Heartache after saying goodbye- support thread

[Helplessandheartbroke]

I'm in agony after losing our boy 2.5 weeks ago. I had another thread deleted as it was too outing but realised quickly there's many of us suffering. Anyone want to join hands?

Sorry you are having such a tough day @Work2live you are so early into the grieving process and as the loss of your dog was unexpected I think you are are probably still in shock, I remember coming out of the vets and I was numb (through trauma) I think my mind sort of shut down and then the next day the enormity of our loss hit me like a ton of bricks, looking back I don’t know how I got through it, I honestly wouldn’t wish those months on anyone, but I did get through it, I will never completely recover because I loved her with all my heart and will miss her until my dying day but I can now look at pictures and videos with joy and love rather than devastation, it’s a process we have to go through unfortunately but I promise you will find a place of peace eventually.

@Work2live I'm not religious by any means but I guess I am a but spiritual now. It came from my mum seeing a spiritualist many years ago after I had lost a baby and she knew things she couldn't have possibly known... I still hear my boys footsteps sometimes. Dh thinks I'm mad but I think he's still here watching over us. I also understand people who don't believe this and its each to their own but it does help me.

@Wantmyangelback a few of us are definitely in the stage you describe and it's good to hear you got through it. I also wouldn't wish this on anyone!

I've just decided to go for a walk the first since I last took my boy. Luckily I ran into a neighbour with her dog who decided to join me so it made it a little easier but still doing that route without him was sickening! I just knew I needed to do it

Thank you @Wantmyangelback. I'm so glad you finally found peace.

I would say for me it might not be shock, but more like disbelief. Our dog passed not long after an operation that seemed like it would be a success. We never entertained the idea that it wouldn't be, we were very hopeful. I don't want to go into lots of detail (and I also know that no two situations are exactly the same), but the situation with our dog was very complex. It's difficult to talk about without giving extremely in-depth information. But we had a lot of hope, and a lot of belief. It never really entered our minds that we might lose him. I suppose it is shock, but also denial, disbelief, and guilt at putting him through so much.

@Helplessandheartbroke gosh walking without them is so hard, isn't it. Well done for getting out. I walk a lot, and have done every day since we lost him. I've found that going to different places helps, even if it's just driving 5 mins down the road and walking somewhere we never walked our dog.

Walking the same woods and the same paths where we enjoyed many happy times with him is unspeakably difficult.

@Work2live give as much information as you want to were all here to listen to one another and support. I've given very outing info on here but that's ok because it helps and @ErrolTheDragon helped me last night when I was blaming myself.
I only did one of our short local walks tonight I think it will really hit me going to the nature reserves etc like the one my dh took him to on his last walk! It's gutting! Well done you for carrying on walking x

I lost DDog nearly 18 months ago and think about him every day. It's so hard and I still shed a tear over him. I check my "for you" section in the iPhone photo gallery because it gives me different photos of him every day and I can now smile and laugh at them. It does get easier but he was the "dog of a lifetime" and he helped me through the death of my DM and to recover from a serious illness which saw me hours from death, even when now I know he wasn't well himself. He was just amazing and I'll miss him forever.

@Work2live can also relate to Xmas. I put my boys name on a gift to dh and my boy had 3 presents under our tree. Dh threw them out on new years day when I took the tree down! Didn't feel right to give them away!

@PieonaBarm I'm sorry for your loss. Do you want to talk about your friend?

It's been 8 months for me and my heart is broken, I had to make a decision and I hope I made the best one. Even though I was told he wasn't a straight forward case, the treatment would have been horrible and wasn't even 50/50 chance I still question what if? But deep down I know he would have hated being away from me in the vets and I could see his physical decline I feel robbed because he was only 10 and the best dog and my best friend. I feel like he's with me sometimes and that comforts me

@Tara336 thanks for joining and sharing. I'm so sorry you're also going through this. I'm also torturing myself with what ifs as you may have read. My boy would have been 7 in March... I too feel robbed but unfortunately we have to make a decision based on the information we have and what we believe is best for them. Some sound advice on here from others in our shoes. Do you want to talk about anything specific?

I'm so sorry to read everyone's stories. We had to have our pup PTS this morning after a quick illness. Only 4tears old, was in perfect health up until a week ago. Im still in shock

@angsanana I'm so sorry for your loss!!! We all know what you're going through so please let it all out and we will be here to listen and talk as much as you need! Do you have real life support too?

@Helplessandheartbroke thank you so much. My boy was diabetic, I'd overcome all the issues that came with it, injections twice a day which we both hated initially but found our way through it together. He had gone blind with diabetic cataracts and we had those removed and got his sight back for him. It was wonderful the day he opened his eyes and the blurriness had gone and he looked at me so happy and surprised.

