Think we’ve reached the point of rehoming DDog and so sad about it

[StillRunningUpThatHill]

Please be gentle as this is breaking my heart.

Ddog is a 3 year old sprocker spaniel. From the very beginning he has always had separation anxiety. We did everything right - we are members of Dog Training Advice and Support as well as their separation anxiety group (just because I know someone will suggest that) and read all the books flitting games as puppies, not leaving dogs alone before they can cope with it etc. The problem is he’s never ever learnt to cope. We have tried everything and I mean everything. Julie Nailsmith’s method, meds (all the herbal ones plus Prozac), we’ve spent thousands on behaviouralists as well as using our insurance to cover it. Nothing works. He howls when left and we hardly leave him at all. But we have to leave him sometimes - I have to go to the office three days a week, and on those days we have a dog walker who takes him out or he goes to my parents - but my parents are now not able to have him (for health reasons) so it’s back to the dog-walker, and the problem is he howls before she arrives and after she’s left and the neighbours are complaining.

We’ve tried doggy daycare and they said he couldn’t stay as he wouldn’t settle and was anxious. It would work if he could have home-based daycare but I have made so many enquiries and nobody is taking on new dogs.

Even then, that doesn’t help if we want to go out in the evening. We can’t go for meals out or to friends’ houses for dinner as he howls and it’s not fair on the neighbours to ruin their Saturday night like that. And sure, we go to the pub and take him, but it would be nice to go somewhere other than the pub.

So we’re stuck, and while we love him, this is ruining our lives. Constantly having to think how we will manage and work around him so he’s not alone at all. If he could be with someone who was entirely home-based he’d be a fabulous dog as he’s so loving and keen to please. But we simply can’t be here 24 hours a day and we live in a terraced house. So sadly I think we are going to have to rehome him. I hate the thought of it but I can’t have my life like this for potentially 10-12 more years. Yes dogs are a lifetime commitment, I’ve had them all my life. But I’ve never had a dog who couldn’t be left at all ever without constant howling and when I say we’ve tried and tried to help him, I mean it.

I don’t know why I’m posting really. Please don’t be brutal if you’ve not dealt with this. Please don’t suggest other SA methods. I can tell you I have read every book, research article and blog there is on the subject and I have tried all the methods. This has been my life for three years. I will not give him to a rescue centre, he’s never been in a kennel in his life and he would be terrified. It’ll either be a conversation with his breeder or with a spaniel rescue. I’m just so sad about it.

It sounds very much he needs to go to a working home. The breed rescues are better placed to find him that home. People who work their dogs or run training have the facility to ensure he’s not alone. He’ll either be with them or with other dogs. If he’s ok with other people it sounds more like isolation distress than SA but it’s still very difficult to deal with.

Please don’t beat yourself up OP. It’s the hardest thing to live with and rehoming your much loved dog is gut wrenching.

I'd honestly try another adult dog keeping him company. It doesn't have to be a perfect solution but does give you an idea of what your options are. Borrowed from a friend at first, and if it works then you have an option to consider a second dog or continue with the rehoming plan.

Best case scenario you have a solution to consider.

Worst case scenario you have a mates dog over the weekend for an extended play date.

What a bloody horrible situation to find yourself in though. Must be so upsetting. I really hope you find an option you can all be happy with.

Ultimately it’s probably better for him.

a friend was in this situation with her dog years ago. Terrible separation anxiety. She rehomed him via the breed rescue to a family with other dogs, a sahm. He settled in well and was much happier.

Sending sympathy! As someone who has rescued and fostered several dogs I don't think people should be shamed for not being able to cope when it doesn't work out especially when they've put so much effort into training and sorting the problem. My dog can't be left, he is incredibly destructive and his separation anxiety is so severe he will vomit and poo inside if left. He's a rescue who had 5 homes in a very short time so I was expecting behaviour like this. We're at the point now where he's happy to be left in my van and he comes to work with me so as long as he knows I'm around he's okay but I can 100% appreciate why he wasn't suited to his previous homes. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to find him the right home that is prepared to cope.

I also wanted to add that although at the moment I just have the one I have lived with another dog while having him and it made no difference - it works for some dogs but def isn't a guarantee. So sorry you're finding yourself in this horrible situation

Then you know that you have a cross breed of 2 x working breeds. Cockers are well known for being velcro dogs and suffering from SA.
They need to be working and in a home where someone is around for 90% of the time.
A working home could be exactly what he needs.
Working breeds need to work.

Don’t feel bad, this is no life for you or the dog.

If it was me, I’d make one last attempt with the vet, tell them you are desperate and are on the verge of rehoming the dog and will consider any treatment at this stage. Anything.

But honestly, even if the vet removes the dogs vocal cords, the dog is still a nervous wreck. It’s no life for either of you, and none of this is your fault either.

Good luck x

Spaniels are very anxious dogs. You have tried everything OP. If he’s generally a nice dog you might find he is also happier in a home more suited to his needs. I always think that there’s more than one person capable of caring for your pets and aslong as you’re careful he can go to a good home.

