Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Heartache after saying goodbye- support thread

985 replies

Helplessandheartbroke · 03/01/2024 18:40

I'm in agony after losing our boy 2.5 weeks ago. I had another thread deleted as it was too outing but realised quickly there's many of us suffering. Anyone want to join hands?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
17
Helplessandheartbroke · 23/02/2024 22:45

@Zandra123 8 is older than my boy was. Selfishly I would be thinking what happwhen his time comes.... although if everyone thought like that then we would never own animals x

OP posts:
Ineedwinenow · 23/02/2024 22:55

Helplessandheartbroke · 23/02/2024 22:18

@4658Lou feeling sorry for myself how are you?

@Ineedwinenow have you had a wine? I've had a few its unbearable still x

I’ve had lots of wine! I can now drink after my operation so I’m making up for it!!!!!! How long as it been for you now ☹️

Ineedwinenow · 23/02/2024 22:58

Zandra123 · 23/02/2024 22:43

@Ineedwinenow it's a month for me tomorrow and it's still so hard, i can stop myself crying but every time I see his little urn it hurts too much. I hate being in the house alone.
My friend sent me details if a little rescue dog that needs a home, he's 8 , so will struggle to find a home, he looks so sad but I'm so unsure if I'm ready.
I hope everyone has a nice weekend.

I don’t know if you’ve read my previous posts on here but my family and friends ( even husband) send me puppy photos daily, it hurts like hell! We’ve always rescued our doggos but my husband and family want us to have a puppy so we get a longer life and less issue with them but I don’t want a rescue or puppy, I want Daisy ☹️

Helplessandheartbroke · 23/02/2024 23:30

10 weeks on Sunday for us @Ineedwinenow he's my first ddog as an adult and definitely my last for the time being. It's absolutely broke me. You will know when you're ready x

OP posts:
Greenpiggy · 24/02/2024 01:10

Yesterday my darling little pug was PTS. He was almost 14 and had what appeared to be a degenerative spinal condition, over time his back end gradually became weaker with associated problems with walking and his bowels but he was the happiest little man and lived with my dad. Overnight he lost the use of his back legs and was unable to walk or stand and was doubly incontinent. My dad had been up all night as puggy has been unable to settle and appeared so confused. I came in the morning as soon as I knew and he was still his bright little self (deaf and blind) but couldn’t weight bear and did sound distressed at times. We knew this day would come and we took him to the vets and the option of invasive tests with no ability to treat or putting him to sleep was offered and he took his last breath no later than an hour after taking him. I feel awful, heartbroken and guilty. I should have asked were there any other options, got him a wheelchair, anything but I just feel I have let him down. The second he was gone I instantly regretted it and making such a rushed decision. I have not left bed today and can’t face anything. I suffer from depression and was already on the brink of a relapse before this. I just found this thread and felt the need to vent. Apologies for the long post 😢🐾

Helplessandheartbroke · 24/02/2024 01:24

@Greenpiggy please don't apologise. I'm so glad you found us! I'm so very sorry for your loss. I was you almost 10 weeks ago. You couldn't put puggy in a wheelchair. Being deaf and blind must have been hard enough without being able to walk. You did the hardest yet kindest thing. My boy was half your boys age and that haunts me. You puggy had a long and loving life x

OP posts:
Helplessandheartbroke · 24/02/2024 01:40

Unable sorry*⁹

OP posts:
Greenpiggy · 24/02/2024 01:47

I hope it gets easier. He really was the greatest little gift to our family at a time I needed him the most. He has been my dads shadow, would sit under his desk at work, the last 6 months would only eat square sausage and honey roast ham and he was spoiled. He stayed with my dad when I moved out as my dad didn’t want to be alone and WFH and seeing how broken he was yesterday just makes it that bit harder. I am so grateful for the hundreds of pictures and videos I have but have spent hours looking through them and it probably isn’t helping the guilt. It is good to know there is a place here to help and to come to for support.

Helplessandheartbroke · 24/02/2024 01:54

@Greenpiggy anytime! I've been supported so much on here and I'd love to be able to pass on some support.

