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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

Think we’ve reached the point of rehoming DDog and so sad about it

257 replies

StillRunningUpThatHill · 28/04/2024 14:00

Please be gentle as this is breaking my heart.

Ddog is a 3 year old sprocker spaniel. From the very beginning he has always had separation anxiety. We did everything right - we are members of Dog Training Advice and Support as well as their separation anxiety group (just because I know someone will suggest that) and read all the books flitting games as puppies, not leaving dogs alone before they can cope with it etc. The problem is he’s never ever learnt to cope. We have tried everything and I mean everything. Julie Nailsmith’s method, meds (all the herbal ones plus Prozac), we’ve spent thousands on behaviouralists as well as using our insurance to cover it. Nothing works. He howls when left and we hardly leave him at all. But we have to leave him sometimes - I have to go to the office three days a week, and on those days we have a dog walker who takes him out or he goes to my parents - but my parents are now not able to have him (for health reasons) so it’s back to the dog-walker, and the problem is he howls before she arrives and after she’s left and the neighbours are complaining.

We’ve tried doggy daycare and they said he couldn’t stay as he wouldn’t settle and was anxious. It would work if he could have home-based daycare but I have made so many enquiries and nobody is taking on new dogs.

Even then, that doesn’t help if we want to go out in the evening. We can’t go for meals out or to friends’ houses for dinner as he howls and it’s not fair on the neighbours to ruin their Saturday night like that. And sure, we go to the pub and take him, but it would be nice to go somewhere other than the pub.

So we’re stuck, and while we love him, this is ruining our lives. Constantly having to think how we will manage and work around him so he’s not alone at all. If he could be with someone who was entirely home-based he’d be a fabulous dog as he’s so loving and keen to please. But we simply can’t be here 24 hours a day and we live in a terraced house. So sadly I think we are going to have to rehome him. I hate the thought of it but I can’t have my life like this for potentially 10-12 more years. Yes dogs are a lifetime commitment, I’ve had them all my life. But I’ve never had a dog who couldn’t be left at all ever without constant howling and when I say we’ve tried and tried to help him, I mean it.

I don’t know why I’m posting really. Please don’t be brutal if you’ve not dealt with this. Please don’t suggest other SA methods. I can tell you I have read every book, research article and blog there is on the subject and I have tried all the methods. This has been my life for three years. I will not give him to a rescue centre, he’s never been in a kennel in his life and he would be terrified. It’ll either be a conversation with his breeder or with a spaniel rescue. I’m just so sad about it.

OP posts:
Sugarsandwiches · 29/04/2024 20:39

I’m sorry you’ve had a battering from some here. I’m in the same situation with a rescue terrier. On the edge of a breakdown tbh. She’s such an unhappy dog when we leave, 9 years old, had her a year, unadoptable unless by a housebound recluse.

We have tried EVERYTHING and spent thousands. No one will look after her as she won’t settle in kennels, daycare or with housesitters. I’m at the stage now where I’m thinking of all we can do is give her this 1 year of happiness (and the heartbreaking thing is she is happy when we are here) before putting her to sleep then that’s a better outcome for her than being PTS a year ago in a disgusting council kennels where she was severely underweight, traumatised and neglected.

Some here will hate me for it but I can’t destroy a marriage and two lives for the sake of a mentally unwell senior dog.

redboxer321 · 29/04/2024 20:41

Well I stand corrected. It seems that pp were right and all the OP needed to do was to call spaniel aid. I realise how huge and difficult a thing that was for the OP to do. I think it's just hard for us non-spaniel owners to believe that such an organisation exists in these times.
Anyhow, I'm sure you have done the right thing OP however painful it is now.
Best of luck to you and your dog.

fieldsofbutterflies · 29/04/2024 20:41

I'm so sorry that one particular poster has felt the need to keep coming back and kicking you - it's completely unnecessary and says so much more about them than you.

EdithStourton · 29/04/2024 20:44

@WalkingonWheelsThe dog isn't seriously disabled. No, but he has a serious mental health issue.
And see OP's update about daycare.
Just stop being so bloody holier-than-thou. You have a lot of compassion for the dog. Perhaps try and find some for the humans.

