Heartache after saying goodbye- support thread

[Helplessandheartbroke]

I'm in agony after losing our boy 2.5 weeks ago. I had another thread deleted as it was too outing but realised quickly there's many of us suffering. Anyone want to join hands?

@ErrolTheDragon my ocd doesn't allow logic in my brain either just blame and anxiety.

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau its awful to lose your horse that way, it must have been so hard!

@FranklySonImTheGaffer thank you for sharing. I too hope the guilt and what ifs will fade as its eating me up inside. Sat here crying now thinking about it :(

@Work2live those moments of sharing food etc is awful! When working if I had a biscuit with my brew I would always throw one over to my boy. When I had a biscuit the other day I cried.

Does anyone on here believe those last couple of drops 3 months prior could have prevented him going blind?

Does anyone on here believe those last couple of drops 3 months prior could have prevented him going blind?

Absolutely not.

@ErrolTheDragon thank you for being my constant reassurance ❤ how are you this evening?

@angsanana wanted to check in with you too?

@capabilityfrowns did you manage to pick up bears ashes?

All these mile stones we go through as part of our grieving process is so difficult. 3 weeks for us tomorrow and still feels so raw and I keep thinking I'm going to wake from this nightmare! My ocd is not helping me through it one bit! Thank you truly for everyone joining us on this thread and sharing your journeys. I've just been reading back all of our posts and I'm sorry if I've missed any and hope I can help some of you like you're all helping me. I've got so much RL support but some of the biggest support I've had is this thread! I honestly mean that x

You are all doing amazingly and OP you are being so kind (I found kindness helped me get through some of the most difficult months of my life). Unfortunately it’s healthy and necessary to go through the process of loss but for those suffering guilt too, please try to remember your pet in their deepest, happiest sleep (I’m going to post one of Velvet in a ridiculously silly position, not to crow but to show how comfy they can get). That’s how they feel now. They had their moments of delight with you and those will exist long after even anyone remembers them. Keep looking after yourselves. Loads of love.

That was somehow not at all the intended image but she’s sending her love to all of you and friends past, present and future so I hope you don’t mind if I leave it.

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau what a gorgeous girl. Thank you for sharing! This thread is a breath of fresh air to be right now x

Someone told me our pets are here for a good time, not a long time x

I'm glad if I can help a little bit, @Helplessandheartbroke
I have no experience of OCD, are there strategies you find helpful in other parts of your life for dealing with it which might be applicable?

@ErrolTheDragon you really are! Unfortunately I've never learnt how to cope with my thoughts and compulsions (despite suffering since childhood) and it's recently got really on top for me so I start cbt tomorrow. This was all happening in the build up to losing my boy. Its a terrible illness to deal with and I've just now learnt it makes grieving so much harder with the overthinking and blaming myself for everything. In my head constantly is that it's all my fault he's gone and no matter how many people tell me differently my brain doesn't accept it. I'm literally at the lowest point of my life right now. Crying as I type this. Hope everyone else is having a better day x

You poor thing. I don’t know if my words will help or not but we all have to go. The difference with pets is that we get both the privilege and the burden of going with them on their last journey. It’s awful for us to give up their company and as I’ve said, often easily as bad as a human bereavement. Don’t blame yourself. But the way animals are put to sleep - and I apologise if something went wrong because it doesn’t never happen - is so gentle. It’s the little needle prick you get in a blood test and then a peaceful, dreamless sleep with their best friend beside them. It’s tough on you to bear the burden and unfortunately as strangers on the internet we can’t walk beside you through the forest of grief. But you can have friends and family and counsellors. Don’t even be afraid to call Samaritans if you need them. You’ll be able to get through the forest and choose to get a new friend or to carry on with the memory of the old one who loved you. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to cry but I hope you’re out of that nasty phase soon. Keep writing your feelings here. You were loved and you are cared for.

@Helplessandheartbroke sorry to hear you’re having a low day. But you’ve taken the step to start CBT. That’s a big step, and I hope it’s the first step in you being able to find some peace. I really hope it goes well for you.

Today has been slightly better for me. Even when I really don’t feel like it, getting outside makes me feel better. Today we deliberately chose a new walk, in a new place that wouldn’t remind us of him too much. It was a good idea. We still thought of him a lot, and talked about him, but we didn’t have memories of him in that place which made it a bit less painful.

Thanks ladies. Ive got to try and stop blaming myself. I also hate that as he fell asleep I ran 9ut the room and calapsed not realising at the time he hadn't quite gone yet... dh was still there with him.

So glad you got to enjoy a walk today @Work2live and glad things are easing little by little. I've not had a day without tears yet but I'm eating now at least...

Forgot to say I actually took my great aunties dog for a little walk today. She has dementia so I went to do some cleaning to help out and managed a little walk with her dog!

Well done, that's a win-win.

@ErrolTheDragon it did help me take my mind off things and it felt so good to help them out. How are you today?

We had our beautiful girl PTS today - she was a fat golden lab who we rescued from a puppy farm nearly 13 years go. Her mobility had been very limited lately, her hearing and eyes going rapidly and over the last few days had been quite poorly.

We had a quick trip to our local walking spot of old today (she's not been able to walk more than 5 mins for over a year ) where she tried to chase birds and had a good sniff before she fell asleep at the vets snuffling a treat out of my hand. I feel totally overwhelmed by grief, and guilt that perhaps she'd have been fine for a few more weeks.

We have a lovely 14 month old 'pup' at home who is providing lots of cuddles but the house, and sofa, feel very much like something, weighing around 28kg, is missing. 💔

 so sorry, @BlackBean2023.

You gave her many happy years, and what sounds like about as good an end as possible at the right time.

@BlackBean2023 I'm so sorry for your loss! The guilt is overwhelming but as everyone on here will tell you it's better a week early, than a day too late. Our friends are here for a good time not a long time and unfortunately it's us left behind suffering. You gave her 13 years of love and happiness to the very end! I know what you're going through as does everyone on here so please keep talking x

Doing something for someone else can help literally 'take you out of yourself', I think.

Couldn't agree more. You should feel the same @ErrolTheDragon for being my saviour this week! 😚

That's very kind of you. I'm fine, since you asked! Having a quiet period as DH is away - did some much overdue gardening and a walk along the canal this morning, beautifully crisp and frosty.

@BlackBean2023 so sorry to hear about your beautiful girl.

How lucky to have been rescued by you, given 13 years of love, and a perfect last day together. She was very lucky and very loved. It sounds like you made the right choice for her. Please don't think that you didn't - better too early than too late.

Oh you poor thing @BlackBean2023. Those who say your little girl was lucky are so right. Very unfortunate for you to deal with the consequences of her being PTS, but she was and you had the painful honour of taking them safely to their last goodnight. But it is a huge honour for you as a carer to have been with her as to been able to choose to end her pain.

@ErrolTheDragon that sound like a lovely day. Do you have much company while dh is away? @Work2live @CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau how are you both today?

I'm drained now. Cant get my boy out my mind but now also keep thinking about my great auntie and her dog. Both are cared for but it's sad to see today x

Just curious but anyone else from the northwest? No need to be specific if you don't want to but I'm in Manchester