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Dog PTS tonight - I am devastated

462 replies

MimPimMim · 22/01/2021 00:06

My beautiful boy was PTS suddenly tonight - he had a seizure on Tuesday which the vet thought was a one off and then collapsed again with seizures tonight, which didn’t stop until he was sedated at the emergency vet. He had been diagnosed with cancer six weeks ago but the vet thought he had a good number of months to go. It has all happened really suddenly - I was cuddling him at 10, he collapsed at 10.30 and was gone by 11.45. My poor husband had to take him to the emergency vet with my boy having seizures in the car - I couldn’t go as we have a toddler and someone needed to stay with her. My heart is broken and breaking for him - he was nearly 13 and we have had him since he was a puppy. I can’t believe he is gone and I can’t believe I couldn’t be with him at the end. I am thankful my husband could (especially as we are in lockdown) but i just hope he knew how much I love him too. I miss him already and can’t believe he has gone. I don’t really know why I am posting this, I supposed I am in shock and just so sad. How can he not be here anymore? My heart feels broken - I know we made the kindest decision for him but I just can’t believe this has happened.

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Chesneyhawkes1 · 26/01/2021 21:20

@MimPimMim he will have known exactly how much he was loved and cherished.

I did the same thing - felt guilt at not spending as much time with Tia as maybe I could have some days. Telling her off when she stole my birthday cake off the side - only time I think I told her off in 12 years. I second guessed myself so much.

But now I can look back and see that for her whole time on this Earth she only ever knew love and kindness. Your boy would have felt exactly the same.

My rescue dog is different. He hasn't always known love and kindness and for almost 10 year I've spoilt him rotten so make up for it. He's such a Mummy's boy. My Velcro dog I call him. I truly dread the day he leaves me. I love him more than anything in this world. We've been through so much together.

In other news I have my little old man home. He can walk and he's eaten chicken. And now snoozing on the sofa. I'll get his liver biopsy results tomorrow and hopefully they will show nothing sinister and maybe he will just need tables for the rest of his life.

I feel so grateful to have him home. I think I take him a bit for granted. He's a very independent little dog. Doesn't follow me around but he's always there in the background. This has taught me not to do that. And I'll make time away from my other more in your face dogs for just me and him from now on.

Thank you to everyone who kept him in their thoughts. I really appreciate it x

ilovecardigans · 26/01/2021 21:22

Thank you, Mim. Not having a good day today, unfortunately. Slowly sinking into a pit of gloom and despair. Bedtime can't come soon enough. Sorry... Sad

Chesneyhawkes1 · 26/01/2021 21:23

Also I don't know if it's something you'd consider as some people I know said I was weird - but I had some of Tia's ashes made into a ring. The stone was black as she was in life. And I found it very comforting to wear.

In hindsight I should have got a bead as I have 3 others, so one day they could all be beads on a bracelet x

spiderlight · 26/01/2021 21:25

Fingers crossed for good news from the biopsies, @Chesneyhawkes1.

Sending you a big unMumsnetty hug, @ilovecardigans. Sorry it's been a rough day :(

ilovecardigans · 26/01/2021 21:26

Chesney, I'm so pleased for you - best news I've had all day. I will keep everything crossed for your results tomorrow.

Chesneyhawkes1 · 26/01/2021 21:26

@spiderlight thank you 😊

@ilovecardigans I'm so sorry you are having a bad day ☹️ I hope tomorrow is a better one for you

MuttsNutts · 26/01/2021 21:26

Oh bless you, whatever you decide will be right for you and your family, your beautiful boy included.

When he comes home of course it won’t be as you would want and I remember when I collected my girl’s ashes I cried buckets, I could barely even speak at the desk. But I found it so comforting to have her home where she belongs, in whatever way I could, and I still do. Three years on she is here next to me as I write this. Lots of people do choose to scatter in a favourite place or as some have said, to place them in the garden and that’s what you may prefer at some point. There is no right and no wrong, and certainly no rush to decide, just whatever helps you to get past the worst of days and feel close to him. For now just bring him home.

