Heartache after saying goodbye- support thread

[Helplessandheartbroke]

I'm in agony after losing our boy 2.5 weeks ago. I had another thread deleted as it was too outing but realised quickly there's many of us suffering. Anyone want to join hands?

Different is a good choice. Polar opposites in character. You know when you have the first baby who is a dream sleeper, eater etc and the 2nd one is Satan reincarnated.... 🤣

@Helplessandheartbroke sorry to hear you're upset today. I think we're definitely still at the stage where there'll be more bad days than good (I've actually only had one 'good' day since we had ddog PTS a couple of weeks ago).

Hoping to get out and do something this weekend. I did fancy a decent hike but it would remind me of him too much and I'd just wish he was there. So I want to do something else, to take my mind off things.

@Work2live this sounds absolutely insane but have you tried swings? I love a bit of time on the swings while I listen to some dance music. Or swimming, or just find your next book or TV series. Just something to get your mind away from it. It can’t take it away forever but it can get you through the moment.

@CombatBarbie that bond will build with time, I'm sure. Sorry to hear about your last dog.

I would love another (keep looking at all the lovely dogs in rescues near us...) but I know it's far too soon. We might think about it more towards the end of the year, if by then we're stilling really missing the presence of a dog in our lives.

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau I'm hoping to get back into reading this year, and I'm also going to try some new exercise classes to see if there's anything I enjoy.

Where I live isn't my hometown, so I don't have any local friends yet. Losing ddog has made me realise how lonely I feel, as I only really have DH.

Hi everyone and thank you for joining. I'm so sorry for everyone's loss the pain is unreal! I can't sleep or eat and I wracked with guilt over our decision. Also mot getting round to things I knew needed doing for him in the weeks leading up to his death and I'm torturing myself! I can't grieve and miss him properly because of it! Some lovely advice from people who are going through the same.

Your feelings are valid and real but please don't torture yourself, you made the decision, like most of us, in the best interests of the animal. With mine it was stage 4 cancer which had showed absolutely no sign of. He started being raspy which is why we took him to the vets. It was in his throat, lungs and making its way to his liver. We held on for another 4 weeks but I couldn't bear to hear him struggle for breath. I'm crying now....

He was such a brave boy at the end, like he knew.... First time ever he didn't kick off when we got to the vets.

All of you suffering with bereavement, I’m really sorry.
Think of your little furry friends though. Would they accept you having some difficulty with household chores/tasks after losing someone so important? Of course. Would they want you to force down what you can? I’m getting by on toffees whenever I have a sugar low and I’m not bereaved. Your dog would enthusiastically respond to you just getting some nourishment.
As far as the guilt goes, they rely on us completely. It’s a horrible job but it’s our job to say “time to sleep now”. And it really is so kind. It’s heartbreaking to witness but they feel a tiny needle prick and within seconds they’re in a deep sleep. I’m lucky enough to be able to write this looking at our healthy young rescue but my family between us has buried over 20 cats and 7 horses. They really matter. Don’t blame yourself for grief or its effects. Be as kind to yourself as your companion was to you.

Also bless you @CombatBarbie. Similar experience with our old boy. He spent his life terrorising everyone and on his last day I was mostly just lying next to him on the floor and when we got to the vet’s he just flopped down on the table. All utterly out of character. Struggled a tiny bit with the IV but he was so totally ready to go.

Hi all. Bloke here. Ive not lost my boy...yet.
I have a labrador, nearly 11, back legs have gone. Used to do 25 minute walks, less than 5 mins now. Do not think he is in pain so not going to make that decision yet. I suppose i will know when its time. Best friend i ever had. Dreading it.

And best wishes to all on this thread who have been through it x

@Scousebloke really sorry for your situation. We decided on a list in advance - for a cat so will need some alterations - but if he stopped purring, stopped eating, didn’t drink, hid consistently, didn’t go out for his daily little walk (by the end his was max 5 mins as well) - that was the moment to say goodbye. I really think that can help sometimes because you’ve made the decision in advance and so you can concentrate on coping with the moment as it happens.

