Need to rehome our dog but DH won't listen.

[BangPippleGo]

Bit long, apologies.

DH and I were always both dog lovers. We fostered a yorkie from a family friend whose relative had passed away - it was only supposed to be a short term solution but 4 years later and the dog is still with us and was legally transferred to us about 3 years ago.

I love the dog, I really do. But I cannot cope with him anymore and as I'm the one at home with our DS(18mo, adopted 6mo ago) it is really affecting me.

I told DH three months ago that I really wanted to rehome him, and DH was against it. So i told him that's fine but from now on it is HIS dog and he needs to care for him. I still pay his pet insurance and vet membership but told DH i was no longer sorting vet appointments, arranging for the groomer, or taking dog for walks. DH is to make sure dog is fed before work in the morning and I will feed him throughout the day if he is still hungry.

DH has not walked the dog once since January (so I take him out a few evenings a week despite saying it's not my responsibility). I cannot walk him with DS because any time we stop (at the park or for DS to catch up because he's toddling) the dog goes crazy because he hates standing still. He does stealth poos in the garden which I don't notice until DS trampled it through the house on a daily basis. He urinates in the house if left alone for half an hour.

DH has missed the booster vaccinations and so will need to pay for a whole round of vaccs plus boosters he has horrid oral health that DH is not looking after. The dog groomer hasn't been since January and the dog is hot and scruffy.

I love the dog to bits and it breaks my heart but my DH is not looking after him and he needs to be in a quiet home, not one with a toddler running round shouting all the time. We were told he was 14 when we agreed to take him in permanently - turns out he was 8, so a much bigger commitment to what we were expecting.

DH thinks if he rehome him now he will just be put down and thinks I am cruel for suggesting such a thing. I think my DH is neglecting the dog and he deserves better.

How the fuck can I convince him that I'm not being cruel?!

But I don't think the OP is suggesting that. She clearly states that she wants to rehome the dog because she is unable to manage on her own. That's the whole purpose of her thread.

She is doing her best to meet everyone's needs despite her mental health.

The husband is the only person neglecting the dog as it is HE who refuses to rehome it, yet he doesn't step up to the responsibility of caring for it properly.

Give the OP a break.

purple I agree entirely.

Lots of people catastrophising.

This dog was foisted on you by deceit.

In spite of your best efforts you can no longer cope.

I'd rehome it. You don't need anyone's permission.

Are you SURE this is what you want?

Some of the replies are offensive. Ignore.

It needs to be rehomed ASAP and you should never ever get another pet again. They aren’t disposable. They do have feelings and they aren’t toys.

To be fair, grooming and teeth cleaning are quick, easy tasks and they're not being done, so it's not a stretch to surmise that fleaing and worming isn't being done. And a healthy dog would have regular bowel movements. They wouldn't be doing stealth shits that need checking for every hour (as an aside why are the toddler and dog left alone in the garden?)

It's a dog, it doesn't need monthly appointments at a salon. Five minutes with a clipper and comb would do. You can get them on Amazon for less than £20, no need to leave the house at all. I can't afford to take my dog to the groomers but he gets his coat clipped when he starts getting hot or matted.

How much animal neglect are we willing to overlook for depression? Is it a sliding scale? Do we stop at feces being caked under it's tail obscuring its anus and causing pain and toileting issues? (a massive possibility for a yorkie that hasn't been groomed for six months and would explain the stealth poos or non regular shitting) If it gets a dental abscess, is that too far or is that excusable too?

I understand it is hard for OP, truly I do but her DH won't step up so she has to. She doesn't have to keep the dog if she can't cope but she does need to make sure it's needs are met one way or the other.

@WetstheVet No shame on YOU. What an awful thing to say.

Get the dog's issues sorted - as in fully vacc'd, flea & wormer to date, teeth sorted & a full groom - then speak to some local centres. Tell them you will hold on to the dog until a new home can be found & ask for their help to find one. An older lap dog would suit an older person at home all day.

