DP making me pick between him or the rescue dog

[LostitwithMax]

DP and I moved in together shortly after he got a cat, so yes I did move in with him knowing he has a cat (cat is 4). He always knew I wanted a dog the moment I had a garden though and was never against it, he just admitted he will always be a cat person and his cat will probably stay favourite. He was on board during the whole process, etc. we ended up adopting a puppy that had been in foster here after living in a Spanish rescue. Lovely dog who is now 10 months and only 6kg, so very small. He used to sleep with the cat and now does nothing but chase it and if he grabs her, takes fur out, etc. he’s blaming me, saying I never did training around cats but yet there was 0 issues until this last month where I’m trying but not sure what to do. His cat now hides almost all the time but does come out when it needs food, etc. he wants me to have the dog on a lead at all times and I’ve explained that’s completely not feasible at this stage and he said I should have done that from day 1, I am not sure why he keeps going on about what I should have done when he was a younger puppy because HE WAS FINE WITH THE CAT THEN. He’s basically concluded that if I refuse to have him on a lead basically the whole time he’s in the house, he has no option but to move out. We have only just quite recently bought, so it’s going to be a nightmare. I’m not entirely sure what I can do, I’m trying to train him the leave it command (he’s fine when it’s good or things, but not so effective with the cat but I’m obviously working on it) I always try to get his engagement when he sees the cat but he doesn’t engage until he is done chasing it, etc. I do feel it’s just a bit of a natural behaviour and there’s nothing more I can do really, which is winding him up the most but then is only offering solutions that would be cruel to the rescue… AIBU or is DP?

I always try to get his engagement when he sees the cat but he doesn’t engage until he is done chasing it, etc. I do feel it’s just a bit of a natural behaviour and there’s nothing more I can do really...

he isn’t an untrained dog who I allow to do whatever. He just really struggles with birds, small animals and cats

This is bullshit. He is a poorly trained dog and you are a limp apologist for the needless cruelty and distress of smaller beings.

Its perfectly possible for them to live together but you do need to train the dog. What he is doing is unacceptable behaviour and you are excusing it, I have found water sprays are a good deterrent BUT you have to catch him before he does anything, so super vigilant whilst training him to not react to the cat.

Its usually the owner that is the issue and I would agree - in this instance you are not training the dog - 10mths is still a pup so plenty of time to sort the behaviour.

Why did you insist on having a bloody cat, then?
And why are cat owners always so unpleasant?
Questions, questions.

Puppies are obnoxious as they go through their teens. I know, as I am dealing with one right now who wants to race and chase our older dog and cats. Long, long walks are required and plenty of mental stimulation works on ours. However, she is under strict behavioural training because I am an experienced pet owner, and our cats have different areas to the dogs for time-out. Cats need space, and even our most chilled cat is not fond of our puppy bouncing on him. The puppy needs neutering at one year old, and you need to hire an animal behaviourist to teach you to teach your dog. The puppy years are a window of opportunity to get rid of prey drive and other destructive or abusive behaviours. It is not just about the cat, but how your dog will conduct itself when out and about. You cannot raise a puppy that snaps at people and other animals. If you are not prepared to invest the time in the dog, it would be kinder to rehome. It is only a matter of time before the cat gets angry and takes an eye out with those claws.

Sorry but the cat is the victim here i agree with dh.
The cat was there first, either train the dog not to attack or rehome.
Poor cat, also you are minimising the dogs aggression it is not playing if taking chunks of fur out.
You are so defensive I can see why your dh is upset.

You could have looked for a rescue dog that has experience of living with cats since you knew that was non negotiable, but you wanted a puppy. It's on you. Rehome the dog, train it, or get a crate.

Don’t rehome your dog. Get a dog trainer in to give you advice on how to solve this. Graeme Hall always seems to be able to get results which always seem to be obvious - calm and authoritative perseverance and rewards at the right time.

I've got two small dogs and a cat and they all get on absolutely fine, in fact the cat is the boss, so it can definitely work. However, if your dog is a terrier/terrier mix you will always have a problem in my opinion. Terriers are bred to chase small prey and I don't think you can ever reliably train this out of them. I feel really sorry for the cat because having a dog chase it and pull fur out is intolerable 😢

If you honestly prefer your dog to your partner then I think you should move out as you suggest.

What's the betting that OP has an Instagram account where she's framed this overseas rescue of a very buyable puppy as some sort of evidence for her sainthood ?

