I don't want my dog

[Notthisdog]

DP gave me a dog as a surprise birthday present in October. I've tried my best to love him and train him but there's always a nagging thought in the back of my mind that I don't really want him and I'm not sure what to do.

He is a good dog but he is not what I would have chosen for myself, the breed and gender are wrong for me.
The problem is, I would like a dog but just not him.

What do I do? The way I see it I've got 2 options. I can swallow my pride and admit it out loud, find him a new home and find a dog I would like in replacement.

Or I can carry on for another 15 years pretending to love him but really I'm only tolerating him.

Please don't judge me too harshly.

I've followed this thread and feel for the op.
Dogs should never be gifts, they should be thoroughly thought through, researched and chosen to fit the family and the main person who will take care of it.
I don't know what the answer here is, but I can imagine how you feel.

MNHQ I'm not sure about the decision to add this thread to FB. Seems a bit of a shitty thing to do

Christ, I feel like I need to write in capitals here but THE OP HAS NOT MENTIONED SENDING DOG TO A RESCUE CENTRE!!!

I imagine if she's taking excellent care of the dog, even though she never wanted him, she's hardly going to dump the dog. She seems like a responsible person who would make every effort to find the dog a loving home with people who will adore him. Which will be much less traumatic for him than living for 12-15 years with people who are ambivalent towards him.

And MNHQ why oh why would you add this thread to FB, as a previous poster mentioned? The poor OP has probably run for her life already, without attracting more loons with pitchforks.

I used to have two cats, but I lost one a year ago, and I am still devastated about it. He was very special to me, very loving and sweet, and there's not a day goes by that I don't feel sad he's not with me.

I have another old cat, who I've had for 15 years. I love this second cat to bits too. But he's much more of a 'normal' cat - much more independent, less cuddly, more about doing his own thing.

When my first cat died, my second cat - being a feline and therefore not emotional like me! - was really happy to be the only cat in the house. I hope I've never shown it, but there were times at the start when I really struggled with his obvious delight and found it hard not to ask inappropriate questions like 'Why aren't you more upset?'!! I felt quite angry at times, though I hope I didn't show it.

My point is that, if you lose a very beloved pet, your relations with other animals can shift for a bit. I think your DH was extremely unwise to buy you another dog as a 'present'. You can't cut short the grieving process like that, because what you've lost isn't replaceable. You just have to go through it. Maybe you just weren't ready for a puppy. It's a lot of work at the start, too, and easy to resent the difficulties if you've not made that active choice for yourself.

Perhaps you just need more time to 'bed in' with this dog. October really wasn't very long ago, and if you were still grieving things could really change over the next few months.

Is he harder to train than you would like or had some behaviours that you don't like?

It seems to me that if you don't love him after this time then you won't!

We have a rescue dog & I just loved him from the moment we knew that we would have him.

Fetched him earlier than planned as was just bursting to get him!

I think if she'd said what was wrong with 5he dog then it may have helped. I feel quite judgemental about this post. If it's a case of breed charactistics, ie. Too large, hair, too alert and bouncy, then I would understand. As it is, it sounds more like the wrong colour, not fluffy enough. Maybe that's an unfair assumption?

Still, two things really,-

1. Who buys a surprise dog for someone which is nothing like what they've discussed??! Have a word.
2. Maybe if you can't appreciate the nature of a dog, (you said it was lovely & affectionate), despite it not being the package you wanted, then you shouldn't have a dog!

I feel for your children and the dog, because they must be attached to each other by now. It's quite sad. Rehome him whilst he's young to a caring, responsible family and call it a day. I think you two adults are irresponsible and thoughtless.

It's not a crime, plently of people are the same. It's just sad.

I can sympathise with u. I recently picked a pup thinking it would turn out like it's parents. It looks nothing like the dog I wanted. I know someone who has another from the litter and it is perfect. The exact dog I wanted. This does not mean u shouldn't get another dog. Every dog is not the same. Some people like German shepherds some people like chihuahuas. This doesn't mean u wouldn't love another dog. See if u can re home the dog. I have no choice as my kids are attached n I would never do that to them xx

if you don't want the dog then get it rehomed. if someone had given me a dog like this i wouldn't have thought twice to rehome it.

I love Labradors. If someone gave me a toy poodle as a surprise I would prob feel like OP does.

Yeah, don't keep the dog. He'll be perfect for someone else and your ideal doggy companion's out there at some rescue centre waiting for you to come strolling in. Rehome the dog and resolve to get the next from a rescue to restore you "karma" blah-de-blah.

I've always had cats and each one I've felt a connection with whilst wandering round the RSPCA. No connection, no kitty. If someone bought me a cat and said "ta-da! Here's your new best friend for the next 20 years!" I'd be as pleased as if my parents said "we've found you a husband!", and the relationship would be just as unlikely to end well.

I feel really sorry for the poster here. She's being honest and asking for a bit of advice. I'm not in the same situation but something similar...
I've grown up with dogs, we decided to get a boxer 4 years ago when my daughter was 2. We've had a boxer before so know what they're like. However 4 years on and now with a 1 year old too, I'm struggling with the dog. I don't have enough energy for him and compared to my last dog this one is just.... Nutty! He's a handful. My OH won't consider rehoming, we do love the dog and care for him, but I too feel like I'm just coping with him at the moment rather than enjoying having a dog.

Agreed, OP you've done nothing wrong, but smack your OH upside his head!

