Heartache after saying goodbye- support thread

[Helplessandheartbroke]

I'm in agony after losing our boy 2.5 weeks ago. I had another thread deleted as it was too outing but realised quickly there's many of us suffering. Anyone want to join hands?

His loss has broken me tbh . My big bear . My constant. My best friend. I'm trying to be there for the little fella but I'm no substitute for his buddy .

@capabilityfrowns my gosh you had 2 gorgeous pups!!! Give lots of cuddles to little one and he will be there there you like you are for him. You'll help each other through!!! Was big bears loss sudden? How old was he? X

My big bear was 10.5 years and had been a healthy boy throughout. He was only off it 2 days before I took him to vet - I thought he might have a water infection but it tuned out he had a nasty cancer on his spleen which was bleeding internally- it could have burst any moment so the vet advised putting him to sleep there and then . It was the most traumatic experience. The vet was amazing and stayed well over her shift ending to see it through .

My little man relied on him for comfort and reassurance so it's hit us hard - there's only us at home . I always felt safe with my big bear around . He was a devoted companion. Even to the last he tried to bark at other dogs that entered the vets - he was absolutely the loyalist, most devoted dog with not a malicious bone in his body . The softest dog. He looked and sounded the part but he was just a big puppy . He wanted to play tuggy while we were in the vet waiting for euthanasia. I'll never ever get another like him . The breeder stopped breeding i when I got him - he was her last litter . I messaged her to say he's fine over rainbow bridge and got the most lovely message back . German shepherds get bad press , but he was just the sappiest pup . A real gentle giant . I loved him .

My little man is coping but clingy .

Oh poor little man. You'll get through this together.

We will . Thank you x he's taken to sleeping under the duvet with me which is both revolting and comforting at the same time ! He's a sensitive little soul . I'm trying to spoil him.

The week before the big bear got ill they'd both been to my groomer , and she had commented on how the little man looked to the big bear for reassurance- so that's made me a bit sad that he hasn't got that . I'm working from home mostly so he's got me there .

@capabilityfrowns bless big bear! I love German shepherd's my boy used to play with one off lead near our old house. My boy was 7 stone so a large breed too. Same as big bear, sounded and looked the part but a bfg at heart x

Bless you darling I know how hard it is .
Big dogs leave a big space .

Big bear sounds awesome! That’s part of why I love horses and ponies so much. They’ll outweigh you by at least 4 times and you’re still their mum or dad. One of the other times that meant a huge amount to me was taking my sister’s pony out for a walk and she didn’t want to go past a pigpen. I dropped the reins and she walked right with me after I’d shown her it was safe. I can’t say I ever felt completely safe with my exBF’s huge dog just because he was enormous and could have hurt me by accident, but they’ve all got such tremendous lovely personalities. Animals can be damaged but IMO 99% of them start as absolute angels. If you’ve had a German Shephard with all the need for play and exercise that must leave a massive gap. Bless you. Going to try to go and find my tiny little Bengal for a cuddle now.

Awww thank you I also adore horses and find them incredibly therapeutic to be around . I applied for a job working with them after a period of depression I volunteered at a stables . They're fabulous to be around and I adore how they smell . I spent a lot of time with my nose in my baby bears hair - animals smell Devine . I find them such a comfort.

@Helplessandheartbroke I dont know if the pain has eased, I tried to get another puppy a few weeks after my boy left me but I just stood holding it and crying and I thought I cant do this. I waited a few months and tried again and I decided although I adore my boys breed was wonderful I was absolutely terrified of getting another dog that may get ill and I lose them. So I did tons of research and chose a cross thats two very healthy breeds and I chose a different aex, colour etc to make sure I wasn't just trying to bring my boy back. She's helped, she's wonderful a different personality completely she loves a cuddle! She does do some odd things sometimes she will bark at DDogs favourite spot for lounging and on our first walk I got to a certain point and said to her "oh boy dog would always stop and growl here I don't know why" I looked down and girl dog is staring at the exact spot and growling (elderly Ddog always just walks past that spot without batting an eye).

All I can say is it does very very slowly get a bit easier, I kept busy, I didn't put his things away straight away they made me feel better having them around. I did beat myself up googling what happened and did I miss something? Was there something else the vet could have done? But there wasn't I know that deep down.

@capabilityfrowns what beautiful dogs, so sorry about your big bear. I’m sure you and your little man will get through it together.

Ours was also a big boy, we miss his presence at home so much.

@Tara336 I can completely understand the feelings around getting another dog, I know I’ll feel similar if/when the time comes.

How's everyone today? My heart is racing with anxiety today and I feel so sad 😞

Sorry to hear you’re feeling anxious and sad today @Helplessandheartbroke - me too.

