Think we’ve reached the point of rehoming DDog and so sad about it

[StillRunningUpThatHill]

Please be gentle as this is breaking my heart.

Ddog is a 3 year old sprocker spaniel. From the very beginning he has always had separation anxiety. We did everything right - we are members of Dog Training Advice and Support as well as their separation anxiety group (just because I know someone will suggest that) and read all the books flitting games as puppies, not leaving dogs alone before they can cope with it etc. The problem is he’s never ever learnt to cope. We have tried everything and I mean everything. Julie Nailsmith’s method, meds (all the herbal ones plus Prozac), we’ve spent thousands on behaviouralists as well as using our insurance to cover it. Nothing works. He howls when left and we hardly leave him at all. But we have to leave him sometimes - I have to go to the office three days a week, and on those days we have a dog walker who takes him out or he goes to my parents - but my parents are now not able to have him (for health reasons) so it’s back to the dog-walker, and the problem is he howls before she arrives and after she’s left and the neighbours are complaining.

We’ve tried doggy daycare and they said he couldn’t stay as he wouldn’t settle and was anxious. It would work if he could have home-based daycare but I have made so many enquiries and nobody is taking on new dogs.

Even then, that doesn’t help if we want to go out in the evening. We can’t go for meals out or to friends’ houses for dinner as he howls and it’s not fair on the neighbours to ruin their Saturday night like that. And sure, we go to the pub and take him, but it would be nice to go somewhere other than the pub.

So we’re stuck, and while we love him, this is ruining our lives. Constantly having to think how we will manage and work around him so he’s not alone at all. If he could be with someone who was entirely home-based he’d be a fabulous dog as he’s so loving and keen to please. But we simply can’t be here 24 hours a day and we live in a terraced house. So sadly I think we are going to have to rehome him. I hate the thought of it but I can’t have my life like this for potentially 10-12 more years. Yes dogs are a lifetime commitment, I’ve had them all my life. But I’ve never had a dog who couldn’t be left at all ever without constant howling and when I say we’ve tried and tried to help him, I mean it.

I don’t know why I’m posting really. Please don’t be brutal if you’ve not dealt with this. Please don’t suggest other SA methods. I can tell you I have read every book, research article and blog there is on the subject and I have tried all the methods. This has been my life for three years. I will not give him to a rescue centre, he’s never been in a kennel in his life and he would be terrified. It’ll either be a conversation with his breeder or with a spaniel rescue. I’m just so sad about it.

I feel for you, especially having been through something similar. A few things broke the cycle for us, the canine version of prozac combined with help from a vet/behavioural therapist (I know you’ve tried that). But by far the biggest thing that helped was a complete overhaul of my expectations. Looking back, I hadn’t realised how stressed I had become and how much my dog was picking up on that and responding to it. If you’re at the stage that you have nothing to loose, I would strongly suggest letting go of any behaviour or routine you think your dog should have and just flowing your dogs needs (i know that sounds easier than it is). And then very slowly build up, so leaving the room for just a few seconds. Then a little more etc. Never too much, preferbaly a little less than a little more. And play together and do nose work. I also can recommend a book called ‘The do no harm training and behavior handbook’.
Best of luck.

@Floralnomad

There will be a housebound person who would.

Thank you. I have filled in the form on the Spaniel Aid website after seeing so many posters recommend them.

Honestly, I know I’m repetitive but we have tried this. He loves games and scentwork, we do them all the time.

And he’s fine in the house. I can leave him in a room no issue, I don’t even have to be on the same floor in the house as him. I just can’t leave the actual house. And at times I have to, and I don’t always have someone who can look after him although we do what we can to try and facilitate this. As I said in my OP my parents have helped us massively but unfortunately my Dad is quite poorly currently so they’re not able to now.

