Need to rehome our dog but DH won't listen.

[BangPippleGo]

Bit long, apologies.

DH and I were always both dog lovers. We fostered a yorkie from a family friend whose relative had passed away - it was only supposed to be a short term solution but 4 years later and the dog is still with us and was legally transferred to us about 3 years ago.

I love the dog, I really do. But I cannot cope with him anymore and as I'm the one at home with our DS(18mo, adopted 6mo ago) it is really affecting me.

I told DH three months ago that I really wanted to rehome him, and DH was against it. So i told him that's fine but from now on it is HIS dog and he needs to care for him. I still pay his pet insurance and vet membership but told DH i was no longer sorting vet appointments, arranging for the groomer, or taking dog for walks. DH is to make sure dog is fed before work in the morning and I will feed him throughout the day if he is still hungry.

DH has not walked the dog once since January (so I take him out a few evenings a week despite saying it's not my responsibility). I cannot walk him with DS because any time we stop (at the park or for DS to catch up because he's toddling) the dog goes crazy because he hates standing still. He does stealth poos in the garden which I don't notice until DS trampled it through the house on a daily basis. He urinates in the house if left alone for half an hour.

DH has missed the booster vaccinations and so will need to pay for a whole round of vaccs plus boosters he has horrid oral health that DH is not looking after. The dog groomer hasn't been since January and the dog is hot and scruffy.

I love the dog to bits and it breaks my heart but my DH is not looking after him and he needs to be in a quiet home, not one with a toddler running round shouting all the time. We were told he was 14 when we agreed to take him in permanently - turns out he was 8, so a much bigger commitment to what we were expecting.

DH thinks if he rehome him now he will just be put down and thinks I am cruel for suggesting such a thing. I think my DH is neglecting the dog and he deserves better.

How the fuck can I convince him that I'm not being cruel?!

@adaline yes some of them are disgusting! No need to speak to people like that at all. She's asking for help and advice not a bunch of vultures to jump down her throat. She's obviously doing the best she can, if you read what she is saying.

I don't agree with your decision to rehome the dog. However, small dog, house trained, good with kids, no real behavioural problems... Someone will take it. The dog sounds like a perfect companion for an older person who has lost their own DDog and doesn't want a 15 year commitment.

Elderly staffy that's dog aggressive and destructive? We'd be having a different conversation.

Don't put this dog down - it's done nothing wrong and doesn't deserve to die because you upgraded to a two legged child and no longer have the time for the dog. Speak to rescues and see what they say. I nearly cried when I saw this - an old people's home for dogs so elderly dogs don't have to go into kennels while they wait for their new home (it's adorable) www.dogstrust.org.uk/our-centres/shrewsbury/centre-updates/news/dogs-trust-oakfield-a-life-of-luxury-for-the-charitys-golden-oldies

And make sure you make a very substantial donation to the rescue centre as they will have to spend money sorting out teeth, grooming, food, walking, staff time and so on.

Dentastix do nothing for teeth, by the way, despite the marketing

She's asking for help and advice not a bunch of vultures to jump down her throat. She's obviously doing the best she can, if you read what she is saying.

I have read what she's saying, and no, her and her husband are not doing their best. The dog isn't being groomed regularly (dangerous in this heat), his oral health is being neglected (can lead to pain and surgery to remove teeth - not great in an old dog) and he's not being walked daily.

Now, I'm not solely blaming her. Her husband is also responsible for this dog and neither of them are doing enough. OP might be doing more, but it's still not enough.

Normally I'm against re-homing when a child comes along, but actually if the dog isn't being looked after properly, it deserves to go to a home or rescue where it's needs can be met.

Well said avocados .

@adaline i agree her husband isn't doing enough but i don't think you can say she isn't. She obviously is doing her best. Adjusting to a life as a mother of a child that by the sounds of it needs more attention. I think it should be rehomed. Not worth all the greif or stress.

Put your self and the child first OP.

I dont think youre being unreasonable OP.
Id move out with the kid and leave dp to it

The replies are not disgusting, angry maybe. I suffered post natal depression and had twins and walked my dog ( albeit gingerly ) five days post op and every day since with my twins in a buggy, many days with tears streaming down my face and absolutely destroyed by the effort it took. The little swine woke them up from naps daily by barking at the postman etc which was crushing as they didn't sleep at night. I never considered giving up my dog because I took him on and I actually do love him. No one in the ops story is a dog lover or loves that dog. Either that or I've mistaken the definition of love all my life.