It could have worked but a rescue dog was the wrong choice here. A podenco is a hunting dog which has been bred for chasing rabbits. Your dog is hardwired to chase and it is unlikely that it will ever be trustworthy enough to leave with the cat.

Totally agree. Could equally ask why is everyone getting bloody cats these days. Poor birds, mice, neighbours gardens, etc. But of course that’s excused as natural cat behaviour.

If your dog is part terrier, some terriers have such a strong prey drive that they aren’t a recommended breed to have living with cats. It could be that no amount of training will compensate for your dogs instinct to chase the cat, terriers are bred to hunt rats etc, so they live to chase!

If this is the case you could try keeeping the dog in one room that the cat can’t access when in the house, or living seperately or rehoming might sadly be the only solutions.

I agree, if there's one thing the UK is totally self sufficient in, it's maladjusted dogs. We don't need to import more of them. Why should we be the dumping ground for toxic canines?

You're calling the dog 'he' and the cat 'it'. Says it all, to be honest.

You should be doing everything in your power to ensure dog never chases cat. Dog will NEVER learn impulse control if you allow it to indulge in the fun of chasing the cat. Have you spoken to a professional dog trainer? Your DPs idea of keeping dog on lead is a good one, and won’t harm your dog to follow you on lead around the house - this is literally what puppy trainers advise and what I did with my puppy when they were young as you have a lot more control and can instil good habits. You need to go back to basics and should be taking this really seriously and reassuring your DP that you’re doing everything to keep his cat safe. YABU.

It sounds like DP has the answer. He’ll rehome the pair of them, leaving the OP with the dog she’s always wanted. Problem solved.
They might have to sell the house they’ve just.bought, but OP has made her priorities clear, as has her partner.

Whilst I agree you can't keep on about what you shou have done - you COULD have rehomed an older dog that had already lived around cats rather than a puppy who you need to train from scratch and is going to change as they grow.
That said it goes both ways. The dog is young and the same as he changed from being ok with the cat to chasing it. He could change back again with all the training you doing but there's a risk they may never get on.

If I was the DP I'd have split with you and your dog already by this point.

It’s perfectly possible to train the dog to leave the cat alone. Personally I think your DP is being completely unreasonable and I can’t see a long term relationship working out.

Also just to add, one of the risks of getting a puppy is you won’t know it’s personality until it gets older- some dogs just can’t live with cats! It was always a risk you were taking, even choosing a particular breed is no guarantee that a dog will have the temperament you are hoping for.

Not all dogs can be trained to overcome their instincts

This is such a frustrating thread with a lot of appalling advice mixed in with the better suggestions.

What really grates about the OP is the apparent inability to realise that, as a novice dog owner, they have a hell of a lot to learn. And that’s why they need to pay a good professional behaviourist to help them work through this issue while keeping the cat safe.

The attitude in the OP of having tried everything so the cat just has to deal with it is pretty shit. The arrogance of thinking by you’ve tried everything in an apparently relatively short period is also staggering. Accept that there’s stuff you need to learn and pay a professional to help.

That’s not to say that the OP hasn’t done some things right - puppy classes, basic training, obviously wanting to do the right thing and build a life around the dog - these are good starting points. But they don’t absolve the OP from tackling this issue head on, with the cat’s safety paramount, and with the input of a good professional.

Does your DP know you'd choose the dog over him?
My DH is obsessed with the cat and often jokes he loves us equally but If he chose cat over me is dump him. Your DP should take the hint and get in there first

It’s because they are relatively cheap compared to buying a dog here, rules are more relaxed over circumstances (eg a lot of U.K. rescues do home visits and won’t allow families with very young children etc to have a rescue whereas these ones don’t seem to mind- I have a couple of people on IG both with dubious home circumstances and multiple Romanian rescue dogs…..) they get delivered to your door off a ‘happy bus’ 🙄

It's not "cat-centric" to think an animal being physically harmed by another should be protected -and the one doing the damage needs to change or be rehomed. The cat apparently has to brave the dog attacks to get food yet it's just " a bit of natural behaviour" to the op. It's a bit of behaviour that needs to be trained out or the dog should leave, with OP if the dog is more important than the partner.

I hope the poor guy sees this and leaves, taking the cat with him.

his impulse control isn’t good in prey situations
^^
The dog sees the cat as prey now that he's getting older and bigger. He will kill the cat and is already trying to, that's what these attacks are.

The dog needs to be an only pet. It's very difficult to train the hunt reflex out of a dog and he has it targeted on cats now, he will always be a danger to cats.

If I were your DP, I'd be looking to rehome both the dog and you.