The problem is I couldn’t actually afford £75 a week for daycare on top of insurance, food, vet bills etc. I’m not an irresponsible owner. We budgeted for a dog. But we didn’t budget for daycare because I am only out of the house three days a week, and even then not for all day - three or four hours at a time. So we assumed a dog would be fine, as our previous dogs have all been fine. We already go without a lot of luxuries to pay for him as it is, which I don’t begrudge at all but it means there’s not much else to cut back in order to then pay £300 a month daycare.

The field spaniel. Gamekeepers who had cockers and springers would occasionally find an accidental litter cross. They were valued and trainable in the same way as their parents.

I'm glad you've reached out.

I've read every post on here and just sending solidarity OP. I have 2 dogs (the regulation retired greyhounds) after having reactive collies/beagles.

SA is a bastard. We haven't had a dog with SA for about 5 years (beagle) but it was hideous. We got her a mate/daycare etc etc but it was impossible to have a normal life.

Anyway the greys we have now are super chilled. I have a dog sitter once a week when I'm out but the novelty of having dogs you can leave has not worn off.

They don't even get up to greet me when I get home. You can just get up and leave without all the drama and angst.

I had become totally institutionalised and our life was so damaged by having a dog with SA. It was like living with an abusive partner. So lovely but ultimately a living hell.

You've had brilliant advice and I'm not familiar with spaniels but I wish all the very best for you OP.

@StillRunningUpThatHill

Have you tried climbing out the window?

If I were you, I'd try getting a foster dog. I'm sure one of the rescues would be able to help you

I know you don't want the expense of a second dog, but with fostering you'd get help with that & the opportunity to see if it helps, without another lifetime commitment.

if you do rehome him, I'm sure you'll find a great home for him, where he can thrive.

xx

Thank you, and thanks to all the other posters who have been similarly kind.

If you’ve not had a dog with SA you have no idea what it’s like. It is absolute hell and I feel chained to the dog 24/7. Of course dogs are a huge commitment, I have always had them and would always expect that (for example) we’d have to make plans for the dog if we wanted a day out at the zoo or similar. We’d never leave any dog more than four hours alone, max. But until you’ve lived with a dog which can’t even be left for twenty minutes you just don’t know what it’s like. And well-meaning posters suggesting it’s because he’s eating too much protein or something (he isn’t - yes, we’ve looked at diet as part of this) just show they don’t really get how extreme a phobia this is for some dogs.

I’m not sure I’ll ever have a dog again - not unless I was in a position where I could 100% WFH, or when I retire. It makes me so sad to say that but this experience has broken me. And that’s before he’s been rehomed - it will be devastating.

I think in my darkest days I had to be a bit 1970s about it... like a PP said - the dog will adapt to a new home. We ascribe feelings that maybe aren't there.

You didn't, though. No one reputable breeds crossbreeds deliberately.

To the PP who asked about hip and eye scores - they're very important. If a breeder hasn't had them done, they aren't reputable.

HTH.

A) they had had hip and eye scores. See previous posts. HTH.

B) Please research Sprockers and why they are not standard “crossbreeds” of the cockerpoo type and are preferred by some for different types of work (although they can’t enter trials). There is a world of difference between breeding two random breeds and two spaniel breeds to produce a dog which is 100% spaniel. Guide Dogs take a similar approach to their breeding programme, with the majority of their stock being golden retriever x Labrador.

Again, HTH.

Talk to the rescue centre, see if they have a companion dog that needs fostering and offer to foster the dog to try it out. If it works you can adopt another dog, if it doesn't you're not tied into owning a second dog.

My dog used to cry when I left. He still does sometimes even if others are in. Our neighbours can't hear thankfully. We have 3 other dogs who don't howl and cry, just this one. I would not rehome him for all the money in the world.

I’ve already explained I’m not in a position to adopt another dog. And if you read up on SA it’s also not a recommended approach.

I’m happy for you that you’re not in my position but unfortunately my neighbours can hear him. And have complained. I can assure you this is not a decision I am taking lightly and certainly not a position I ever would have imagined myself in. It’s easy to say you’d never rehome a dog for “any money in the world” until you’re in a position like this. I used to say it too.