We kept going for two years but I knew he wasn't himself last Christmas he wasn't interested in pulling paper to pieces after all the gits were unwrapped and he was starting to lose weight. Deep down I knew he was beginning to lose the battle.

But in every other way he was himself happy on walks, tail wagging just full of joy. We went away for a short break and he couldn't wait to explore but had been sick when we arrived and we assumed it was the ridiculous amount of time we had been in the car.

The break was fun he was happy but when we got home he seemed to be a bit off and then started pooing blood. I thought I'd give it a day see how he was and he seemed better and was enjoying walks. Then suddenly it got worse and I had to clean him up in the bath and I noticed he was bleeding from his gums.

I rang the vets and took him straight in, they asked if he could have eaten poison and we were pretty sure he couldn't have. His belly was black from internal bleeding and the blood tests showed he had no white cells at all. The vet said a transfusion might help, but would be unpleasant, risky and not guaranteed it would work.

I couldn't put him through anymore and I knew he'd had enough. I'd always promised I would do what was right for him not me. So I asked for him to be put to sleep, the vet said she suspected cancer and I was doing the right thing.

I held him and told him how much he was loved. But I do think what if I did say yes and he recovered and could be sat by my side now? I miss him so much it hurts.

I have a little puppy now and I talk about him to her but I had to admit the other day I love her but she's not my boy. I think a little of me holds back now as I just don't want the pain again.

Thank you for sharing @PieonaBarm and @Tara336, I’ve shed a tear at your posts. What lucky dogs to be loved so much.

I am so sorry to hear about your pup @angsanana, what a horrendous shock. I hope this thread can help you in some way. It’s a long and painful road ahead, but one that we’re all on.

@Tara336 it certainly sounds like you made the right call! He must have been in pain bless him! We don't make the choice for us its what's best for them. We're the ones left suffering but at least they're not. We need to try and focus on what we did right by them. My boy could still be here now but he would either be in pain or have no eyes. Gloucoma isn't as treatable unfortunately x

@Helplessandheartbroke thank you so much I do say I did what was right for him but not for me. The cataract op was risky but I wanted to try for him and the aftercare is really time consuming but was worth it. My elderly dog now has cataracts but the vet says he has macular degeneration as well so we can't help him like we could my boy. But he seems happy enough he's never been an athlete and would rather sleep then go for walks so he's fine. I would have made the same decision as you had it been Glaucoma as you say that's incredibly painful

@Tara336 thank you for saying so! It does beat me up but at 7 stone and scared we knew it was the right thing to do. I just beat myself up as 3 month prior he had 3 lots of drops and 1 lot of steroids for allergies so they thought, when the steroids and 1 lot of drops finished I left a but in the other 2 thinking hes fine now the vet said so... its all whats ifs but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

I'm glad to hear you've got another companion to keep you company. All dogs are different arent they.

How did you ease the pain? I know it won't go but after almost 3 weeks the pain doesn't seem to be easing at all x

Lost our ddog 5 months ago and I still get a bit teary a few times a week. I had an oil painting done of him for my dh and gave it to him at Christmas. We both love it, but it took us a few days to put it up as we both had a few tears every time we looked at it. It's up now and my dh keeps telling me how much he loves the painting and it makes him feel better and as though he's watching and with us somehow

Our ddog had exactly the same illness.

He was 6, and went from being a happy healthy boy to being pts within 3 weeks. I still sometimes sit in disbelief that it's happened as it was so quick. I also feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and 'did we do the right thing'. We didn't opt for steroids or chemo as the vet said all it would do was extend his life for about 6 months, but he'd be no better, still not eating etc. So we opted to put him to sleep. I sometimes wonder if maybe the scan was wrong or he'd have been ok. It's a horrid thing for anyone to have to decide.

@barkymcbark so sorry for your loss. What a lovely gift you bought your dh!!! It's a horrid decision that we have to live with

Me too . My boys ashes are back . He was my constant companion, my protector, my love . I need to go and pick his ashes up and drop off a thank you card and biscuits for the staff at the vets - the vet stayed 3 hours after her shift ended .

My home is bare and empty and I miss him so much . He was a big dog with a gentle soul and his presence is so missed. He was my baby bear . I loved him more than anything else in the world .

Sorry I name dropped... not sure if I should have or not. @capabilityfrowns so sorry for the loss of your gorgeous pup! We picked my boys ashes up last sat on the way home from a trip he should have been on with us it was torture.... keep talking on here it's really helping me and the others x

What a beautiful boy @capabilityfrowns I’m so sorry for your loss.

Thank you. I miss him so much .

My little man doesn't know where the big bear has gone and it's heartbreaking. He's so sad . He's quite insecure and needed his big buddy .
He's so confused. If I'd known my big bear was going to be pts I'd have taken the little man with me but it was sudden and unexpected.