Your DH should be ashamed of himself.

I think all this nastiness has scared op away

THE OP WANTS TO REHOME THE DOG BECAUSE SHE CANT COPE!

Is that not in the dogs best interest?

Yet she is still being vilified on the basis of "surmission" because the dogs teeth are not cleaned "regularly enough" and she doesn't always spot the faeces in the garden immediately.

Why not aim your shaming comments at the husband who refuses to either rehome the dog OR help with it's care.

Again with posters reading what they want. Where has OP said she leaves the child and dog alone in the garden? I have a small dog and a child the same age, and have a big garden. It's entirely likely that I don't see where my dog poos half the time, I have to go looking for it. I can be in the kitchen with my DS whilst my dog is outside. The OP has not said she leaves the dog and child alone in the gardeshe also said she trims the dogs hair in a weekly bath, but it's not done professionally and she's worried he looks scruffy. A weekly bath is right for a yorkie and if he is trimmed and washed regularly I'd bet he isn't matted.

"the poor thing also has dental issues, digestive problems and hasn't been groomed since January."

No, she's been grooming and bathing the dog and giving it the odd trim herself. It just hasn't been to the dog groomer since January.

"I can't imagine how much pain and discomfort the poor thing is in. That's not acceptable, not under any circumstances. It is neglect and animal cruelty and it is a crime."

"OP might get lucky if she starts ringing around rescues but if she doesn't and it's highly likely she won't, the dog needs to be pts, it cannot continue on in the situation it is in, it is cruel."

This is not supported by any evidence we've been given. It's not helpful.

Ask the vet and local dog rescues to assess the dog and discuss possibilities from there. That way, you have objective, professional opinions to go on.

OP, I'm so sorry about some of the responses you've had on here. Judgemental attitudes are the reason why people delay rehoming a dog when it really would have been far better for the animal. Nobody wants to be that person who took on a dog and then rehomed it, but you do have to prioritise your son and your own mental health, and the dog needs consistent care, so it's hard to see who would be better off by continuing the current situation.

Constructive suggestions: speak to several local dog rescues, including one which will do a vet assessment. I would ask your own vet, too, as they may know of someone locally who could take him on. Also speak to Yorkie rescue as they may have other suggestions.

What you need now is expert opinion from people who can actually see the dog and assess its circumstances. This will also give you something solid to discuss with your partner, as opposed to his own assumptions about what would happen if you took the dog to a rescue.

I would suggest to your partner that he makes a donation to the rescue equal to, say, a year's vet's and insurance and food costs for the dog. Alternatively, if your own vet could suggest a local person who might take it on, your partner could undertake to continue paying the insurance costs. Even if he won't do that, a new owner might want to continue with the same insurance cover as it's the only way (I think) of getting cover fo an older dog.

If your partner is still obstructive, can you set a time limit and say eg "You have 2 weeks to show that you can look after the dog, otherwise I am taking it to the dog rescue"?

Please do let us know what you decide to do. I really hope that you manage to sort this out.

Wtf is all this about digestive issues? Dog in pain for months? Dental issues? Training issues? Not being groomed?

Op has not said anything about digestive issues. Teeth aren't being brushed but lots of owners don't brush their dogs teeth. Dog isn't in pain. Dog is brushed, bathed and trimmed a little by OP, it just hasn't been to an actual dog grooming parlour for a few months.

Nothing has been said about its training. It is a lap dog and as such constantly wants to be with op with she is finding too much atm.

Every other day walking isn't ideal but this is somebody who is completely overwhelmed and whose mental health is suffering.

The dogs basic needs are being met by op. Her not so dear DH is the neligent dick who needs a bollocking, not the OP

And a healthy dog would have regular bowel movements. They wouldn't be doing stealth shits that need checking for every hour (as an aside why are the toddler and dog left alone in the garden?)