OP, I'm glad that you're en route to a resolution.

WatchOutMissMarpleIsAbout · 29/04/2024 20:45

I’m just ignoring the oh so perfect WalkingonWheels

💐💐💐OP

GoodHeavens99 · 29/04/2024 20:46

WatchOutMissMarpleIsAbout · 29/04/2024 20:45

I’m just ignoring the oh so perfect WalkingonWheels

💐💐💐OP

Edited

She must be on wind-up.

KeyboardWhinger · 29/04/2024 20:48

Sounds like a positive update OP 🌷

Clearinguptheclutter · 29/04/2024 21:00

Pleased that the Spaniel rescue lady was helpful and thinks she can find a solution

redboxer321 · 29/04/2024 21:16

@Sugarsandwiches
Have you tried Oldies Club dog rescue? They might be able to help.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 29/04/2024 21:21

Roundandroundthegard3n · 29/04/2024 07:29

Unfortunately op there's a contingent of people on MN who appear to believe that once acquired, a dog must never be rehomed or pts until it eventually dies of old age. They'll appear on threads like this and harangue the op like they have done here, and tell you THEY would never even think of it, and they've spent 10 years living in a completely ridiculous set up to manage their very unhappy dog. If that's what they want to do, that's fine, quite often see people who have turned their house into fort knox and cant have people in their house because of their aggressive biting dog. But "that's the sacrifice they make when they get a dog". Or for SA, they'll arrange things so the dog is never left alone for a second. But you've tried that and it didn't work.

Even on threads where dogs have bitten children without provocation, they'll come out of the woodwork to ask if you've tried a behaviourist and in the meantime put up a baby gate.

Sometimes a dog ends up in a home which is not suitable for it and it's better off being rehomed or PTS (which incidentally if your dog can't find a new home, wouldn't be unreasonable to do. He's clearly a very stressed and anxious dog and there's no practical way his triggers can be avoided) you are doing the right thing for yourself and your dog.

This is a great post. My vet once told me that I was not there to be bending over backwards to manage my very elderly cat, that pets had to fit into the household they were in as long as people were being reasonable. It was great advice. I had been hanging on and hanging on and it was making it miserable for all of us. In this case, your dog has a chance for a nice life somewhere that suits them much better.

Sugarsandwiches · 29/04/2024 21:28

redboxer321 · 29/04/2024 21:16

@Sugarsandwiches
Have you tried Oldies Club dog rescue? They might be able to help.

I haven’t heard of them - I will thank you

redboxer321 · 30/04/2024 08:15

@Sugarsandwiches
No worries. It might be worth you starting a thread to see if anyone else has any ideas.
Sorry to the OP for the derail.

CornishPorsche · 30/04/2024 08:25

WalkingonWheels · 29/04/2024 18:31

They can't order me into the office. I'm a disabled wheelchair user and I work from home ☺ I'm already sick and disabled, yet funnily enough, I still haven't given up on my dogs. I may not be able to walk any more, but I've made damn sure that my dogs get the best life, because I love them.

I have plenty of time for my dogs, thanks. My jobs ensure I have, or I wouldn't do them. My life revolves around them. I got them, I'm responsible for them and I wouldn't give up on them, no matter what situation I found myself in (and have probably been in most of them!).

That's what genuine dog lovers do, see. Children have issues too. Do people just give them away?

The OP could easily sort the situation by paying for daycare when she has to go into the office, like other dog owners do. If she loved the dog, she'd make it work.

Show quote history

And if you lose those jobs? Become unable to work? A dog bites you or another person?

I'm delighted you've found two unicorn jobs, I also have disabilities, but I'm not sure how you've become so smug about life when you probably know just how hard it can be.

You're also very good at only answering what suits you. Interesting.

