Heartache after saying goodbye-support thread 2

[Helplessandheartbroke]

Second support thread for fellow MNers suffering the loss of a fury friend. I lost my boy in December and I'm truly heartbroken 💔

@MadisonAvenue what lovely memories! I lost Winston Dec 2023 but last new year is a blur as it almost tipped me over the edge losing him. On NYE I lit a candle for him. It truely is heartbreaking losing our companions x

I lost my darling girl yesterday - a 16 year old chiweenie (chihuahua dachshund cross). I had her since she was 3 months old. As soon as I held her the first time and she fell asleep in my arms, I was smitten. She had a heart murmur for sometime and had progressed to had a grade 5/6 heart murmur. She was on Vetmedin tablets which seemed to help. Yesterday was a normal day, she ate her breakfast as usual, was hanging around whilst we ate pancakes, hoping we might drop some. I had no reason at all to suspect anything could be wrong. I had a shower in the afternoon but took longer than usual as I was cleaning it too. Got out the shower and heard her yelp from downstairs her voice sounded strange. I went down to find her in her basket which she'd soiled, eyes glazed and her mouth opening and closing. I think now it was agonal breathing. I panicked, thought it was a heart attack or stroke and drove her straight to the vets. She was dead on arrival. I'm inconsolable and just want me darling girl back. I'm struggling without her.

I'm so sorry for your loss uts truely heartbreaking. What an amazing time she must have had with you ❤

Thank you, but I can't stop thinking about all the things I did wrong. I'd give anything to have her back, even for a minute. Why do dogs have such short lives when they are man's best friend?

@Moonbearlove I tortured myself with the same things this time last year. Not giving him enough attention when ds was born. Short walks sometimes. Not bathing his cysts etc etc. The truth is noone can be 100 percent all the time. We gave them love and all life's needs. My boy wasn't even 7 when he was pts. Life's cruel! X

I feel so broken, our gorgeous boy was pts today. I am shocked by the grief - I knew I loved him, but my whole chest is aching and I can’t stop crying. We have done the right thing, he was very poorly, but I can’t believe he is gone.

@weareallcats I'm so sorry. I feel your pain in your post. cry until you eventually sleep and then cry some more. Let it out. The next few days will be rough but were here for you and when you're ready you can tell us all about him x

@weareallcats I'm so sorry for your loss. My 16 yr old little dog died suddenly on new years day and my goodness it hurts far more than I could have ever imagined. I lost my mum 25 years ago who I was very close to and I can honestly say the pain I feel is on a similar level. You obviously loved your boy very much and you did the right thing by him x

@Helplessandheartbroke we do torture ourselves about the things we wish we'd done differently but I think that's a sign of how much we loved them. I'm thinking of all the things I wish I hadn't done like telling her off when she messed in the house, not letting her lie on the clothes she used to pull off the radiators and worst of all, the fact I was in the shower when she lay dying. My 9 yr daughter saw her collapse but went to her room and didn't tell me..I took ages in the shower as i was also cleaning it, and had no idea my dog had suffered heart failure and was dying downstairs. I wish I hadn't been so long in the shower and I wish my daughter had told me what had happened.

Haven't rtft, because I really need to sleep but I've been so comforted by these posts, simply by knowing I'm not alone. There have been times I've thought I've been going mad with grief, but I know, deep down, it's normal.
Thanks @Helplessandheartbroke for the thread ❤️
Had to have my boy pts earlier this year.10 year old pomeranian - my first ever pet. I've struggled obviously but was doing so well til Christmas and wasn't really prepared for the wave of grief. Being ill didn't help.
My family and close friends know I'm struggling but no one knows how deep it goes. I'm scared to see my gp - if they knew my thoughts, I fear they'd do something drastic.

@Moonbearlove please don't put that on yourself you didn't know and your daughter probably panicked. Take comfort she knew she was loved x

@Viavita you're definitely not alone. Were here for a handhold. A lot of people don't understand that hurt it leaves losing our fury friends but we on this thread do x

@Helplessandheartbroke no I'm not. I understand she was frightened.

It's day 3 since she died and I'm feeling so guilty about things. My darling girl was so skinny even though she was eating and drinking normally. I'd asked the vets about it before and was told it was probably muscle wastage due to her and age (16) and also related to her heart murmur. Another vet thought it could be thyroid related and said they could do a blood test however as it was £170, I decided against it due to the cost.I deeply regret that decision terrible now and can't help think that if she'd had an overactive thyroid and put on medication, she'd have gained weight and might even be here now.

@Moonbearlove I know exactly how you feel. Guilt is a horrible emotion and unfortunately it's the one emotion we torture ourselves with. What could we have done differently ? I've tortured myself time and time again. Why didn't I plough my savings into saving him ? Why didn't I do more ?
I don't have all the answers but I do know that once I cleared the Guilt Hurdle ( the hardest one), I was able to heal ( before the Christmas Tsunami Grief - that was just bad timing). Once I told myself that I did what I thought best AT THE TIME, and that I did it out of love for him ( all true), it all got a little easier.
I hope this helps, I hope it makes sense. I think Guilt is a wasted emotion. It serves no purpose.
I do know exactly how you feel though. Grief is a process - different stages to plough through but please, be kind to yourself.
We're here for you. Keep posting, keep talking 💔

Had our darling 15 year old girl pts this morning at home. Can't believe she's gone, I keep seeing her lying there so still. Heartbreaking.

@GreenBag53 I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I hope it brings you some confort that you enabled her to pass away at home. I'm sure that is where she wanted to be and that it was calm and peaceful for her. Having lost my darling 16 year old 2 days ago, I share and understand your terrible pain and loss. One of the hardest things is that the house is filled with her presence. Everywhere I look is something that reminds me of her. I hate going out because when I come home she isn't there in the kitchen to greet me. I hate going to bed because she isn't in her basket next to me. I hate waking up and not hearing her early wake up bark telling me it's breakfast time. I hate it when 4pm comes and not hearing her bark to tell me to prepare her tea. I hate not having to pick up the clothes she used to pull off the radiators. I long to hold her, cuddle her, smell her. I feel broken. I just miss her and i miss life with her in it. I don't think I'll ever get over losing her.

Sorry for your loss @GreenBag53 (and others). We lost our beautiful girl coming up a year ago and I still struggle to think about her without welling up. She went before her time really in horribly unfair circumstances which makes it so much harder to cope with. They really are family ❤️

I came across this TED talk where an emergency veterinarian explains why losing a pet is so hard. I found it helped a little.

Hi ladies

I'm sorry more people have joined us with this heartache but I'm also greatful we have somewhere to come to write our feelings down. There's so much talk around guilt so it tells me it's such a normal part of the process. My boy was due his Xmas bath and wars cleaned etc that I didn't get round to. We were offered to see a specialist before his second eye went but thought he was OK. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Be kind to yourselves.

@GreenBag53 so sorry for your loss. Were here for you x