My boy lost an eye 2 years ago to glaucoma. The week before Xmas his other eye went. The pressure was 76 so very painful. We tried to save his last eye but couldn't so our viable options were to remove his last eye, or pts. The guilt knowing he could still be with us but with no eyes is overwhelming. The guilt of not seeing a specialist etc but where do you draw the line and end their suffering?! It's truly the worst pain I've ever felt and I'm no way over it,! But it does get a little easier week by week. Were here for you any time (as its almost 2am) sometime you might have to hang on a couple of hours as we all need some sleep sometimes. Tonight will be awful as will tomorrow morning. It does get easier x

OP posts:
damnedwhatever · 24/02/2024 03:30

It's me my lovelies .

Name changed but lost my big old bear dec 5 th .

Pondering how to give my little
Man some furry company. He's tried so hard to make friends with next doors 6 month old cat - cat wants nothing to do with him tho ! Contemplating a kitten . Thought being a terrier he'd have a high prey drive - next doors Kitty sauntered into our house other night and crashed for
The night ! Little fella was so sweet ! He was desperate to make friends but Kitty said no - and he totally respected kitty's boundaries. Left him be all night . So I'm wondering about a wee kitty

Helplessandheartbroke · 24/02/2024 03:36

@damnedwhatever you've been missed! One of the few up at these ungodly hours too!

Get little man and yourself a new friend. Try and borrow a kitten and see how they go?

Hope your scan went well x

OP posts:
damnedwhatever · 24/02/2024 05:11

Thanks so much, I've missed this thread !

I'm gonna have a think friends cat just had 4 kittens yesterday dangerous!
I'd love a kitty , but I think I'd worry like mad being near the road . Can't decide whether to get a kitten or a rescue woof that likes other woofs .

damnedwhatever · 24/02/2024 05:12

My little man thinks he's 10 men with dogs though . In reality he's pint sized 😂. Little dog syndrome! A cat might be better .

Helplessandheartbroke · 24/02/2024 09:14

@damnedwhatever look at a catio? Or cat proofing your garden? I'm never having another dog again. I couldn't bare the pain x

OP posts:
CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 24/02/2024 10:47

Hi everyone, sorry I dropped out for a couple of weeks.

Just wanted to send hugs to everyone. For those who weren't around when I was at the beginning (and also to everyone else, I guess) also wanted to reiterate to please not feel guilty, or ashamed, or judge yourselves for whatever you're feeling or any impact on your life. Pet bereavement can often be as impactful as human bereavement, if not more so, and the fact that we are so totally responsible for our pet friends all throughout their lives and then have to make the final decision at the end of their lives can complicate it even more. It's such a brave step to have to take but it's really the kindest.

Thinking of you all - @Helplessandheartbroke are you planning to continue the thread? It could be a long-running pet bereavement support thread. Sorry if this has already been decided or mooted or if one even already exists! But if it doesn't, it would be awesome to have a consistent group of people who can share experiences, listen, empathise and talk at any time.

Final thought - I am in a support group for a non-bereavement issue, but we were talking about gratitude lists or daily gratitude practices, which is something that is also very big on psychiatric wards (I unfortunately get around quite a bit with that sort of stuff). Obviously I'm not suggesting a daily gratitude list on generic lines is going to make much difference to any sort of bereavement - though definitely be gentle with yourselves and do things you enjoy if you can - but maybe a list or a quick reflection of what you appreciated or appreciate in yourself as a pet owner might help when you get stuck in the "what if" headspace? We all rationally know that none of us are perfect owners (or parents, siblings, children, employees etc) but for every time you accidentally stepped on your dog's toe or left his worming tablet a day late there will probably be hundreds of play sessions, baths, walks, cuddles, healthy meals... just a thought anyway :)

Helplessandheartbroke · 24/02/2024 16:23

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau you've been missed! I hope you're doing better? The support you and @damnedwhatever @ErrolTheDragon and @Iheartmysmart have given me has honestly been so important to me. I was literally having a breakdown when I started this thread through losing Winston and other things (my ocd etc) it's been a lifeline. I will gladly make a new thread when full if others will join me?

What's the other support thread you're on please? I'm on one in the mental health board under user name jk24 as I joined under my old user name on that one x

OP posts:
CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 24/02/2024 19:33

@Helplessandheartbroke I think you would be a great thread-starter (is there a more prestigious title than that?) for pet bereavement :) I'm sorry, I think I might have been a bit unclear about my support group, it's not a thread on here, it's an in-person one for a specific mental health difficulty so might be quite difficult for you to access! I find coping mechanisms you get in one place can often help in other places though.

