Need to rehome our dog but DH won't listen.

[BangPippleGo]

Bit long, apologies.

DH and I were always both dog lovers. We fostered a yorkie from a family friend whose relative had passed away - it was only supposed to be a short term solution but 4 years later and the dog is still with us and was legally transferred to us about 3 years ago.

I love the dog, I really do. But I cannot cope with him anymore and as I'm the one at home with our DS(18mo, adopted 6mo ago) it is really affecting me.

I told DH three months ago that I really wanted to rehome him, and DH was against it. So i told him that's fine but from now on it is HIS dog and he needs to care for him. I still pay his pet insurance and vet membership but told DH i was no longer sorting vet appointments, arranging for the groomer, or taking dog for walks. DH is to make sure dog is fed before work in the morning and I will feed him throughout the day if he is still hungry.

DH has not walked the dog once since January (so I take him out a few evenings a week despite saying it's not my responsibility). I cannot walk him with DS because any time we stop (at the park or for DS to catch up because he's toddling) the dog goes crazy because he hates standing still. He does stealth poos in the garden which I don't notice until DS trampled it through the house on a daily basis. He urinates in the house if left alone for half an hour.

DH has missed the booster vaccinations and so will need to pay for a whole round of vaccs plus boosters he has horrid oral health that DH is not looking after. The dog groomer hasn't been since January and the dog is hot and scruffy.

I love the dog to bits and it breaks my heart but my DH is not looking after him and he needs to be in a quiet home, not one with a toddler running round shouting all the time. We were told he was 14 when we agreed to take him in permanently - turns out he was 8, so a much bigger commitment to what we were expecting.

DH thinks if he rehome him now he will just be put down and thinks I am cruel for suggesting such a thing. I think my DH is neglecting the dog and he deserves better.

How the fuck can I convince him that I'm not being cruel?!

Your husband does FA with the dog or his child. He's useless.

Your DH is neglecting the dog and you're only doing the bare minimum.

Talk to the RSPCA and rehome it as your DH appears to have washed his hands of it.

WerkSupp where does OP say her DH does nothing with his child? Bit of a leap.

A toddler is more important than a dog. I'd go ahead and re-home the dog regardless of what your DH thinks. He's not kept his word and it's not fair on you. The dog will be fine. If you're not able to look after it you shouldn't

Honestly though, I have five children under 5, 4 dogs, 6 horses, 12 cats and a bear, yet still manage to step up and be a fucking fantastic mother and pet owner. Oh, and I always clean the bear shit up straight away. All the while leaving time to post smug, condescending, judgemental comments on an online forum. SHAME ON YOU for not being as totally bloody brilliant as me.

likeacrow I could feel my blood starting to boil then

PurpleMac I actually only have 1 DD and 1 cat and even just having those is hard work sometimes!

As PPs have said, it's about what each individual is able to cope with. I'm feeling quite concerned for the OP tbh as she's obviously struggling as it is so I really hope some of the hurtful and ridiculous comments haven't done any damage.

OP Just rehome him, it's not fair on anyone to keep this situation going

My first yorkie was in good health, apart from having most of her teeth removed, until she was 15. They are tougher than they look.
I have a young small dog now, but your dog, op, is the sort I would have rehomed willingly, except there is an absolute dearth of small dogs in rescues as they get snapped up straight away. A good reputable rescue will certainly be able to rehome your dog. Find one, and make a donation at the same time to cover the cost of a dental treatment.
There must be a breed rescue for Yorkies too.

@BangPippleGo I don't know if you're still reading, but I just want to reach out and hug you.

I have no idea why these threads always go the same way of 'dog/child' top trumps...

...Oh I had 9 Great Danes, a full time job, 6 adopted children from overseas as a single parent...

It matters not a jot who coped with what and when.

your circumstances have changed terrifically (congratulations btw). People asking why you didn't think of this pre-adoption... just like we all thought our pfbs would be breast fed, no TV and cloth bummed. 🙄 nobody has any idea until it happens to you!

Anyway, please have a think about any practical solutions offers up thread - borrowmydoggy, crated area away from toddler etc to give you some head space.