Thankyou @CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau

We lost our family lab back in March, when I was around 38 weeks pregnant. We all doted on her and the whole family was devastated when we lost her. It was incredibly quick, vet told us she had cancer that had spread from her liver to her lungs, and then a week or two later we had to have her put to sleep. It's so incredibly painful losing a pet

It's not always clear cut when the right time is, particularly if the pet is suffering from a combination of age and infirmity rather than a specific disease. Our old boy was over 16, his mobility was much reduced and he was deaf and probably a bit senile. The latter two meant he got upset when I was out of sight (whereas before he'd be ok if he could hear me somewhere in the house), the mobility meant he couldn't shadow me easily.

But the saying 'better a week too early than a day too late' is true when making a judgement call.

Sorry to hear about your lovely boy @Scousebloke. We lost ours after a short illness so we never got to experience his ‘old age’, but I know some vets recommend a quality of life checklist to see if your dog still has a good quality of life. It can feel very prescriptive though I imagine, and I’m sure you’ll know when the time comes - hopefully not for a while yet.

I can sympathise @JennyGracexx we also lost our boy quite quickly. It was such a shock even though we had a few weeks where we knew things weren’t looking good.

No matter how we lose them, whether it’s quick or a slower decline, the pain we feel is very real.

I'm so sorry to hear everyone going through this its heartbreaking! For me the torture really is more around not getting round to do certain things for him before he died. Of course hindsight is wonderful. @Scousebloke so it may seem obvious but do all you can for your beloved dog now. And extra cuddle/bath etc at least you won't feel guilty like I do now.

I rang the vets before for some clarity as this counsellor not getting back to me was really playing on my mind. The vet passed a message on to me it was the right thing to do and the receptionist was so lovely and read some of the notes back to me and told me about experiences with other blind dogs etc so it eased me a little

@Helplessandheartbroke I shall try not to say this too many more times but it’s heartbreaking to deal with even if the person you are paying to help you through it is actually doing their job. It really isn’t you. It’ll be a life situation or something for them. There are other counsellors and you are allowed to need professional help right now.

@Ridingthegravytrain sorry missed your post! How are you doing now? Does the guilt ease? This is quite outing for me but I should have been bathing his paws to help his cysts but kept putting it off for another day! I'm torturing myself over this eventhough my dh would clean them I just wish I'd have done more. Again hindsight and getting tied up with life in general ey!

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau I do appreciate that I guess my ocd took over and she new my lovely dog and could see his notes my overthinking kicked in! I start cbt next week which was already planned prior to this and I've contacted Blue Cross too

How true!

So I spoke to the vet today that last saw my boy and although she reassured me I couldn't have prevented what happened I still feel the guilt! Will this last forever? The what if I had done this and that...

Oh it’s so terribly sad. Our darling old dog died a few weeks ago. We were heartbroken. But there’s much comfort to be had if they lived a long and happy life. I think of how he knew nothing but joy and love and contentment and it makes it easier. But even if they die too soon, there is no point dwelling on that. We do our best for our pets.

We have a new puppy joining us in a few weeks. It won’t stop us missing the old and frankly, perfect, dog - but it will definitely help with the emptiness.

We lost our sweet girl at Halloween and the first few weeks after were absolutely heartbreaking, I was constantly in tears and really struggled to hold it together every minute of the day. I didnt think it would ever get better.It still hurts now and I do still have my teary moments but I just wanted to say that it does start to ease from those first few excruciating weeks. I read a quote that really resonated with me: "remember that between hello and goodbye there was love, so much love" it really helps me to pull back and remember all the years of love and good times she gave us when I feel myself going too far into my own head thinking back over her last few days and all of the what-ifs. Sending big hugs to everyone else going through it, we really don't get to have them for long enough

@DildoDaggins @Weelegs29 welcome and thank you for your kind words of inspiration! @DildoDaggins wishing you best of luck with your new pup! Our boy didn't get to 7 before we said goodbye sadly. @Weelegs29 my boy was prescribed eye drops 3 months prior so 3 lots of drops and 1 lot of steroid Tablets they thought it was allergies. He finished the steroids and 1 lot if drops so I left the bit left in the last 2 drops thinking he didn't need them and finished the others so course is done... 3 months later he's blind so completely blaming myself! Vet said wouldn't have made a difference as he had acute gloucoma but in my head I caused it! It's really shit wondering what if x