Helplessandheartbroke · 24/02/2024 20:31

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau will you join me? I know you've got a lot going on but might help keep your mind occupied? You offer wonderful support and advice.

I like the positive daily gratitude list is a great idea! I'm having cbt and I'm trying something similar atm. It's obviously hard to do past tense but regarding my guilt thoughts I've been 'taking them to court' looking at evidence for and against and that's helped.

Hope you're ok this evening with your current house guest. How's velvet doing? X

OP posts:
Greenpiggy · 24/02/2024 20:31

@Helplessandheartbroke I am so sorry to hear about your boy, that must have been so difficult for you, he would have been so confused and upset if he had still been here. It is much easier to be objective about these things and I do it in my professional life but the second it comes to our pets (family), it becomes so difficult, and maybe it will become clearer in time that it is a gift to allow them to end their suffering and have dignity in their death. I wasn’t much use today but I’ve managed to actually eat tonight and have a bath so that’s progress, ridiculous I know.

Helplessandheartbroke · 24/02/2024 20:35

@Greenpiggy thank you for saying so. I blamed myself so much this thread honestly got me through. I hope we can he of some comfort for you too.

You absolutely do not sound ridiculous. The fact you've eaten is huge! Something I couldn't do for a few weeks but soon compensated on then over eating....

I hope your dad's OK today too. Be there for each other. It's the worst pain I've felt, were all here for you!

Re the bath, I got ds to sleep and I'm in my bubble bath as I type with a glass of wine! Since losing ddog with the extra albeit small amount of time I have in the evenings I've been bathing instead of showering. It helps me relax and reflect and just have 15mins to myself x

OP posts:
Greenpiggy · 24/02/2024 21:43

@Helplessandheartbroke I hope you enjoy the well deserved bath and wine! We got the paw prints delivered from the vet today with a lovely card which is beautiful. I am sad for my dad he is due to retire and I think the empty spot on his bed is hard, I think he knows it was the best decision based on how the last night was. I just wish we had gone one last visit to the park or something but he had a trip to his favourite park two weeks ago and I got a few pictures. I said at the time I thought it may be his last as he was getting so frail. I plan to go and go spend time with my dad tomorrow. His friends have been great. My partner left for a trip the morning it all happened so I think I am just a bit lost. I am going to try and watch some tv and have a wine as well :)

Helplessandheartbroke · 24/02/2024 22:03

@Greenpiggy look at those photos with a smile. I bet ddog loved that walk! I had felt guilt over the short 10 min winter walks I'd been on with ddog and the Friday before he passed, dh was supposed to take him out but didn't. I made him feel guilty so the Saturday morning he got up early and took our boy to a local nature reserve for a very good walk. He passed the day after so I was greatful to know he had a lovely walk the day before at a place he enjoyed.

Its too raw now but in another 12 months or so your dad might be ready to fill the empty space and enjoy his retirement with a different companion. It's too hard to think about yet though.

It's over 2 months for me and when a lady stopped me in morrisons today to talk to me about dogs trust, I almost ran away from her the poor woman! I said I can't talk to you now, sorry, I've just lost my dog and practically ran away! It was either that or cry....

Sorry to read your dp is away. Hope hes back soon for support. I've almost finished my bottle trying to find something decent to watch on Netflix! Hope you've found something to enjoy your wine to x

OP posts:
damnedwhatever · 25/02/2024 02:50

Hey my lovelies.

My cousin came today , showed her my bears casket .

She was lovely and said do what you need to do - she's just got a spaniel named after her late dad .

I feel so much for my little man - he's missing furry friends so much.

I think he'd love a kitty seeing him with next doors kitty but I'm near a main road and that scares me . Maybe I just need him to get used to being an only pup .

Helplessandheartbroke · 25/02/2024 04:37

@damnedwhatever hey!

You also need to think about holidays.... having a dog and a cat to find help for would be much harder but you can make it work If you really want one.

I don't think I'll ever get rid of winstons ashes x

OP posts:
Helplessandheartbroke · 25/02/2024 18:56

Hi ladies how is everyone today?

@damnedwhatever did you make a solid decision on the kitten?

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau did you get through the weekend without punching your sister on the nose?

@Greenpiggy how was your day with your dad?

@4658Lou @Zandra123 @stockpilingallthecheese @pinksheetss @Ineedwinenow and everyone else hope you're all ok x

OP posts: