DP making me pick between him or the rescue dog

[LostitwithMax]

DP and I moved in together shortly after he got a cat, so yes I did move in with him knowing he has a cat (cat is 4). He always knew I wanted a dog the moment I had a garden though and was never against it, he just admitted he will always be a cat person and his cat will probably stay favourite. He was on board during the whole process, etc. we ended up adopting a puppy that had been in foster here after living in a Spanish rescue. Lovely dog who is now 10 months and only 6kg, so very small. He used to sleep with the cat and now does nothing but chase it and if he grabs her, takes fur out, etc. he’s blaming me, saying I never did training around cats but yet there was 0 issues until this last month where I’m trying but not sure what to do. His cat now hides almost all the time but does come out when it needs food, etc. he wants me to have the dog on a lead at all times and I’ve explained that’s completely not feasible at this stage and he said I should have done that from day 1, I am not sure why he keeps going on about what I should have done when he was a younger puppy because HE WAS FINE WITH THE CAT THEN. He’s basically concluded that if I refuse to have him on a lead basically the whole time he’s in the house, he has no option but to move out. We have only just quite recently bought, so it’s going to be a nightmare. I’m not entirely sure what I can do, I’m trying to train him the leave it command (he’s fine when it’s good or things, but not so effective with the cat but I’m obviously working on it) I always try to get his engagement when he sees the cat but he doesn’t engage until he is done chasing it, etc. I do feel it’s just a bit of a natural behaviour and there’s nothing more I can do really, which is winding him up the most but then is only offering solutions that would be cruel to the rescue… AIBU or is DP?

And that’s why I won’t rehome him because he’s exactly that, my responsibility, but hey, let trial out a bunch of dogs and further ruin their life until it’s the absolute PERFECT one, that sounds far more self centred

Another broken dog adopted from a foreign "rescue", improperly assessed, improperly placed, and you appear to have been given no support with ongoing training. Colour me surprised.

It doesn't matter if a puppy is "fine" with a cat at first. It requires positive reinforcement and training to give the best chance of ongoing success. You shouldn't allow the dog access to the cat. However you achieve that is up to you.

Sounds like a catastrophic situation. Probably not fur on anyone.

Yabu. I'm with your partner on this own. 💯

So have you accepted the need for him to be on a lead for now if there is no way of completely separating the cat and dog altogether, while you train this behaviour?

I already said yes to that pages and pages ago but people only read and make up what they want

At last, some sense!
People prioritising animals over real, human relationships is just awful!

Your DP is prepared to dump you and move out because his cat is being attacked and terrorised and may potentially be killed?

What a good bloke, I’m sure he’ll find someone more compatible.

I don't give a shit. I go by observation. The humping is a dominance ritual.

I am seriously beginning to wonder if this is actually OP’s intention? Get rid of the cat, and her little fur baby no longer needs any training to limit its “spirited nature”. Unfortunately OP this will backfire - your DP will almost certainly leave you if this happens.

I’m really not sure but it’s a terrier mix

It may be too much of a call to train - terriers have a high prey drive since many were bred to catch and kill small furry things. It's the kind of reason a decent rescue would have refused homing to you.

(would have refused rehoming that particular dog, I mean).

And bringing dogs to the UK risks importing diseases that are common in Europe.

More recently, these have been found to be transferred to humans.

It needs urgent legislation.

Send the dog to puppy school (you’ll have to go too), my friend told me it’s the owners they are really training. You should also look into doggy daycare so that when you’re busy, the dog isn’t around to terrorise the cat. It all sounds very stressful for you both.

Try crate training. Every time the dog goes for the cat put him in the crate. He will soon learn to leave the cat alone.

You should never use a crate as punishment. Crates are meant to be placed of safety and comfort and the dog should be happy to go in.

That’s not a recall then. If the dog doesn’t come back every time then it does not have recall. Why do people not get this?!

Your post re. ‘Training’ the dog to leave it. You’re only just training that now?! Training the essentials (sit, down, leave, come etc) is DAY ONE. Not at ten months when the dog is a stroppy little shit of a teenager. Some perspective: my golden was train on all of those four by the time it was ten weeks. He was house trained by nine weeks. That is responsible dog ownership. Before your dog ever goes off a lead it should walk to heel (IMO) and not even think of running off. If it’s not next to you then you’re not in control.

Honestly, OP it reads like you got a dog whilst knowing nothing about dogs. It’s sad but true. Why did you not get an actual puppy? You’re going on about how if you give this dog up, you’ll never get another?

I'm so fed up of people who 'have 'always wanted a dog' but clearly know nothing about dogs. Then get one and don't train it properly. And blame everyone else for being unreasonable and intolerant for not loving their out of control, poorly behaved dogs.
Nightmare owners.

That’s not a recall then. If the dog doesn’t come back every time then it does not have recall. Why do people not get this?!

Quite.

@LostitwithMax Not only can a dog kill a cat quickly but a cat defending itself will go for the eyes.

So, not only could the cat be killed but the dog could be seriously injured and be blinded.

You really do need to take this very seriously if you care about these animals.

Exactly. “Recall unless there’s something more interesting for him to chase”, or “recall except when he’s killing a cat, can’t do anything with him then” is not recall at all.

Here are some tips on what to do when the pet dog is attacking the pet cat from:

https://pethelpful.com/dogs/Help-My-Dog-Has-Started-Attacking-My-Cat

• Keep your dog away from your cats by using a sturdy baby gate that he cannot climb over, knock down or squeeze under.
• Keep your cat indoors and your dog in the yard.
• Keep your dog in a kennel.
• Keep your dog crated or in a sturdy exercise pen appropriate for your dog's size.
• If your dog attacks cats around food, feed him in a separated area.
• If your dog attacks cats around toys, don't keep toys around.
• If your dog attacks cats out of jealousy, don't give the cats any attention when around him/her.

I've always had dogs and cats. Really should not be a problem if slowly introduced. Sorry haven;t RTFT but at the moment seems incompatible but should not be

It’s straight out the dumb dog-owner’s handbook, along with ‘it’s just natural instinct,’ ‘he’s really friendly’ and ‘he’s only playing’

I’m a dog owner.

The pets IMO belong to both of you, I'm feeling that your DP doesn't want to put any work in & placing all of the responsibility onto you for training the dog. Why doesn't he help with that? I do think that the dog might be bored or something, if he's only just started to do the chasing & there wasn't an issue before. That said it can't go on. It's just sad to read that you're not both working together to solve the problem.
Maybe the relationship isn't working anyway? At least, if that's the case, you've found out now, before you've had kids who aren't getting along! (Serious comment no intended offense).
When dog chase's cat, distract him with something, get him to sit, then a treat. The idea is to teach him that when the cat runs, he sits then gets a treat = Better than chasing cat

I agree. Training,training and more training. It sounds as though at some point the cat ran, or there was some play that got out of hand, and dog has decided this is a great game.
The cat will be extremely stressed, and this does need to be addressed before it becomes really entrenched behaviour. As they got on well until recently I do think there is hope.
Is your dog getting enough exercise and stimulation ? A bored young dog will find things to excite him in the house, and those things will often be destructive. It sounds to me as though he needs much more exercise than he is getting, and more games. Adolescence is a time when dogs can become trickier and upping the training games, making sure the dog is properly tired out, will help a lot.
So speak to a behaviourist, work out a proper plan , and put in more hours working with your dog. It is possible to turn this behaviour around.