The way you write about him here shows you have such beautiful, vivid memories of the smallest details of why he and your bond were so very special. That never dies; those feelings never leave you and in time they overwhelm and replace the gut-wrenching sadness you feel at the moment.

I hope you get some rest tonight, try and think happy thoughts of your gorgeous boy.

ilovecardigans · 26/01/2021 21:30

Thanks so much, spider. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a better day.

Cleverpolly3 · 26/01/2021 22:51

@Chesneyhawkes1
Keeping my fingers and my dog is keeping her paws crossed for your little fella’s results tomorrow ♥️

Cleverpolly3 · 26/01/2021 22:55

@ilovecardigans

Thank you, Mim. Not having a good day today, unfortunately. Slowly sinking into a pit of gloom and despair. Bedtime can't come soon enough. Sorry... Sad
So sorry, Sending you love and healing thoughts ♥️
MimPimMim · 26/01/2021 23:09

@Chesneyhawkes1 That is such good news, I have been holding my breath for you today. So pleased for you and your little man - I bet he is thrilled to be home with you. Keeping everything crossed for the test results tomorrow Flowers I have thought about the jewellery, thank you for letting me know this has helped. In truth, it’s not something that I could really understand before but now I can see the comfort it might bring. I’m glad it has helped you and I think I’ll think about it, in time, as we decide what to do.

@ilovecardigans I’m so sorry that you are having a hard day Flowers They are all hard really, aren’t they. At the moment, I’m avoiding bedtime as the grief is just unbearable when I close my eyes - I’m finding it so hard not to think about when my poor boy collapsed and his last moments at home. I’ve been watching rubbish television until I’m too exhausted to stay awake. My lovely husband slept on the sofa with me last night so that he didn’t have to wake me go upstairs and risk me not going back to sleep. The house just feels so empty now - we moved into a much bigger house last year, to give my daughter more space and for what we hoped would be my boy’s retirement years. We wanted him to have more room to run around and a bigger garden. Now the house feels so big and so empty. We have decamped to the spare bedroom and I’m finding it hard in the rest of the house. I’m dreading when my husband goes back to work and my toddler is asleep, I can’t bear the thought of how empty it will feel. We went out for a good walk today and I didn’t want to go back. At least while we were walking, it was like he was at home just waiting for us to come back to him. We came and went by the back door to try to take the edge off it but it still felt so quiet without him when we got back. No wagging tail and excited face to greet us. I’m not sure how I ever get used to that.

@DenisetheMenace That is so beautiful, and wonderful that she is still a part of the family. I want that for my boy - I don’t want his name not be spoken and for him to be in the past. I don’t think this will be our forever home so I think I’d like to look for a tree that will thrive in a planter and when can take with us when we go. It won’t be for some years but I can’t bear the thought of leaving him behind.

@MuttsNutts Thank you - I am sleeping badly at the moment as everything runs through my head. I have been so worried about not having given him enough attention after my daughter was born so I looked back at the pictures from when we brought her home and her first few weeks - and there he was, in so many of them. Lying next to us on the sofa, snuggled up around both of us, gently sniffing her head, out on walks with us with the baby in her sling. He was involved after all. Just like that, we went from three to four and he was right in the middle of it. The baby fog was so overwhelming at the time and I couldn’t remember the details of how he had fitted in as we were all adjusting. What I can see from the pictures is that he was still there - my constant companion, loving, gentle, always there. Always. Soon we shall bring home and I hope that I find some comfort in that, even if it takes time. Wish me strength when we go to collect him - I never really believed this day was coming.

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GADDay · 26/01/2021 23:12

This thread is a classic in the best sense.

So much kindness. Honestly it has restored my waning faith in humanity.

OP I am truly sorry for your loss. Your DDog was clearly an extremely important and very much loved part of your family. Your grief is so raw. Stopped me in my tracks and reminded me how precious my boy is to me.