No dog goes at the exact same time every day surely? Mine goes in the afternoon at some point. Sometimes my kids play in the garden so I regularly check there's not dog poo. They come in for a bit, then when they go out again I check again. From what I'm reading, that's what the OP is doing.

I don't get how the child manages to step in dog poo in the garden and tramp it through the house. Surely you go out and clear the poo each morning before you let dc out and you are with dc with ddog in the garden at the same time.

I had 2 dc aged 2 and under, one of which would not be put down and a dog. The only time I failed to take ddog for a walk (twice per day) was when I was in hospital having dc both by Cs and for a week to 10 days after because of not being able to walk properly as my stitches were healing.

Don't ever get a pet again

Circumstances change all the time! Non of your buisness if 10 years down the line she did! Honestly, you don't know what she is going through. Nasty comments don't help. Her child is more important than the dog and so is her mental health.

I had 2 dc aged 2 and under, one of which would not be put down and a dog. The only time I failed to take ddog for a walk (twice per day) was when I was in hospital having dc both by Cs and for a week to 10 days after because of not being able to walk properly as my stitches were healing.

That's just fab for you. Have your children experienced severe neglect and do they have attachment issues? We're you eased into parenting with small tiny babies who slept lots at the start so we're pretty portable rather than being thrown in at the deep end with a toddler with additional needs who needs an entirely different way of parenting?

Stop making comparisons and talking about how easily YOU managed it when the circumstances are not comparable.

oliversmum are either of your children adopted? Do they have additional needs or behavioural difficulties?

Im sorry your not feeling great, it seems that the kindest thing for your family and the dog is to find it a new home. Some people can manage a toddler and a dog, i manage fine but that doesnt mean you can/do and there is no shame in that. You need to do whats best for your situation

frequency I can't believe you are vilifying the op for not paying for the dog to go to a grooming parlour and instead just doing it herself at home, when that is what you do!!!

"a healthy dog would have regular bowel movements. They wouldn't be doing stealth shits that need checking for every hour (as an aside why are the toddler and dog left alone in the garden?)"

Bollocks. My parents used to run dog kennels and I've known and loved many dogs through my life. Many healthy dogs are just not that predictable in their bowel habits.

It's great that this dog gets the run of the garden, and the toddler does too. If todder and dog don't harass each other then why on earth shouldn't she leave them in the garden together?
As for questioning what the poor woman even says about dog shit!
Maybe garden has longish grass. Yorkie shits are small and may be hard to spot. But frankly all this is by-the-by.

I hate all that one-upmanship people get into. It doesn't matter what anyone else can cope with - the op is not coping and something has to change for her to be able to cope. She recognises this and wants to re-home the dog because of it, some of us may think the real issue is actually the not so dear DH but at least she is trying to get things back under control.

Sorry but I can't help wondering if you would do the same when the adopted child becomes a nuisance

what an utterly cuntish thing to post. And to all the other posters who are basically making shit up, so not helpful to a poster who took on a dog which she was lied to about his age, is having mental health issues and has a young adopted toddler with additional needs.

OP, try the rescue centres, as others have pointed out your dog could make a great companion dog to an elderly person. Also, if you contact rehoming centres your DH might actually realise you are serious and get his arse into gear. If money allows, would doggy day care or at least walker be an option even for a few months to take some of the immediate pressure off? It might even be worth speaking to your vets to see if they have any ideas/suggestions. He can have his vacs booked in and if they know you are struggling might have some suggestions. A friend took her cat for routine jabs and came out with an additional cat that someone was struggling with due to difficult circumstances.

I think you should rehome your husband!

You have a lot on your plate, if you can’t look after the dog and your husband won’t then just give it up.

Sorry you have ended up in this situation and I’m wishing you a stress free life from this point onwards x

Some of you posters should be ashamed of how you are treating a human instead of ranting at OP for how she is treating a dog.

OP, I hope you find a solution.