Need to rehome our dog but DH won't listen.

[BangPippleGo]

Bit long, apologies.

DH and I were always both dog lovers. We fostered a yorkie from a family friend whose relative had passed away - it was only supposed to be a short term solution but 4 years later and the dog is still with us and was legally transferred to us about 3 years ago.

I love the dog, I really do. But I cannot cope with him anymore and as I'm the one at home with our DS(18mo, adopted 6mo ago) it is really affecting me.

I told DH three months ago that I really wanted to rehome him, and DH was against it. So i told him that's fine but from now on it is HIS dog and he needs to care for him. I still pay his pet insurance and vet membership but told DH i was no longer sorting vet appointments, arranging for the groomer, or taking dog for walks. DH is to make sure dog is fed before work in the morning and I will feed him throughout the day if he is still hungry.

DH has not walked the dog once since January (so I take him out a few evenings a week despite saying it's not my responsibility). I cannot walk him with DS because any time we stop (at the park or for DS to catch up because he's toddling) the dog goes crazy because he hates standing still. He does stealth poos in the garden which I don't notice until DS trampled it through the house on a daily basis. He urinates in the house if left alone for half an hour.

DH has missed the booster vaccinations and so will need to pay for a whole round of vaccs plus boosters he has horrid oral health that DH is not looking after. The dog groomer hasn't been since January and the dog is hot and scruffy.

I love the dog to bits and it breaks my heart but my DH is not looking after him and he needs to be in a quiet home, not one with a toddler running round shouting all the time. We were told he was 14 when we agreed to take him in permanently - turns out he was 8, so a much bigger commitment to what we were expecting.

DH thinks if he rehome him now he will just be put down and thinks I am cruel for suggesting such a thing. I think my DH is neglecting the dog and he deserves better.

How the fuck can I convince him that I'm not being cruel?!

Also, I don't think it's unreasonable for DH to check the garden daily for poo.

He can't insist on keeping the dog if he isn't prepared to do any of the work.

Sorry op but honestly i think there’s no reason you can’t look after the dog. I have two huge dogs, a toddler and a horse and still manage to make sure everyone’s needs a met but it is a juggling act that you need to want to do. If you don’t then I would PTS responsibly as there’s pretty much 0 chance of rehoming.

Presumably your DH is at work and that’s why you need to pick up a bit of the slack if you are at home?

the poor wee dog probably doesnt have long left anyway, surely you can try and give him a loving and peaceful life for a few more years, you’ve managed this long so far. it isnt forever.

you are going to have far more problems and difficulties raising a child for 18+ years. the wee dog is nothing in comparison to that

OP I'm so sorry you're going through post-adoptive depression, I can completely understand how much you're struggling right now. I hope you can find the help you need with the dog - either through rehoming or your partner stepping up.

Sorry I don't have any useful advice I just wanted to add a voice of support.

I follow a lot of animal rescues and I'm sure there is one out there who would happily take this little guy in... Make contact with local rescues, be honest, and I'm sure he will end up better off. Just bear in mind most rescues are run by volunteers and rely on donations to operate so be patient if you don't hear back straight away and make sure you donate some food etc for their trouble

Why are people suggesting the dog is having an awful life? She loves the dog. The owner is struggling and has just become a mum. It isn't her dog. I think a lot of these replies are crazy. Of course she cares more about her child than the dog. She is also caring for the dog in the meantime. Sorry the thread has turned so caustic OP. I don't have wise answers but it sounds like your husband needs to step up so that you can continue giving a loving home to the little dog for the rest of his days. Rehoming would be hard

You might be a dog lover, your "DH" certainly isn't.

If DH hasn't bothered getting involved as you requested, then he doesn't get a say. If you can't cope, there's no miracle doggy person who's going to step in to help so it makes sense to try to re-home him.
Contact your local dog rehoming charity and vet surgery's etc. and put an advert on their notice boards. There are often elderly people wanting older small dogs so hopefully, you'll find someone suitable to take in the dog.

I've worked in rescues. There are a handful of rescues who would take on such a dog but he would remain in the rescue for the rest of his life. the number of elderly dogs re-homed is minute. Most languish in rescues for the rest of their days, the luckier ones go to longterm foster carers.

The chances of a rescue accepting him and having an available foster home are around the same as picking winning lottery numbers. It might happen, but it's unlikely. If he didn't have dental problems, digestive issues and behavioural problems he'd have more chance but even then he's more likely to stay in rescue than not.