Take care ⚘

May09Bump · 26/01/2021 23:18

I'm sorry - grieve. Believe the last moment he remembered is being hugged by you. The pain gone for him. The pain you feel will eventually be filled with the good times.

PoleToPole · 26/01/2021 23:18

Is there something you could do when things are hardest @MimPimMim? Perhaps writing a bit about him each day, a memory which you particularly love that you could describe, perhaps over a particularly nice coffee or tea blend?
That sounds trite in a way, but I have a blend of tea which is my absolute favourite which I save for those times, DH has a coffee blend he has chosen, we think of it as our memory tea/coffee. There is something very comforting about sitting quietly together, watching the sunrise, drinking a cup and remembering.
He sounds like such an amazing, treasure of a dog, and such a gift for you to have known his love, and a gift for him to have such a wonderful family who clearly gave him the kind of life every dog dreams of. You could not have done any better for him, he was such a lucky little man x Flowers

@ilovecardigans I am so sorry you are going through such an awful time, and I hope tonight brings you a measure of peace, if there is any to be found x. Flowers

@Chesneyhawkes1 that is absolutely wonderful news, I really hope that his results are good news, thinking of your and your wonderful little chap x Flowers

dublingirl66 · 26/01/2021 23:20

Sending you lots of love

Beautiful angel was lucky to have such lovely owners ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Oliphanto · 27/01/2021 08:11

Morning @MimPimMim just popping in before starting work as I know you find mornings hard. Deep breaths and try to find some joy this morning, talk to your boy, think about a great day you had over your morning coffee, let yourself remember something funny or adorable about him. You’ve got this.

MimPimMim · 27/01/2021 09:08

@GADDay Thank you for your kind words, he really is so important to us. He was central to our lives and I can’t believe he has gone. I agree about this thread - the kindness and support has been overwhelming. A glimmer of comfort in these hardest of times.

@May09Bump Thank you. I hope so. I hope more than anything that the last things he knew were cuddling up to me and being given his favourite treat - I am in agony now but it gives me some comfort to think that the very last things he knew were love and warmth and safety. I want him to have always known that. He deserved the very best, he was such a good boy.

@dublingirl66 Thank you. We were so lucky to have him. The awful, terrible, wonderful truth is that I’d feel like this all over again just to have him back. The love we have for him is worth the grief now but that doesn’t make it any easier. I think, perhaps, it makes it harder.

@PoleToPole Thank you for sharing - that doesn’t sound trite at all, it sounds so comforting. I’m struggling to come up with anything at the moment that doesn’t just make me so sad. Did you start doing that straightaway? I am finding it very hard to just sit with the good memories at the moment. The absence of him is just so vivid and I physically hurt thinking that he is not here. He is everywhere in my thoughts and nowhere when I look for him. I said his name out loud to my toddler yesterday, as I was getting her ready for bed, and she pointed to her bedroom door as she always did, to tell me that he was waiting just outside the door. And, for a brief minute, I couldn’t help but believe he was. I am struggling to accept he gone. I don’t want it to be real. I need it not to be real.

@Oliphanto Thank you, I appreciate that more than you know. I am having a very hard morning. I dreamt about my boy this morning, just before waking up. He was standing in front of me and, in my dream, I stroked his head, scratched his ears and tickled him under his chin. All his favourite spots when we made a fuss of him. He felt so real, he was exactly as he always was - the warmth of him, the smell of him, the look in his eyes. When I wrote to him last night, I asked him to come to see me in my dreams and he did. It was so bittersweet because even in the dream I could feel myself trying to hang on to him, to savour the moment. And then I was awake, trying to get back into the dream and he was gone. And I didn’t even get to say goodbye. Again. I want my little buddy back. I hate waking up and the whole day is stretching ahead without him. I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know what to do without him.

