Heartache after saying goodbye- support thread

[Helplessandheartbroke]

I'm in agony after losing our boy 2.5 weeks ago. I had another thread deleted as it was too outing but realised quickly there's many of us suffering. Anyone want to join hands?

I picked up my little boys ashes today. They'd done a paw print and taken some of his hair to give me too. Obviously have sobbed. And feel a weird sense of being lost now. All the admin is done, I've put his things away, cleaned the house, picked his ashes up. It's like he was never here at all apart from the indelible mark he made on my heart and to our family.

I miss his presence in the house so much. I didn't realise how much all my normality had him in it and now it's empty. Talked to myself at lunch today in my kitchen as I'm so used to him following me down there and getting in the way. I'd say "silly boy" as he'd follow me up and down the stairs on his wobbly legs whilst I fetched something quickly. And hearing him patter round the kitchen.

I have another dog, who I love very much. But he isn't as needy, devoted or a mommy's boy. Sigh.

I'm obviously still so upset but I am getting on with things and the shock has subsided. Im sorry some of you are still so in the depths of it.

@PumpingRSI we got the paw prints too this weekend and they are just gorgeous. Wee pug paws. My dad was the same with wanting to clean and as sad as it was get rid of most of his things, but it was too difficult for him to have the reminders in the house. Pugs are like shadows. They would sit on your lap on the loo if they could! And like you say, follow you everywhere. It is such a loss for you. They have big personalities and are almost human like. The shedding and combing the carpets no more is also a weird thought. I feel that same and yet almost feel guilty for just getting on with it.

@Greenpiggy your work place sounds horrendous I'm sorry you're not getting the support you deserve! My boss had been so good, maybe because he has a dog too I don't know. I just wish I could shift the guilt. It's over 2 months for me and still doesn't seem real still.

@PumpingRSI hope you're ok. Green is right the presence missing is the worst. My boy used to annoy me following me to the loo but I'd do anything now to have him stood at the door. I wfh so he was with me constantly. I would even interact that much during the day as I was working but having him there was a huge comfort to me. Throwing him a treat, letting him out, him snoring while I'm on teams, I miss it all z

Our friend came round earlier with a gift... hes had Winston hand drawn on a bit pic and had it framed. It's amazing! Made me cry a lot. Hope everyone's OK x

Yesterday I made the hardest phone call to the vet ever. I looked at my dog and knew, just knew. This morning my lovely old girl was euthanised to spare her from the pain that had risen up and consumed her after three years on pallative care for severe arthritis. Cancer was spotted just before Christmas and I had always promised her when she told me in little ways enough was enough I would hold her paw when she went.

It was a single breath and she had gone. This I he of who was with me on the day both my parents died, was with me as all the members of my family and many dear friends died over covid. She was my remaining connection with them all. It was the right choice to make for her sake but dear god how it sucks.

@triballeader I'm so sorry for your loss. No matter how much you know it was the right decision, it doesn't hurt any less. Its 2.5 months for me and I miss him every day. 😢 were here for a hand hold. Do you want to tell us about your girl? X

Hi everyone just catching up on the chat messages. Hope everyone is doing ok. I still feel i hear my little fur baby in the hallway It’s not even a month for me and I have found it incredibly hard but try to just think of the good times as I’m doing the same xx

Thanks lou. Hope you're ok. Hes still with you x

Hey how is everyone x

Still broken! After everything I’ve been through and going through with mums cancer and my operation all I can think about is my little lady! Does missing them every get any better? I still miss her daily and I lost her on the 24th Jan! I’ve started to forget her bark and her facial expressions but I’m still desperate to be with her ☹️

@Ineedwinenow sorry you're struggling its so hard. You've got so much going on. I still think about my boy constantly and its been 2.5 months for me. He would have been 7 on 19th March and I hate the fact he died so young and feel so guilty 😔 😭 I guess all I can hope is he knows how loved he was and we did what we thought was best for him! It certainly wasn't what was best for us!

Have you managed to do anything this weekend? X

We own a holiday home and we’ve had to come here to open it for the season but it’s named after her, is dog friendly in a dog friendly area and we only ever go with her so as you can imagine the first time being here without her is really traumatic and I’m still not well after the op so even though this place is our happy place I’m grieving and crying again

how has your weekend been? Not as upsetting as mine I hope xx

Hi everyone ,
@Ineedwinenow I'm three days after you, lost my boy in the 27th and I'm still really struggling, it's starting to feel a very long time ago I stroked the fuzzy head and looked into those gorgeous eyes.

I've been away for a fun weekend with friends, I was ok there except at night when one night I was reliving the last car journey to the vets. But since I've got home it's like three days of grief into one and I'm just so sad.

I'm really glad in a way I've found people who understand because I'm sure if I shared how I felt people wouldn't get it and I feel I can't burden them anymore anyway.