OP's options are care for the dog properly, leave him to suffer or take him to the vet and have him killed.

Bit you DON’T love the dog do you? Or else you would walk it each day/ arrange for it to be groomed/ take it to the vets when needed etc etc.
Just rehome the dog ( contact Many Tears Animal Rescue) let it have the life ot deserves and DON’T EVER GET ANOTHER DOG.

OP, you and your son are the important ones in this. Adoption is tough and you don’t need extra stress. Shame on people comparing a dog to a child. You aren’t neglecting the dog you are just admitting you can’t do everything. I would rehome the dog and concentrate on your mental health and your son. Hope you get something sorted to make things a bit easier for you soon.

OP you're getting a really hard time here - readjusting after adoption must be really tough and it sounds like you have a DH rather than a DDog problem.

I like what Kool4katz is suggesting about seeing if you can get someone who wants to take him on. I think you just need to go ahead and do this - if your DH's main objection is that the DDog will be put down, then if you can find a home for him then problem solved.

If you can't find a home - well then that's hard. Could you live with the decision to have him pts ? Would having no dog genuinely make your life easier - or is the dog an easy receptacle for your worries?

Is your DH stepping up for care of your DS?

Some of the hyperbole on this thread 🙄

OP is obviously in a really tricky situation. Saying how you could easily cope in her situation and that she is disgusting etc is no help to anyone... talk about kick a woman when she’s down..

You really are suggesting she puts the needs of a dog over that of her adopted son and herself? Madness and I love dogs.

To the OP - Why not contact some shelters and see what they say... get the ball rolling and take it as it comes, meet the dogs needs as best you can while the process is ongoing. Your husband has opted out of looking after the dog so unforuanrly the big decisions are on you.

Wishing you all the best with your son & your pad

Some of the replies on here are disgusting.
Do whats right for you OP!! X

Exactly what @victoriaspongecake said.

Don't come out with all the "I really love the dog" shit. If you did, you'd take care of it properly. And yes, your DP is an even bigger arse but seriously. Get the dog a fuxking haircut and a trip to the vet for his vaccs and teeth. That poor animal.

Realistically, this dog is 11 years old and won't get re-homed. It'll either live out its years in rescue or end up being PTS. That's the reality.

But if you can't cope with him, then maybe the alternatives are better. Your DH's behaviour is pretty appalling but honestly, yours isn't much better. You both committed to adopting the dog, so he's both of your responsibility.

Dogs need walking daily even if it's just round the block as they get older. They also need stimulation and attention, not just letting out in the garden to do their business and ignored the rest of the time. If you can't give him the time and attention he needs and deserves, then you need to consider your options - giving him up to a rescue (if you can find one to take an elderly dog, maybe try a smaller local one or a breed-specific rescue), or having him PTS.

Some of the replies on here are disgusting.

No, what's disgusting is committing to taking on a living creature and then neglecting it. Not getting a dog groomed, ignoring it's oral health and not walking it daily is animal neglect. They need walking come rain or shine, some breeds need regular trims, their nails need looking after, they need their teeth brushing, they need vaccinations and regular check-ups, not just chucking in the garden to toilet and then forgotten about!

Meant to add, if you can't cope, get him re-homed or return him to the rescue. Don't keep a dog that you can't take care of properly, it's cruel.

Small dogs like yorkies get rehomed quickly from rescue places. Give you DH an ultimatum. He walks the dog twice a day and does garden pick up in the evening and brushes its teeth every day or you rehome it.
The very next time he doesn’t do one of those you take it the the rescue place immediately.

You are in an impossible situation, and I am sorry that things are tough.

Congratulations on bringing your son home; I'm sure the adjustment to being a family is HUGE.

I think you might get more constructive advice on Relationships. And I am saying this as a dog owner

Please get his hair cut, I used to own a yorkie so know how hairy they can get if not properly groomed. It's too hot for him to have a full coat, he must be very uncomfortable at the moment with this heat.

it is a dog. it is less important than a child but that doesnt mean it should suffer.

get it rehomed, insert money somewhere. your husband clearly is not going to what he promised.mi

perhaps some one on here will take it, or all they like the forced birth lot, all abuse and no action?

I definitely sit your husband down and talk with him again, it's unfair on you and unfair on the dog. He needs attention and you have your hands full. Please rehome him before you begin to really resent him.

suggest telling DH that as you are unwell and struggling and he hasn’t shared the pet care you will be asking a dog charity to take on the dog. The likeliest outcome is that it will be PTS, which is sad.