3rdtimeinflorida · 30/04/2024 10:01

OP- I cried when I read your post as we are going through a situation with our dog (not similar to yours). You sound as though you have been the best parents to him and given him every chance where others would not have done.
My heart truly breaks for you. Think of all the love you have shown him…at the end of the day what more does a dog want. The hardest thing is putting what’s best for the dog before our own needs. That is true love. Xxxx

3rdtimeinflorida · 30/04/2024 10:05

Meant to add that I’m wishing him all the best in his new home. Please believe me it is for the best.
All the people who came on and had nothing positive or kind to say I hope that they never have to come on MN with a heartbreaking dilemma.

survivingunderarock · 30/04/2024 11:08

Spaniel aid are brilliant. He’ll be in the best hands to give him the best shot at a new home.

Be kind to yourselves. You sound like lovely and very good dog owners.

WalkingonWheels · 30/04/2024 11:25

Goodness me.

OP buys a cross of two highly-strung working breeds.
OP is not a working home for working breeds but gets one anyway.
OP gets annoyed when the working dog is anxious and behaves like a dog.
OP gets rid of the dog she knowingly chose to get.

And I'm getting flamed 😂

People on here are hilarious.

And nah, I don't need to have compassion for humans, thanks. Humans are asshats, as this thread proves. I'll save my compassion for the innocent dogs that people choose to get, then discard.

fieldsofbutterflies · 30/04/2024 11:27

Oh, bore off will you 🙄

user1471556818 · 30/04/2024 11:29

Good luck I really hope it works out for you and the dog .
I had absolutely no idea how bad separation anxiety was until this last dog .
It really is walk a mile in someone else's shoes .
The impact on our lives has been immense and I'm now retired and not even a particularly social lunch out type person .I love our dog but sometimes really resent the lack of freedom to just go away without her.

Newpeep · 30/04/2024 12:03

WalkingonWheels · 30/04/2024 11:25

Goodness me.

OP buys a cross of two highly-strung working breeds.
OP is not a working home for working breeds but gets one anyway.
OP gets annoyed when the working dog is anxious and behaves like a dog.
OP gets rid of the dog she knowingly chose to get.

And I'm getting flamed 😂

People on here are hilarious.

And nah, I don't need to have compassion for humans, thanks. Humans are asshats, as this thread proves. I'll save my compassion for the innocent dogs that people choose to get, then discard.

My agility class last night was full of highly strung working breeds and crosses. All spaniel based. I have a working terrier. All these dogs are in pet homes. None have the OPs dogs issues. I know some do less than the OP has done.

Bore off.

justasking111 · 30/04/2024 12:51

Just report the attacks walking is making @Flat04

EdithStourton · 30/04/2024 12:59

WalkingonWheels · 30/04/2024 11:25

Goodness me.

OP buys a cross of two highly-strung working breeds.
OP is not a working home for working breeds but gets one anyway.
OP gets annoyed when the working dog is anxious and behaves like a dog.
OP gets rid of the dog she knowingly chose to get.

And I'm getting flamed 😂

People on here are hilarious.

And nah, I don't need to have compassion for humans, thanks. Humans are asshats, as this thread proves. I'll save my compassion for the innocent dogs that people choose to get, then discard.

You need to take a good hard look at yourself.

I hope your are never in a position where you have an issue with your dog and someone treats you as you have treated OP.

But if they do, I hope you will remember that you deserve it.

fieldsofbutterflies · 30/04/2024 13:08

I wouldn't report them @justasking111 - let everyone see how unpleasant she is for themselves.

HurdyGurdy19 · 30/04/2024 13:23

What a pity you're not near me, as I would absolutely do a dog-share with you. I work exclusively from home, have a secure enclosed decent sized garden, and would love a dog.

Unfortunately, none of the rescues are able/willing to rehome a dog with us. Goodness knows why. We've tried the big, well-known charities, as well as small, local rescues. Nothing 😞

My friend breeds Labradors and keeps tempting me with photos of beautiful puppies, the witch! But I don't want a puppy.

I think you have been a wonderful owner, doing absolutely everything for your dog to try and make him happy. But it does sound as though you're just not a good match. It's heartbreaking, and I hope you find him a lovely new home.

WalkingonWheels · 30/04/2024 13:35

I don't need to be a good person by your standards. I'm an excellent person to the people who matter.

Ew. Why would I want to spend more time with people? Can't stand them. I'll stick with my family, who have the same morals as me.

Report me for what? Having an opinion and caring about animals? Go for it.