Whatever you do it looks like you'll feel guilty - just take your time, listen to your gut and make a decision.

Please don't be put off asking for advice! I'm sure you're doing a great job keeping it all together right now. One foot in front of the other.

I trim the dog when I do his weekly bath but it's not up to dog groomer standard obviously so he looks scruffy. It's still "short" for a Yorkie considering how long some of them get.

His needs are being met to the best of my ability at the moment but I'm also suffering with post-adoption depression and I cannot give the dog everything he needs whilst also doing the same for my son. My own basic needs aren't even being met. He is walked, fed, washed and cuddled a LOT. but it's my DH who should be doing it, not me. He is not pulling his weight.

For the poster ranting about the dog not being groomed the OP says this ^^

The dogs needs are being met. The very least DH could do is sort out the dogs dental needs or care for DC whilst OP takes him to the vet.

OP has had a slamming! She is doing her utmost best in extremely difficult circumstances.

Please come back OP. Whether you decide to rehome or manage to get DH to step up you do what's best for you, your DC and the dog. Ignore the judgemental mob. They haven't walked in your shoes.

I’m absolutely disgusted by some of the vile bullying going on here. Hope you’re ok, OP, and realise it’s just a tiny number of vicious, thoughtless individuals whose voices are far too amplified in this small corner of the web.

You need to do what’s best for your child. If your partner isn’t stepping up to the mark and recognising the impact this could have on your son then you’re just going to have to do what’s necessary and rehome the dog yourself.

The Op has to think of her son as well. When he is 2-3 the dog will be fairly old and won't want a toddler pulling at him. At this stage in his life he would suit either an adult only home or with older children. I have had yorkies over the years, the hardest time with them is when my first child was a toddler my yorkie was about 10. He was a handful and my dog was nervous of him. I was constantly watching him with her. After she died when he was about 4 i didn't get another dog for about 7 years. The Op doesn't need that stress and it's unfair on the dog too. Her husband wanted to keep the dog so he's his responsibility but that's not happening.

At least find out what the re-homing options are. And then give your DH an ultimatum. Either he steps up, or the dog goes.

Is there a friendly retired neighbour who could walk your dog for free? I walk my neighbours dog with mine because they work full time and it’s a small bit of pressure I can take off them.

*JammieCodger

I’m absolutely disgusted by some of the vile bullying going on here. Hope you’re ok, OP, and realise it’s just a tiny number of vicious, thoughtless individuals whose voices are far too amplified in this small corner of the web.*

I'm concerned about OP too. It's always the non dog owners who are most vocal on dog threads.

Hope OP is ok ... Dog haters will hate...They have no idea about what raising a dog entails... Or any idea about raising an adopted child... sad!

The dog is 11 and has already had at least 2 homes. The kindest thing is to put it to sleep. If neither of you can be bothered with the dog

The dog is only 11, Yorkies can live to 20. Take it to a rescue and ignore those saying put it to sleep. Small dogs like that get snapped up quickly.

But how happy is the dog? What if it isn’t rehomed quickly? The dog may live until it is 20 but it is old now. I love my dogs but if I couldn’t keep them anymore and didn’t know anyone who would take them and really care for them I would have them put to sleeep.

But OP hasn’t investigated any rehoming options as yet .

It seems bizarre that someone would choose to have a dog pts without knowing if a suitable new home can be found for him. Better surely to have 3 house moves and 20 years of life ?

I love my dogs but if I couldn’t keep them anymore and didn’t know anyone who would take them and really care for them I would have them put to sleeep.
Nice... 😏

Practical advice here only

1. Can you get a dog walker in each day to walk him -that'll calm him down
2. fence off part of the garden -for poos etc and then get DH to a weekly poo sweep into the bin
3. Sit your DH down -you sound run ragged. My DC2 was a nightmare and it made me ill. He needs to listen and you both need him to step up as a husband, friend, father and pet owner.
4. Pet insurance yearly
5. book booster in advance =takes 30 minutes once a year -your DH needs to commit to this

Hope you’ve managed to talk with your husband about this and you’re coping ok.