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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

Need to rehome our dog but DH won't listen.

173 replies

BangPippleGo · 26/06/2018 18:21

Bit long, apologies.

DH and I were always both dog lovers. We fostered a yorkie from a family friend whose relative had passed away - it was only supposed to be a short term solution but 4 years later and the dog is still with us and was legally transferred to us about 3 years ago.

I love the dog, I really do. But I cannot cope with him anymore and as I'm the one at home with our DS(18mo, adopted 6mo ago) it is really affecting me.

I told DH three months ago that I really wanted to rehome him, and DH was against it. So i told him that's fine but from now on it is HIS dog and he needs to care for him. I still pay his pet insurance and vet membership but told DH i was no longer sorting vet appointments, arranging for the groomer, or taking dog for walks. DH is to make sure dog is fed before work in the morning and I will feed him throughout the day if he is still hungry.

DH has not walked the dog once since January (so I take him out a few evenings a week despite saying it's not my responsibility). I cannot walk him with DS because any time we stop (at the park or for DS to catch up because he's toddling) the dog goes crazy because he hates standing still. He does stealth poos in the garden which I don't notice until DS trampled it through the house on a daily basis. He urinates in the house if left alone for half an hour.

DH has missed the booster vaccinations and so will need to pay for a whole round of vaccs plus boosters he has horrid oral health that DH is not looking after. The dog groomer hasn't been since January and the dog is hot and scruffy.

I love the dog to bits and it breaks my heart but my DH is not looking after him and he needs to be in a quiet home, not one with a toddler running round shouting all the time. We were told he was 14 when we agreed to take him in permanently - turns out he was 8, so a much bigger commitment to what we were expecting.

DH thinks if he rehome him now he will just be put down and thinks I am cruel for suggesting such a thing. I think my DH is neglecting the dog and he deserves better.

How the fuck can I convince him that I'm not being cruel?!

OP posts:
LuluBellaBlue · 26/06/2018 18:25

Why can’t you put your son in a buggy and push him whilst walking the dog?
Get a dog behaviourist in and do some training.
Poop scoop after him when he goes in the garden. Poor dog doing ‘stealthy poos’ when he’s not walked, where else is he meant to go?!

juneau · 26/06/2018 18:28

Well you're both being cruel really by neglecting him. Either take proper care of him (and that means YOU have to sort out his teeth, grooming, etc if your DH doesn't), or rehome him. But don't argue back and forth for six months while the dog suffers. TBH, as your DH is not doing what he promised and you don't want to, you should call your nearest rehoming centre asap so this poor dog can go somewhere that he'll be properly cared for. As you say, your home with a noisy toddler isn't right for him and you aren't meeting any of his needs by the sound of it (and I'm not a dog lover!).

Toooldtobearsed · 26/06/2018 18:29

Poor bloody dog.
He has done nothing wrong, but is being neglected and is clearly unwanted.

I never contribute on these threads, thinking it is all too easy to point the finger, but I find this one fucking disgraceful.

.

Bananarama12 · 26/06/2018 18:33

The poor dog is suffering because you are both arguing. You still need to care for the dog! Walk him with toddler in the pram, get a bloody groomer in and get a vet to look at his teeth. He is still both of your responsibility and needs to be looked after until you make a decision.

Bananarama12 · 26/06/2018 18:34

As for the noisy toddler problem, can you not make him a safe space he can go and relax that toddler can't get to? You can teach children to leave dogs alone.

HyacinthsBucket70 · 26/06/2018 18:38

You are both behaving appallingly. Grow up, and take responsibility for the dog that you made a promise to look after.

Shame on you both Sad

Beaverhausen · 26/06/2018 18:39

Yet again someone who thinks more about themselves and dear darling toddler who arrived after dog.

This poor do deserves better please do regime him. To people who will stop with the "but I do love him" bullshit and does not him to make his life or health a bit better even if partner is not taking on the responsibility.

Selfish!

Original poster
BangPippleGo · 26/06/2018 18:40

He is being walked, I am taking him out at least every other evening for an hour. He is now 11yo and is resisting going for walks more frequently anyway- when I was working even our daily dog walker said she didn't think he should be walked every day as it was too much for him. I'm not going to let the dog go without exercise. I try to take him out during the day with DS in the buggy but the dog still barks like mad if I'm it constantly power walking. I buy the dog dentastix for his teeth but DH needs to still brush them and he doesn't do it until I keep on at him.

I always pick the dog poo up when I notice he does one but at the moment the back door is constantly open so the dog is constantly outside in the garden once I'm home - I'll go and check for poo every so often where he usually goes (about once an hour) but I cannot watch the dog constantly when I have a toddler to chase after.

I trim the dog when I do his weekly bath but it's not up to dog groomer standard obviously so he looks scruffy. It's still "short" for a Yorkie considering how long some of them get.

His needs are being met to the best of my ability at the moment but I'm also suffering with post-adoption depression and I cannot give the dog everything he needs whilst also doing the same for my son. My own basic needs aren't even being met. He is walked, fed, washed and cuddled a LOT. but it's my DH who should be doing it, not me. He is not pulling his weight.