I had to rehome my much loved spaniel. He had anxiety and unfortunately it led to him biting. I won’t go into what it was, but ultimately it was too great a risk around the kids. He went to a friend of a friend who doesn’t have children and so the things that made him anxious aren’t an issue for them. He went over a year ago and actually messaged his new owner this morning with a photo from my Timehop and she sent me one back, we don’t talk loads but she does send me nice pics on him on holiday.

I tried to persevere and keep him and I’m glad I decided against it and rehomed him. He’s much better off than here where he had to be segregated a lot.

I also think rescues are a waste of time. I rehomed through the word of mouth but I have a wide dog circle.

It’s difficult and very sad. But you have done everything you can. Sometimes animals just have very high needs in certain areas and not everything can be fixed.

I think you’ve done the best you can. You have gained a wealth of expertise in this area and I’m sure in your future you will one day find that you can really help someone else. You are doing the best you can and letting any future carers know his needs.

It sounds like he needs 24/7 company, I’m sure there will be someone out there who can give him that.

Also to add - I had a dog with terrible SA. He was happy with another dog but that’s a big gamble.

Have you heard of Dogs 4 Rescue? They're in Manchester and they take dogs that are difficult to re-home.

You're doing the right thing, by the way. It sounds like hell on earth.

Spaniel aid- great charity. We foster for them but currently settling a traumatised Sprocker who we are keeping but will in a year or so again. They have a great network and all my fosters went to match perfect homes. Much better than we coul offer.

You are doing the correct thing

My husbands family dog when he was young was like this and the only thing that worked for his Dad was getting another dog! As soon as he had a friend he could cope for the length of a work day. But I know you aren’t keen. Beyond that I’m not sure as it really does sound like you’ve tried everything! Could you foster a dog rather than commit to a new one to check if having a friend helps him?

Haven’t read every post but…

I feel for you OP as have been there too.

But from not even three seconds we’ve now managed three hours a few times.

there are other meds - ask the vet again or find a different one - if you’re insured try a vet behaviourist if you can as they are more clued up and less nervous about prescribing these. My dog is on two types

we get most of our sitters from Rover and they’re brilliant and adore our dog (he goes to them - he actually finds this easier). we only let him go to people who have plenty of dog experience

good luck!

Been through similar myself recently OP and rehomed our 4 years old cocker. We went through Spaniel Aid UK and they were great from beginning to end I couldn’t recommend them highly enough.

Please dont rehome privately or do what redboxer suggests.

Go to a reputable breed rescue. They will home check, understand the issues and give the dog life time support. If the new home does not work out the rescue will always be there as backup.

He'd learn if he can learn......I have had a dog like this and its not a question of teaching them. Luckily I am retired and was able to manage him so that we were both happy but its a bit of a nightmare.

Sad to read, poor dog and poor you. He needs someone around all the time by the sounds of and that’s quite hard to accommodate I’d have thought.
Hope you find a nice home, there will be someone suitable.

If you lived by my DM she would be thrilled to have him anytime! She just can’t walk them due to her mobility so unfair to get one herself, plus her age.

I'm so sorry for you OP.
There absolutely will be people that will be happy to share their home with your sprocker and not leave him alone so please don't listen to anyone saying not to give him up due to this
No matter whether you have a detached house or not it's not fair on your dog to be so distressed and it's really wonderful that you've recognised it. It is fine that this doesn't work for you and I can only imagine how heartbreaking this decision is for you.
No advice at all as it sounds like you've tried everything that's in your power. The only thing left is for him to go to someone that can be with him all the time and he can be a content little thing 24/7.
💐

I've rehomed two dogs unfortunately. I'm not going to go in to the circumstances but I didn't rehome one then go out and get another, I'm not a moron.

First dog had quite bad allergies, so a hefty vet bill every month, thought no one would be interested. There was actually so so many people that were interested and she now lives a far better life than she ever could have with me.

Second dog had some behavioural issues after being attacked by another dog but again, lots of interest. She didn't have SA but ended living with a housebound woman and her sons. Again, better life than I could give her.

So chances are, you will have interest.

The other thing is rehoming a dog is much much more painful for you than it is the dog in hindsight. We attribute too much human thought to dogs in my opinion and they really don't care as much as we imagine they do.

You've made a good effort to make things work, it hasn't. You can't put your life on hold to suit the dogs needs, it's no way to live.

I'm shocked that you can't imagine just how crap this poor posters life is with a high anxiety dog.

This is what happens when you buy a mongrel from a backyard puppy farmer. Why did you choose to purchase a mutt? How could you research his lines to be able to make predictions about behaviour? Did you ensure the dam and sire had good hip and eye scores? Is he endorsed?

It baffles me why people are happy to spend thousands of pounds on a crossbreed with a silly name, particularly those who cross working breeds, then toss them away when they behave like they're supposed to. Poor, poor dog.

Maybe she shouldn't have knowingly gone out and bought a mixture of two working, high energy, sensitive, anxious breeds then? And supporting a puppy farmer too, meaning more will now end up in rescue along with this poor thing.

Can you point to how you know where she bought it or how much she paid? I must have missed those details.