@Helplessandheartbroke always with me. I woke to do a night feed with my baby and for that moment I thought my ddog was were he usually slept under my stairs his little den and it crushed me to realise he isn’t there, I too still feel guilty it doesn’t go away that I don’t think but somehow I do think they knew how much we loved them I try to think of all the daily little things providing a warm place and food and comfort, a blanket you near or a family member they love just being near them this is a dogs happiness, greeting my little guy everytime we got home was always the best my ddogs ate so happy when we got home

my ddogs were so happy when we got home*

@Ineedwinenow that sounds very difficult! Hopefully soon you will be able to visit with happy memories instead. We had booked a lodge the week after we lost Winston, he should have been coming with us, the whole time I was there all I could think was that he wasn't. Weekends seem a little easier unless we go for a walk etc or to a park where we would have taken him. It's so cruel isn't it. Hope you recover soon from the op x

@Zandra123 please vent on here whenever you need to. We all absolutely know how you feel x

@4658Lou thanks lovely. You're right. We bought him a new bed in Sept and it wouldn't fit in his usual spot so I had to move it away from the radiator he was always near so we used to wack the heating up before bed to warm the kitchen for him and one night it was quite cold so I nipped down and covered him up with a blanket. It's the small things isn't it x

The first weekend without her….so strange and quiet. I went through all the photos I could find of her. She clearly coped well with good palliative care (severe osteo arthritis) from 2020 upto Sept 2023. After that she slipped into frailer old age. Each month you could see the arthritic changes in her joints. She saw the vet every four weeks as we kept a careful watch on her quality of life. The majority was good well controlled with a mix of physio, pain management and do a bit rest a bit care.
Last Monday something tipped and she went from old and stiff into life rapidly becoming burdensome. Wednesday my shadow stopped following me and she started to just want to lie down, Thursday I was trying desperately to organise that appointment as I knew there were no more options to improve her life left. Everything about her made me sure the pain was no longer controlled. hardest decision of my life. Did not want her to die but Idid not want to leave her to ever increasing pain and suffering either.
So glad I had her and admits the tears is a sense of relief that I could spare her the very worst pain.

@triballeader be at peace with your decision, it certainly sounds like the right one. I'm not at peace with ours truth be told not fully... but if he were here now he would have no eyes and he miserable and scared. The worst part of owning a pet x

The what ifs can certainly tear at you. I remind myself that our beloved dogs live in the moment. Whilst the good moments outweigh the bad they are happy and can enjoy life even if that life faces limitations. It’s when the bad begins to seriously outweigh the good or when pain consumes their being that drugs do not touch or help that we as caring owners have to take the hardest choice from love of our friends. It would have broken my heart to force my old girl to have kept going till tomorrow when her four weekly vet appointment would have been. I would have been doing that for me and not her.

Agreed! My dh says as heartbreaking as it were, he wouldn't have forgiven himself prolonging his pain and suffering and another major op to remove his last eye and then him living in a black hole. I know deep down he's right but the what ifs are horrible. What if we would have seen a specialist etc. It really is shit. Hope you're doing as OK as you can today x

Hi everyone, I think we should get a new thread link at some point?

Just posted to say recent (very recent) events have escalated and I think beyond a brief goodbye I'll never be able to see Velvet again, if I get a brief goodbye. Need to leave abusive household after things escalated beyond belief and my mother will keep her away again.

I'm so sorry @CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau , but I really hope you are okay.

I am sure no one will mind you venting on this thread if you would like to.

For me, it's been just over a week now. I have my baby girls ashes back and it does feel somewhat better that she is home. So I have been able to chat to her like I usually do. And then over the weekend the vet practice send the hugest basket of flowers, which I wasn't expecting. Of course that set me off again. My other dog is just so sad, so I said to all the neighbours to feel free to pet him to chat to him when they walk past. But he hadn't been going out front at all, so I hope this will help him to heal a little too. Just trying to shower him with love really.

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau agreed as this thread is almost full. Will others from here join me if I do a thread 2?

Absolutely vent on here too. You've been a huge support to a lot on here so if we can support you too then let us help. Do you want to talk about what's happened? Can you take velvet with you?

@randgirl my vets were shocking. I was meant to have bereavement counselling off one of the women there but she just blanked me.... very weird. Maybe I was too upset for her?

I'm glad you've got your girls ashes back. I say goodnight to Winston every night like I used to x

Not sure if anyones on but I'm having a really bad night. I've took another propranolol but it's not helped. I keep thinking back to the bereavement counsellor at the vets and wondering why she ignored me.... I did leave a voicemail to say I was really struggling and asking when she had time maybe she thought I was nuts? Maybe I am nuts I dont know but surely that's what counsellors are there for? Sorry just needed a vent x

Look what my husband has just gone and done, he said he can’t cope with the silence but I’m crying in the bathroom, he’s so amazing and supported me so much over losing our little girl, I just don’t know I what to do or how to feel over this