@ilovecardigans I hope you found some peace last night and got some rest. I know it is so hard. Wishing you a better day today Flowers

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DenisetheMenace · 27/01/2021 09:56

If you don’t mind me asking, have you found anything helpful in supporting your DH“

Ive been thinking about this overnight. I’m afraid the answer is no, not really. It just has to be gone through. Sadness is brought about by the smallest of things. He does lots of the cooking. She would sit by his feet and wait for the carrot tops and he still occasional throws them for her before realising again. So all I can do is try to anticipate situations and possibly avoid them but I’m afraid in the end only time will do it (and an end to this current situation where everyone’s emotions are heightened).

I am pretty much ok, yes, thanks. She had a lovely life and her time came and we did the best for her. I still can’t bring myself to bring her collar in from the car though 🥺 again, time.

MuttsNutts · 27/01/2021 10:09

I’m so pleased you saw your lovely boy in your dreams 🥰 I know it makes it even harder when you wake to find he’s not there but in time that feeling of being with him again will comfort you. I still see my girl in my dreams and it brings back all those senses you describe so beautifully.

He hasn’t really gone, he’s all around your home, in your favourite places and in your heart, just because you can’t see him doesn’t mean he isn’t there.

Your salvation will be your little girl. I lost my last but one girl when my son was 3yo. You have no choice but to get up and get on and get through the day for their sake. Plan things to distract yourself from the hurt and eventually it will ease, it really will. Not easy I know, especially in lockdown, but doing just small things together will make a difference. Some days will become a little easier, then you’ll have a really hard day...but it will get better and the good days will start to outweigh the bad. Just take your time, accept it and roll with your feelings.

Getting on with your lives is not a betrayal of your feelings for your special, gorgeous boy - he loved you just as you loved him and he wouldn’t want you to stay sad forever.

toomanypillows · 27/01/2021 10:15

I am so sorry for your loss. I started reading this thread the day you posted and I cried and cried.
And now..yesterday.. My darling boy was put to sleep too.

How can it be?

I'm so sorry. I feel every bit of your pain. I don't know how I'll get over the emptiness.

MuttsNutts · 27/01/2021 10:22

@DenisethMenace I still have my girl’s collar with name tag on the shelf by the front door three years on and have no intention of moving it 😊

I remember the early days when she went. Couldn’t bear to be in the house without her and couldn’t bear to go for a walk without her either. If I ventured out I would hold her little collar in my hand in my pocket just to try and feel a tiny bit closer to her. I’m sure most of my friends would have thought I’d gone a bit mad if they knew some of the things I did to help myself through the grief I was feeling.

Only we know how much we love them, how much they bring to our lives and therefore how much we feel we’ve lost when they go. Whatever works for you and gets you through is the right thing and for no-one else to judge or assume or know your feelings.

Oh @toomanypillows I am so, so sorry Sad Flowers

Oneearringlost · 27/01/2021 10:32

MimPimMim
I'm very sorry, so sorry.
We are putting our 14 year old King Charles Cavalier to sleep tomorrow at 11am.
Had him since he was 8 weeks old. Our 3 children, 23, 21 and 18 have grown up with him. He has been the most loving beautiful, gentle and loyal companion.
He has comforted our children during teen angst, hardly left our side. His tenderness and love have made us all better people, he has enriched us,what a legacy.
His great big soulful eyes have lost their light, he is almost immobile now, and showing signs of distress and incontinence. The time has come.
My 23 year old DD is sending a paw print kit today. My DS (21) wants to come but my DD (18) can't face it.
I feel your grief. I'm sorry. Can't type more for tears.

spiderlight · 27/01/2021 10:52

Oh @toomanypillows - I'm so sorry :( Flowers

When we lost our springer in 2014, I had some of her ashes incorporated into a rainbow by this lovely lady. Need to get one done for Archie as well. She makes them with real love and understanding - she started after losing her daughter so she understands the importance of the ashes and handles the whole process so sensitively. I hope it's OK to put the link here.

Oneearringlost · 27/01/2021 11:12

I just don't know how to comfort my children tomorrow.

spiderlight · 27/01/2021 11:41

Thinking of you all, @Oneearringlost - it's just the hardest thing, and in some ways having a time booked in advance makes it harder. It sounds as if he's ready though, even if you will never be :(