Its not obligatory or even common to give a dog the same status in your family as a human child. Its just so fucking bizarre this mindset.
Most people keep their dogs forever. Some people are idiots and get rid of them as soon as theyre not cute puppies, but sometimes - yes sometimes, peoples circumstances change drastically and noone can take care of the dog properly. Rehoming sometimes is necessary. Its sad, but the insults on this thread are vile and completely out of proportion

just to say OP that I think it sounds like you're doing your best and I'm sorry you're getting a hard time on here.
I agree with a pp who said they give you permission to rehome the dog. your dh is being very unreasonable. in your shoes I'd just get on and arrange to rehome the dog.

I think it should be rehomed. Not worth all the greif or stress.

Yeah, I do agree with you here. Normally I don't like people re-homing their dogs but in this case I think everyone would be happier.

Its sad, but the insults on this thread are vile and completely out of proportion

People are angry because this has been going on since January (so for six months) and the poor dog's health is being neglected. If they can't cope, then by all means re-home, but they shouldn't keep the dog (and neglect it's health/needs) while they argue over whose responsibility he is!

The dog is neglected. Why its being neglected is really neither here nor there as far as the dog is concerned. You took the dog on as a joint commitment and now you're both behaving like a couple of children and stubbornly refusing to care for it.

Did you not discuss what would happen to the dog once you adopted your child?

I think you need to have a chat with your DH about why he is so keen to have the dog and not rehome it. Its not fair to you if you have said you don't want one, but end up being the sole carer.
As for lapsed vaccinations, speak to your vet. My dogs lapsed and they restarted them for half price. Their reasoning is better to have all dogs vaccinated than not I guess.

Yes sometimes people's circumstances change drastically and pets have to be rehomed- but having one child is hardly a drastically life changing circumstance. It's a small elderly dog that is already trained, not a Rottweiler that's spent its whole life chained up and just been let out! It takes a bit of organisation.. That dog was already put through having to get used to a new home when it came to your house, now you're putting it through it again. I think you're being a bit pathetic personally.

Well said Branleuse.

OPs circumstances have changed. She is suffering from post adoption depression. She is coping with a massive change to her life with her new DC and a DH who doesn't appear to be stepping up to the challenge.

Yes what is happening now to the dog sounds less than ideal, but I'm not convinced that heaping vituperative insults onto the OP is the best way to improve the situation. I particularly don't think heaping criticism whilst simultaneously saying how awful it is to rehome is very useful either.

OP and her DH originally took on what they thought was a 14 year old dog, its entirely possible someone would take on an 11 year old - she won't know until she tries.

Wow Honeyroar did you actually read the bit where OP said that her toddler has additional needs and possible attachment issues?
How dare you say that adopting a DC is "hardly a life changing circumstance" - well sorry but if adopting a child with additional needs and giving up your job doesn't qualify as just that, I'm not sure what would.

I'm not sure why I'm surprised by this thread. I remember one a few years ago where the OP's DH had died suddenly and she was really, really struggling and couldn't cope with her young dog. Same mentality and horrible comments, when it was obvious that rehoming was the best outcome for all.

Hope you are ok OP
Pls get some support

No you do not love the dog! You have one eighteen month child and a small dog . Get a bloody grip

It's an old dog rookie. No one wants old dogs as several posters have been at pains to point out.

But if your mental health is really suffering, your husband really needs to step up. Why won't he walk the dog?

To rehash a cliched phrase, you don’t have a dog problem, you have a DH problem.

I don’t actually have any advice other than talk to your husband as he should be stepping up. Sadly as PP have pointed out, the reality is that an old dog with bad teeth will likely end up being PTS rather than rehomed. Personally I don’t think I could do it, but I’m not in your situation so no judgement and

isadora she has recently adopted a child with extra needs and has depression. Your excellent solution is for her to 'get a grip'? Your comment is ridiculous

@tropicplunder couldn't agree with you more. She isn't been pathetic nor does she need to get a grip.

A practical suggestion: could you sign up for borrow my doggy? Someone else might be willing to fill in the gaps, and hopefully give your little dog a new focus some attention.

Op it's hard having a toddler & a dog. I know it is.

If you take him out in the morning will he still poo in the garden?

We go for 2 short walks a day. After breakfast and late afternoon ( or after dinner if it's hot) No poos in garden.

It's tough toddler walking speed is painful for anyone. Or we use his push trike with moving pedals ( sometimes pushchair with my phone on YouTube or playing nursery rhymes in my pocket if I need to be quick) 15 mins of YouTube is not going do any damage. Or we sing along and do actions songs etc if using pushchair.

I've used reins or reins backpack for toddler too. Does he like a ball or toy to chase ?

It's really good for you and the dog to get out. Sometimes I dread it but after I feel refreshed. I think the need to go out helps with depression. Literally 15 mins is fine, especially if he's not a keen walker.

I'm at home too, so taken over dog admin and its a pain, but it's just any other thing to do. You've got this !