I think some people are being a bit harsh remember that she didn't ask for this dog and she didn't choose it. It's important to have that bond with a dog and it's not something you can force it just happens and it's a huge commitment you will spend a lot of time and effort training a dog so it's important that you can connect. I think it's better to come clean for the dogs sake because even though you don't particularly like him he doesn't know that and he will be falling in love with you and the longer he spends with you the harder it will be when he goes to a new home.

I've had this problem twice. My dh was desperate to get a dog a few years ago and thought it would help him after a breakdown. Except I ended up doing all the dirty work and I hadn't a clue how to train a puppy. Time went on, behaviour problems got worse and of our three children, two of them are special needs. I was trying to toilet train a disabled teenager and a puppy simulaneously. Then our landlord decided he wanted to sell our house, we needed another quick and couldn't find one that would accept a dog but even that wasn't the final straw. Frankly we were miserable and the dog was miserable. We had friends who had lost their beloved dog about a year before and was desperate for another so we rehomed ours with them.

Best thing we did. All the dog's behaviour problems vanished in about three weeks. The dog is happy and loved and has significantly improved his new owner's lives. We see photos of him on Facebook and send him Christmas presents. You can love a dog to bits but not be capable of giving them the life they deserves. I'm a Carer for three and a parent of three and they aren't the same three. As much as we loved the dog, continuing to keep him was irresponsible and unfair to all concerned whether canine or human.

I would get him re homed but dont get another, what if they new dog doesnt act or behave they way you would like. My husband had a westie with a lovely temperament and we decided to get one because thet are hypoallergenic and I have allergies. She is wonderful but fiesty and can snap and growl if she doesnt like what you are doing, hates having her hair brushed and bites the brush, is naughty at the groomers. She is also loveable and cute and plays and loves belly rubs, not she isnt perfect but we love her, its all part of her personality. I couldnt imagine not loving any dog, give him up and find someone who loves him!!

God what a horrible situation..... We got a dog 2.5 years ago, family pet, much wanted, have had tons of experience with dogs and couldnt wait to get him..... But boy had I forgotten how hard puppies are! The first year to year and a half was tough and there were times when I did think that I had got him too soon (should of waited a few more years). But hes 2.5 years old now, and dear god do I love him. It took time for the love to grow as all my dogs previous were small, and he is huge, but he is so loving, and kind and gentle. It was hard when he kept bloody chewing everything, and knocking the kids over and tripping us up on the stairs, but I would never have got rid of him.

Otober to Jan really isnt that long... Love for an animal can grow and you might be comparing him to your old dog. Of course you eont love him yet, the way you loved your old pet, that is an unrealistic expectation.

If you dont hate having him nad are just finding it hard to adjust to him being different from your old dog, then really you need to give it more time.

BTW DH, who picked the breed couldnt handle the puppy stage at all. But he adores the dog now.

I think the reason the op probably didn't send the dog back right away is that she felt she had to try and make it work. Especially if there are children in the house to guilt the op into keeping him.

It's no good for anyone if you don't even want the dog. I got ours when I had been working from him for six years. Work then went tits up and my job changed and I'm looking at office based with day care of over 75 pound a week that I cannot really afford. If I didn't want her it would cause massive stress and resentment.

Dogs as presents? Never going to end well.

Rehome the poor dog. Don't get another one. Thank god your kids didn't have the 'wrong' whatever about them.

Shovetheholly - was it you who had an amazing Maine Coon? if so, he was the best pet I've ever read about on here.

Not everyone wants a 20 year emotional commitment that has been sprung on them when they aren't ready for it. Nobody would judge a woman who suddenly found herself pregnant without wanting to be, for deciding not to continue with the pregnancy if it would have a negative impact on her life -and in turn the child for 20 years- so why is it she's being vilified for admitting she hasn't bonded with the dog she neither chose, asked for, or expected.
This woman has had a commitment to a family addition sprung on her without being consulted or given a choice. I actually feel sorry for you OP.

I would give it time. My partner turned up with our dog, out of the blue. We had not long lost a dog and I wasn't ready for another one. the poor thing, she was a lovely little puppy, and made the kids and our other dog happy, but it took me years to finally accept her and grow an attachment. She is 6 now and I wouldn't trade her for the world now, but if it hadn't been for the kids I'd have rehomed her years ago.

How long have you had the dog? Many breeders will take back a dog if he/she is unsuitable, as they care about the dog having a good home too. If he's a pedigree, the breeder will probably also have lots of contacts who can help rehome without having to go through a rescue centre.

Ah, just spotted that you said October. That's quite a long time but if he's young (cute, trainable, etc etc) he stands more chance of finding a new owner quickly.

IPity - no, that wasn't me. Mine was an ole moggy. But the most loving, patient, sweet-natured and caring cat you could ever meet. I have reached a point now that I can type that without crying everywhere, and I am starting to feel privileged to have had him in my life as well as sad that he is gone.

Some of the comments on this thread are plain silly.

I have a lovely springer collie cross. There is no way that I would assume that the owner of a Yorkshire Terrier would want him in their house for 10 minutes, never mind own him.

i don't understand why people are telling OP to not get another dog. she didn't pick this dog in the first place so it's not like she's just changed her mind and wants one to match her handbag all of a sudden. she's given the dog a chance and it's not working out for her. why have dog and owner miserable when the dog could be rehomed and be much happier?

if the dog gets its forever home, then i don't see the problem.