Heartache after saying goodbye-support thread 2

[Helplessandheartbroke]

Second support thread for fellow MNers suffering the loss of a fury friend. I lost my boy in December and I'm truly heartbroken 💔

@4658Lou I can't thank you enough for our chat the other night. You helped me loads x

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau how are you? Are you home now x

Hope everyone else is doing ok? X

How is everyone? X

Hoping you're OK, @Helplessandheartbroke. It's one day at a time. I've had a fall and hit my head (I'm 31 so having a fall is objectively ridiculous). Hoping that everyone here is managing to do this one step at a time - it really is just putting one foot in front of the other. Hugs to everyone. xx

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau it's not ridiculous having a fall you've had a lot going on. Are you back with velvet now? X

I've really concentrated on what lou said the other day and it's helped. I realised I'm not still feeling guilty because I did wrong and its just my ocd taking over x

I think it is. You don't deserve the guilt and you were so good to your friend. Keep telling that to yourself over and over. Every time a bad thought pops up, knock it down like whack-a-mole if you can because they feel dreadful, but they're just bad thoughts, not real things (obviously they're real things in that they're real thoughts, but they are not things that happened). Would it help if you imagined how happy and relaxed your favourite dog would be snuggling up knowing they're with an amazing owner and you did your best? Animals love it when you're chilled out (and giving all your attention to fussing them of course).

Yes I've got lots of happy memories and videos on my phone keep thinking of the neck massages I gave him nearly every night :)

So how are you? You home? X

I'm home Hopeless. Velvet slept on my sofa. I feel very guilty for posting about an alive cat but if she could speak she'd be sending love. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, I know it's absolutely horrible but your dog is watching over you wanting you to feel better when you're ready.

Today I realised the incessant rain had almost washed the last of her footprints in the flowerbed away. Then I went in to find DH looking miserable over his desk telling me the vet had called to let me know her ashes were back.

Not sure which one of those two things floored me the most tbh.

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau don't apologise I love velvet updates and pics. Glad you're home. Hope you're well x

@triballeader I'm sorry its horrible isn't it. At least you can have your girl back home with you now. I bet you would curse those paw prints in your flower bed I know I used to lol. I know it sounds disgusting but I couldn't pick his last poo up from my garden. It was only a small one and it took weeks to wash away and that was sad x

@Helplessandheartbroke trust me it isn't sad. Our last cat was a biter - I mean a real proper biter, actually a horrible one - and after he went I would have given anything for him to give a little chew on me. Same with our ponies who went (ponies are unutterable to have torn from your heart. Really priceless boys and girls). But there is nothing I wouldn't have given to have Mr N just bite a piece out of me - and he wasn't "mine" in the way V is.. Just like I was sitting in hospital last week so, so desperate just to hear Velvet scream at me. You're allowed to miss the silliest things and I promise you he doesn't mind you missing even him pooping in the wrong place! Let yourself. I know it's difficult but you're allowed, he does not mind and we don't mind. Come here and speak, it's OK. xx

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau thank you. I remember you mentioning Mr n previously and your dear horses. You've had your sphare of heartache.

My boy would shit everywhere haha we had to fence off part of the garden so ds could play without pee and poo up his toys (picked up daily) but yes when they're gone it's weird the things you miss isn't it. I wrote back earlier on message not sure if you've seen it x

I haven't, I'm sorry Helpless but I'm still with you. Your boy was lucky. They don't know when they've landed on their feet but it's OK because we adore them anyway. You're doing such a good job. If you need to cry or anything It's OK. It is as huge a loss as a human (I've said before but we might had newcomers).

Sorry for my terrible spelling on the last post. Not sure why my message hasn't come through will try and send another. Youre right about it being as big a loss as a human I agree with that x

@Helplessandheartbroke aw I am glad I helped, it helps me too, just to remind yourself this guilt will always be there in some way because we loved our ddogs it’s just a part of the process of loving our pets no matter what situation we always going to feel somewhat guilty and of course upset over any given situation, we just have to try find outlets to deal with it, for me keeping busy really helps keeping my mind focus on something else, tonight I looked at photo and just smiled but felt sadness but that’s fine and normal to feel x

Thanks @4658Lou youre right. I feel guilt for mistakes I made along the way but I make mistakes every day with ds and dh it's normal isn't it. Hope you're doing ok x

The guilt and the grief will be there, but they won't be as strong. One day you'll wake up and you won't have felt it at all. It really is one step or paw after the other. You can do it. I take a lot of inspiration from horses - face away from the wind and rain if you can but if not face right into it and just trudge home to your stable, so you can wait until it feels better. Love to all of you who are suffering. I promise it feels so shit but it's going to get better. x

Hi all and so sorry for all your losses. My darling girl was PTS this morning, it was absolutely the right thing to do and at the right time but it hurts so much 😭.

My beautiful girl.

I'll try again...

@Rubyfw5 What a beautiful face. So sorry for your loss 💔. The hardest thing ever 😞

@Rubyfw5 I'm so sorry for your loss. Do you want to tell us about your gorgeous girl? X

Thank you @Helplessandheartbroke & @userxx she was an accidental dog, we hadn't been looking for a dog or wanting one but she turned up in our garden nine years ago, skinny scarred and smelly. Did all the right things i.e checking for a chip, informing the dog warden etc, no-one came forward so she stayed. We learned from her and she learned from us, she had her demons which we mostly overcame though she was frightened of bangs until she went deaf. Just the loveliest girl.

@Rubyfw5 you saved her! What a lovely meet story ❤ 9 amazing years together x

My old girl was a special home request rehome. We always called her the bargain basement dog who was gold plated. the vet fees incurred to give her a good quality of life were vast butI am so glad we could cover them. I had expected a dog I would never be able to walk near others and she surprised me with a glass half full zest for life once she knew we would not hurt her. TBH I wish I could have had her from a puppy but I am so glad she was in my life for ten years. Today I am going to find the inner resources to collect her ashes from our vet. Then I plan to bury her next to my mums dog in the garden she loved.

@triballeader I hope picking up your girls ashes can be a comforting moment rather than a painful one. As sad as it was I was also greatful to have my boy home. Thinking of you x