My OP came across wrong - I promise you I am not allowing this dog to be neglected. My DH isn't looking after him so I am still having to door despite it having a hugely detrimental impact on my mental health at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
BangPippleGo · 26/06/2018 18:41

*if I'm not constantly power walking

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 26/06/2018 18:42

He’s having a crap life, one of you need to step up. The dog was legally transferred to you, whatever that means, you have a duty of care not to cast him aside the minute it doesn’t suit you.

catlover1987 · 26/06/2018 18:45

Poor dog. You need to try and rehome him asap. It sounds like he has a terrible life at the moment. If he's not being walked every day then you can hardly get pissed off at him shitting in the garden!

Original poster
BangPippleGo · 26/06/2018 18:46

I know he's having a crap life, which is why he needs to be in a different household to the one we provide. He is very needy, a lap dog, needs constant attention. I can't provide this level of attention with a toddler. And given the years of infertility we went through, I did not imagine we would ever be able to have children when we agreed to take the dog in on a temporary basis. When the family struggled to find a permanent home for him, we were in early discussions about adoption. We knew our dog was good with children because DH had a 4yo when we first got him. Turns out he's not so good with a toddler who has additional needs and possible attachment issues so I need to cuddle him a lot.

OP posts:
WetsTheVet · 26/06/2018 18:48

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Original poster
BangPippleGo · 26/06/2018 18:48

I'm not pissed off at all with the dog shitting in the garden. I'm pissed off at my DH that I am having to deal with bleaching the house on a daily basis because our child treads it through the house when I have already told my DH that I think we should rehome him.

I know the dog is doing nothing wrong. He's a bloody lovely dog. But his clinginess to me is really affecting my mental health and my attachment with my son.

OP posts:
Original poster
BangPippleGo · 26/06/2018 18:50

WetstheVet what a fucking awful thing to say to someone whose child has been neglected and in the care system.

The dog is not neglected- my DH is neglecting his duties as a dog owner and I am picking up the slack. His needs are being met. He is loved and looked after but only because I am doing so because my DH is being an arse about it when he should be stepping up and doing more himself.

OP posts:
cholka · 26/06/2018 18:53

I hereby give you permission to find a new home for the dog.

The dog's not going to get what he needs in your home, so find him a new one. Stop feeling guilty about it, it's the best thing for all of you.

People on here are being so judgmental - honestly British people are weird about animals!

Racecardriver · 26/06/2018 18:56

Can't you just say dog goes or I go? Your DH clearly has no intention of taking care of the dog while you are there to take pity on it.

Baubletrouble43 · 26/06/2018 18:58

I have 18 month old twins and I take my dog out every fucking day. Even the three days I work 8 hours. And he's an arse that barks t everything. You pair disgust me.

OrchidInTheSun · 26/06/2018 19:00

The dog is 11. You won't find a home for him. Put him down.

And why did you suddenly decide three months ago that you wanted to rehome him?

Clean the Poo up in the garden

Frequency · 26/06/2018 19:00

Your DH is right. No-one will adopt a 14yo Yorkie with bad teeth. Take him to the vet to be pts, it will be a kindness compared to how he's living now.

picklemepopcorn · 26/06/2018 19:01

I can't believe how horrible people are being!

The dog is looked after, but her DH isn't pulling his weight. We all find it tricky to manage a dog and a baby, but most of us have some time to adjust and get to work out systems. Adopting a toddler is very different, he'll need much more attention than the average tot.

I'm not surprised you are feeling overwhelmed, OP. DH should be doing more. As he can't do the care through the daytimes, how about you concentrate on the dog and DS and leave all the other chores for him.

I think you may need a bit of help working out a routine which works for you all. So DH walks the dog before work and he'll hopefully poop then. Also, you need stair gates. Lots of stair gates.

picklemepopcorn · 26/06/2018 19:04

Some of the mums who are having a go at you, OP, will have complained about being 'touched out' after a day with their toddlers. They will have no idea how draining a baby with attachment needs is, alongside a needy dog.

Don't beat yourself up, but get DH to help you work out a sustainable routine.

Wheresthel1ght · 26/06/2018 19:06

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Foodylicious · 26/06/2018 19:09

That all sounds really tough.
Are you getting enough support from your health visitor?

I don't know what to suggest but it sounds like you have more of a DH problem than a dog problem.
Can your HV meet with you both and get across to him that you need to focus on yourself and LO and he really needs to step up re dog responsibilities.?
It might sink in if he hears it from someone else. Does he get your MH issues?

It does sound like you are doing the best you can. And it's positive that you are recognising it's not the best situation for the dog.

Can DH try short walks in the morning before work?
Does he pitch ìn much at the weekend?

EachandEveryone · 26/06/2018 19:10

Is your dh hping out with the toddler at all? If he is surely it will then be easier for either of you to tend to the dogs needs.