You don't know what you are talking about, do you? What massive assumptions. People purposely breed sprokers particular work.

The anger about breeding on this thread is totally misplaced.

Give it a rest.

Our sprocker is a working dog and loves it. He's no mutt

Exactly though. Your sprocker is a working dog. They need a job to do.

This is what happens when you buy a mongrel from a backyard puppy farmer.

Separation anxiety doesn't happen in pedigree dogs from a reputable breeder? That's good to know!

Op I feel for you. Our dog has some separation anxiety but not to this extent. Usually when we go away with her and are in a new environment and go for dinner. We did it twice and learned our lesson and she comes with us at all times. At home she can be left for a bit.

SIL dog can’t be left as she’s distressed even if say left with me. She’s pacing needing her family back even though she’s comfortable with me.

It’s a tough decision to make. 💐💐

Judgemental posts don’t really help and may in some cases stop people asking for help.

I maintain that whether a dog has had hip and eye scores is completely irrelevant to separation anxiety. A dog from the best breeder could have SA. Also high hip and eye scores doesn't guarantee it's actually a healthy dog or a good example of the breed.

You do have to wonder what sort of person feels that harassing a person over where they got their dog from is more important than helping that person in some meaningful way.

If the dog was a rescue, or it had its ever so vitally important hip or eye scores then would that change the nature of the replies you've given op?

If yes, then you should probably take a closer look at yourself.

Also - nobody breeds crossbreeds deliberately - how do you think every single pedigree breed in existence was developed?

I don't think you know much about dogs.

You think there are people who don’t ever leave the house even for things like medical appointments, but will somehow be able to keep up with a spaniel’s exercise needs?

Could you and the other Cassandras here pipe down now with your theories that nobody will be able to rehome my dog?

I’ve reached out to Spaniel Aid and some other reputable charities. Either you are wrong and they will have a great home which can meet his needs, and I will be giving them a donation to thank them. Or they won’t, in which case I have a stark choice to make as his owner. Either way it’s my responsibility and sitting very heavily on my shoulders, and posters keen to have an argument and point out that nobody will be able to rehome him aren’t helping me. Do you honestly think anyone suggesting it will be hard to find him a home is suggesting something I’ve not thought about already? This has not been a knee-jerk decision.

Your neighbors can't hear. Op's neighbors can, and they're fed up with it. You're not in the same position.

Would you still advise adding more dogs? What if the new dog doesn't get on with the existing dog? What if the process of settling in a new dog causes the ops dog to get even more stressed and anxious than he already is?

She doesn't want to re-home him but what option does she have when he's making everyone around him absolutely miserable? She can't just keep experimenting with foster dogs in the hope that it might solve the problem while she and the neighbours get even more depressed and upset.

What if the foster dog howls too? Then there's two dogs pissing off the neighbours. Does she then get another foster in case that one can magically fix the other two?

Plus a lot of dogs in rescue come with significant issues of their own. It would be very rare to find one that can slot straight in and be used as a guinea pig for the op's dog without needing significant support of their own. Op doesn't sound as if she's in a position to give a rescue foster dog what they would need so it's pretty irresponsible to keep suggesting it when she's already said she can't do it - doesn't the dogs welfare come first? The foster dog deserves better than being used as an emotional support dog for another dog. It should only be fostered because op wants to foster rescue dogs.

Ops dog could be much happier in another home. He's certainly not happy where he is.

Dogs are supposed to enhance your life.

OP, I'm so sorry you've had to deal with so much unpleasantness on this thread. Some of these comments are really awful to read.

Until you've had a dog that screams the house down because you've just popped to the car or the end of the garden, you have no idea how difficult it is, and it's absolutely not just something you should expect from owning a dog either.

I really hope you manage to find him a home that better suits his anxiety levels - there's absolutely no hate from me as I also have an anxious beagle and it can be bloody difficult. Big hugs to you