I’ve somehow felt worse recently. I think the lack of routine over Christmas actually helped. We had some plans and also had plenty of time to rest and grieve. Now we’re back into the everyday routine of work it feels much harder to hold it together. I’ve been in tears most of the morning.

@Helplessandheartbroke I'm OK, it was hard putting away the Christmas decorations as last year DDog kept laying on the Christmas tree bag and I had to keep moving him, I guess memories will keep bringing tears. Little girl pup is making me smile watching TV and fascinated by it

I'm so sorry. My darling died very suddenly in mid October. I still feel I'm in shock at times. I've found the blue cross pet bereavement helpline incredibly kind. I've called them a number of times as I felt so desperate some days.

@Work2live sorry to hear you're the same its eating me up. Dh is carrying on as normal and doesn't understand why I can't laugh or smile. I just can't stop blaming myself and think I could have done more. I'm not looking for sympathy but I guess I need reassurance that it was my fault! Dh thinks I'm being daft and another days worth of drops 3 month before wouldn't have prevented it and I guess logically he's right but it's the what ifs... I hate not being woke up in the morning by him walking around the kitchen waiting for me to let him out. I hate he's no longer sat under ds high chair waiting for him to drop food. I hate cooking with mince or a whole chicken as he loved a bit of mince and chicken. I don't know how to get through it.

@Tara336 I hear you! My boy stood on an Xmas present under the tree and ripped it and I wasn't pleased at the time but I'd do anything to see him being a nonsense again!

@Words I'm so sorry for your loss. Please talk on here too were all going through it! X

Meant that it wasn't my fault*

Also meant nuisance can't even type today I'm so drained!

Dh thinks I'm being daft and another days worth of drops 3 month before wouldn't have prevented it and I guess logically he's right

He is right, but grief isn't logical.

And it is some of the odd little things that can catch you off guard. Eating salmon and being momentarily puzzled what to do with the skin as there's no dog bowl was one of ours - he adored it and it made his coat so glossy.

Keep talking my dears. Really it helped me so much to hear losing a pet can hurt as much as a human, it was silly really but I’m going to keep saying it here because it validates. They are people, and sometimes more painful to lose because they need us. I’ve almost been lucky on the cat front because our old boy was very much my mother’s and sister’s cat and our new baby is almost entirely mine but as I think I’ve mentioned before, on the horse front I bought one of my own (for my life savings of £2000) and she was shot behind my back then I was asked to pay for her expensive cremation with the life savings I’d recently acquired (£5000) when I didn’t care about her dead body, I wanted to say goodbye to my horse. I recently discovered her tail hidden in a drawer in the room I rent out from my parents. Similar things have happened without the financial manipulation.

It’s allowed to hurt. For me even though I love our current little girl I still catch myself looking out of the corner of my eye to catch our old boy returning from patrol. I could quote someone but pain is the price of love. You aren’t weak or wrong you just looked after your friend so well.

I hope you don't mind me posting here. I lost my lovely ddog in September and the silliest things upset me - we ordered a curry and he wasn't there to give poppadom to. He wasn't under my feet practically tripping me when I was hanging up washing.

I walked our usual route this morning for the first time since we lost him and it all felt wrong. I went into autopilot and waited for him to come running when I picked up the key, and I bumped into some regulars who asked me where he was.

I think I'm where you will hopefully be in time OP - my what-ifs and guilt are gone and I'm happy that my boy had a lovely life and we let him go at the right time. We didn't let him suffer, he just led on my lap and went to sleep (was pts). Aside from going in his bed, it was the kindest thing we could do for a member of the family who we love.
But today was still hard. I miss him a lot still, but some days the fact that he's not here feels sharper.

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau I lost my horse too she broke her leg in the field there was nothing that could have saved her, I couldn't ride for years afterwards as no horse would ever feel as magical as she did. I completely understand

@FranklySonImTheGaffer thank you for sharing about your lovely dog. Your post really resonated with me.

Dogs share so many of life’s little moments with us, probably more than anyone else. So many little daily habits and funny traditions that nobody else would ever understand.

DH had salmon for breakfast on Christmas Day and it made us both very emotional. Ddog loved salmon, it was one of the only foods we’d feed him if he was ‘begging’ 😂 he used to sit next to DH whenever he ate it because he knew he’d get a taste.

Throughout each day there are so many moments when we remember him. Sometimes we say it out loud, other times it’s a quiet understanding between us. But we both remember him and miss him most in those little moments.

Aside from going in his bed, it was the kindest thing we could do for a member of the family who we love.

It really is.
Immediately after we'd had our old boy PTS, I had an unexpected moment of sheer anger that my parents in law hadn't been allowed a similarly peaceful end.