spaniels are notoriously known for SA. I have fostered many .. most are lockdown dogs whose owners now need to work and the dog is distraught. I get what you're saying, one little chap we had howled the house down!! I work from home but if I nipped to the doctor's surgery, shop etc he'd bark and howl from the minute I left.!! Very hard to rehome those dogs. He went to an old couple on a farm so no neighbours to moan at his nonsense. Don't feel guilty, do what you need to do for you - god knows you've tried to solve the situation. Please go with a specialist spaniel rescue who know the breed.

I was thinking this as an option / You may find someone on borrow my doggy who is happy with a time share arrangement - appreciate it is not regulated but I met with four people before I was happy with one - it is quite obvious ime who is reliable and who isnt on there - the person I went with works with the cinnamon trust. Some of the ones I didn't go with either had never owned a dog or were clearly just looking to earn some money - point being it's quite easy to spot who to trust and who not to trust- I actually feel bad and buy presents as it's so weird they don't want paying.

I mean, it’s possibly kinder than rehoming him…

I’m not criticising you btw, there’s someone in my house most of the time, but there’s still the odd time I have to leave the dogs alone.

But realistically he’d need to find an owner with no neighbours who is in most of the time - and they have to be willing to take on a dog with severe separation anxiety where all the normal training has been tried… that’s like hens teeth.

We had a beagle like this for 11 years before he died (got him from a rescue so wasn’t a puppy) No advice. Just solidarity. We tried everything too.

I totally understand why you don’t want to risk another dog.
It could be tricky finding a new home for him
Do the stronger meds from the vets work? I know they have issues when taken longer term but a short but happier life is a good compromise.

Where abouts are you? I may be able to help